Alexander and Hephaestion deal with the fallout from their march through the Gedrosian desert.

I had to pick two genres, but actually needed three. There is angst, romance, and humor. Of course humor! It is hard for me to write a story without humor.

I realize there are a few historical inaccuracies. I know Nearchus did not meet up with Alexander until shortly after the little "magical mystery Dionysus cruise" through Carmania, but I needed him to be there sooner…so in my story, he is.

Based on the movie Alexander. I do not own the movie, the characters or the actors. Too bad really. I'd love to spend some quality time with Alexander and Hephaestion (or Jared and Colin…I'm flexible!)

Rating: Mostly K+ or T, but a little M thrown in for good measure.

They had survived. Well, some of them at least. The Gedrosian desert had almost been the grave to all of them. Reaching Carmania had been a gift of the gods. Here, at least, they could rest.

Hephaestion sat in his tent, paperwork strewn all about him as he tried to reorganize the chaos that was Alexander's army at present. He felt as if he was starting from scratch and, truth be told, he really was. There wasn't that much left to organize.

He sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. So many of them had died. So much death, so much despair. It was almost too much to take. He stretched his sore back and sighed loudly. He had much to do, but somehow his heart just wasn't in it. He did not have to have everything done just yet, but he was tired of the constant partying that had been their sole activity for the last few days.

Oh sure, the first couple of days he was as drunk as the rest of them. Two days…maybe three…it was all a blur at this point. Some of it he could remember, some of it was not so clear. Probably just as well. He had this nagging memory of someone daring him to kiss Nearchus…and he had done it. Or did he just dream that? He honestly was not sure. He had decided he needed to stop before he did something really stupid. Most of the others had been drunk constantly for days. Personally, he knew his stomach would only take so much of that so he had wisely retreated to the quiet solitude of his tent.

Truthfully, he really felt like just being alone. His head was still spinning with the events of the last few weeks and he needed time to work things out in his mind. Even the drinking could not make him forget.

So, here he was, trying to update their inventory, take a roll of the army they had left, what weapons and materials they had at their disposal, and who was left out of the men, women and children that had been with the baggage train. Sadly, it hadn't taken that long. Between lack of water, heat stroke, exhaustion, disease, and that flash flood, they had lost most of what they had started with.

He took a long drink of water. Water…he'd never been so happy to see fresh water in his life as he had a few days ago. And food. He picked up a plump date and popped it into his mouth. Never had he appreciated how truly wonderful they tasted until this. He appreciated everything at the moment.

He was just glad to be alive.

The flap to his tent was flung open, and Alexander stepped quickly inside, closing the flap behind him. He turned and looked at Hephaestion, his expression unreadable. Without speaking, he walked over to Hephaestion's bed and flopped down onto his back, grabbing Hephaestion's pillow and covered his face with it.

Hephaestion chuckled. "Is there something I can help you with, Alexander?"

Alexander mumbled beneath the pillow. "I am not here. You have not seen me."

Hephaestion looked amused. "Oh, really? What is wrong, Alexander?"

Alexander flung the pillow to the side and sat up. "I am invisible. Pretend I am not here."

"Alexander, you are making less sense than normal. What is the problem?"

Alexander frowned. "It is Bagoas. He is driving me crazy."

"What is he doing?" Hephaestion asked.

Alexander looked frustrated. "He won't let me do anything for myself. Since we arrived here he has been hovering over me like a nursemaid." He laughed dryly. "And I used to think Lanike was overprotective! Ha! She had nothing on Bagoas."

Hephaestion laughed. "Oh, Alexander…the boy loves you. He is just trying to care for you. As I well know, that is not an easy task. You can be…difficult."

Alexander gave him a dirty look. "Perhaps. But I am perfectly capable of dressing myself, feeding myself, and bathing myself. I cannot even relieve myself without him wanting to help me somehow. For the love of the gods, Hephaestion, he is smothering me!"

Hephaestion nodded. "And that is why you are in my tent claiming to be 'invisible'?"

"Yes! I do not wish him to know where I am!"

Hephaestion sat back in his chair and laughed loudly. "Let me get this straight! The Great Alexander, King of Asia, Commander of the mightiest army in the world, Son of Zeus…is cowering in my tent, hiding in my pillows, pretending to be invisible, all so he can hide from a teenage eunuch?"

Alexander glared at him. "It isn't funny, Hephaestion."

Hephaestion was still laughing. "Oh, but it is Alexander. Our brave leader…hiding from a harmless boy! Whatever would your men think?"

"They would think nothing of it, because you are not going to say a word about it. If you do, I may have to bring up that little performance you gave the other night."

Hephaestion felt himself go pale. "Did I really kiss Nearchus?"

Alexander snickered. "Oh yes, Phai. You did. And then you sat in Perdiccas' lap and bit his ear. You don't remember any of that, do you?"

Hephaestion looked appalled. "And you wonder why I do not drink heavily very often."

Just then they heard a voice outside the tent. " Lord 'Phaestion? Are you in there?" Bagoas shouted.

"Shit." Alexander breathed.

"Alexander, I have to tell him. If I do not, he will have the entire camp up in arms looking for you."

"Fine", Alexander grumbled, "but I am not coming out."

Hephaestion rose, holding up his hand for Alexander to stay put. He walked to the door of the tent and slipped out, being careful not to let Bagoas see inside.

Bagoas looked distraught. "Have you seen Al'skander, Lord 'Phaestion? I cannot find him anywhere. I am worried."

Hephaestion smiled and laid a hand on the young eunuch's shoulder. "He is here, Bagoas. There is no need to worry. And what did I tell you about calling me 'Lord'?"

Bagoas tried to peek into the tent. "I should go to him…"

Hephaestion put both his hands on the boy's shoulders, holding him in place. He smiled gently. "Bagoas, he is fine. He is merely resting and talking with me for a while. I will see to anything that he needs. You trust me, do you not?"

Bagoas nodded reluctantly. "Yes, 'Phaestion. I trust you."

"Good. Let me take care of him for a while. You look tired. Perhaps you should get some rest and let me handle him."

Bagoas still hesitated. Hephaestion noticed how thin he was, and the dark circles under his eyes had nothing to do with the kohl he normally wore. His long, glossy hair looked dull and lifeless. Pity, really. Hephaestion had to admit the boy was normally beautiful.

"Bagoas, you love Alexander, right?" The boy nodded quickly. "And do you not wish to be at your best when he needs you?" Again, the boy nodded. "Good. Then you must get some rest and eat something. You will not be much help to him if you are not well yourself."

Bagoas could not argue with that logic. "Yes, 'Phaestion. You are right. Promise me you will care for him?"

Hephaestion gave him a slight push. "I will guard him with my life, I promise. Now go…get some rest. I will send for you if he needs you."

Bagoas finally turned and headed back to his tent

Hephaestion felt bad for the boy. This trip had been so very hard on him. He turned and entered his tent again, closing the flap.

Alexander was sprawled out on his bed. He had taken off his robe and pulled a light covering over himself. His face was snuggled into a pile of pillows and he was softly snoring. Hephaestion watched him quietly. He looked so young and fragile. He had lost so much weight, and his golden curls had begun to show a few threads of silver in them. His skin was very dark from their time in the sun…all except for the nasty scar on his chest. It had healed, but was still bright against his tan. It left a big, ugly dent in his perfect chest. Hephaestion felt tears spring to his eyes as he remembered how close he had come to losing him. It was a miracle of the gods that he had survived. A lesser man would not have been able to. No matter what Alexander said, he had not been the same since that injury, and it was doubtful he ever would be…not that he would ever admit to it. He walked over and sat on the side of the bed, his fingers gently stroking Alexander's brow, which bore worry lines that had not been there a just a year ago. Hephaestion leaned down and brushed his lips very lightly over Alexander's. "I love you, Alexander" he whispered, deciding to just let him sleep. He rose and went back to his table to work on his paperwork. He knew there was something else bothering Alexander, but he would wait until he brought it up. And he would. He still told Hephaestion everything.

"Sleep, my love. I will be here when you wake."