A/N: Hi! So this is based on a prompt I apparently threw on tumblr some days ago. It said:
Remember when Sam slapped Blaine's butt? Well, by the way Blaine was totally imperturbed by it, I think it's safe to say it happens quite often.
In fact, I can imagine Sam doing it in front of Kurt, Kurt going crazy about it and Sam shrugging his shoulders and answering "sorry, touching Blaine's booty is an acquired right by now"
And then some guidelines my friend lauraperfectinsanity sent:
Blam in NYC (of course no Klaine, but Kurt wants Blaine back) and Kurt just stands there watching them behaving like a couple and Sam slapping Blaine's booty.
So this is the result! Hope you like it!
ACQUIRED RIGHTS
Kurt sighed as he looked at his group of friends walking in front of him towards the apartment he shared with Rachel for their weekly dinner together. Or more accurately, Kurt sighed as he looked at one of said friends. Blaine seemed to get more and more handsome every day, didn't he? If he didn't know better, Kurt would think Blaine had started looking even more stunning since they broke up (after the required period of sorrow and mourning, of course). Maybe it was the fact he didn't gel his hair so much anymore; or that he was slowly getting used to wear clothes that didn't fit in a fifty-year-old wardrobe; or how much freer and easygoing he seemed since they were not together.
And Kurt knew that was supposed to be positive: they were doing good, they were happy, and at least they had been able to put any resentment aside and were able to still be friends. But Kurt still looked at him, his eyes full of longing, and wondered if he had made a mistake letting the curly-haired boy go. He couldn't deny he had been thinking about trying to win Blaine's heart back for some time now, even if Blaine didn't seem to be too much into them getting back together. Maybe there was somebody else…?
Of course his thoughts were interrupted when Sam got into his line of vision, noisily walking to his best friend to tell him something Kurt couldn't hear but that apparently was very funny judging by the way Blaine roared with laughter. And then Blaine's answer elicited a hearty laugh from the blond and, out of nothing, the most unimaginable thing happened: Sam's hand slapped Blaine's butt as they all entered the apartment. Just like that. Like it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Excuse me, what was that?" Kurt asked, grabbing Sam's arm to stop him as all the others made their way into the kitchen to leave the supplies they were carrying and start getting dinner ready.
"Sorry?" Sam asked in total confusion.
"What the hell was that?" Kurt insisted in an angry tone that puzzled Sam even further.
"What?"
"Did you just slap my boyf… Blaine's butt?"
"Did I?" Sam asked innocently, and the total absence of repentance or embarrassment only contributed to upset Kurt even further.
"Oh my God, you didn't even realize it?" Kurt added, shaking his head dramatically at the huge offense he seemed to have just received.
"I don't know, man, it's something natural" Sam explained with a shrug of shoulders as he started walking to the kitchen to help, but Kurt's strong grip on his forearm prevented him from it again.
"No, it's not" Kurt contradicted him.
"Of course it is, I do it all the time" Sam explained with a snort.
"I beg your pardon?" Kurt exclaimed, clearly infuriated. "That is totally inappropriate"
"No, it's not"
"Of course it is! Slapping your friend's butt is so totally out of limits!"
"Then… I guess you can consider touching Blaine's booty is an acquired right by now" Sam answered, trying to sound innocent, though Kurt thought he could perceive some kind of pride in his voice.
"Excuse me?"
"Come on, it's not like he is even bothered about it. Watch" Sam answered as he made the rest of his way to the kitchen and stood behind Blaine, knowing both of them were within Kurt's line of sight. "Hey, Blaine, what do you say we stay at home on Friday to watch the game?"
"Sure" Blaine answered with a complacent nod of his head at the blond boy.
"Awesome" Sam answered with a sweet smile directed at the shorter boy as he slapped his rear again, while Blaine simply grinned back at him and kept on with what he was doing.
Kurt almost couldn't believe what he was seeing when Sam turned to him again and shrugged his shoulders, obviously satisfied with himself. But he was sure that Sam's smug smirk was trying to tell him something.
The next week, Blaine and Sam insisted for the gang to have their weekly dinner night at their place, which they never did, so Kurt found himself sitting to the kitchen table, watching as the hosts danced gracefully around each other as they gave the final touches to both the food and the table, wanting everything to be perfect. Their dynamic was so fluid and familiar, their touches so frequent and their smiles so sweet, that Kurt wondered, not for the first time, if maybe…
"Sam, you've got to try this!" Blaine's enthusiastic shriek got him out of his reverie, and Kurt watched with certain longing how his exboyfriend groaned with pleasure as he once again got some ice cream into his mouth.
"Dude, that's supposed to be the dessert, I bought it especially for that purpose" Sam admonished him without too much enthusiasm.
"I know, I was just tasting it" Blaine answered, getting another full spoonful on his mouth. "Oh my God, Sam, it's delicious!"
"Alright, let me see" Sam let himself be convinced as he gently grabbed Blaine's wrist to direct the spoon towards his mouth this time. "It really is good!"
"I know!" Blaine answered with a chuckle as he once again filled the spoon and tasted it himself.
"Excuse me" Kurt felt the need to intervene, feeling too shocked to just let their action pass. "Did you two just share a spoon?"
Blaine and Sam just looked at each other, bewildered at Kurt's reaction.
"I guess" Blaine finally answered, tentatively.
"You have the cutlery drawer just behind you, Blaine!" Kurt reproached him.
"So? I was only tasting it" Sam hurried to defend the other boy. "No need to get another spoon dirty just for that"
"That is so… inappropriate" Kurt said for the second time in just a week.
"Oh, come on, we've done worse than that, believe me" Sam replied, his voice full of irony, and Blaine couldn't stop a chuckle.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kurt asked, not liking at all where that conversation was going.
"It means exactly what you think it means. Besides, Blaine's booty was perched on the drawer, maybe you would have preferred for me to slap it so he would move? Because you know I will totally do it. Acquired rights, remember?" Sam asked in full sarcasm, putting an effective ending to their conversation as he once again turned to Blaine and completely ignored Kurt from then on.
Kurt was left speechless as he continued watching the two friends interacting with each other, conveniently forgetting about the other four person in the room –okay, if Kurt had to be honest with himself, he was the only one keeping his eyes on them, as all the others seemed to be occupied with other things… But still… how did Sam dare to smear some ice cream on the tip of Blaine's nose with his finger? And why did Blaine laugh so stupidly about it instead of giving him a good bollocking? What the hell was happening?
"So… how long do you think they've been together?" Santana asked him as he sat at his side and accompanied him in his watching.
"Shut up, Santana, they're not together. They're just annoyingly close, but they're not together. Definitely not" Kurt answered, and he hoped he didn't sound as doubtful as he felt.
The next week Kurt insisted they went back to his and Rachel's apartment for their weekly dinner night. If he had to be a witness again of… whatever the hell was going on between his ex and his best friend, at least he wanted to be on his own court. The last thing he needed was for Sam to feel even more empowered to mock him. Because that's what felt like Sam was doing.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad that night, though. Sam came on his own for once and informed everybody that Blaine would be coming directly from NYADA, as he had a lot of work to do before dinner. And they were going to start without him –with Sam's objection, of course– when the door to the apartment finally opened and Blaine found his way in.
"What's wrong, B?" Sam asked, jumping from his chair as if it suddenly burnt, before anyone else even noticed the painful grimace on Blaine's face. But, of course, Sam couldn't miss it, could he?
"My head hurts like the devil" the shorter boy answered, covering his eyes almost completely to shield them from the light coming through the window. Judging by the trouble he was having to walk straight, it was obvious it couldn't have been easy for him to reach the apartment.
"Come here" Sam immediately went to him, gently grabbing his arms from behind to guide him towards the sofa, where he helped him to sit down. Then he sat on it himself and brought Blaine's upper body down so his head was resting on Sam's lap, and his hands immediately moved to Blaine's temples to massage them slowly and carefully.
"You okay, Blaine?" Kurt asked, once he was aware of the shorter boy's suffering.
"He will be, it's just that he gets those awful headaches from time to time" Sam answered for him, whispering so he wouldn't accentuate Blaine's pain, as his hands never stopped his treatment.
"I know that" Kurt answered, indignantly, because he had dated Blaine for more than two years, did Sam really think he knew him better than Kurt did only because they were roommates? "So Blaine, would you like me to get you some painkillers?"
"There will be no need for that, he just needs quite and the right massage and he will be as good as new in no time" Sam, again, became Blaine's voice.
"Don't be silly, Blaine, I think you should…" Kurt tried to insist, even if Blaine had to still say a word, only to be cut by Sam once again, who seemed to be getting a little annoyed by then.
"Kurt, if you don't mind… He needs to be calm and quiet, and you trying to get him to talk isn't doing him any good"
"I was only trying to help" Kurt surprised even himself with what sounded like an apology, feeling like a little boy who had just been scolded by his parents.
"Well, you were not. But if you want to help maybe you could draw the curtains? The light is hurting his eyes"
Being left speechless for probably the first time in his life, Kurt surrendered and moved to obey Sam –what could he do, to refuse doing something so simple that would help Blaine only because Sam's tone and acquired rights towards his ex pissed him off would be seen as very wicked of him.
"Guys, you should start eating" Sam announced after a minute, when he raised his glance from Blaine's face for a second and noticed everybody was staring at them. "This is going to take a while"
"But Sam…" Blaine started to protest, but Sam immediately shushed him.
"Easy, B, don't talk" Sam whispered carefully, as if he was talking to a wounded animal, while his hands continued magically working on Blaine's pain.
"You should eat something too, Sam" Mercedes kindly contradicted him.
"And I will, once I'm sure he's alright" Sam assured his friends, and then his eyes turned to the important task at hand, that was make Blaine feel less miserable, effectively putting an end to any arguments or attempts to make him leave the curly-haired boy in that state just to fill his stomach.
Once again, Kurt found himself obeying Sam's order, and he sat down to the table with the rest of the gang. As conversation started –though all of them were kind enough to keep it low so they wouldn't disturb Blaine– and plates started being passed from hand to hand, Kurt still took a moment to watch the two friends interacting with each other on the sofa, completely oblivious to how they were being observed, lost as they were on their own little world.
"How did you manage to get all the way here in this state is beyond me" Sam told the shorter boy, with such warmth on his voice that Kurt almost felt like punching him, that jealous he was at their easiness. "You should have called me, I would have come to pick you up"
"It was weekly dinner night and I didn't want to be a burden" Blaine whispered in response, obviously in too much pain to speak any louder, even if he seemed to be feeling slightly better already.
"You're never a burden" Sam answered, tenderly playing with the curls falling in Blaine's forehead. "And I want you to promise me you'll call me immediately if this ever happens again. Something could have happened to you in this state"
"But Sam…" Blaine tried to protest, but of course Sam wouldn't let him.
"Promise me" Sam insisted.
"Ok, I promise you" Blaine finally relented with a grateful smile.
"Good" Sam answered as he rested his head on the backrest of the sofa, as if hearing that was the only thing he needed, and resumed the massaging on Blaine's skull, this time for more comforting reasons.
"So…" Mercedes' quite voice to Kurt's ear immediately got him out of his reverie, and when he looked at the girl he noticed she was looking at Blaine and Sam too. "…how long do you think they've been together?"
"They're not together" Kurt rushed to answer. "I would know if they were. They're not together"
Suddenly he didn't know who he was trying to convince: Mercedes or himself.
The week after that the gang decided to change their usually quiet and calm dinner for a night out and some party afterwards, since it had been ages since the last time. Afterwards they were so tired, and the disco was so near Kurt's and Rachel's apartment, that they decided the best option would be for all of them to crash there to sleep it off (even if none of them were really drunk).
Kurt saw an opportunity opening in front of him and quickly suggested Blaine could sleep with him, as they had done that millions of times before and they were used to it, but Blaine kindly refused, arguing that now they weren't together that would feel awkward.
"I can share the couch with Sam" Blaine suggested, and then he turned to the blond guy to ask for his approval. "Right, Sammy?"
"Of course!" Sam immediately agreed, bumping his fist against Blaine's, and Kurt pretended not to notice how his face brightened at their sleeping arrangements –he had looked almost scared at the prospect of Blaine getting back in Kurt's bed, hadn't he?
So in the end, Santana shared her bed with Mercedes and Rachel moved to Kurt's bed for one night to leave her own bed to Artie. And the other two, of course, took possession of the couch, though Kurt wondered how they were even going to fit on it, due to how narrow it was.
He shouldn't have wondered, though, he realized the morning after as he woke up and made his way into the living room. Apparently the lack of space had been far from a problem, judging by the way they were snuggled together: Sam was completely spooning Blaine, and holding him with a fierce grip around his middle even in his sleep so the shorter boy wouldn't fall off the edge. And Blaine's hand was comfortably resting on Sam's forearm, as if he had been… caressing it before they fell asleep? Not even them would be able to deny it was totally inappropriate to sleep like that with your friend, even if he's your bestie, right?
Kurt loudly cleared his throat, trying to get the other two to wake up, but that just ended with Blaine sighing in his sleep as he accommodated himself even closer on Sam's chest and the grip on the blond's arm visibly strengthened.
Getting more and more angry by the second, Kurt purposefully kicked the couch's leg with all his strength and was rewarded with two scared faces as both boys jumped of their skins.
"Oh, sorry, I tripped with the couch as I was passing by. Did I wake you?" Kurt faked-apologized.
"It's okay" Blaine kindly answered, as he turned as best as he could due to the little space he had to lie on his back, though he didn't even try to disentangle himself from Sam's octopus impression as he rubbed his tired eyes.
"Though yeah, you woke us" Sam added, not so forgiving.
"Well, it's kind of good that I did before anyone else woke up and had to see you like this. I mean, I know it would be pretty uncomfortable" Kurt explained, signaling at their position, though he immediately could see they weren't getting what he was trying to say. Probably they were still too asleep to notice.
"See us like what?" Sam asked in total confusion, as he raised their blanket to take a peek underneath. "We're completely dressed, man"
"Yeah, but… at some point in the night you accidentally got entangled in each other's arms, see?" Kurt explained, laughing in what he hoped seemed like an innocent way. "Lucky it was just me catching you, right?"
But Kurt was again disappointed when he got no further reaction from the boys that a confused mutual gaze. At least one of them should have leapt from the sofa in a jump, totally mortified, right? But no, they were just looking at each other, arms still mixed together, and none of them seemed to be in a great hurry to change that.
"Catching us how?" Sam asked.
"Catching you like… that" Kurt insisted. "I mean… you were sleeping in each other's arms"
"So?"
"That's totally inappropriate!" Frankly, Kurt was getting tired of always having to explain the same to them.
"Here we go again!" Sam groaned as he brought a hand to cover his face with it, obviously frustrated.
"Yes, of course here we go again! This is so…"
"Inappropiate, yeah, you already said that. It's just that… we don't think it is. And I can't speak for Blaine here" he added, looking at Blaine again with a tender smile that was immediately reciprocated. "but I don't really care for your opinion on this, to be honest. And well, yeah, even you can see it wasn't exactly accidental…"
"So the fact you're very much spooning him is an acquired right too?"
"Totally" Sam answered, obviously full of himself as he was sassy enough to strengthen his grip on Blaine's middle to attract him even closer to him and rest a kiss on his cheek.
"I can't believe this" Kurt mumbled to himself as he angrily turned to go to the kitchen. Not only he had to see his ex –the one he had been hoping to get back together with– being extremely comfortable doing inappropriate things with whom was supposed to be only his best friend, but he had to take Sam's sarcasm and sass and territory marking and still be gracious about it in front of everyone so they couldn't accuse him of being a resentful bitch! When had life become so complicated? Well, probably after he broke up with Blaine, if he had to be honest with himself.
And now there he was, unable to tear his eyes apart from the two friends, comfortably lying in each other's arms, lazily stretching their limbs, their skins brushing against each other, lost in each other's eyes as they shared tender morning smiles.
"Did you sleep well?" Blaine asked, and Kurt could hear him in the silence of the apartment in spite of how low he was trying to be.
"Like a baby" Sam answered before resting his head in the middle of Blaine's chest and letting all the air in him out in pleasure, snuggling closer to the other's body as Blaine's hand moved to his hair and they both closed their eyes again ready for a second round of cuddling sleep.
And it was Artie the next one to appear a while later, the others still asleep, and his only response to Blaine and Sam's sleeping mess of limbs was to raise his eyebrows in mild surprise as he passed by their side.
"Finally" he commented, as he reached Kurt's side at the kitchen table. "How long do you think they've been together?"
"Oh please, that is just a phase" Kurt answered, dismissing his comment with a quick movement of his hand. "They might have been closer than usual lately, but… it's just a phase. They're not together"
"You sure?" Artie asked, disbelieving.
"Definitely. They're not together… right?"
The week after, Kurt saw a chance for him to act and decided to take it. This time it was Sam the one being late –Blaine said he had a very important job interview and that he would be there as soon as he could–, so it was now or never: he had to talk to Blaine and figure out what the hell was happening with Sam and discover if he still had any chance himself.
"Blaine" he shyly said as he gently grabbed Blaine's arm to take him apart from the others. "Could we have a talk?"
Blaine looked a little uncomfortable at the request, and Kurt was sure he was going to say no with some excuse like how he was helping with the dinner. But he also knew Blaine was all heart, so he wouldn't refuse him so blatantly.
"Sure" he finally answered ant let himself be pulled towards the living room area, where they both sat on the sofa. "So?"
"Well… I don't know how to put this into words…"
"Just say it" Blaine encouraged him, and Kurt didn't know if he was trying to reassure him that it was okay to say whatever he needed to say or he was just trying to rush him to finish as soon as possible –or before Sam appeared.
"Well, I was wondering…" he started, but the loud sound of the apartment door being forcefully opened interrupted him.
"You guys!" Sam almost yelled once he was inside, talking to everybody though his eyes immediately fixated on Blaine's. "I got the job! I'm the new face of Paco Rabanne's perfume! I'm going to be a real model!"
There was so much excitement and joy in his voice that Rachel and Mercedes, who were standing close to the door, immediately rushed to congratulate him, as Artie gave a heartfelt applause and Santana opened the fridge to find some champagne to celebrate. But all of them had to move aside as Blaine literally ran from the living room area and jumped into Sam, arms and legs going around him as Sam laughed wholeheartedly at the shorter boy's exuberance and held onto him to, half embracing, half making sure he wouldn't fall to the floor.
"That's amazing, Sam!" Blaine's soft voice could still be heard over all thee ruckus, and Kurt could see how Sam buried his face in the crook of Blaine's neck, probably to hide some happy tears.
"I couldn't have done it without you" Sam answered, deeply moved, his voice muffled by the skin on Blaine's neck.
"I only gave you a little push" Blaine answered, blushing at the appraisal.
"You did much more than that and you know it. Without you…"
"You'll never be without me" Blaine whispered his promise in Sam's ear, though Kurt still heard it and felt it like a dagger to his heart.
Sam finally left Blaine on the floor, but he kept a hand on his shoulder so as not to break contact completely as his other hand moved to discreetly wipe some tears from his own eyes while Blaine smiled adoringly at him. A little embarrassed at all the attention, Sam cleared his throat as he looked at the gang and they took it as a cue to stop staring at them and continue with the preparation of dinner. Blaine tried to go too, reluctant but polite, but Sam stopped him with the hand he still had on his shoulder.
"Hey, listen, I won't start working on the advert until next week, what do you say we head for Kentucky in the weekend for a visit? I'd love to tell my parents in person" Sam asked, and suddenly it didn't surprise Kurt so much that Sam would ask Blaine to accompany him for a family visit as if it wasn't a big deal. As if it was a common occurrence.
"Of course! I can play hooky on Friday from NYADA so we have an extra day with your folks" Blaine suggested, all kindness and smiles, and he was almost thrown to the floor as Sam's arms engulfed him again in a brusquely adorable way.
"That's why I love you so much, you're the best, Blainey!" Sam whispered, still obviously ecstatic, as he rested a noisy kiss on Blaine's cheek –or on the side of his neck, Kurt couldn't tell, though he decided it didn't really matter anymore.
It wasn't until a full minute later that they reluctantly broke their embrace, and suddenly Blaine remembered what he was doing before Sam came in and shook his whole world.
"Oh, Kurt, I'm sorry" he said, turning to the other boy, slightly surprised to see Kurt was still looking at them. "You wanted to tell me something…"
"Oh, I…" Kurt started, but suddenly he realized it wasn't worth it. He could very well see how things between Blaine and Sam were, and how he didn't have any options. He really didn't need to ask. "I don't remember what it was, don't worry about it"
It was all Sam needed to hear to smile at Blaine again and put an arm around his shoulders as he guided him towards the living room area.
"I've got my laptop here on my bag, let's book out flight" he suggested and the both sat –really close, by the way– in the exact same spot Blaine and Kurt had sat only a couple of minutes before. And Kurt couldn't stop thinking how it felt like a cruel metaphor of their actual situation.
"So how long do you think they've…?" he heard Rachel ask him as she moved next to him and rested a hand on his knee, both of them watching Blaine and Sam laughing together about some silly joke on the internet, but this time Kurt didn't even need to hear the rest of the question before he answered.
"I guess for quite some time now"