Do you know what it's like to be blinded by love?...
" KENDALL, PLEASE P-PLEASE S-STOP!" pleas Logan, as Kendall, violently throws everything that's around at Logan, who is laying on the floor, fetal positioned. tears run down his face mixing with his blood. As he watches his lover loose his control.
Do you know what crimson is?, it's the color of your heart, and the blood that runs in your veins...
" DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!" yells Kendall, as he roughly lifts Logan from the ground, only to throw a right hook to his cheek, making the small brunette fall to the ground once again. Crying as Kendall adds to the pain that he's already in.
Kendall looks at his fists, they are dripping with Logan's blood. They're cut, red and shaking.
He turns to look at the broken body mirror, his reflection breaking into halves with the design of the glass. His green eyes are glazed over. The white of his eyes are blood short and stinging as more tears fall from his eyes, down to his mouth.
He looks at himself. but all that reflects is a monster. The monster that is hurting Logan. The brunettes blood splattered over his cheeks, nose and forehead.
He looks down at Logan, who is clutching his heart, his face dripping with blood. As he wriggles on the hard floor.
Do you know what it's like to be obsessed?...
Kendall kneels down to where Logan is groaning and twisting. He reaches for Logan's trembling shoulders as he sobs uncontrollably. His pain is too much to bear.
" Why Lo-Logan?, w-why'd you do it?" asked Kendall, taking the shaking boy's face into his hands. Running his thumb under the quivering, cut lip. The lips that he's supposed to kiss not destroy.
Logan cant make out any words, the pain Kendall is causing him is too much. He feels like his life is going and coming. This was never supposed to happen. Kendall was never supposed to become a jealous, paranoid, abusive boyfriend. He was supposed to be his protector, his comfort his love but the only person he needed protection from was from the very same boy that promised to never hurt him.
" Logie, look at what you did to me….you did this to me" said Kendall his voice breaking, while he breaths heavily and while his heart breaks and shatters all over the floor. Where did Kendall go wrong?. When did Logan feel the need to leave him?. To say that Kendall was too 'controlling' too 'possessive'. He only did it because Logan was his world. And someone would come and take him away. That's why he refused to let Logan have friends anymore, to come out of the room when he wasn't home. Everyone was out to get his Logan and he wouldn't have that.
Logan shakes his head slowly. Muttering for Kendall to stop. He's so weak now. He can't find the strength to scream for help, to fight back anymore.
Kendall put his face close to Logan's. nuzzling his nose into the bruised, swollen cheek.
" You're mine, no one else's….I own you….trails off Kendall, as more tears fall from his eyes.
Do you know what it's like to be at the mercy of your loved one?...
Logan can't speak, blood is clogging up into his throat, making him cough violently. He feels like he's been ran over by a car. His chest hurts from the violent coughs and his broken heart.
Kendall get's angered, when Logan doesn't respond, he sits up, wraps his hands around the hurting boy's neck. While he adds his weight to Logan by straddling him.
He squeezes tight, cutting off Logan's breathing, Logan, thrashes trying to get away, but Kendall is much
stronger. He can't fight his way out anymore. His legs kick and kick but it's no use. All he's hurting is the floor.
" If I can't have y-you…no one can" says Kendall. through gritted teeth. Hissing as his tears fall to Logan's bruised face.
Kendall tightens his grip on the brunettes neck, Logan slowly brings his shaking hands, and places them on top of Kendall's, weakly tugging at them.
Kendall's blonde hair, falls over his sad eyes, his jaw tightens, as he grips harder onto the slender neck, Kendall's tears fall onto Logan's face. Mixing with Logan's tears and blood.
Logan can't breath, his vision is going blurry, he never expected it to end like this, he never thought that his lover would be the one to end his life. He never thought that he would have to worry about something like this. But Kendall was always unreadable. He never saw this coming from his PROTECTOR.
He looks up at Kendall one last time, he weakly brings up his hand, to caress Kendall's cheek, and wipe away a fallen tear. That falls from the blonde's green eye.
My eyes turn bloodshot as I gasp for air.
And finally I'll be taken from my despair.
Your cold hands on my neck, and that look in
your eye puts me into a daze of intoxication.
I smell your sweet breath as you lean forward to kiss me for the last time.
My heart stops beating and I stop breathing. My soul flows as my eyes close.
When I'll see you again? no one knows. You are my last and final memory, the one
I'll cherish forever…
And then Logan is surrounded by complete darkness, he looks around, but all he hears, is Kendall's sobbing.
" I'm so sorry Logie, I'm so, so sorry"…
Logan feels his body lift up, into the darkness, suddenly he sees a bright white light, he shields his eyes, as a strong force, sucks him up into the light. For a moment he thought he was lost in darkness…
Do you know what it's like to hold your dead lover?, do you know what it's like to play death for a day?…
Kendall stares down, at Logan, he's gone now, he's in a better place.
Kendall cups Logan's pale lifeless face.
" N-no, no, Logie.. Wake up" says Kendall, smiling to himself, thinking Logan's only sleeping.
He moves his head a little, gently slapping him, then reality hit's him.
He sees what he did, he see's what he did to his Logan. Kendall breaks down, he's in pure agony, his whole body trembling, as he holds the dead boy in his arms. Screaming Logan's name over and over and over. Until his voice gives out.
Kendall can't believe what he's done, he can't believe he just killed the boy, he promised to protect until he died.
The boy he had planned on marrying, the boy he planned on starting a family with. Kendall, holds Logan, his body close while he impossibly shakes. His voice is hoarse and weak as he whispers Logan's name while placing his head onto Logan's still chest. Expecting a heartbeat but never receiving it.
2 weeks later….
Kendall walks the dark streets of Minnesota, he ran away the night he killed Logan.
Kendall walks everyday, he walks, and stands in front of Logan's family house. Hoping Logan would come out and tell him that they're late for school just like he used to every morning before they left to Hollywood.
Tears fall from his eyes, as he remembers all the sleepovers, homework parties, they used to have at Logan's house. All the memories and late night talks that disappeared when they were discovered and turned into a boy band. Before life was simpler. Nor a single care in the world. Not a single death in the world at least in Kendall's world.
Kendall knows his family have sent out to find him. He knows that they'll find him eventually.
But Kendall wont allow that, he needs to be with his Logan again. He needs to be with him forever, only him no one else.
Kendall sits inside a rundown abandoned broken house. The perfect metaphor for his lost broken soul. He sits on the ground against the old broken wall.
He sees the bottle in his hand, and brings it up to his lips. He takes the drink. The bitter taste insulting his taste buds. Cutting his dry throat.
He wipes away the falling tears, looking down at the picture of his little lover. He smiles tracing his finger along the picture.
He takes another sip, he looks out through the boarded up window, he sees the snow slowly falling to the ground. Logan loved the snow. He remembers making snow men, having snowball fights. The first time they kissed it snowed.
He looks up at the ceiling smiling. His smile drops and more tears fall from his eyes.
" I'm sorry" he says, up to the falling ceiling. Hoping and wishing that it's worthy enough to go through the ceiling and float to the sky, so Logan could receive it.
Those same words that he repeats every day too himself.
He looks at the bottle on his right, he looks down at the picture in his lap, then he looks at the black gun in his right hand.
He brings it up with a shaking hand, as more tears fall from his eyes. He gasps then sobs as he realizes what he's leaving behind. His mom, Katie, James, Carlos, Big Time Rush. But he doesn't have the will anymore to care. All he ever needed in life was Logan. And now that he's not. There is no reason for him to live. He'll just live a cold bitter, agonizing life behind bars. With the pain of knowing nothing he can do or say will ever bring Logan back ever.
He grabs the picture of Logan, bringing it up to his face, and places a little kiss on it, then he lowers it down to his lap again…
" I'm sorry Logie" he says….
The snow is falling creating blankets of white. The mountains are filled with white powder, the air is cold.
The trees dead, the little lakes, and creeks frozen. Little kids joyously laugh as they skate on the frozen ponds.
The abandoned houses have snow on their roofs. Making them look slightly good. But still remaining broken and dirty. The snow is too white and pure to cover theses excuses of houses.
In the distance you hear a loud gun shot, making the crows that had gathered on the pole wires flock away into the darkening sky.
Kendall's lifeless hand fall's to his side, the gun in between dead fingers.
The blood slowly drips from the side of the blonde's head as it tilts to the side, leaning against the old rotten walls.
His eyes are closed, one final tear falls from his right eye, going down to his lip. As his life has ended. As he flies to Logan. As he starts his new life, his new journey. Lost in an ocean of nothingness.
The abandoned house is dark, everything is dark, in the distance you hear police sirens, as the snowflakes fall to the ground innocently adding to the white purity of nature….
Do you know what it's like to be madly in love?. ..