A/N: This is written for the Gryffindor Gift Fic thing for the lovely Elizabeth, aka MoonytheMarauder1! I promised way back during the April Auctions that I would write some Wolfstar Soulmate AU using the prompt "You can feel your soulmate's heartbeat in your wrist". I modified the prompt a little so you can both feel it and see it as like a little moving EKG tattoo. It's not quite as angsty as I first thought it would be, but the story went where it wanted to go. Anyway... Elizabeth, I hope you like this!
o . o . o
Sirius liked the little heartbeat tattooed across his wrist. It dipped and soared and dove down again across his skin, moving almost in time with his own heartbeat. If he sat very still, he could faintly feel his soulmate's pulse beating under the thin skin of his wrist. He liked watching it, and trying to guess what they might be doing or feeling - were they playing quidditch, or feeling sad, or wondering about him too? Most of all, Sirius liked knowing that somewhere out there was a soulmate for him.
He didn't really know what a soulmate was, but he knew that it was a special kind of friendship. His parents didn't have soul beats on their wrists, and Reg was still too little to really have one yet. Four year olds aren't really people yet, so how could he have a soulmate? But the heartbeat on Sirius' wrist was strong and pulsed in a thin, dark tattoo.
Some nights, it felt like the person on the end was being electrocuted. The lines on his wrist would jump erratically to form a dramatic, jagged mountain range. The heartbeat was so furious that Sirius felt like it might overwhelm his little body. Sometimes, it was so fierce that it made him feel sick, his heart and his stomach squeezing painfully in unison. He didn't understand why - what could possibly make someone's heart beat that fast? Was his soulmate okay? Were they scared, were they hurting? What was happening to them? But every morning, the sun would rise, and the pulse beating in his wrist would return to a steady, normal pace, and Sirius would almost wonder if the whole thing had been a nightmare…
o . o . o
On the first of September, the heartbeat was faster than normal. But then again, so was Sirius'. He imagined that everyone who was starting their first year at Hogwarts was probably a bundle of nerves and excitement, and everyone's hearts were racing. He was sure of it. But it did tell him that whoever his soulmate was, they were starting school with him today. Or at least, they probably were.
For the first time, he had a real shot at meeting them, and Sirius couldn't contain his curiosity. He peeked at people's wrists any time he got the chance, trying to see if they had lines on their wrists and if they matched his own heart's frantic rhythm. But it was the beginning of autumn and cool temperatures had already descended on the entirety of the United Kingdom, the temperature dropping the farther north the train journeyed. Most students had long sleeves pulled across their palms, either to keep themselves warm or to soothe their nerves.
He made three friends on the train. James, who he knew instantly would be his best friend for life, had asked him for help loading his trunk onto the train, and they had immediately clicked, striking up a conversation about the various contraband they had hidden in their luggage - stinkbombs and the like. Remus had been sitting in a compartment on his own when Sirius and James asked to join him. Sirius had felt the heartbeat on his wrist quicken a bit when they opened the door, and he turned to look behind him, searching for something that might have excited his soulmate. Remus was quiet, reserved, and completely the opposite of James and Sirius. But every now and then he would make a comment that would leave the other two doubled over, clutching at their stomachs as they laughed heartily. He would be another best friend, in a totally different way - the yin to Sirius and James' yang. Peter had entered their compartment an hour in the journey, seeking refuge from older students who had been teasing him. Another quiet addition to their little group, Peter seemed very observational. He watched everything and took it all in, and Sirius felt sure that he would be a good friend to them, someone who could be depended on and listened when you needed to talk, even if you didn't know that's what you needed.
His own heart felt like it was pounding the whole time, but Sirius didn't feel like he was any closer to finding out who his soulmate was. He'd thought it would be easier, but even when he could get a glimpse of people's soul lines beneath their shirtsleeves, it didn't give enlighten him at all. Maybe it was a mystery his new friends could help him solve.
o . o . o
Sirius wanted to scream. It was blinding agony. He felt like he was having a heart attack, the pulse in his wrist fast and tight and constricting. And worse, it felt like it was affecting his own heart, replicating the symptoms of whatever was happening to his soulmate. He couldn't take it. He rolled over in his bed and fisted his hands in the pillow, stifling a scream that his vocal cords were too strained to release anyway. What was happening to him?
He'd heard of growing pains - something about bones and growth spurts and being a teenager - but this couldn't be that, could it? His friends never experienced anything like this. At least James and Peter didn't. Maybe Remus did, maybe that's why he was in the Hospital Wing so much. Sirius groaned and turned his head slightly, blinking in the direction of Remus' empty bed. He wished his friend was there at that moment - he would have known what was going on, he always did.
o . o . o
Sirius loved her. But.
But the heartbeat pulsing on his wrist didn't race the way her heart did when they were snogging.
But the lines on her wrist spiked when he felt nothing at all.
But he still couldn't explain the nights that he woke up in agony as the moon rose high in the sky.
But. But. But.
He loved Marlene, but she wasn't his soulmate.
They both knew it, and it soured their relationship after a while. At first, it hadn't mattered. They had been defiant - damn the universe, they would decide their own futures. They would decide who they loved. Stupid lines on skin shouldn't get to dictate things for them.
But it didn't stop Sirius from wondering. No matter how he felt about Marlene, he couldn't stop thinking about the pulse in his wrist and trying to figure out who it belonged to. Sometimes he tried to talk to her about it, to talk about it idly with her. He tried to explain that he didn't want to be with anyone else, soulmate or not, that he just wanted to know. It was just a mystery, a puzzle, and he wanted to solve it after all this time. But anytime he expressed curiosity, Marlene just rolled her eyes at him, like she knew something he didn't. Like the answer was obvious. But if it was so apparent, why couldn't he figure it out?
o . o . o
Sirius hated seeing other students flirting with Remus. Since he and Marlene had split up, plenty of girls had tried to get his attention, and a few had...for a night. But then he would move on, determined not to settle for anyone who didn't have his heartbeat tattooed on their wrist. He wouldn't do that again. A few boys had their eyes on Remus though, and they'd flirt with him after class, trying to get his attention. And Remus never gave them the time of day, but still Sirius hated it. The idea of Remus dating any of them made Sirius' heart race wildly, out of control, anger coursing through his veins.
It wasn't anything, he told himself often. He was just protective. Remus was one of his best friends and all these guys were jerks who would break his heart, and Sirius didn't want that for him. That's all it was. And if Sirius had dreams at night that he was curled up in Remus' arms, lips ghosting over his skin, well, he pushed those away as soon as he woke up. Remus was his friend, that was all.
o . o . o
Sirius heart jumped every time Remus touched him. Whether it was accidental or intentional, it didn't matter, it yielded the same effect either way. Sirius felt his heart race, pounding against his ribs at the slightest brush of skin. So maybe he liked Remus a little bit. But it didn't matter, because Sirius wasn't going to leap in again. He'd just give it some time, eventually he'd get over it.
The arrival of summer and exam season forced everyone outdoors and into t-shirts whenever they weren't holed up in the Library. The four boys lounged in the grass under the beech tree, laughing about something that didn't matter very much. Remus leaned into Sirius, shoulders bumping. Sirius felt his heartbeat quicken and then something caught his eye. As Remus reached up to brush a curl of light brown hair from his forehead, Sirius could see the heartbeat traced on the inside of the wrist, and it had quickened. The observation made Sirius' heart speed up more, hope flooding his body with adrenaline. The soul line on his friend's wrist responded accordingly, and Sirius watched it move in time with his pulse. He closed his eyes and felt happiness wash over him as the knowledge settled in.
It was Remus.