Hi everybody and welcome to…

Anime Questions Answered

To be specific I use the characters from InuYasha (and occasionally some other animes…) to answer questions about anime and its laws.

I like ALL of the characters, so don't be offended. It is just really fun to exaggerate a character's features.

Yeah, so on with the story.

Question: What would happen if an anime character was unable to say the name of their attack or make those creepy grunty noises?

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"Du du du du du We're traveling! Traveling!" sang Kagome and Shippo their regular perky (to say the least) selves.

"Gahhhh!" cried InuYasha as he used his Wind Scar to destroy the demons Naraku had sent. Naraku gets bored easily. He's lonely, horribly lonely. And no one wants to play with him, so he makes them play…his way.

As they walked, the background shifted from a sunny, dirt road with lush, green hills in the distance to dead trees, darkness and overuse of menace and the color black. Literally, from one step to the next, the mood, background, and everything shifted.

Then, Miroku stated the obvious, "We must be getting closer!"

"Did the rabid demons tell you or the dead bodies?" InuYasha replied in his usual rage filled, sarcastic way. Wow, InuYasha said something remotely reasonable while in character! TMA out did herself!

Miroku looked shifty-eyed around at everyone. They all looked back, waiting for his oh-so wise response that would leave InuYasha dazed and only able to say "feh wuteva!"

"Uhh….LOOK I'M TACTFULLY CHANGING THE SUBJECT!" Miroku looked at the feline, two women, and Shippo. They shrugged, signaling that bigger words would have been better; big words confuse EVERYONE.

"Woah… now I forget what we were talking about," InuYasha said bemused. Sango shook her head in approval; the only time she confused him was when she decided to stab him repeatedly with her sword in retaliation.

"Umm Kikyou." Kagome winced. Kikyou had an odd habit of being around even if she wasn't. Does that make sense? No. No it doesn't and no one cares…except for you.

InuYasha nodded.

"Ah of course," he cleared his throat and yelled, "KIKYYYYYYYYYYOUUU!"

He assumed the fetal position on the ground as the pain of their betrayal washed over him in waves of emo. Miroku turned away to poke a rotting corpse. Sango, Kagome, and Shippo shrugged and sat on the ground to play 3-way patty cake. It passed the time when InuYasha wanted to grieve privately and in a not so obvious way.

Then Kagura appeared and she recited her usual lines, "Naraku wants your shards blah blah blah death blah blah blah however…"

Miroku suddenly tuned in; his pervert on red alert!

"However is like but! And if you add a letter 't' it's butt! Which I grope if it belongs to a hot young woman!! Kagura's a woman! I think…" Before he could pretend to reflect on their deadly situation, the hand took over.

Now the hyphens with an active verb will explain what he did so TMA doesn't have to write a sentence!

-twick twick (pause) twick twick-

If it wasn't obvious, he was groping Kagura's BEHIND. Her Toochis was touched in a perverted manner. Her ass/arse was violated.

Normally by now, Miroku would be unconscious or wearing a large, red handprint. Today however (but!) he was lucky. He found a woman his equivalent in pervert. Kagura is kinkier though, a lot kinkier.

In a flash, he was gagged (in a kinky way) and half-naked with his "toned" and muscularly perfect body shown to the world. The world looked away. One could not blame it.

"Miroku!" called out Sango worried about the monk.

"He looks so scared," she said to Kagome, confiding in her the fear that she felt for her perverted fiancé.

"THIS IS SO FREAKIN' SWEET!" Miroku was so excited about his slightly raised chance at getting laid that he threw a party in his head. A cra-zay frat par-tay like Animal House only it was Japanese and there were fewer skirts/togas.

Then Kagura made an unfortunate deadly move that would forever scar Miroku. She smacked that ass! Miroku was shocked.

"At least I'm gentle…" He thought as he remembered all the pinches and slaps ...gentle 'rubs' on Sango's and other women's butts.

"How ironic, he gets exactly what he gives," whispered Kagome to a slightly pissed but agreeing Sango. God, Kagome, that sounded stupid. You're stupid…and smelly.

His chance at getting some action (with his own consent) dropped to zero and he did the one thing he could.

"Wind tunnel!" he thought but it didn't come.

"Huh?" everyone said (and Miroku thought.) Then Miroku felt a pressure, that wasn't peer pressure, in his body.

"It must be the wind tunnel!" Nope. They all sat around waiting. The pressure kept building.

"This'll be it!" Miroku thought happily; Once again, nope.

"Got any sixes?" InuYasha asked the saber-toothed snake-like demon.

"RAWRGHHHHH!!!"

"Damn it I always have to go fish…"

Now the pressure was greater and Miroku pushed his arm out and tried to say Wind Tunnel.

But(t) then realized slowly that he couldn't talk. The gag was still in his mouth. And his head had a metal cage around it. Kinky sure has its prices; namely pride and self-respect.

The pressure was greater now.

'Uh-oh," thought Miroku, "I'm totally fuc-BOOM."

"Wow Kagome it's so pretty!"

"Yeah!" replied Kagome, "Who knew Miroku exploding and showering us with blood could be so colorful and happy!"

"Mirokuuuu NOOOO!!! HE DIED TO SAVE ALL OF CHINA! I BORE HIM A CHILD! Please wake up it's just a scratch," Sango begged as she poked a stray bone.

"Sango, we live in Japan, so he didn't. No, you didn't bear him a child, we spy and never give you two the privacy you deserve, so we'd know, and he won't wake up because it's not a scratch."

Kagura and the demons had conveniently left for Kitten's Strip Joint and jello shots. They rudely didn't not invite the gang to come along.

"Jewel shards! Naraku! Kikyou! And instant ramen," cried the unintelligent InuYasha meaning he wanted to getting going. For some reason this pissed Kagome off. Maybe she had to reach her osuwari quota of the day or something.

"OSUWARI! That's for nothing! OSUWARI! Because the sky is blue! OSUWARI."

After days of traveling and sing-along, well… they were still traveling and singing along.

"Dududududu We're traveling! Traveling!" The words appeared beside Kagome's swinging arms and a Shikon jewel bounced on each syllable of their Traveling Song. Shippo jumped up to wave at the screen as he sang in "this breath-taking, original sing-along! Shippo is adorable!"-Tokyo Times.

"Miroku! Kohaku!!" Sango had taken Miroku's death poorly and still did that grieving thing. Gosh, that was like two days ago, Sango! Get over yourself. Everyone else was over it.

"EVERYONE AROUND ME DIES!" Kagome and Shippo got shocked and scared looks on their faces but continued singing. Everyone quickly moved away from Sango and left her in the dust. It must suck to have to be the angst-filled past character in a story.

"Ahhhh! Kill me! I hurt so much!" The sing-a-long stopped abruptly.

"OSUWARI!"

"Ahhhhhhhhh!! I-I think my spine just snapped."

"Don't be such a baby! Osuwari!"

Kagome and InuYasha have such a good relationship.

Answer: You get all kinky like (XD), feel a lot of pressure and blow up in pretty, happy colors. Well if you are Miroku, you do….if you aren't, I don't know what to say.

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Feel free to express your feeling on this. Remember no potty mouth and have a reason for your complaint (not because 'U SUCK'.) Moreover, I'll try to fix my writing the ways you suggest. We're all novices here, remember?

Thank you, especially if you actually read this.