The sun hadn't even risen yet, but Emma Swan was lying in bed, wide awake. The clock read 5:58 am. Killian, still asleep, rolled over and turned his back to Emma. She took the opportunity to slip from under the covers without disturbing him and creep down the stairs.
When the sun finally rose, Emma was sitting in the window seat with a cup of hot chocolate admiring the sunrise with a blanket around her shoulders. The silence paired with the golden reds that streaked across the slowly lightening purple sky provided Emma with a strange sense of comfort. She pulled a lighter out from her pyjama pocket and lit it, blowing it out only after squeezing her eyes shut in concentration. Emma stared at where the flame used to exist, half expecting it to reignite on its own.
"Happy birthday, love." Killian's voice cut through the silence as he came down the stairs. He kissed Emma lightly on the cheek as he passed her, but it was tense. Everything was tense.
"Thank you Killian." Emma smiled and reached out to squeeze his arm.
"What are you doing up so early? You should be sleeping in." He called from the kitchen as poured himself a cup of coffee.
"I woke up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. It happens."
"Aye. And what do you plan to do on this day of celebration?"
"I dunno. I didn't really plan anything. I just kinda thought we'd hang out and grab dinner later."
"Whatever you want love." Emma smiled.
"Thanks. I'm gonna go shower before Hope wakes up."
Killian shot Emma a suggestive look.
"No. This is an actual shower this time. We'll talk about that tonight." Emma smiled with a wink as she disappeared up the stairs.
Emma crossed the hall into her bedroom and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. She swiped through a few notifications before tossing it back onto the bed. Turning, she rummaged through a laundry basket on the ground for a moment before she pulled out a bath towel that had been hiding at the bottom. She headed for the hall to go into the bathroom, but her phone's ringtone stopped her. She goes back and picks her phone up, only to have it drop to the floor. Regina's caller ID lights up the screen.
"Love? Are you ok?"
It takes Emma a moment to answer, the shock still too fresh.
"Yeah. I'm fine. Just dropped my phone."
Emma picks the phone up once again, but the phone is no longer ringing. The screen is black.
"Fuck."
"Are you sure you're alright?" Killian starts up the stairs.
"Yes I'm fine. You don't need to come up here." Emma's voice comes off harsher than intended and she can almost feel Killian's recoil.
"Alright." Emma hears him go into the den downstairs. She sighs and goes into the bathroom but leaves her phone on the bed.
Emma comes diving out of the bathroom 15 minutes later when her phone rings again, dripping wet. The caller ID has Regina's name once again and Emma wastes no time in answering it.
"Regina?"
"Emma. I'm glad I caught you. Are you busy?"
"No, no not at all." Emma nervously glanced at the bedroom door before she decided to shut it altogether. "I'm just surprised to hear from you. It's been what, five years?" Emma ran a hand through her dripping hair.
"Six, but who's counting?" Emma couldn't help but smile as Regina's laugh floated through the speaker.
"So-"
"No. I mean, I called with a purpose."
"Oh, ok." Emma wrapped herself in a towel from the laundry bin and sat on the floor leaning against the bed.
"First off, let me say congratulations. I heard that you just had a baby girl."
"Oh yeah. 7 months now."
"That's amazing, Emma. If she looks anything like her mother… well then she's just the prettiest thing in the world."
"Regina, you're making me blush."
"I can't say that I feel all that sorry. Second of all, happy birthday."
Emma wished the small gesture didn't bring a smile to her face; Regina had remembered her birthday.
"Thank you. I'm surprised you remembered."
"Emma, you should know by now, I know everything."
There was a moment of silence that didn't feel awkward to either woman, simply each basking in the soft presence of the other's company.
"So, how are you? How's Henry? I haven't heard from him in a while."
"He hasn't been calling his mother? When I get a hold of him…"
"Regina," Emma can't help but laugh. "It's fine. Can't really hold it against him; I haven't exactly been calling my son either."
"Fair enough."
"So?"
"He loves the Enchanted Forest. Can't believe he didn't go sooner. He's having the time of his life."
"That's amazing."
"Yeah, it is. I'm glad he's happy but I can't help but wish he had chosen something safer, like college."
"I don't know how he could. He takes after his mother."
"And which mother do you suppose you're referring to?"
"Well you did your fair share of galavanting back in the day."
"I don't know that I'd say that I galavanted…"
"I don't know that I'd say that you didn't."
"And how about you, you're quite the... kindred spirit."
"Now you're just making fun of me."
"Maybe just a little." Both women laugh again and Emma couldn't help but feel like she never wanted the moment to end. She found herself searching to keep the conversation going, to make it go on forever. The thought of hanging up with Regina at all broke her heart. The moment was broken by the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs.
"Regina, I'm really sorry, but I have to go."
"Oh, alright. I'm glad we got to talk. I miss yo- I mean, we miss you. Storybrooke does."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Goodbye Miss Swan."
"Madame Mayor."
Regina hung up the phone first, but Emma couldn't help but listen to the dial tone that returned, hoping Regina would come back, call her back. When Killian walked in, Emma stared at her phone with a blank expression, tapping the screen when it went to sleep.
"Is everything alright love? Who was that on the phone?" Killian's voice pulls her from her trance.
"Oh. No one."
"Really? I haven't heard you laugh like that in a long time. It sounded a lot like-"
"It was no one. Wrong number."
"Alright." His standoffishness from Emma's seemingly unnecessary shortness was obvious, but Emma couldn't help but appreciate it. "I'm gonna go take my shower. Hope woke up and she ate, but she clearly wanted you."
"Ok. I'll go get her in a minute."
The moment Killian disappeared behind the bathroom door, Emma was on her knees, digging under the bed.
She pulled out a worn shoebox that was held together almost exclusively by duct tape and sheer will power. She dug to the bottom and pulled out a single, worn photograph. The edges almost curled over the picture so far the faces are barely visible. It's of Emma and Regina, taken by Zelena on a picnic they had taken Henry on before Gideon had shown up. The only picture of the two of them, there was only the one print: Regina didn't even know it existed, but Emma loved it. Regina was mid laugh, after Henry had tripped chasing a ball. Emma had been caught red handed admiring Regina's being, a smile creeping across her face from seeing Regina's.
A tear fell onto the paper. Emma quickly wiped it away with her thumb, then wiped her face. Then another fell. Emma sunk back against the bed and hugged her knees as tears she knew she couldn't stop came harder; silent sobs that racked her body as she gazed at the picture resting at her feet.
"I'm so sorry I left you…" Emma's voice was barely a whisper to herself as she lifted the image again as she ran a thumb over Regina's face.
Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and the picture was thrown back under the bed.
"Emma, have you seen my-" Killian stopped as he saw Emma crying on the floor.
"What's wrong?" Killian was instantly at her side.
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Swan, I-"
"You wouldn't get it Killian. And I don't want to hurt you either."
"What's this all about?"
"Just forget it, ok? It's nothing. Let's take Hope to the park, it's a nice day." Emma stood up from the floor and crossed the room to her dresser. "I wouldn't want to waste such a nice day."
"You've been distant all day."
"I have?" Emma looked up from her phone at Killian sitting at the other end of the couch.
"Don't. You know you have. Ever since that phone call. Who the hell was it?"
"No one."
"You already said that and I know it's a lie."
"It was an old friend. Someone I didn't expect to hear from, especially not today."
"And you're sure you're fine?"
"Yeah. I'm actually really tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed."
"It's only 9:00."
"Yeah, I know."
"Alright love, happy birthday." Emma just smiled as she headed up the stairs.
Emma didn't bother to turn on the light when she closed the bedroom door behind her, simply stripped down to a cami and her panties before she climbed into bed. She was blinded by the light of her phone, but couldn't bring herself to care as she stared at Regina's contact. Her thumb hovered over the call button, but didn't move. Despite Emma's desperation to talk to Regina again, something held her back.
Emma woke up to her alarm the next morning, her phone still clutched in her hand. The battery was nearly dead, but Emma didn't mind. She had laid awake long after Killian had gone to bed, not quite battling herself to call Regina once it had grown too late for her to call, but rather the idea of her as a whole. She threw on her uniform and ran a brush through her hair before she headed downstairs. After plugging her phone in by the door, Emma went to the kitchen, only to find Killian sitting at the table.
"Good morning."
"I saw you."
"What?" Emma looked over her shoulder as she filled a travel mug from the coffee pot.
"Your phone. You had Regina open."
"Oh. Yeah, I did."
"I thought you said she wasn't going to be a problem anymore."
"She's not."
"Oh really? Because last I checked, married women don't fall asleep to other women's faces."
"It's none of your business. I'm married to you. I have a family with you."
"She's the one who called you yesterday."
"And if she is?"
"I don't like it."
"She's my best friend!"
"Who you were in love with."
"I was not."
"You know exactly why I'm worried."
"She's the mother of my son!"
"And I'm the father of your daughter!" There's a tense silence that only lasts for a second before Emma breaks it.
"I have to go to work." Emma snaps the lid with more force than she intended and coffee splashes onto the counter. She doesn't clean it up before she grabs her keys and her phone off the charger and all but runs out the door.
Emma slammed the car door shut as her head fell back against the headrest. The sun was just starting to rise over the trees, turning the sky gold and purple. Her hands clenched into fists as she bit her lip trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
"Goddamnit." God fucking damnit."
Tears began to stream down Emma's face as she gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles.
"He's going to hate me."
It was late when Emma got home from work; the sun had long gone down and despite the fact that she lived in a city, the streets of her neighborhood were dead. Emma pulled into the driveway and took the key out of the bug's ignition. The house loomed in front of her worse than any monster or witch ever had. Hope's bedroom window was lit and behind the curtain Emma could make out the silhouette of Killian rocking in the chair beside her bed.
Emma closed the front door and locked it as quietly as she could, but sighed when she heard Killian move in Hope's room, then his footsteps on the stairs. Emma kicked her shoes into the boot tray and headed for the kitchen. Killian appeared the doorway and leaned against the frame.
"Hi."
"Hey."
"How was work?"
"Fine. How was Hope?"
"Fussy. Wouldn't go down for her nap."
"Well maybe she'll sleep through the night now." Emma went into the fridge and stared blankly at its emptiness before she closed it again. "What'd you eat? There's nothing here."
"Picked up tacos."
"I would kill for a taco right now. Maybe I'll go-" Emma grabbed her keys from the kitchen table.
"You aren't going to bring up this morning, are you?"
"What are you talking about Killian? I'm going to get-"
"No you're not. You're avoiding me. I know you, Swan."
Emma sighed and bit her lip. The keys were put in her pocket. Killian sat at the kitchen table, but Emma moved to lean against the counter.
"You're not wrong. I might be hiding just a little."
"A little?"
"Okay, a lot. I really didn't want to have this conversation tonight."
"What conversation, love? Is this about Regina?"
"Yeah. Yeah it is. And you're going to hate me."
"I could never hate-"
"I'm in love with Regina."
Killian genuinely laughed and it made Emma turn bright red.
"I could have told you that, love."
"What?"
"But it's ok. We can work through this together."
"No we can't. It's not you, it's me. And I know how awful that sounds but it's really true this time. You did nothing wrong. And I think that's what makes this worse."
Killian froze, his eyes staring into Emma's in a way that made her vastly uncomfortable.
"You're kidding."
Emma looked up with tears in her eyes.
"I promise I tried." A single tear fell and Emma brushed it away. "I really did." Another. "I really wanted this to work. You didn't deserve this. But I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved."
Emma fell silent as her eyes fell to the floor. Killian stood from his chair and used his hook to scratch the back of his neck as he returned to the doorway.
"I didn't mean for things to get this bad."
"What do you mean?"
"I lied to myself for so long, told myself that I liked guys and that my girl crushes were just girls I wanted to be friends with. And then you came along and you were so nice and a little sassy and you cared about me and so I convinced myself that I loved you because I felt like I should."
"You can't sit on a throne of lies and expect to not get dethroned, love."
"I was just supposed to bring all the happy endings and I couldn't bring you yours and-" Emma avoided looking up at Killian, opting to stare at her toes, a crack in the linoleum floor: anything but up.
"We could still try."
"I don't really think I want to convert. Hasn't worked out all that well for me this far."
There's another silence where Emma's attempt at lightening the mood hung like stale air between them.
"What about Hope?" Killian's voice had turned small in a way that Emma had never heard before and it broke her heart.
"This can't hurt her." Emma looked up at Killian, her eyes red from crying and tear tracks marked down her face. Killian sighed with resign and crossed the kitchen and kneeled next to Emma and used his thumb to wipe her face.
"No, it can't. But you also deserve to be happy."
"What?"
"You do. Go, love. Go to Regina."
"But what about you? What about Hope? Us?"
"We'll figure that out. You raised a son with a woman you hated, didn't you?" Emma sniffled.
"Yeah. I did."
Killian stood up and held out his hand for Emma to take. She grabbed it and he pulled her from the ground and directly into an embrace.
"Are you gonna be ok?" Emma whispered as she squeezed Killian's shoulders and breathed him in.
"I'll be fine. Don't you know by now? I'm a survivor."
Emma couldn't help but smile as she pulled away from Killian.
"I really am sorry."
"Don't be. You spent a long time making sure everyone else got their happy ending. It's about time you go get yours."
It was 2 am on a Tuesday but Regina was still awake, watching Hallmark movies on the couch, a particularly nasty thunderstorm roaring outside. After spending hours tossing and turning in bed, she had resigned herself to the couch to ride out a painfully sleepless night. Regina's ears perked up as she heard a low rumbling coming from outside, different from the thunder just as the windows lit up with a flash of lightning. Regina wrapped a blanket that had been draped across the back of the couch around her shoulders and headed for the front door. She tentatively opened it, a fireball already in her hand.
"Emma!" The fireball was instantly gone. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright?" Regina peered out off the porch, expecting an ambulance or a monster but found only a yellow bug parked haphazardly on the side of the road.
"Why did you call me, that night?"
"What do you mean? It was your birthda-"
"No. I mean why did you call me."
There's a silence that feels like an eternity where neither woman looks away from the other; the sheer fact that they're standing in front of each other in Regina's yard again holds them there and time stands still as the rain continues to pour onto Emma's shoulders.
"You didn't call me for six years. That's six birthdays. Hell, that's six Christmases, six New Year's-"
"I missed you."
"You know, I haven't made a wish on my birthday in years. Not since the night Henry showed up at my door. But that morning, I wished, on a lighter of all things." Emma stopped to kick at the ground, laughing at herself. "I wished that I could hear your voice again. Talk to you again. Because I missed you. I missed us."
"Why didn't you call?" Regina took a step off the porch.
"How was I supposed to call you after I chose him over you? I couldn't face you after that."
"Emma we weren't even a thing."
"You're really gonna try and say that we weren't something?" Regina falls silent. "I really thought I'd gotten over you and moved on with Killian-"
"Emma I'm sorry if I had known-"
"No. The truth is I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I don't know that I could even try.
"Oh, Emma." Regina's voice fell soft, almost as if it had broken at Emma's words.
There was a beat where neither woman said anything before Emma started up Regina's front walk. A streak of lightning flashed against the sky as Emma gently brushed her lips against the brunette's. Thunder cracked as Regina kissed back, reveling in how soft yet eager Emma's lips were. Their lips moved in sync, sliding against each other as if they had been meant to all along. As Emma pulled Regina in closer, tears started to stream down Regina's face. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma's waist tightly, afraid that if she let go that the moment would end, or even worse, that it would have all been a dream and that she would wake up on the couch. Emma wove a hand into Regina's rain soaked hair. Emma was the first to pull away and rest her forehead against Regina's.
"Are those tears real, or is it just the rain?" Emma's thumb rose to brush some of the water from Regina's face.
"You came back for me. Henry always told me it would happen, but I didn't believe it; couldn't believe it, perhaps. I thought my happy ending wasn't' in the cards."
"Well, I gotta give myself a birthday present, right?" Regina couldn't help but smile as she sniffled.
"I have never met someone who could find such an inopportune time to crack a joke."
"Just one of my many talents."
"Like getting us sick?"
"You're the one who never made me come inside."
"I think you're just a drama queen."
"I mean, you're not wrong." Regina laughed as she brushed Emma's hair back out of her face.
"Well then, this is me making you come inside before we both die of hypothermia, Miss Swan."
"Whatever you say, Madame Mayor."
Regina laced her fingers between Emma's as she led the blonde into the house. The door shut behind them and the porch light flickered out.
"You what?" Regina spun around from her wardrobe where she had been looking for dry clothes.
"I didn't plan on leaving! It just kind of happened!"
"Emma, you can't just walk out on your husband!"
"I didn't just 'walk out' on him."
Regina couldn't help but sigh as she walked across the room pinching the bridge of her nose.
"It's not like I left him on bad terms."
"Well it doesn't sound like you left on good terms either. I'm not going to become a homewrecker, Miss Swan."
"To be fair, you were a homewrecker before there was a home for you to wreck."
Regina's glare shut Emma up effectively as Regina sat on the bed. There was a long silence filled with Regina's thoughts and Emma trying not to drip on the expensive carpet.
"He told me to come here."
"What?"
"I explained everything to him. Cried on the kitchen floor."
"Wow, you really are that dramatic."
Emma walked across the room in silence as she watched Regina nervously pick at her thumb nail. She straddled Regina's legs and cupped her face in her hands, lifting it towards her own.
"The point, is not that I open myself up way too easily for you digs. It's that we're ok. It's ok. You're not destroying anything. You're only completing me."
Regina grinned as she stood up and kissed Emma, tangled her fingers into long blonde tresses and pulled her closer. Emma's arms wrapped around Regina's waist. She couldn't help but make a little noise in the back of her throat as she kissed Regina back; it was like a drug.
"I honestly hope you don't expect me to stay worried when you say things like that."
"That's the idea."
"I've waited six years for this."
"I've been waiting since that first night on your front walk."
"You're such a dork."
"But I'm your dork now."
"Yeah." Regina smiled. "You are."
