Disclaimer: If Gilmore Girls was mine, Jess would have never left.
Apparently it's not.
Author's Note: This fic contains SPOILERS for seasons 2 - 4. I know that everyone knows about all the events in this chapter, but this is just the background story from Jess' point of view. Please review! Constructive criticism is always welcome, but please no flames.
~*~*~*~*~
I was new in town. I didn't know anyone, and I didn't plan on knowing anyone; then I saw her. Her smiling face, slender figure, and long chestnut hair are what initially attracted me to her; but her loving personality locked me in. From the moment she discovered the stolen book I knew I loved her. She was - and still is - witty, smart, beautiful, and most importantly: she didn't judge me. That is why I love her and, ironically enough, it's also why I left.
People in this town think I'm stupid. They could not be more wrong. I left because I'm not stupid. I left because she couldn't. She was too swept up in everything that was happening to notice how bad for her I really was. I can't blame her for that, though. I was also starting believe it would work out between us. We were "star-crossed lovers" in a way. The town was her Capulet and my screwed up past was my Montague. I wanted to believe - as corny as it sounds - that our love would be enough. But love is never enough.
No one in town was at all surprised when things began to crumble, but it hit the two of us like an avalanche. We were in shock when it happened, so much so that we pretended that it didn't; we pretended that our worlds weren't collapsing. That only made it worse.
Ignoring the problem definitely didn't make it go away. Instead, it brought tensions between us to an all time high. During that time, we had a month of awkward conversations that intentionally danced around the topic of our rocky relationship.
Then, one night when we were at a party, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to pretend anymore. The facade we kept up was wearing away on my already jaded heart. It was the wrong thing to do, I know that now. But it was the only thing I could think of to drive her away for good. I wanted her to hate me because I hated myself. I pressured her to have sex with me. Not verbally, of course, but physically. I knew how she would respond. Then I left. It was one of the hardest things I had to do.
I left for Venice, California, blindly hoping my dad would help me somehow. The extent of his help was giving me a place to crash for a few nights. After that, I took a bus back to the east coast. I lived with Liz until I heard the news about my car. I guess I was going back to Stars Hollow.
There were two places in the whole world that I never wanted to go. The first was prison. The second was Stars Hollow. There was too much false hope there, too many shattered dreams. My plan was to slip in and take back my car, completely unnoticed. It worked too, but only for a while. I was well out of the dreaded town when fate intervened the car broke down. I can't even remember how many times I cursed the car and Luke for not taking care of the car, but it most likely reached the triple digits. My luck got worse when the cops came by and took me back to the very place I was trying to get away from. Apparently, Luke reported the car stolen. Great. When I heard that my car wouldn't be fixed until the end of the day, it took all my will power not to have a panic attack. In such a small town, it would be impossible to not see Rory. I wanted to avoid her, but my need to see her won out. I felt I had to explain myself. I went to all the places I knew she would be.
I knew she would avoid Luke's, thinking I was there, so I went to the other coffee shop in town. My plan was to face her when she walked through the door. That plan went straight to hell when she laid eyes on me. The look in her eyes was much to painful to face. I couldn't handle acknowledging that just by being there I was causing her pain. So I did what I do best, I ran. It's not one of my finest moments.
I walked around for a long time after that, prepping for our next meeting. I walked down the street with my hands in pockets going over what I was going to say. People must've thought I was crazy, talking to myself and all. I didn't - and still don't - care what people thought about me.
Her next stop would be the book store. I knew Rory Gilmore could not go one day without stopping to look at the books, even if it was just for a moment. I planted myself behind a bookshelf and pulled out a book to read. I remember her looking at me in disbelief. I saw a panic in her eyes and began to panic. So once again I did what I do best, I ran.
The car was ready later that night. I regretted not telling her why I left, not explaining to her that it was for the best; but I wasn't going to see her anymore and I was too much of chicken to seek her out. I stepped into the car and found the cash Luke gave me. I cursed his stubborn personality before heading to Luke's to take it back. The man could not take no for an answer. I was too proud to except his help.
By some twist of fate, I saw her on my way to Luke's. She was standing there wearing a beautiful, overly-fancy dress. She spotted me almost instantly causing me to stop in my tracks. Then she did something that I couldn't have predicted in a thousand years, she ran. This was my last chance to explain myself and I was not going to miss it. I ran after her. It must've been funny watching us run down the street screaming like maniacs. I finally caught up to her and she was in no mood for games. I wanted to justify my actions to her, but I froze like a first-grader forced to recite an epic poem in front of the class. I simply said "I love you" and, yet again, ran. But this time I spoke to her. I still remember the "deer in the headlights" look on her face as I drove off into the night, never to return again.
Until now.
~*~*~*~
So what did you think? Review and tell me if I should continue or if I should just forget all about it. =)
Author's Note: This fic contains SPOILERS for seasons 2 - 4. I know that everyone knows about all the events in this chapter, but this is just the background story from Jess' point of view. Please review! Constructive criticism is always welcome, but please no flames.
~*~*~*~*~
I was new in town. I didn't know anyone, and I didn't plan on knowing anyone; then I saw her. Her smiling face, slender figure, and long chestnut hair are what initially attracted me to her; but her loving personality locked me in. From the moment she discovered the stolen book I knew I loved her. She was - and still is - witty, smart, beautiful, and most importantly: she didn't judge me. That is why I love her and, ironically enough, it's also why I left.
People in this town think I'm stupid. They could not be more wrong. I left because I'm not stupid. I left because she couldn't. She was too swept up in everything that was happening to notice how bad for her I really was. I can't blame her for that, though. I was also starting believe it would work out between us. We were "star-crossed lovers" in a way. The town was her Capulet and my screwed up past was my Montague. I wanted to believe - as corny as it sounds - that our love would be enough. But love is never enough.
No one in town was at all surprised when things began to crumble, but it hit the two of us like an avalanche. We were in shock when it happened, so much so that we pretended that it didn't; we pretended that our worlds weren't collapsing. That only made it worse.
Ignoring the problem definitely didn't make it go away. Instead, it brought tensions between us to an all time high. During that time, we had a month of awkward conversations that intentionally danced around the topic of our rocky relationship.
Then, one night when we were at a party, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to pretend anymore. The facade we kept up was wearing away on my already jaded heart. It was the wrong thing to do, I know that now. But it was the only thing I could think of to drive her away for good. I wanted her to hate me because I hated myself. I pressured her to have sex with me. Not verbally, of course, but physically. I knew how she would respond. Then I left. It was one of the hardest things I had to do.
I left for Venice, California, blindly hoping my dad would help me somehow. The extent of his help was giving me a place to crash for a few nights. After that, I took a bus back to the east coast. I lived with Liz until I heard the news about my car. I guess I was going back to Stars Hollow.
There were two places in the whole world that I never wanted to go. The first was prison. The second was Stars Hollow. There was too much false hope there, too many shattered dreams. My plan was to slip in and take back my car, completely unnoticed. It worked too, but only for a while. I was well out of the dreaded town when fate intervened the car broke down. I can't even remember how many times I cursed the car and Luke for not taking care of the car, but it most likely reached the triple digits. My luck got worse when the cops came by and took me back to the very place I was trying to get away from. Apparently, Luke reported the car stolen. Great. When I heard that my car wouldn't be fixed until the end of the day, it took all my will power not to have a panic attack. In such a small town, it would be impossible to not see Rory. I wanted to avoid her, but my need to see her won out. I felt I had to explain myself. I went to all the places I knew she would be.
I knew she would avoid Luke's, thinking I was there, so I went to the other coffee shop in town. My plan was to face her when she walked through the door. That plan went straight to hell when she laid eyes on me. The look in her eyes was much to painful to face. I couldn't handle acknowledging that just by being there I was causing her pain. So I did what I do best, I ran. It's not one of my finest moments.
I walked around for a long time after that, prepping for our next meeting. I walked down the street with my hands in pockets going over what I was going to say. People must've thought I was crazy, talking to myself and all. I didn't - and still don't - care what people thought about me.
Her next stop would be the book store. I knew Rory Gilmore could not go one day without stopping to look at the books, even if it was just for a moment. I planted myself behind a bookshelf and pulled out a book to read. I remember her looking at me in disbelief. I saw a panic in her eyes and began to panic. So once again I did what I do best, I ran.
The car was ready later that night. I regretted not telling her why I left, not explaining to her that it was for the best; but I wasn't going to see her anymore and I was too much of chicken to seek her out. I stepped into the car and found the cash Luke gave me. I cursed his stubborn personality before heading to Luke's to take it back. The man could not take no for an answer. I was too proud to except his help.
By some twist of fate, I saw her on my way to Luke's. She was standing there wearing a beautiful, overly-fancy dress. She spotted me almost instantly causing me to stop in my tracks. Then she did something that I couldn't have predicted in a thousand years, she ran. This was my last chance to explain myself and I was not going to miss it. I ran after her. It must've been funny watching us run down the street screaming like maniacs. I finally caught up to her and she was in no mood for games. I wanted to justify my actions to her, but I froze like a first-grader forced to recite an epic poem in front of the class. I simply said "I love you" and, yet again, ran. But this time I spoke to her. I still remember the "deer in the headlights" look on her face as I drove off into the night, never to return again.
Until now.
~*~*~*~
So what did you think? Review and tell me if I should continue or if I should just forget all about it. =)