Thanks for giving this a read. I didn't have anyone read this before I posted, mostly because my friends are not nearly as nerdy as I am. :) So if you find errors just let me know.
Home. A good place to be even if that was not what she had planned.
Walking down the halls of the SGC, Colonel Samantha Carter saw her dear friend, Dr. Daniel Jackson, coming her way flipping through some papers. "Hey Sam, can't wait for this afternoon! See you later."
She grabbed her friend's arm. "What's the rush Daniel?"
Daniel grabbed her arm in turn and gave it a small squeeze before continuing to move on. "New artifact…..got to see it….catch up with you later!"
She shook her head, but said with a smile. "K, bye!"
She had been back on base for almost a week now and though there were plenty of projects to work on, nothing was pressing. The guys had thought this weekend would be the perfect time to give her a welcome home. So this afternoon she was to meet the guys at a certain general's home to start the festivities.
Atlantis had made her grow professionally, but it also made her think long and hard about her life. Being in command had not left her much time to commiserate with her comrades in the city, but it did give her tons of time to think. First of all she realized that, while she could handle command, it was not something she enjoyed. Fixing things is what she did and is what she had loved about her job in the SGC. She was a scientist and she needed to tinker, do, touch, talk, and figure out a problem. It was who she was and leaving that to all her subordinates just didn't sit right with her. The experience definitely gave her a better perspective on why Jack had been such a grouch when he was promoted to Head Paper Pusher at the SGC.
When she got the news she had been replaced she was a bit miffed. Looking back it was more out of concern that she was being replaced because she had done a poor job. Once assured that her duty had been filled above the standards required, she found it rather easy to let command go. Not the people, never the people, but the command she was alright with. Her time in Atlantis gave her a clear view as to what she wanted in her life and the time to build up the courage to go get it. Sam was excited about the decisions she had made and the changes she put into place a couple of days after she had gotten back to the SGC. She just hoped the guys would be alright with it…and that Jack…well she was scared but ready to go forward if he was.
She had gotten the final go ahead with her plans from General Landry right before she made her way home. She was retiring as a colonel. The memory of her father gave her a twinge of guilt at leaving before she reached the top, but she had spent her 20 something years in the service of her country and now it was time for her….even her dad had thought so in the end. Landry had approved her request to be a civilian consultant for the Air Force and had not only agreed to let her rejoin SG-1, but insisted upon it.
Yes, things were looking up. Now she sat in Jack O'Neill's driveway three hours before the scheduled 'Welcome Home Barbeque' was to begin. Cam and Vala had been invited, but were busy doing something else and could not attend. Very odd on Vala's behalf since she was always up for a party. Actually the two of them probably felt like she, Daniel, Teal'c, and Jack could use a little alone time. She had to admit that she was grateful for the gesture. While the two had very much become part of the team, there were times that she missed just being around her guys.
So here she was bundled up in her car (the end of March and still in the thirties and forties during the day! Sheesh!) wondering if she should even attempt to have this talk right now or wait until after the barbeque.
She was done waiting. This was her time to seize and she planned to do just that! If she did not give this a try she knew that she would end up regretting it and, really, wasn't it the General who was always telling her to get a life and be happy?
Her longer blond hair blew in the wind as she raced up the steps to his door. She drew her hand back and knocked once on the door before noticing that it gave under the pressure. She stood there for a moment wondering if she should enter, however, she knew the General was just as particular as the rest of them about securing his house. So she decided to gently push the door open and step inside. "Sir?" She called with a normal voice, but did not get an answer.
Her eyes swept the room, automatic after her many years of service, and took in the disheveled appearance of the living room. Actually, after a second glance, all that really seemed to be out of place were the clothes over the couch and on the floor. For a split second her doubts got the better of her. Maybe the general had someone special in his life. She turned to leave, but all the pieces of clothing had something familiar about them. Picking up one of the blue jackets she saw the embroidered patch for SG-1.
'Are Daniel and Teal'c here already? Naked? What, are they daring each other to skinny dip in the pond?' Her eyes danced with humor at her last thought. Just to make sure she took a peek out the sliding glass door. Nothing out there but dead grass and a half frozen pond. 'What the heck is going on?'
"Sir, it's me, Carter, are you home?" Sam said a little louder than when she originally entered the house. Still receiving no answer she made her way down the hallway.
She passed his home office and spare bedroom without seeing any signs of life. A feeling of trepidation was growing in her stomach. 'God. Why can't we just have a few simple years, just a few would be great!' She was becoming concerned that something had happened when she finally made it to Jack's bedroom. The door was open about a hands width and she could just make out a bare foot dangling off the end of the bed. She gently pushed the door open wide enough so she could stick her head in and get a complete view of the room. Her body went stiff and a slight gasp of shock made its way out of her mouth. Time stood still as the image burned into her brain. Only when her shallow breathing threatened to render her unconscious did she turn and dash out the front door.
Daniels eyes fluttered open as he tried to make it back to the land of the living. During mid stretch he heard something. It sounded like a door shutting then the distant sound of a car starting and driving away. Daniel laid very still for a couple of moments but, hearing no further sounds, he shrugged it off and cupped his hand around his lover's face. Jack subconsciously pressed his face toward the touch. Daniel sighed and pressed his face closer to Jack's as he felt Teal'c drape an arm around his abdomen and pull them together. It had been many months since they had been together like this and, God, how he missed it.
Daniel started dragging his fingers up and down Jack's back in a lazy satisfied sort of way as he pondered how they ended up like this in the first place. Honduras had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. After that mission Jack had invited the team over for some beer and steak. Sam didn't come, giving some flimsy excuse about a headache and needing sleep. Daniel knew better. Anubis' supersoilders were probably causing her to wig out a bit and she was going home to work on getting the upper hand. He had tried very hard to get her to come. But Sam is Sam, smiling at the thought, and he knew she was going to be up all night trying to figure something out. It is what they did. All night power thinking to save the world.
So it had just been him, Jack, and Teal'c. Three beers and he had been feeling pretty good then Jack brought out the whiskey. Jack had already had four beers and suddenly downed three double shots of whiskey before Daniel's sluggish mind worked out the fact that three double shots was A LOT of alcohol.
"Jack, what are you doing?" Daniel looked over at his friend with his eye brows pulled together in concern.
Jack just stared at mantel in front of them. "Just trying ta…you know…."
"No Jack, I don't know. Talk to me." Daniel implored as his gaze remained upon his close friend.
Jack looked over at Daniel and then said, with a hint of agitation. "Can't a guy just drown his sorrows for another day?"
Teal'c pondered Jack's response then said, "You would rather have alcohol sickness than discuss what troubles you?" A characteristic eye brow arched sky ward after stating his question.
Jack faced Teal'c with a hit of agitation showing on his face before resigning to the fact that Teal'c was right, he was being foolish.
Jack sat still for a moment attempting to gather his thoughts. A task that was now rather difficult on the account of sucking down so much alcohol. Daniel then noticed that Jack started to clench and unclench is hands, not long after that Jack sprang up from the couch and started to pace, which probably wasn't such a good idea for someone who was drunk. Daniel watched Jack pace himself back and forth until Daniel became queasy from following the movement. Suddenly he stood up and put himself in the older man's path.
Putting his hands on the other man's shoulders he whispered, "Jack, what's the matter?"
Jack's haunted eyes bore into Daniel's soul as the older man collapsed to his knees; Daniel went down with him, "Jack. I'm here."
Jack looked at Daniel then gripped the back of Daniel's neck and moved him forward until their foreheads touched. Squeezing on the back of Daniel's neck, and looking down at the floor, Jack said in a soft voice, "Quit trying to die on me Danny."
Daniel closed his eyes as his own emotions threatened to spill from his eyes. He pulled the older man into a fierce hug not knowing what else to do.
Teal'c had moved from the couch and was now kneeling with them. The large man wrapped his arms around both men and pulled them into his expansive embrace. "O'Neil, do not morn what you have not lost."
Daniel offered and emotional smile up to his large friend. Losing his friends, his teammates, was one of the worst fears Daniel had. He was not sure he could live without any one of them for very long and he knew it that his friends had to deal with losing him for a year.
Daniel was crying openly at the thought and suddenly lifted Jack's head from his shoulder so that he could stare into his friend's eyes. "God, Jack, I'm so sorry. I …." Daniel's trembling voice was caught in the lump that was now in his throat. Looking at his gray haired companion stirred up some very complex feelings in the archeologist. Uncertainty hung over his body. A barrier existed; a taboo against what he was compelled to do at that very moment.
Daniel passionately wanted to comfort his friend, to provide Jack with certainty of his existence and to reassure his companion that he was not going anywhere. Finally he gave in to his need. His hand cradled Jack's neck on one side and his cheek in the other. Slowly, softly he lowered his mouth over Jacks and cautiously began to explore what the other man had to offer. Jack stiffened and began to struggle. Teal'c lowered his head and in his deep rumbling voice said, "O'Neil, there is no shame in seeking comfort from those closest to you."
Jack slowly relaxed into the kiss and timidly began to explore on his own. As they broke apart and stared at each other nothing was spoken, but the hunger to return to each other's embrace was heavy in the air. Jack then took control and drew Daniel back in to a crushing kiss. Daniel moaned into Jack's mouth as his hand traveled through silver hair and the other around the older man's waist. When no air existed between them, the kiss finally broke. Jack's eyes darkened with a desire that Daniel was astonished to see. Daniel's mouth quirked upward a bit and cocked his head to the side.
A loss of heat from his back made him remember that Teal'c was in the room. Teal'c was retreating from the situation obviously feeling that Jack and Daniel wished to be alone. Daniel grabbed Teal's arm just below the elbow and whispered, "Don't go." The massive man looked at Daniel but hesitated to make any further moves. Before Daniel had the chance to go forward, Jack had already stood up and bent over the dark kneeling man. Jack then roughly cupped the back of Teal'c's head and brought the large man's mouth to his.
Things progressed slowly from there. Calloused hands gliding under shirts exposing heated skin to soft lips and the raw passion of all parties involved. Daniel relished every moment of it and it wasn't long until they were sprawled on Jack's bed completely content.
The following morning had been awkward to say the least. Each one of them had been married in their lives and had not thought of ending up where they were. Jack was the last one to wake up and also the only one with a hang over. As soon as the realization hit him his entire body tensed up.
"Jack, it's ok." Daniel whispered to him and Jack squeezed his eyes shut tighter in an attempt to block out the reality of the situation. Daniel sighed and looked at Teal'c who laid his massive paw on the Jack's shoulder. "O'Neil, as I said last night, there is no shame in this."
Jack sat up and pulled the sheet over himself then grimaced as his head caught up with his movement. Grunting through his headache he said, "Daniel! Wanna explain WHY this is just so…so…WRONG?!" Jack's hand waived at Daniel impatiently.
He understood the weirdness that Jack was feeling, especially since he had never considered him self to be anything but heterosexual. The difference between them was that he could keep an open mind, a very open mind. "Jack, I feel weird about this too, but I don't regret it."
Jack brought the sheet down from his face to stare at Daniel, seeing that the man was not lying he looked over at Teal'c to see his reaction.
Teal'c dipped his head to Jack and then Daniel before stating. "This is new for me also, but I have heard of such companionship among other Jaffa."
One could almost see the wheels in Jack's brain turning as he mulled over the situation. Time passed very slowly before Jack's face started to show signs of resolution, he then gave a quick nod and said, "Ok." He dragged his hung over body from the bed then made it to the doorway before saying, "But no holding hands in the commissary." Daniel shook his head and smiled at Jack's sarcasm. Then more seriously Jack said, "No one can know about us. No one." Daniel nodded his head in agreement. It would bring nothing but trouble if others knew.
"What about MajorCarter, O'Neil. She is our teammate." Teal'c's deep voice boomed through the room. Daniel had assumed this was obvious, of course they would tell her and hopefully she would be apart of it.
"No." Jack said in his definitive do not ask again tone.
Jack's response caught Daniel off guard. "What?!" Daniels arms spread outward. "Why?!" Daniel dropped his arms and looked at Jack in frustration.
"Look, we've always been there for her. We'll always be there for her, but this is not something she needs! We've had our chance, Daniel, she hasn't. Let her find some happiness." Jack pleaded.
Daniel's argument came in earnest with Jack's response. "Jack! We can make her happy. We do make her happy." Daniel said, putting all the emotion he could into the statement, willing Jack to comprehend.
"I do not see the need to omit this from MajorCarter, O'Neil." Teal'c stated in his calm and even manner.
Jack clinched his fist in frustration, "No!" Pointing at the bed he argued, "This is complicated! This won't lead to her finding what she deserves!" Jack's anger had taken over for a moment. He stopped and sighed, "Guys I know she is part of us, but she hasn't gotten to try to have a family or to be married and if she is here with us she won't take the opportunity when it presents its self. You know she won't." Jack shook his head at lack of understanding from the other two men. His eyes begged for their cooperation.
"This decision is most unwise O'Neil, but I will abide by your wish." Teal'c nodded in consent. Jack nodded his thanks back to Teal'c.
"Unwise?! Jack, if she ever finds out and doesn't end up with that picket fence that you want her to have she may never be able to forgive us." Jack did not give. Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the wall in anger. "Fine, I'll do as you ask under one condition, Jack. This isn't optional. If she needs us this way we will give it to her."
Jack narrowed his eyes, "She won't need this Daniel, but fine. I'll agree to that."
It had been a hard four years. They had all had their share of other lovers over that time, but it always led back to this. The strange twists of fate that was their life always led them to seek comfort in each other, for who could they trust more? Daniel and Jack had argued extensively about Sam especially after she ended her engagement with Pete and lost her father, but Jack insisted that if Sam needed them in this way she would make a move. So here they were. Still just the three of them, but the fourth had come home. 'God, I missed Sam. I hope I can get Jack to change his mind this time.'
'Speaking of my gorgeous friend's homecoming I'd better get these guys stirring, we've only got a couple of hours left.' Daniel nudges Jack's face and he turns over and sticks his head under the pillow. The corner of Daniel's mouth turns upward and he shakes his head. Turning over to Teal'c, who now had a streak of gray running through his hair, Daniel says in a quite voice. "We've got to get things ready for Sam."
"Indeed. SamanthaCarter will be here soon." Teal'c has a very small smile on his face and a distant look in his eye.
Daniel gave a curious glace at his well muscled companion. "What are you thinking Teal'c?" Daniel asked.
Teal'c's gaze shifted back to the present as he addressed his friend, "Of things I cannot discuss, DanielJackson."
Daniel sighed as got up to make his way to the bathroom. "Well it was worth a shot." He stated as he walked down the hall only to trip over something as he made it trough the threshold. "Ouch!"
"Are you alright DanielJackson?" Teal'c questions with concern. Daniel glares over his shoulder, "Maybe we shouldn't just throw our stuff on the floor when we are together because tripping over…"
Daniel's hand wraps around the object that tripped him. As his hand encloses around the object he realizes it is not a shoe as he first thought. Finally he looks down and realizes that it is a purse. A very familiar looking clutch to be precise.
The color drains from his face as he remembers the sounds he heard when he awoke. "Oh God, Teal'c" His voice is wavering in such a manner that the other two men pick up on immediately. Jack's head pops out from under the pillow and Teal'c is swiftly at his side. "What is it DanielJackson?!" Teal'c says with some alarm. Daniel's hands are shaking uncontrollably as he opens the purse and looks at the contents. Reaching inside he pulls out a driver's license that holds the picture of a blue eyed, blond haired woman both men recognize.
They got their clothes on as quickly as possible. Daniel is bursting at the seams with anger. 'We're going to lose her and it is all because Jack can't deal with the fact that he loves her.' His heart is racing and he cannot decide if he wants to punch something or cry.
"For cryin' out loud, Carter, answer the phone!" Jack throws the cordless at the wall.
"So what were you going to say anyway? Hey Sam, sorry you caught me and the guys in bed. Yeah we've been doing that for about four years now. Nope didn't really think to invite you but I guess we can fit one more?!" Daniel's anger is pouring through his body. 'I want to punch him for being so stupid. I want to punch myself for letting him be so stupid.'
"Daniel! Not now!" Jack commands. Daniel doesn't care and continues to bait the seasoned solider. 'We've betrayed her. We left her alone. She will never forgive us.' is all Daniel can think. "Oh, so you're just going to go in there and tell her what is best for her? The four years you have already forced her to be by herself isn't enough?"
That hit a nerve and Daniel immediately regrets every word of it. He lowers his head tears of despair welling up, but he refuses to let them fall. Jack is standing very still and the tension in the room is smothering like the heat from Netu's fiery pits. Finally Daniel looks up and Jack's eyes tell them everything. The anguish, the regret, the way he is already blaming himself, and the fear. The terror that Daniel is right; she is lost to them.
Teal'c grabs the back of their necks and squeezes them tenderly. "Companions…Lovers, we will go to her and beg for as long as we must. We will not give up. We cannot fail." Teal'c's voice is soft and reminiscent at the end of that sentence and Daniel is again wondering if Teal'c is remembering his lifetime on the space ship.
"Teal'c what are you remembering?" Teal'c looks deeply into Daniel's eyes. "Something that never happened DanielJackson."
"Teal'c if you can give us anything that will help…" Jack implored.
Teal'c squeezed the back of their necks again then dropped his hands and took a deep breath. "The consequences of revealing this arrangement to SamanthaCarter were most unpleasant. She suffered much."
Jack looked down again and said in guilty realization, "That's why you asked for me to talk to her after you guys got back." Teal'c bowed his head in acknowledgment. Jack looked at his friend with regret as he sighed.
"Alright kids, lets go fix my mistake." Jack said.
Daniel grabbed his shoulder before Jack got to far away, "Our mistake Jack. You kept nothing from her that we didn't let you. I know I fought you about it, but I secretly hopped you were right. That she would be able to have a normal life."
Teal'c bowed his head accepting that his silence was part of this catastrophe. Jack's eyed his companions and a glimmer of relief passed over him in realizing that they took part in his guilt. He still felt like this was mostly his fault, but at least he wouldn't be fighting for Sam alone.
'Why did they….?'
'I thought I was….?'
'How long have they…?'
'They left me behind.'
The drive home had been a blur. She was just too stunned. She didn't understand why they had left her out? Why did they leave her by herself?! They were teammates, she would have died for any of them in a heart beat. Even if they didn't want her she couldn't understand why they didn't tell her.
Why would they not want her? They had all been married before, had wives, been with women. Why not her? What was wrong with her? Did she intimidate them? No; couldn't be. Was she to much of one of the guys? That thought gave her some bitter humor. 'Well apparently if I had been one of the guys I would have been there with them.'
She always felt like she was struggling to find her place. In school she didn't fit in because she was to smart, in the military it was because she was a woman, and now…now? The SGC was the first place that she had felt like she had an impact, a say as to what was happening and it was because they respected and valued her. In the beginning she had struggled and fought hard to show her teammates that she was a worthy and essential part of the team. She knew…knew they had accepted her. They were each others rock; a safe haven for support and friendship.
Her team was why she couldn't marry Pete no matter how much Jack had encouraged her to go make a home for herself; no matter how much she had wanted that for herself. Pete loved her and she had cared about him a great deal, but her heart had been lost to the three men she had lived and very nearly died with long before Pete came into the picture. While she could admit that Jack pulled at her heart more than the other two, she wasn't sure if that was just because she knew Jack wanted her in that way. He had implied it several times over the years, but he would never go down that road and she knew it. She had held out hopes that a time would come when other things would be possible. Daniel and Teal'c had never shown any interest in her, however, she knew they cared for her a great deal. If one of them had shown interest she wasn't sure she would have said no. Unfortunately, the greatest bond between them is what kept them all separate. Fighting for Earth, for freedom, was all their calling and a duty they all felt intensely obligated to. How could she have gotten things so misconstrued? Apparently it wasn't what kept them all apart just her, but why?
Her brain was caught. She couldn't think of an answer. She wished so badly that Janet was still around. She needed a friend and apparently she didn't have as many as she thought. 'That's not true they are my friends, but I thought….I thought they were so much more.' They were her life line, the fail safe, unconditional support, trust, love, honesty, her family. 'God, what happened?'
She walked aimlessly through her house. Sam found her self in her bed room and changed into some light blue cotton pajama pants and an old white long sleeve undershirt that was thread bare and fitted. She then began to wonder though her house once more. Looking so tenderly at all the pictures as the hole in her chest got deeper. She turned all the lights out and ended up staring out the back French doors.
The silver light from the moon entranced her as she splayed her palm out over the ice cold glass. '11 years.' What did she have to show for all this? She had saved the world a dozen times over and only a handful of people would ever know it. An empty house, two broken engagements, a dead father, dead friends, and no family, that was all that was left…nothing. Sam just felt so numb inside, so lost. She opened her French doors as far they would go. The cold wind rushed in and distracted her racing mind; calmed it to where she couldn't hear the thoughts anymore. She just wanted some peace for a little while. Her hair danced on the current as the icy wind blew around her then her bare feet stepped through the threshold and out onto the patio.
"Well folks it is going to be a cold night. The low is 10 degrees F and right now it is hovering around 16 so keep those home fires burning until…" Jack turned off his truck in Carter's driveway. It was dark and so quiet. Jack had a sinking feeling in his gut. Jack looked over at Teal'c and, seeing the larger man's jaw clench, could tell that Teal'c had the same disturbed feeling.
"Daniel do you have Carter's extra keys with you?" Jack said in a very low, soft voice. Daniel checked his pockets. "Dammit, Jack I don't have them."
In the same voice Jack said, "It's alright Daniel. You and Teal'c go to the front door and see if she'll let you in. I'll go around back and see if I can find a way in there. He opened the door to get out. "Jack…?" Daniel asked in a small voice. "Daniel, you and Teal'c just find a way into the house ok?" Jack's non-answer was all Daniel needed to know that come hell or high water he was getting in Sam's house.
Jack made his way around the side of the house testing the two windows as he stealthily walked by. He soon came to the 6 foot wood plank privacy fence that surrounded Carter's back yard. After testing the door and realizing it was locked from the inside he decided he was going to have to scale the fence. Pulling himself up and over took a lot more effort than it use to, but he made it rather quickly. He walked along the wall until he came to the corner of the house. He turned the corner and froze. Carter was sitting on the 2x4 railing that wrapped around her patio looking up at the moon. Which in and of its self was not so disturbing. The fact that she hardly had any cloths on is what concerned Jack. 'What the hell is she doing?' He made is way toward her making some noise so he wouldn't startle her; she never turned her head.
"Carter, what are you doing?" Jack asked, his old commanding character in his voice.
She didn't look his way, never took her eyes off the moon, and never replied. Jack sighed, it was below freezing out here and he had no idea how long she had been outside. He was at a loss as to what to do, what to say to get her to go back inside. 'Dammit, where's Daniel.' He didn't want to leave her to go unlock the door. Her skin looked so pale already. He stood there and looked at her for a moment. It was a terrifying site. Carter perched up on the railing as the moon bathed her in its pearly glow and the breeze tossed her hair. Her full breasts were pushing at the tight white top and her nipples poked through the thin material. She had one leg tucked up under her and the other dangling toward the ground. She was beautiful, but hauntingly so. The wind stirred and Jack shivered. Carter's hair played in the wind and her hollow eyes continue to stare upward. Not knowing what to say or do he whispered her name as he traced his hand up her neck and settled it on her cold cheek. "Sam, please."
She felt a warm stinging on her cheek and moved her head to the side as her hand came up to swat whatever it was away, breaking her catatonic gaze at the sky. A violent shiver broke through her body as the realization of the cold became apparent to her. Looking around her eyes fell on Jack. His hand still midway between them and his concern showing in his face. "Go away." She had meant to sound angry and aggressive, but it came out diminished and grief-stricken. Daniel and Teal'c had managed to make their way through the front door and were standing on the patio. She felt their presence and turned to straddle the railing she was sitting upon.
Both paused at the sight of her. The light from the full moon highlighted her hair and reflected off the white top and blue pants in a manner that made Sam appear to glow. Her lithe body tense with despair and anger.
"We aren't leaving, Carter." Jack said firmly as he took a step forward and reached for her.
"Don't touch me." Her voice came stronger this time. Cold and vicious as she was feeling.
Jack froze; he didn't know what to do next. Daniel came closer from the other side of Sam and he could see her grip and her legs tighten around the rail. Jack eyed a signal for Daniel to stay put. Sam's body was trembling uncontrollably, hypothermia was setting in and she knew it but she didn't care.
"Sam, please, come inside." Daniel's desperate plea came from her right. She could see her friend's sorrow and heard the desperation in his voice; her heart yearned for the comfort she use to find in his arms.
She was caught. The desertion she felt was coming to the surface and her rage kept her stubbornly clutched to the railing. She sobbed furiously. "NO! Just leave me alone!"
Jack's heart was ripping in two at the scene before him. He moved in and straddled the rail facing Sam. He was angry with her for torturing her body this way. He was afraid that they wouldn't get her inside soon enough, and he was deeply pained at his own part for her being out here in the first place.
"We aren't about to let you stay out here and freeze to death, Carter! You need to come in now!" Jack's anger won out as he grabbed her wrists and forced loose the grip she had on the rail.
"Why?!" She cried bitterly as she locked her legs tighter and attempted to pull her arms out of his grasp.
Jack cried, "Dammit, Sam!" as he grabbed her waist and crushed her cold body against his. He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her hair until her tear stained face was looking up at him then, with a graveled voice, he whispered, "Because I need you." He lowered his lips on to her cold mouth and pushed through them with his tongue pouring everything he wanted to tell her, all the emotions he felt into her and hoped that it was enough.
Her mind was not working well and it took a minute to work through the fact that Jack was kissing her. His soft lips crushing into her as his tongue explored her mouth with a feverish desire. She let out a moan, her desire matching his in every way before she remembered why he was here. She pushed him away, quickly unwrapped her self from the railing, and stumbled weakly onto the patio where she ran into Daniel. She backed away but Daniel wrapped an arm around her waist. "Please come inside Sam." She looked at him as her face reflected the agony she felt, "You left me alone."
Daniel's gut wrenched even further than he though possible when those words escaped Sam's pale mouth. He pulled her closer and lowered his mouth to hers, warm tears that he shed fell into the gentle kiss. "God, Sam. I'm so sorry."
She looked into his blue eyes and all he could see is how lost she was. "Why?" His body was trembling with sorrow as he stroked her cold cheek. She was so cold and she had quit shaking, both very bad signs as to how long she had been outside. How could he answer that question? "Sam…."
Teal'c stepped in and swept Sam off her feet. Cupping her head in his large hand he said, "Because we are fools. We have wronged you and caused you great pain SamanthaCarter. All we can do is beg for your mercy and live to atone for our ill judgment."
Teal'c could feel Samantha's weak pulse under his finger tips but he knew he could not force her inside without consent. She needed to be in control.
"I beg you SamanthaCarter, please allow me take you inside." Her pale body and dull eyes looked at him for a moment longer before she nodded her consent. He clutched her tightly to him and quickly made his way in to the chilly house.
Warmth. It was every where. She could hear a fire crackling and the heat radiating from it. She was laying on something soft….and hard, but also very warm. It felt so good, so wonderful. She took in a breath to sigh with her contentment, but during intake she smelt it. The spicy aftershave and the unique smell of the man her heart belonged to. She stilled, her breath caught in her lungs. She felt his naked chest below her, the lax muscles that tensed regularly with the strokes she felt on her back. It was heaven. She release the breath she held as she opened her eyes just enough to see where she was.
Her brain was still foggy with sleep. 'Maybe I'm dreaming.' She recognized her living room and she saw Teal'c and Daniel sitting on the floor with their backs resting against the couch, both were shirtless. Daniel had his elbow resting on his knee as he rested his head in his hand. His face was wrought with trouble as Teal'c sat beside him with an arm on his shoulder offering quite support.
"Daniel?" Sam said with concern as she reached out to him. He turned to look at her with his red puffy eyes. "Sam" he whispered as he scooped her off Jack's body and fiercely crushed her to him. Unexpectedly he cupped her face and covered her lips with his. Stunned by the action, her grip tightened on his arm and the adrenaline rush quickly cleared the haze from her mind. The stabbing pain of betrayal came forth and she let out an anguished cry into Daniel's mouth before pulling her self away. She quickly scooted along the floor until her back hit the wall.
Silent tears ran down her cheeks as she inspected the men before her. She loved them so much and they had hurt her so bad. How did she even start to let them back in? It was too much. She was so angry and so sad at the same time.
Daniel ran his hand over his face to recover some control over himself as Jack got up from the couch and crouched down in front of Sam. He sat there quietly looking into her eyes. She stared back at him knowing that he was asking for her to let them in, but she couldn't. She shook her head as the tears came from her eyes faster.
"Why?" she asked.
Time passed and they remained silent. Her anger building at the lack of response she slammed her fist into the carpet and yelled, "Why?!"
Jack looked down at the floor and her anger increased, she looked past him to Daniel and Teal'c and yelled her question again, "Why?!"
She sprung from the floor and stomped over to Daniel and Teal'c who were also rising to their feet. "Why didn't you want me?" Her voice faltered to a whisper with the doubt that she felt, but her anger allowed her to stare Daniel in the eye.
"Sam…" Is all Daniel was able to get out then he sighed in frustration at one of the few times of not knowing what to say. Sam had stilled to listen to his response and as Daniel's pause increased so did her fears.
"What, Daniel?! I'm too smart for my own good?!" She yelled in frustration then looked over at Teal'c. "Not domesticated enough for your taste?" Her fist clenched together. She shifted her stance facing the wall and covered her face with her fists then threw them down by her sides. "You guys just think I'm a plain fucking ugly bitch?! What?! What is it?!"
Jack moved toward her. "Sam…" Her anger swelled again. The thought that he was about to confirm her fears shook her to her core. And how dare he? Of the three of them he had been the one to play with her feelings for so long. She looked at him with daggers in her eyes.
"YOU?! You are going to tell me?! What, it was ALRIGHT for you to fuck with my head by leading me on all these years?! Was that just for your ENTERTAINMENT?!" She stormed over to Jack and pushed him. "Is that why you wanted me to marry Pete? So I'd quit following you around like a lost puppy?!"
Jack, frustrated by Sam's comments, grabbed the arm of the hand that was coming at him and her opposite hip and used the momentum of her attack to spin her around and push her against wall then used his body to pin her to it. Jack growled a warning, "Carter"
Jack was looking strait into Sam's bitter angry eyes. He watched as the storm continued to rage and held her in place as she fought against his grip. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the fighting slowed. He saw the anger drain from her face to be replaced by a deep sorrow. "I'm good enough to die with, good enough to…." She swallowed her tears as she continued to look at Jack but all the anger was gone, only the grief remained. "I'd die, Jack, for Daniel, for Teal'c…for you. Why am I not good enough?"
Jack was swallowing hard as tears burned his eyes. He continued to stare into Sam's eyes until his own silent tears fell from his face. He leaned forward and closed his mouth around hers as the first sob escaped his throat. They were crying and kissing at the same time. Sam had completely succumbed to her grief and her body was lax against Jack.
'Why are they here? Can't they just tell me the truth and leave? This is just making it worse.' She would allow her self this one kiss and then stop this madness before it got to far out of hand. She allowed her tongue to taste the warm salty tears that fell into their kiss, the bitter manly taste of him as her lips dragged across his, and then she drew a shaky breath and pulled away. Jack was staring down into her heavy lidded eyes, she could see desire in them, but she knew it wasn't because of her. "Please. Don't torture me like this. Go." Her mournful whisper reaching Jack's ears and his rough reply came swiftly back to hers. "I'm…we are not going anywhere, Samantha."
Her pleading eyes weld up with more tears. "Jack, it's alright. You guys don't have to do this. I'm sorry I took this so badly, it was none of my business. I know you all care about me."
"Of course we care about you." Jack's confusion evident in his voice as he let Sam's arms drop from his grip.
Sam moved away from Jack, standing closer to the hallway. She ran her fingers through her hair as she looked down at her feet. 'God, I've acted like a complete ass!' She felt as though she had forced them to take her in this way through her actions. 'Yeah, it was really great that I just sat my nearly naked butt outside in freezing weather for them to find. They probably think I'm suicidal! Grow up Samantha! They still love you they just don't want you sexually. I won't let them take me in out of pity!'
Sam looked up, shame evident on her face as she sucked in a breath before saying, "Guys, I'm so sorry."
Jack's confusion only deepened by her statement, "You're sorry for what?!"
Teal'c had remained quite during most of the ordeal, but he was now the only one who could see where her mind was going. After all this is where she had gone so many years ago when Daniel and Teal'c had told her about the comfort they found in each other's arms. He had a hard time understanding, even after going through this the first time, how SamanthaCarter could ever believe that she was unwelcome to join the bond he now shared with DanielJackson and O'Neil.
Furry is what he had expected, it is what they had all deserved, but even in his other life with her she had quickly gone from the rightful anger she should feel to being shamed for intruding. This action is what had, and right now did, pain him more than anything else he had experienced. It was then he realized that for all her strength, intelligence, and beauty, she was very insecure about her worthiness.
After many years of inquiry to DanielJackson of Tau'ri history he better understood her self doubt. Courtship among the Tau'ri was quite complex and confusing to begin with. Great historical women of the Tau'ri were well respected in history books for being strong, independent, and willing to work twice as hard as their historical male counter parts, yet these historical women often had difficulty in mating because they were not considered feminine enough.
Marriageable women needed to be smart enough to let their men feel in control, to allow themselves to feign the need of rescue when they could probably get out of a situation on their own, and to groom themselves in a most daunting manner to please the eye of their mate. In the earlier part of Tau'ri history Teal'c understood that men earned the rights to such administrations from the women by hunting, protecting, and securing a home for the females. In recent history, however, women and men worked equally in all aspects of society and he could not understand why women continued to act in the manner that their ancestors had, thus making themselves a subordinate sex. DanielJackson had assured him this was still the case and women who did not fit the mold, as most military women did not, had a very difficult time with love and courtship.
In Chulak all were expected to be strong and intelligent as possible to benefit their God. As a whole, women just tended to be better at certain things, caring for households, children, organizing communities, and men tended to be better at farming, construction, and protection. There were those of each sex who contradicted the trends, but it was not even something that was worth noting when it occurred. The Gods had mandated that only men serve in a warrior capacity, but all were expected to know how to fight. Teal'c had spent many years understanding the differences in his culture and the Tau'ri's. Teal'c finally understood what SamanthaCarter had needed.
Now in her living room with a shameful blush to her cheeks stood one of the most honorable warriors Teal'c had ever known. He would be able to make things right for her this time. Teal'c walked toward the scantly dressed woman and knelt before her on both knees while clasping her smaller hands in his.
"SamanthaCarter you must understand that we did not withhold this from you for the last four years because we did not want you to partake. It was felt that you deserved to have the opportunity for a more traditional relationship in which you would marry, have a home provided for you, and bear children. This is a lifestyle that DanielJackson, O'Neil, and I have participated in, you had not."
Sam's eyes widened with shock when she heard Teal'c admit that Daniel, Jack, and Teal'c had been together for four years. The stings of betrayal came to the fore front once more, but she was determined not to act like a fool again. She sighed, "Teal'c I do want that life style in a way. I have always wanted a family, but it's just that…"
Teal'c squeezed her hand with understanding. "I appreciate the difficulty a strong woman like your self would have in obtaining such goals." Sam bowed her head, tears slipping down her face.
"Samantha" Teal'c said, voice filled with the love. "I do not know if this bonding will give you all that you wish for, but you deserve to have all that you desire without being someone you are not. You are a great warrior and yet still capable of having a tender and charitable heart. When my eyes have the fortune of falling upon you, my breath is often caught in my chest in awe of the beauty you posses. I understand that you do not fit the Tau'ri cast of a marriageable female, but you must know that you are wanted. More than wanted, you are cherished by DanielJackson, O'Neil, and me. If you will allow, we desire to show you how much you are adored."
Sam was crying, surprised and timidly delighted by Teal'c's words. Teal'c still saw the fear in her eyes, but there was hope their also. She looked up from Teal'c to glance at the other two men in the room with a questioning gaze.
Daniel had tears running down his face, seeing the hope in his friend's eyes gave him hope for the future and guilt not figuring out what she needed to hear sooner. "God Sam, of course I think you're beautiful. I've wanted you for a long time."
They both looked at Jack. Jack gave a nod and said, "I couldn't have said it better myself, T."
"Really?" Came the astonished response from Sam. Jack nodded his head again before she looked back down at Teal'c some of her golden hair falling into her face. "Cool."
Teal'c smiled as he gracefully stood, while in the motion of getting to his feet he brushed his hands along her cheeks and tucked the stray hair behind her face. His massive hands now cupped her neck as he used his thumbs to tilt her head upward. He gave her several tender kisses before trusting his tongue deeper. A moan escaped her lips and he answered with a growl before picking her up and making his way to the bedroom with Jack and Daniel not far behind.