Here it is, my first-ever Nancy Drew fanfic! My all-time favorite Nancy Drew game is "Stay Tuned For Danger," and I wanted to expand on Mattie Jensen's thoughts following the denouement of the case's events. I have the book upon which the game was based to thank for some of the insight for this story, as well as the talented author palomino333, whose story "White Knight" was a huge inspiration.

Dedicated to my dear friend and big soul sister HAFanForever, whose birthday this is. I hope you like your present, girl! Happy birthday and a lot of love your way!

Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased, Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow, Raze out the written troubles of the brain? - William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Why is it the ones closest to us are so often the ones who hurt us the most?

Mattie Jensen couldn't answer that question, as she asked it of herself for what seemed the millionth time. Sometimes, it seemed as though everyone in her immediate circle had hurt her. Rick Arlen, by dumping her for Lillian Weiss the second he knew Lillian could connect him to casting directors. Lillian, by giving her constant dirty looks, snide comments, and a perpetual cold shoulder. Bill Pappas, with all his threats, empty as they were, to kill Rick if he ever broke his contract with Worldwide Broadcasting. And now…. Dwayne.

Lord, it hurt so much. Her agent and trusted friend had turned out to be a cold-blooded psychopath. And all because he was angry at Rick for moving up to a different agency. Sure, Dwayne had always been temperamental; that was common among people in their line of work (hence the old joke about the "artistic temperament"). But rages? Stalker mail? Death threats so real, they affected not only Rick, but her friend Nancy Drew? Why? Why, Dwayne? Why did you do this?

"Mattie?"

Mattie slowly emerged from her foggy thoughts to behold her houseguest standing on the threshold of her living room. Her emotions were as jumbled about Nancy as they were about Dwayne. On one hand, Nancy was her heroine - she'd solved yet another case and saved the lives of not only Rick, but Lillian. And me, if we're getting metaphorical. On the other hand, Nancy had gotten one of Mattie's best friends arrested and sent to jail. Stop it, Mattie. Nancy was only doing what you asked her to do: find out who was trying to kill Rick. It shouldn't matter if Dwayne is - was - your friend. Justice had to be done. "Hey, Nancy. What are you still doing up?"

The titian-haired sleuth smiled. "I couldn't sleep. Something told me you were still up, thinking about everything that happened." The smile morphed into a look of concern - and of resignation. "If you're angry with me, it's okay."

Mattie's eyes widened. Jeez, Nancy, are you a mind reader, too? "Angry? What makes you think I'm angry at you? You saved Rick's life; I'm proud of you!"

"Thanks. But I think we both know you're pretty torn up about all this, in more ways than one. If you think about it, I sent a dear friend of yours to jail."

"He tried to kill Rick." Mattie forced herself to speak in Serena Livingstone's cool, clipped tones, the very same voice she used when dealing with Rory Danner on Light Of Our Love. "He needs to accept the consequences for what he's done." Her voice suddenly dropped to a sad whisper, despite her best efforts. "Regardless of whether or not he's my friend."

Nancy crossed the room and sat down on the ottoman near Mattie's plush armchair by the fireplace. A pregnant pause passed before Nancy spoke again. "Talk to me, Mattie. What's on your mind? No acting required. Just talk."

Another pause. Minutes ticked by. No sound was made save for the crackling of the fire in the fireplace and the traffic on the busy New York street outside. Nancy didn't say a word the entire time. She merely waited patiently for Mattie to speak, giving her the space she needed. Finally, Mattie took a fortifying breath and unburdened herself to the young detective.

"The truth is, Nancy, I am angry, but not at you. Not really. I'm really angry at Dwayne. I just don't understand how he could've done something so…. evil. I mean, I always knew he didn't like Rick, but I never, never in a million years, would've guessed he would try to kill him. Now he has to spend the rest of his life in jail. He's thrown away his life, his friends, and his career, and for what? Some kind of revenge plot that sounds more like one of Millie's crazy rejected scripts for Light Of Our Love."

Mattie paused for breath and glanced back at Nancy, wondering if she was going to add anything to the conversation. Nancy remained silent, her bright blue eyes imploring her to continue. Thankful for her friend's patience, Mattie went on draining her emotions. "I'm also mad at myself. Mad about not seeing Dwayne's true self sooner. And, Nancy…. I can't help but wonder if I did see it, but chose not to, because he was my best friend. I never, never saw anything like that from him, not when he was with me. He always treated me with the utmost respect and made sure I was treated well on set." Mattie smiled. "I can remember one time, before all of this happened, when Bill Pappas was first hired as our producer. Bill isn't a bad guy, but he's got a reputation as a hothead, and he loves firing people. The day he set up shop at Worldwide, Dwayne was in Bill's office, threatening to call the Supreme Court down on him if he ever got the urge to release me from my contract." She chuckled, feeling a little bit of tension uncoil itself. "He said, 'Pappas, you'd better treat Mattie like a queen, not a serf. She is a precious woman."

Mattie gazed into the flames as the memory replayed itself in her mind, like the dailies from the soap. "He called me precious. You know, sometimes I wondered if Dwayne was…." She shook her head. "I'm just being silly."

"If Dwayne was…. in love with you?"

Nancy had been quiet for so long that when she finally spoke, Mattie jumped in her chair. Or perhaps it was the directness of the question that startled her. "How did you know?"

Nancy's smile was sympathetic. "I guessed a while ago, when I first met Dwayne, actually. He spoke of you very highly, and at first, I thought it was just because he was your good friend. But the more we talked, the more I noticed how his face and eyes lit up whenever we discussed you. It was dawning on me that maybe his interest in you was more than just that of a talent agent to a client."

Mattie shifted uncomfortably. It was one thing to know some fans had a crush on you. It was quite another to learn that your best friend was not only a psychotic would-be murderer, but in unrequited love with you. "What exactly did he say, Nancy?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary at first. Just some praises about your talent. Later on, though, he started speaking of your kindness and how truly unique you are. But his eyes said it all and more. They sparkled whenever he even mentioned your name…. like yours do whenever you talk about Rick."

Mattie blushed. "Really? You noticed that?"

"With all due respect, it's pretty hard not to notice a look of love in someone's eyes." Nancy grinned. "Our housekeeper Hannah says she sees it in my eyes whenever I talk about my boyfriend, Ned."

Mattie fell silent again and Nancy, to her credit, didn't press her to speak. "Was he really in love with me?"

"Who? Dwayne or Rick?"

"Oh, I have no doubt that Rick really loved me. Maybe he still does." Mattie shot Nancy a cynical grin. "I guess you think I'm a fool for hoping that. Dwayne did, although he'd rather have died than admit it to my face." She winced at her rather inappropriate choice of words. When Nancy gave her a warm smile and shook her head, Mattie continued, fortified.

"No, I'm talking about Dwayne. How could someone who sends stalker mail, rigs a light to fall, and builds and plants a bomb to kill a daytime star possibly be capable of love? I mean, he acted all concerned when that light fell - I bet you heard every word of his fight with Bill. But then, to plant a bomb in the dressing room next to mine…. if he loved me, didn't he even consider the possibility that the bomb would not only kill Rick, but me, too?" Mattie put her head in her hands. "It doesn't make any sense."

Nancy took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "It never does." Now, it was her turn to take a deep breath. "I'm going to tell you some things that might make you uncomfortable, but I think you need to hear them." She waited for Mattie to nod her head, and began her tale. "During my investigation, I snuck into Dwayne's office at night. While I was there, I found a number of incriminating things against him, including several foreclosure notices and a diagram of the bomb he had drawn. I also found a check you had written to him - a loan to tide him over." Nancy's blue eyes held her gaze. "Did he ask you for it, or did you just give it to him?"

"I gave it to him. He mentioned to me that his agency wasn't doing very well and he was beginning to slide into the red, but I knew better. I didn't let him know it, but I told him I'd write him a check to cover his expenses. He didn't want to accept it at first - he's very proud about not taking charity. But, I told him to consider it a loan, and he could pay me back on his own time." Mattie brushed a stray auburn curl out of her eyes. "I was only helping out a friend, Nancy. I'd have done the same for Rick if he was in trouble, or you, or even Lillian."

"I know you would. But that's not all." Mattie braced herself as Nancy continued her story. "I checked out the rest of the apartment, and I found a picture in his wallet. It was one that had previously been of you, Dwayne, Rick, and Lillian together, but Dwayne had torn it in half so it was a picture of only you and him. I also found an encyclopedia of French romantic phrases." Nancy's azure eyes became even more direct. "Does that sound familiar?"

Mattie froze. Talk about a mystery - she had never been able to figure out who sent her that mysterious note. Now, she wasn't sure she was happy to finally know the truth. "The French love note in my dressing room? That was Dwayne? I always thought it was Rick; you've heard him speaking French constantly!"

Nancy shook her head. "I'm afraid not, Mattie. Many of the French phrases in Dwayne's book lined up perfectly with what was written in the note."

"Do….. do you remember the translation of the letter?"

Nancy paused. "Not everything. I do know that ma cherie means 'my sweetheart', and I can only remember that the first line meant 'Here is a symbol of my love for you.' Did you get that note sometime after you gave Dwayne the loan?"

"Yes…. and then, not long after that, the more serious threats against Rick started," Mattie said, as everything fell into place. "Dwayne must've thought he was doing it all for me, so we could be together."

"Maybe. More likely, though, his love for you was more like an obsession. He wanted so much for himself - money, fame, power, and most of all, you - and it galled him that he couldn't have any of it. Some people are so blinded by obsession that they can't see how their actions can hurt others. Dwayne was so obsessed with killing Rick, he probably didn't realize until it was too late that his murder attempts could have potentially killed you, too." Nancy smiled suddenly. "In his own way, he's probably sorry for how he hurt you. For all his attempts to murder Rick and others, I don't believe for an instant that Dwayne would've harmed you."

Reassurance did little for Mattie in that instance. The whole thing was just too much to even conceive of. "I know," she admitted softly. "It's just... going to take me a while to forgive him. I wish there was some way to pull this whole nightmare out of my head, forget it ever happened."

"God doesn't give us that kind of luxury, Mattie. All we can do is pray for the ones who hurt us and ask for healing for our own wounds. And even though it hurts, we can hope that blessings will come out of our pain." Nancy smiled. "Something tells me your hopes for Rick might just turn out to be a blessing in the making."

"You really think so?" Mattie brightened and hugged her friend, thankful that she had Nancy to see her through this ordeal until the end. Her sorrow may have been rooted deeply, and the pain may last through the night, but joy would come in the morning. For the first time in a long time, she was sure of it.