AN: Crossposted from AO3. Written for the TFA Kinkmeme.
She absolutely hates him, he knows. In an ideal world, where temptations of the Light no longer exist, where the Supreme Leader's plans have succeeded and the power of the First Order reaches across the entirety of the universe, this would be expected. Really, there's no other logical conclusion: as a jedi, she is the embodiment of Light and Good, and he's a patricidal, mass-murdering warrior of the Dark Side. They're fated to be mortal enemies, so the feelings of hatred he feels emanating from her through the Force are entirely rational.
But it isn't an ideal world, and Kylo Ren has never felt more like an awkward teenager in his life as he gasps awake, cock throbbing from a very vivid dream involving Rey Skywalker's mouth doing unspeakable things to him. It certainly isn't the first time he's dreamed of her, and in his dazed, aroused state, he finds that he can't even stir up the age-old argument of how wrong it is to be dreaming of her like this. Although, he thinks wryly with a self-deprecating smile, what could be Darker than demoralizing your enemy by taking advantage of them sexually? Not that he would ever do anything like rape Rey, even he has a moral code in that department and condemns bastards who perform such acts, but there is a certain appeal to imagining her outrage when he mentions what kinds of things he'd like to do to her lithe, fit body.
Wrapping a hand around his length, Kylo lets out a quiet groan. He's already halfway to completion, and after suffering through meetings all week with Hux and Snoke about their new battle weapon, he feels that he deserves a bit of a reward. In his mind, Rey still manages to be feisty, albeit consenting, when he arches down to kiss her with bruising force, and he grabs her pert ass with his hands as he grinds against her front. Her moans of pleasure send heat racing down his body, and he's coming all over his stomach and hand, panting hard.
As he uses the Force to open a cabinet and grab a clean white cloth from within (hey, being a master of the Force doesn't mean you can't abuse it sometimes), he casually considers making some kind of sexual joke at her the next time they cross paths to knock her off-kilter. He's Dark, after all, and playing by the rules gets boring quickly...
"What's with the new outfit?" He asks as he unsheathes his lightsaber, turning it on. The constant buzz of the laser calms his racing heart down, and he prepares for a fight. "Your other one was more attractive, and showed off your figure quite well."
Rey is dressed in typical jedi attire, and that sends a wave of revulsion through him. It reminds him of Luke Skywalker and his boring, droll lectures on suppressing the emotions that Kylo cannot help but feel. Even his combat lessons seemed so dull without passion serving as a driving motivational force.
"You're disgusting, Ben," she spits, drawing her own lightsaber. Behind his mask, Kylo shoots a wistful glance toward the blue light, and a pang of regret shoots through him as it reminds him of his grandfather. He closes his eyes briefly at the thought of Vader, willing his spirit to assist him in this upcoming battle.
"Ben Solo is dead," he says. She refuses to call him Kylo Ren, and this argument has been rehashed time and time again, to the point of the name desensitizing him. He knows she means to use it as an insult, a reminder of the time before he gave himself over to the Sith, but he finds that it no longer brings a jolt of outrage and hurt to hear the name pass through her lips. Hell, she could call him a fucker, and it would still bring about an idiotic sense of affection for her.
He needs to stop thinking so much, because she's charging at him with killing intent glinting in her bright eyes. He brings his own lightsaber up to parry her attack, and then they're both lost in the fight. Kylo admires how completely she dedicates herself to their fights. He would expect nothing less from her, else she'd easily be killed by him. In a moment of complacency, she strikes out and her lightsaber burns straight into his left arm as he fails to block, and he stumbles back.
Rey looks triumphant at drawing first blood, and Kylo finds himself fixated on how happy she seems to be bringing him pain. He can't turn his own lightsaber off to staunch the bleeding coming out of his forearm without anticipating another onslaught of attacks from her, so he takes a moment to concentrate, dulling the pain with the Force. "Not bad," he says. "Though if I knew you were into painplay, I would have obliged you without the entirety of the fight."
He's not even sure what he's saying – bloodloss, he thinks to himself as a frantic excuse, though he hasn't really lost that much – but his musings are proved right when her face turns bright red at his words. "Y-you," she stutters. "You perverted bastard!" Kylo briefly wonders if she is so unused to flirting that she doesn't know how to respond, but then he can feel his face flush scarlet beneath the cover of his cool metal mask as he realizes that's exactly what he's doing with her. God, he's fucking flirting with the enemy, could this get any worse?
He takes a step back, trying to come up with some kind of response that will startle her back into actually fighting him, because he clearly needs to keep his mind occupied before he starts spewing more garbage at her, but her attention is quickly drawn away by an X-wing that flies nearby them. Kylo catches sight of the pilot he had previously interrogated for that droid's location, and Rey glares at him.
"This isn't over," she yells over the noise of the fighter jet as she retreats, presumably to join up with the rest of the Resistance that had encountered his newest home base planet.
He lets her go, reasoning that the cut in his arm does need medical attention, but when she's gone, he grits his teeth at his own idiocy and lays waste to the tree-filled forest surround him. Trees topple over as his saber cuts through them easily, and he lets out a frustrated yell. Damn her for being so compelling, physically as well as intellectually. She would be such an invaluable asset to the Dark Side if she'd give him a goddamn chance!
The next time they meet is but a few weeks later. He's not even on the offensive, merely stopping through a trade town on a planet filled with planes of grasslands and exotic animals in a rare respite from the terrors of Hux and Phasma. He's without his mask, which is always a double-edged sword. His face is not so well-known that people can identify him when he's out, but it is also hard to maintain a facade of indifference without the metal covering protecting his features. He's already annoyed at the Rodian who had bumped into him attempting to pickpocket him, and Kylo is scowling as he makes his way into the town's bar.
He's on his second drink when he hears an argument taking place across the room. He's just curious by the high-pitched female voice that's screaming at this point, he tells himself, reaching out with the Force to inspect the situation. It's only when he hits a shielded wall that he startles out of his seat. There aren't many Force-users left, and he coughs on his drink when he realizes exactly who is yelling in the bar. She's got to be pissed if she hasn't even sensed his signature yet, and Kylo urgently puts up his own defensive walls.
Rey is screaming about some kind of misinformation, as far as he can tell. It looks like the Resistance had paid a significant amount of money to gain information on The First Order's weapon-in-progress, but Kylo knows that there has been no leak. Rather than informing all of the Stormtroopers about the weapon, as Hux had made the mistake of doing on Starkiller (much to Snoke's displeasure), the only ones who know about their current plans are a handful of higher-ups. Confident that the knowledge is still secure, he watches the situation escalate.
Instead of continuing to scream indignantly at the poor group of Jawas seated around a table, Rey gets dangerously quiet. Kylo can sense her use of the Force as she persuades them to tell her what she wants to know, and he can't help the smirk on his face. She truly is Darker than she realizes, and it would be a lie to admit that he doesn't like seeing her like this.
As far as their interactions typically go, Kylo is more than willing to let her walk out of the bar. He's had an uninterrupted observation session of her, and as she bent over the table to Mind Trick the Jawas, he may or may not have memorized what her ass looks like.
He hasn't spouted one embarrassing thing at her, and anyway the alcohol in his system would only inhibit him when their lightsabers eventually clashed, so he is considering this one a win. That is, until, he notices the Rodian, the same one who had rudely ran into him earlier, pulling out a blaster. It hits Kylo again that he doesn't live in an ideal world, because eliminating the jedi problem would immediately solve some of his significant challenges, but he doesn't want to see her die at the hands of some shitty, low-life bounty hunter. Even if his is the side that put out the hit on her.
Kylo raises a hand to intervene, but Rey spins on her heel, wide-eyed, and looks directly at him. Ah, shit, she knows he's here, and since his cover is blown anyway he abruptly stands out of his chair as it clatters to the floor. Within seconds, he's got his lightsaber out and hovering a hair's breadth away from the Rodian's neck. Menacingly, he bites out, "Back off, she's mine."
Everyone moves at once, the reactionary gasps from his notable lightsaber inspiring everyone in the nearby vicinity to vacate the premises, and Rey lets out an aggravated yell. He's not entirely sure if it's because of his mere presence, or the fact that he's just saved her life, so he turns to her and, to his own dismay, murmurs, "Don't I get at least one kiss for rescuing the princess?" in what he hopes is a sultry tone.
At least the slap she gives him instead isn't on the scarred side of his face, he thinks to himself as the Rodian flees with the last of the other bar patrons. She looks about two seconds away from murdering him, so he quickly turns off and re-sheathes his saber, placing his hands up in a placating gesture. He notices she hasn't drawn her own weapon yet, and maybe there is still some hope that they can escape this without attempting to kill each other.
The noise that tears out of her throat is a mixture of anger and disbelief, and before he can consciously identify the noise, Kylo finds himself horrified that he'shard from it. She catches his eyes with her own, and his own widen in response. Shit, she can't find out that her wrath is turning him on, so he chokes out, "I'm... sorry for saving your life?"
It isn't the smoothest thing he's ever said, but his brain apparently turns to petroleum jelly whenever she's around. Rey looks like she isn't sure whether to laugh or scream, but she pulls out a nearby chair and collapses into it. Taking it as a good sign, Kylo figures she can't mean to try and kill him while sitting. He also isn't sure that it would be welcome for him to sit as well, so he stands there awkwardly.
"This is just a ridiculous coincidence that you're here, isn't it?" she starts, looking up at him. She's normally tinier than him, but from this angle it's almost obscene, and Kylo fidgets even more, willing his erection to go away. Just because she is the perfect height for sucking your dick right nowdoes not mean that it will ever happen, he reminds himself, and he's only remembers that he's maskless when confusion spreads across her features.
"Shit," he mutters out loud on accident, because the universe and his family and everyone is conspiring against him. "Can we just walk away from this? Pretend it never happened?"
"Hm," Rey says, and there's almost something like playfulness in her tone. "But why miss the opportunity to interrogate my savior?" And Kylo can still feel that permeating hatred she feels for him, which confuses him as much as the emotion radiating off of her turns him on, and his spine abruptly snaps straight at the reminder. They're enemies, not friends that can just have a conversation over drinks after a bar fight, and he snarls at her with all of the strength he can muster, "You will not treat me like some sort of plaything. Consider it a lapse of judgment that I spared your existence. It will not happen again."
He storms out before she can form a response, and feels satisfaction that at least the tailend of their encounter had ended in a manner befitting a leader of the Dark Side.
Before he knows it, this has become a common occurrence. Every time they meet with a clash of lightsabers, he spews this disgusting word-vomit, and he isn't even trying to offend her. Snoke seems pleased at how she allows her passionate dislike for him to fester, saying it's a manifestation of the evil within her, but Kylo flounders when they're face-to-face. He's almost ashamed to admit to himself, and to his grandfather's mask just the once, that he would like to see her smile instead of sneer at his remarks at least a single time.
It is becoming a losing battle to maintain his facade of hatred for her, but the more they fight, the harder he finds it to deliver killing blows. She still fights with all of the intensity befitting a user of the Force, but he fears that soon she will find out how little he really does want to kill her.
Such a weakness terrifies him, if only because of what Snoke will do to him if he finds out that the light of mercy is beginning to show in his star apprentice, but Kylo has had years of experience shoving those Good tendencies down into a pit of nothingness.
Sometime in the night, Kylo's dreams turn toward his grandfather. In the dream realm, the Force functions a bit differently, and he finds himself in a vast white (ech) space with Darth Vader. He's dreamed of the man for the majority of his life, idolizing the sheer power and passion that manifested within him, so Kylo nods respectfully to that emotionless black mask while tamping down on the inner glee that rises throughout his body.
He has not, however, ever dreamed of Darth Vader wherein the man took off his helmet slowly, revealing the unmarred face of a young man with long, sand-brown hair.
"What is this?" Kylo demands. This is not his grandfather of legends, and he is not amused by the turn this dream has taken.
"Relax," the man says. "Can you blame a man for picking out a form reminiscent of better days? Nobody would care to see my true visage, least of all myself."
The anger at this man – Anakin's – perceived deception dissolves as Kylo realizes the truth. This must have been what his grandfather looked like, once. "Why show yourself like this at all?" he pries, finding that his legs have become uncomfortably unstable as they shake against his will. He resists the urge to sit down, instead threading his hands through his untamed, dark locks in a gesture of nervousness.
"You are troubled, grandson," Anakin says, and isn't that one of the most ironic things Kylo's ever heard. "I have come to assist you."
"Grandfather," he starts. "I have been following your legacy for years, now. I am a proper disciple befitting of the Sith, and not once have you revealed yourself to me like this." Cold ice slithers down his spine as Kylo's fears manifest. "Have I failed you? Am I not destined for greatness?"
Anakin opens his mouth to respond, but Kylo's despair has overtaken any rational thought. "Is it Rey? I will not falter again, I will kill her and all the rest that stand in the way, please don't give up on me, grandfather – "
"Boy," Anakin says firmly, effectively halting his grandson's tirade. "I am here to tell you to continue pursuing that girl. I have foreseen great things."
"But," Kylo says. He knows there are more words fighting to escape his throat, but they seem to be as frozen as his body has become. Few things have driven him to such a complete shutdown, but having Anakin Skywalker inform him that he should engage in a romantic endeavor with his granddaughter appears to be one of them.
The man gives him a wry smile, and Kylo can't even comprehend what is going on. Anakin reveals nothing else, and the dream quickly dissolves.
When he awakens, Kylo knows his dream was not just a mere unconscious manifestation of his inner desires. He can feel the residual energy of his grandfather through the Force, and their conversation has his heart pounding and his body covered in quickly cooling sweat. It's fear, he recognizes. All of these years pursuing the Dark Side, betraying his parents, killing his own father, and the man he idolizes, who inspired him to go this course of action, has shown himself and given him advice.
Has he made a mistake for the entirety of his life? How could Anakin Skywalker impart only this knowledge on him? Kylo had gotten nothing from the man when he slaughtered Luke's apprentices, and the silence had been deafening as he abandoned Ben Solo and forged Kylo Ren out of blood, mended kyber crystals, and the lust for power.
And now, this girl has threatened to upend everything about the life he's crafted. Just a simple girl, a scavenging rat from Jakku, and suddenly even his – their, his thoughts keen desperately – grandfather has awoken to impart knowledge. It's hard to breathe, suddenly, and with a ragged inhale, he desperately yearns for her.
Reaching out through the Force, Kylo searches for Rey's signature. He pinpoints her, somewhere off in a galaxy he has never visited before, and attempts to connect with her mind. It appears that Luke has taught her well, much to his innate disdain, because her mind is an impenetrable fortress. It causes despair to rise up unwillingly in him – she's already better at using the Force than him, he has years of experience on her and she's just stronger – and it isn't fair. He feels revolted, disgusted with himself both for being weak and being jealous of her. The lump in his throat isn't going away, and he wills away the tears forming in the corners of his eyes, but his emotions are lost to him as well as everything else.
He curls up in his bed, about to withdraw from the blank wall of Rey's mind, before the soft sigh of Ben drifts across their connection. It is enough to make a disbelieving cough escape him, because why could she possibly be thinking about him hard enough to permeate her shielded wall? The thought is quickly followed by a rushing wave of hatred, but Kylo's mind is already working in overtime.
Even when they were apart, and he wasn't even attempting to connect with her life force, Kylo could feel her hatred and disgust through the Force, potent and passionate, but he'd never truly considered that perhaps some of the disgust was aimed at herself. For... what, though? Caring about him? Being attracted to him? He isn't entirely sure, but with Anakin's words and her sigh, he knows he's going to find out.
Rey knows she's strong, knows she's the one Luke trusts to carry on the battle on the side of the Light, so when she closes her eyes after a long day of failed meditation to sleep, and opens them again to see the face of Darth Vader's mask, she stands her ground.
The dream feels different, somehow. She's had dreams for years about her life on Jakku, had nightmares about junk traders offering more sinister deals for quarter-portions of meals, but in this one, the power of the Force radiates and pulses around her being.
Rey stares unflinchingly into that dark mask – if Kylo Ren's emotionless mask failed to intimidate her, so will this dark one from legends of old. Her reaction is only upended by the huff of laughter that sounds from behind the mask, filterless and sounding nothing more than human.
Darth Vader pulls the mask off, and Rey can't entirely control the widening of her eyes as the unmasked man reveals himself to her. What settles, first and foremost, in the bottom of her stomach, is how much he looks like her, or rather how much she looks like him. They have the same shade of unruly hair, and his skin is tanned similarly to hers.
He speaks first, and both his tone and voice seem so unlike anything she can compare to the legacy he's left behind. "Granddaughter, it is lovely to meet you."
She knows the polite thing to do is respond, Leia has been drilling into her basic manners since they destroyed Starkiller, but the situation suddenly feels so surreal that all she can do is stare.
Darth Vader – Anakin, she supposes – gives her a brief smile before continuing. "I do not have much time for this, as using your and Ben's energy to impart my message will only serve to exhaust you both, but please listen."
At the mention of Ben, Rey's eyes narrow. "What does this have to do with that asshole?" she asks. If he has been to Kylo's dreams as well, this could be a deceitful play by the Dark Side, and she must be wary.
"It has to do with both of you," Anakin says, and in the blink of an eye it appears as though he's become an entirely different person. The regal posture of a leader drops, and his shoulders relax. "Rey, I am so goddamn tired of trying to mediate between the two of you. This hatred you feel for him is draining. He merely wants you to see him and understand who he is. You can save him, if only he is offered the chance."
"I have given him chances for redemption!" she responds quickly, outrage forcing the response out of her mouth before she can consider it. But in addition to being strong, Rey is also very smart. She had to be, to grow up orphaned and alone in a world that would just as easily kill her as help her, and so she connects the dots quickly. "Are you... trying to set us up!?" she asks disbelievingly. Darth Vader, quintessential member of the fucking Dark Side, is recommending that she engage in a relationship with someone to save them. Out of all the ridiculous things she's done and heard before, this has got to top the list.
Anakin frowns, almost like he can't believe that she would be so distrustful of his advice, before his form flickers for a moment. "Rey, please consider it."
And he flickers again, this time out of existence. Rey stands in the white wasteland, pondering the encounter for a long while.
Lying in bed, Rey considers all aspects of the dream. She remembers that Anakin had used Kylo's given name, Ben, and she fixates on that. Even Darth Vader, Kylo Ren's eternal hero and inspiration, had refused to acknowledge his recently-borne identity, and that has to mean something.
She is still wary of deception, but she keeps the encounter to herself. She remembers how he looked in that run-down tavern, human and vulnerable in the dimness of the light, and thinks maybe there is more to Kylo Ren than she's given credit before.
(In the dark of the night, she also remembers the flush on his high, almost-aristocratic features, and how attractive he had appeared, but then she feels shameful for the consideration, self-loathing filling her veins at such a vulnerability.)
They meet again as their lightsabers and fates inevitably clash, rain pouring around them and causing the lasers to sizzle angrily.
The planet they are on is fairly aquatic, constant rains enveloping the land in a wetland.
Kylo can sense that Rey is fighting more than just him as they duel, and her moves are becoming more and more sloppy as her unbridled anger slips through her usually calm persona. He tries to remain collected, but she's so beautiful, so close to the Dark when she's like this, that he isn't faring much better. Rey with passionate, albeit angry, emotions unleashed is a force to be reckoned with, and it's taking all of his efforts to avoid a fatal blow.
He's just about to use the Force defensively to throw her back, gain some distance between them, when she slips on a moss-slicked rock. The shock in her eyes is apparent, and in a moment of terrifying clarity, Kylo can foresee her lightsaber jerking involuntarily into the body of its wielder.
All of his power goes into preventing such a thing: he freezes her in the air as the metal of her lightsaber clatters loudly to the ground, laser driving a line into the rockbed. She recovers enough to right herself on the ground, picking up her weapon and turning it off, before turning slowly to him.
Hundreds of excuses run through his head - I merely wished to defeat you on fairer terms, an accidental death is ungraceful – but she speaks before he can use one. "That's twice, now."
Only three words, yet they are enough to break him. He has hardly slept for days for thinking about her, and Anakin's words have continued to echo throughout his mind for what feels like forever. He cries out, strangled and half-lost into the raging storm, "I don't want you dead, Rey."
And she just looks at him. His admission is more than just the notion of her life – what she represents, and what he represents, are more than just two people fighting. He is the Dark Side, ruthless and unforgiving in its motivation to achieve terrible goals, and she is the counter of the Light. Having the courage – for that is what is is, she's sure – to admit such a great failing has ripe, ripe potential, and as she looks at him, his face crumples anew.
"I don't... I don't want to keep doing this," he continues, his words a loud yell. And for the first time in a long time – though maybe their incident at the bar should be counted – Rey can't see Kylo Ren. She sees Ben Solo, a lost, hurting boy who fell to the temptation that countless men before him fell to as well, and she can see the Light in him.
So Rey takes a step towards the man. And, her grandfather's words crystal clear in her mind, she knows that it was no trick. For whatever reason, Anakin Skywalker wants her to save this broken man, rescue him from the impending darkness he lives in. She knows that he will still have to pay for his sins, for murdering his father and the millions of people he has slaughtered in the name of evil, but her hands are not so clean of blood either. Stormtroopers are still people, even if they are on the wrong side, and she is not so idealistic as to believe that she is immune from the amount of death she's caused.
Kylo is only glad for two things, now. The rain is doing a grand job of masking his tears, and all of his Force training has given him just enough strength to stifle the sobs threatening to make their way out of his chest. Rey is moving towards him, and he takes a frantic step back. There is no anger, only this overwhelming sorrow, and he realizes that he is baring his soul to her. To this small girl with fierce eyes and a lineage of legendary proportions, and oh god, she's touching him now. Hugging him.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Kylo Ren was supposed to be a seductive force, tempting her to the Dark, of which he has no doubt she possesses. He was meant to convince her, after hearing that sigh of his former name, to join his cause, to abandon those who never understood him and told him to ignore the only feelings that ever made him feel like he had a purpose. He was supposed to be strongest, unstoppable, immense, and instead, he's wrapping his arms around this tiny slip of a girl, falling to his knees and letting out miserable noises of agony.
She seems to understand, though, as she gets down on his level and murmurs, "Ben. Ben. We need to go," and as she softly asks him to follow her, he can't even fathom another course of action. He knew it as soon as Anakin took off his mask in his dream that he'd failed, that Snoke and Hux and Phasma would see through his facade of strength into his deepest weaknesses. There is nothing left for him in that life, anymore, and the acknowledgment that leaving Kylo Ren behind may be easier than abandoning Ben Solo ever was doesn't hurt him as much as he thinks it probably should. He's a failure of the Light, and a failure of the Dark, but this girl, tugging his hand along the slippery rocks of the shoreline, may just be a savior of a different kind.
He finds himself smiling, despite it all, wondering if there can be a new side made specifically for Rey adorers.
When they make it back to the Resistance base, Kylo – Ben – whoever he is dreads the upcoming interactions. He's sure he'll face fugitive charges, not to mention having to meet with his mother, but someone is finally watching out for him, because General Organa is off-base when Rey's X-wing finally touches down.
She glares fiercely at anyone who demands he be placed in chains, and he walks by a terrified FN-2187 who whispers to some pilot dressed garishly in red about shooting him on-sight. Rey seems to ignore them for a moment, although he feels a pulse of the Force push into her friends' minds as she scolds them, and he can't help but fall even more deeply in love with her.
It isn't that the realization is necessarily new, but it does stir up a reminder that he had meant to discover why she turned such harsh feelings of hatred in on herself. He quickens his stride to walk shoulder-to-shoulder with her, and asks in a voice that he hopes sounds stronger and more confident than it actually comes out, "I would like to speak with you. If that's alright," he tacks on as she doesn't even pause in her stride.
"We will," she assures him. "But privately. These guys are worse than girls with gossip."
Kylo/Ben nods understandingly and follows her through what looks like barracks. He doesn't comprehend that they're going to her room until they're there, and he can smell her unique scent permeating the living space. When the door shuts and the lock clicks, Rey finally turns to him.
"Look – "
"I'm – "
They both start at once, and he suddenly feels so exhausted, he lets her start again. He hopes she doesn't mind that he can't resist the urge to sit down, and he moves down onto her bed with a whuff.
"Look," she begins again, and he notices for the first time that she's fidgeting. "Ben – you are Ben now, Kylo Ren is dead – there is a lot that's going to happen from here on out. Your mother has no idea, everyone on-base wants to kill you, and I need to know that I can trust you enough to not cock things up right now."
He looks up at her and simply agrees. "I know. I am prepared to deal with all of that. I have no intentions of pursuing anything Dark ever again." He huffs out a self-deprecating laugh and says, "Besides, I'm a failure at it all. Dark, Light, all of it. I'm okay with whatever your Resistance decides. Death is an understandable solution for what I have done."
And it's the first time that such a possibility makes itself known, at least to Rey. She suddenly looks absolutely horrified at the prospect, moving next to him in a quick motion and ferociously claiming, "Nobody's going to sentence you to death, I won't let them."
Ben, he's got to start thinking of himself that way again, pushing against the innate repulsion that wrestles in his stomach when he considers readopting the identity, realizes with absolute clarity that she will never cease to amaze him. His emotions have run the gauntlet over the course of the day, and he settles on the bemused, unfaltering attraction he has for her. She sounds almost possessive over him, and at this point, he's truly okay with that. Perhaps she feels responsible for his transition back into the Light – or as Light as he can possibly get – but he'll take whatever he can get from her. She is a beacon of light, a sun, and he is a snuffed out candle, desperate for her attention.
Rey is sitting rather close to him, and she seems to lose some of her bravado when it's just the two of them. He is reminded again of his need to understand her, understand how she could see a breakdown and immediately come to help him, and even trust him enough to bring him back to an enemy base.
"Did you..." he starts, then clears his throat before continuing again. "Did you have the dream?"
"I did," she says slowly. "Of Anakin."
"He visited me as well."
Rey doesn't respond after that, and she seems lost in her thoughts before her entire body suddenly tenses. Ben isn't sure if she senses a threat, or what, but he responds to the action, combat-ready, before she turns to him. "Oh no, you're fine, I was just thinking of something!"
And it's suddenly too awkward. He has confirmation now that their grandfather told them both to... get involved, and Ben interprets her sudden nervousness as rejection. It's okay, he reassures himself, this was expected. "Rey, it's okay. I understand that what he said was unacceptable, I'm not going to change my mind and start killing every –"
Before he can continue his descent into madness and loneliness, Rey has physically stifled his word-flow with a finger to his lips, and she pushes him down onto the bed.
The surreality of it all catches up with Ben only when she's climbing on top of him, muttering, "Shut the hell up, you goddamn idiot," and kissing him with a passion he thought she reserved only for the battlefield.
He's kissing back, utterly confounded at her aggressive kissing – if it could be called that, he's fairly sure the blood he tastes in his mouth is his own and that her hands are leaving pressing bruises on the pale skin of his shoulders. Obeying her command, he doesn't speak again, but he can't suppress his gasps when their lips finally part.
She sits up, ripping off her upper chest bindings, and she hastily explains, "I know I'm not the only one feeling this, so stop pretending you didn't ogle my ass and get hard back at that tavern and help me."
Said hardness underneath her seems to wilt under the realization that she knew what he had been doing, ages ago at that bar. "How did you –"
"Force mindreading? I'm a magnificent jedi?"
Ben frowns, not even being able to recall her entering his mind. Such a thought is immensely concerning if she can be that subtle, but she grinds down onto him, and he can't think of anything else.
"I'm not sure I completely understand what's going on right now," he tells her, levitating her off of his lap with the Force so that he can remove his own dark trousers. "But you are serving as a magnificent distraction."
He thinks that, for awhile, she had lost some of that stony confidence she always carries about her, but at his words, it returns and her eyes light up. "No more talking, Ben Solo," she murmurs as she settles herself back down on top of his large frame. "More doing."
And who is he to disobey? Freed from the confines of his clothing, his length juts out, and Rey ruts against it with just a thin barrier of underwrappings. This close to his cock, he can feel that her wetness has permeated the cloth, and the scent of her sex fills the air.
Groaning, he pulls her back down to him so that she's lying flush on top, and he ravages her mouth with a newfound enthusiasm. The threat of being put to death once his mother returns is enough to encourage him to enjoy this to the fullest, even if emotional exhaustion is hitting him hard.
Rey is still teasing him, rubbing her clothed sex up and down over his length, and he grips her ass and forces her to halt her motions. She lets out a keening whine, pouting down at him. "You have to stop," he moans, the stimulation bringing him too close. "I need to be inside of you."
It barely takes the strength of a few fingers to tear her underthings away, and he slips two fingers into her tight heat. She's wet, and Ben works his fingers within her as she shudders over him. She moans into his shoulder, biting down hard on the flesh there, and he breathes out a loud, "Fuck," as he feels the teeth penetrate his skin. Apparently, he wasn't too far off in his brash assumption that she likes a little bit of pain with her pleasure, and with his free hand he delivers a sharp slap to the round ass he's been molesting.
"Ben!" She yelps at the action, but as he's still fucking her with his fingers, he can tell by her clenching that it isn't a noise of indignation. He files this away for later, but the trickle of blood sliding down his shoulder reminds him of how close he is, and he can't wait anymore.
When his fingers slip out of her, she whimpers unhappily, but he adjusts her hips so that she can slide down onto his cock with one smooth movement. The moan she lets out as he sheathes himself inside of her is loud and heady, just like the one he offers her in return, and they've achieved a steady rhythm before he can entirely comprehend anything other than how fucking good it feels to be inside of her.
He knows he isn't going to last, and from the sounds of the beautiful girl fucking herself on top of her, neither is she. One hand snakes up between their stomachs as he reaches through her pubic hair to find her clit, and only a few moments of pressure have her unraveling above him.
Rey rides out her orgasm with agonizing bliss etched upon her face, and Ben is captivated as he memorizes the image above him. Her clenching sends him over the edge, as well, and he's coming harder than he ever has as he pulses inside of her.
He thinks he might have blacked out, because by the time he comes back to himself, Rey is across the room in her tiny bathroom, cleaning herself up with a rag. She makes her way back over to him, sidling up against his form, and draws random patterns on his bare chest. She is careful to avoid the scar she left him and the ragged, torn scar of Chewie's blaster, and he can't help the tiny noise that gets caught in his throat at her consideration. How can she possibly be so perfect?
"Hey, you," she says almost casually, as if he isn't a fugitive likely on death row and she isn't the person who should have taken him out already.
But a soft, "Hey," is all that he actually says, and he vaguely wishes the fuzzy I love you could actually pass through his lips as well.
"I know that already," she responds with a huff of laughter, and it absolutely terrifies him because he's fairly sure that he said it out loud. Fuck, jelly-brain has returned, and Ben closes his eyes shut as he blushes scarlet.
"No, no," Rey says, moving her hand to grab at his chin and forcing him to look at her. "Your mind is so open to me, right now. I mean, usually investigating your thoughts isn't too difficult, but it's an open book right now."
Ben honestly isn't sure which is worse: the word-vomit he can't help but say whenever even remotely near her presence, or the fact that apparently his mind shields couldn't even keep out a non-Force-sensitive toddler.
But Rey doesn't mock him for the weakness, not like Snoke would have (well, Snoke would have tortured him to hell and back for exposing himself like this), but he supposes there are some perks to being part of the Light side.
"There's good in you, there always has been," Rey continues, as if she had never stopped. "I'm sorry it took me so long to believe that and help you."
"I didn't want you to," he replies, honestly. The post-coital bliss is just now starting to leave him, but he wants to speak candidly to the woman he loves, the only person who could bring him back from the brink of self-destruction. "If you hadn't slipped, we would have continued fighting until one of us fell. I'm not good like you, Rey, I've been trying to kill you for years."
Rey has a look in her eyes like she knows he's lying, that he's been slipping in his combat against her for months, but she allows him the one small shred of dignity. A smile quirks her lips as she says, "I believe this was inevitable, and if I had to almost kill myself to get us here, then I suppose it's worth it."
He reluctantly says, "I guess we owe Grandfather a thank you?"
"No way, I'm already getting nightmares from the idea of Darth Vader being some kind of ghost matchmaker in the afterlife."