Phantom's Secret Diary
By: Anthiena
Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom, or any associated properties, but I do own the few OCs, of which they shall be extremely minor.
Series note: This is an edited/abridged version of this chapter. Unless noted, all chapters that follow are unedited/unabridged. Though this fic is listed as "T" Rated, certain chapters-such as this one-are "M" rated. I will email the unabridged to any who ask.
Chapter Note: This chapter contains the one and only piece of Pitch Pearl I will ever write, so here it is: Pitch Pearl, done in a post-canon-verse. And even I didn't think it was possible to write. Why this chapter may seem different from others is in that Danny's writing this part for a different reason than the rest of his entries. Where the future chapters are a sort of diary, this is not. In fact, he would probably burn this. The quotes around 'official' shall be explained in the next chapter. Poor Danny, I pity you not.

December 31, 20-- (Year 0)

It's not exactly a secret that some people do experiment. It's not a reflection of how a person really feels, that's why it's called experimenting, trying to find what's right. So why am I ranting? Good question. Jazz would probably have something Freudian to say about it, but if I have my way, nobody but Clockwork will ever know I wrote these words. I have to talk about this somehow, so here goes. It might help if I start off with the basic facts.

I'm Daniel Fenton, but almost everybody calls me Danny. I'm 23, I'm in college and on occasion, I'll fight some ghosts as Danny Phantom. I've been half-ghost for nine years, now. I'm one of three; Vlad Masters and Danielle (who calls herself 'Elle' now-don't ask me why) being the other ones. Elle I haven't seen in five years, now. I'm not exactly sure what she's doing, but I'll hear strange news out of California once in a while about a few crooks turning up in jail cells, stolen merchandise 'mysteriously' finding its way back to the owners, things like that. She calls from time to time, but not too often. She has her own life now.

My family is strange. They aren't exactly crazy, but a lot of people thought they were-until the ghosts started showing up, that is; nobody's laughing now, that's for sure. My mom and dad invent all sorts of gadgets that can do things to ghosts. What those things are depend, but most of the gadgets are weapons. My sister is the most sane of us. She's a psychiatrist, so it's Dr. Fenton for her, now. She used to be kind of a pain, but she grew up. She was first among my family to know what I was.

When I was a teenager, everybody found out who and what I was and who and what Vlad Masters truely was. Not many know about Elle. Vlad went missing for a while and came back. I gave him a second chance and he lives honestly, now. Some people aren't happy that he's not in jail, but let's get real here: what jail is going to hold a person who can walk through walls, let alone all the other things a hybrid can do? I'm not going to remove his ghost half, that would be stupid, not to mention insane and really tempting fate, not to mention hypocritical.

So back to my first subject. I was pretty curious about myself as a teen, but that's normal. Being half-ghost made puberty even more uh... interesting. Yeah, that's one word for it. I was fifteen and had just been dumped by Valerie. I'd just gotten home and sneaked in by phasing through my bedroom wall. Being able to do that is really useful for dodging curfew. I usually would have just passed out, I lost a lot of sleep in those days, still do.

I remember thinking about Valerie and how she hated me as Phantom. I'm not exactly sure how that turned into taking off my gloves and boots to see if my hands and feet were the same, but there you go. I had tried not to think about that at first, probably because I wasn't totally thrilled to be half ghost then. By the time I got over myself, I kinda forgot about it. I was a very busy fourteen year old. I took off the rest of the hazmat. "Huh. Well what do you know; boxers." I took a peek and decided that's all I needed to know at the time.

A year later, I was Sam's boyfriend and I was thinking about sex. A lot. Sixteen year olds are like that, girlfriend or not and I was no exception. So being a healthy, hormonal sixteen year old, I did masturbate. I wasn't about to have sex with Sam yet, I was nervous about it. In other words? I was chickening out. Typical spaz Danny, huh?

So I'd fought Ember, who used her-oh does it matter? Long story short, I was left pretty frustrated. Ember is pretty good looking, even if she does try taking over the world from time to time. How does she get away with that getup anyway? She looks like she's barely a teenager!

I got home and I didn't go back to human, just went to the bathroom and turned on the tub faucet, locking the door behind me. Someone knocked at the door while I got undressed, waiting for the water to warm up. "Danny?" My mom called. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah mom, just need a shower!" I called over the sound of the water.

I stepped into the shower, naked and not happy. I rested my head on the tile, tired. I looked down and I must have gone beet red with embarrassment. I had a girlfriend and a good boyfriend shouldn't be attracted to evil, sexy ghost women. Hey, I was sixteen, not sane; even if I am half ghost, I am a typical guy. Mostly. Okay, half of the time, happy now? Moving on...

It felt really odd to know I could be horny as a ghost. I was totally wierded out. I didn't know what to expect. Even if Vlad had been around, this kind of thing isn't something I'd ask anyone about. I decided to hell with it and began masturbating. It did feel different from doing it when I was human; no heartbeat, no blood pressure, have a very nice day.

Now let's fast forward to why I'm writing this down: the weekend before Christmas, a week ago. I'm kind of between relationships right now and I wanted to try something so I wouldn't make an idiot of myself at the Christmas Truce Party. I kinda did anyway, but that's another story. Usually, I make a point of trying not to abuse my powers, but one power I have used for personal gain-mostly for showing up on time to classes if a ghost fight is dragging on-is duplication. That would be the power I took advantage of that day. Luckily, I have a single dorn, so I can do pretty much whatever I want and not worry about a roommate.

I didn't exactly plan it out, but I'd been curious. I'd had a few girlfriends since Sam as well as a few boyfriends. You learn a lot about yourself in college. It took me a while to accept the fact that I'm bisexual; it was confusing, certainly. Jazz hadn't been surprised when I told her. I'll be asking her about that sometime, because it sure surprised the hell out of me.

I locked the door and went ghost, created a duplicate and then went human. The duplicate looked a bit embarrassed and I felt my face go hot. Am I having sex with myself? Is this some kind of wierd masturbation? Did it really matter? I stopped the questioning, I could decide if this was a good idea or not in the morning. Hugging myself, or rather my duplicate, was a little awkward, but we made it work. We started kissing and it stopped being awkward. I guess being really horny just does that to you.

I stopped thinking of anything at that point. I was lucky in that my neighbors went home for the holidays. They'd heard me before, which was embarrassing the first few times, but this-this would have been a little hard to explain. I don't think I would, even if I had to. I'll admit that it was good sex, but I'm not doing that again. It was too weird, even for me-besides, I have a date that I met when I was fifteen, but didn't give a real good first impression. This isn't exactly my usual type, it'll be the first ghost ever "officially" dated. His name is... well...

Screw it. I'm making this my journal. I can talk about the Christmas Truce Party tomorrow. Here's to hoping the media NEVER finds this. Also tomorrow: track down Jazz. Happy New Year! God, I haven't kept one of these since high school...