"So EDI, did you have a good time at Shepard and Garrus' engagement party?" asked Jeff "Joker" Moreau as he and EDI were walking down the Silversun Strip.
"I had no idea that human marriage engagement rituals involved so much alcohol and dancing" replied the synthetic "it was just like the shore leave party we had, during the run-in with Shepard's clone before the war."
"That certainly was… interesting" added Joker. His mind was elsewhere at the moment. He considered proposing to EDI after the war but recent events, like finding Shepard and her subsequent engagement to Garrus, caused him to put those thoughts on the back-burner. Also, her status as an unshackled AI in a synthetic body was cause for concern, as well.
"Jeff" EDI said, noticing Joker's silence "is something wrong?"
"It's just all so strange" replied Joker "everything that has happened over these 5 years - encountering Sovereign, the Normandy crash, the Collector base, Cerberus."
"Oh" he continued "and not to mention the small matter of fighting EVERY REAPER in the galaxy!"
"Yes," added a familiar voice from behind them "it's all been one big, goddamn joyride!"
"Hello, Zaeed" replied EDI, looking back to see the grizzled mercenary and bounty hunter walking toward them. Zaeed Massani, former leader of the Blue Suns mercenary group turned bounty hunter and war hero, was walking toward them with what could only be described as a 'bulging bag full of guns'.
"Oh, hey Zaeed" Joker added with a smirk "we were just talking about crazy stuff, and here you are."
"Yeah yeah, stuff it you little -" Zaeed's retort was broken off by the sound of gunfire. He had to duck as a shot whizzed by his face.
"Get down, the both of you!" He shouted as he pushed Joker to the ground.
"Hey! Damn it, Zaeed!" yelled Joker as he struggled to find cover "watch the bones you ass!"
"Shut up, Joker! I'm trying to save your arse!" retorted Zaeed as he removed a Mattock rifle from the bag and fired back, as patrons of the Strip ran screaming for cover of their own.
Between rifle blasts, the group distinctly heard the phrase 'There it is!' and realized their enemy was pointing at… EDI.
"Grab that machine!" shouted one of the gunmen as his squad advanced on the three of them, pinning Zaeed down with rapid fire "The boss wants it undamaged!"
"EDI, grab the cripple and get him out of here!" shouted Zaeed "they're after you! I don't know why, but I'm goddamn sure going to find out!"
"Jeff, call for assistance" EDI said as she stood up and slipped into combat mode. "I'm going to help Zaeed."
"EDI!" shouted Joker "are you crazy?! These guys are after you!"
"Do not worry, Jeff" EDI said, releasing an attack drone to assist with combat "I am not without protection!"
The combination of Zaeed's skill behind the powerful rifle (not to mention the Incendiary rounds he had the rifle set on) and EDI's flamethrower combat drone were too much for the gunmen to handle, and they were quickly taken out one by one.
Zaeed grabbed the closest of the bunch, having made sure to only wound him so he can be questioned. "Alright, you son of a bitch" he growled as he picked up the wounded man "who are you working for?"
"Screw you, old man!" replied the gunman, not understanding who he was dealing with. The wounded man's eyes shot open to their fullest as Zaeed's knife point stopped a fraction of an inch from piercing them.
"Ok, ok! Stop!" he cried, fresh fear creeping across his face "All I know is that the robot is Cerberus property, and my employer wants it back!"
"Cerberus…." Zaeed as he spat the name out "Cerberus is nothing anymore, now that the Illusive Man was killed by Shepard."
"That's all I kn-" was all the man was able to blurt out before his face exploded in a ball of white flame and smoke. The Cerberus implants to keep agents from talking still did their trick.
Momentarily blinded, Zaeed angrily tossed the lifeless body to the ground.
"Blasted Cerberus.." muttered Zaeed as he turned to check on Joker. "You alright Moreau?"
"Yeah, nothing like broken ribs and gun fire to cap off a nice day" quipped the Normandy pilot "what the hell was that all about?"
"I dunno, kid" replaced the mercenary, digging into one of his bags "some nonsense about Cerberus and their new boss wanting EDI back. I plan to find out though."
"Damn!" cured Joker "Don't these guys ever go away?"
"Jeff! Are you alright?" EDI asked as she made her way back to her boyfriend. "I am sorry I left you, but I wanted to help Zaeed."
"Much appreciated, EDI" replied Zaeed as he handed Joker a weapon. The Carnifex pistol Joker held in his hands is a powerful and reliable handgun used by military and mercenary forces alike.
"Um, Zaeed, what's this for?" asked Joker. "I'm the pilot of the galaxy's most advanced warship, remember? Why do I need a gun?"
"That is to protect yourself, and your girl there" Zaeed aid, motioning to EDI "she can't protect you all the ti-".
Zaeed's words were cut off as a shot ripped through his shoulder, knocking him to the ground. Seemingly all at once, the shooter de-cloaked and hit EDI with an electrical attack to disable her.
Horrified, Joker raised the pistol to stop the Nemesis from leaving.
"Let her go, asshole!" shouted Joker "I'm not warning you again."
"What are you going to do, little man?" hissed the Nemesis, her sword positioned directly over EDI's central control power unit. "You can barely stand up straight, you fucking cripple!"
Straightening himself as best he could, Joker took aim at the Nemesis' head, most of which she was covering using EDI as a shield. The pistol shook in his grip as he attempted to aim for the top left of the attackers head.
Joker's window of opportunity opened as the Cerberus agent turned her head to see Zaeed sitting up, his shoulder a mangled mess of flesh and armor.
"You're a bloody terrible shot…" Zaeed muttered, attempting to get up " I've been hit by worse."
"I'll make sure to finish the job you ol-" was all the Nemesis was able to say before her head exploded from the gunshot. Joker used the distraction provided by Zaeed to fire off a single shot that broke his hand in the process.
"..and those guys said I needed time at the firing range" said Joker laughing, referring to Cortez, Garrus and Wrex.
"God that hurts!" exclaimed Joker, cradling his hand as the pain hit him. He snapped out of it long enough to run to EDI's side as she crumpled to the ground.
"EDI!" cried Joker, fearing the worst "EDI can you hear me?"
Nothing.
"EDI!" cried Joker again "come on baby, talk to me."
The seconds felt like hours to Joker, who felt like he was losing the person that mattered to him the most.
"What would you like to talk about, Jeff?" said EDI slowly, as her systems came back online. "The electrical pulse attack was well-placed. I was completely shut down and had to restart my systems from the Normandy."
Joker slumped back on his hind end with a relieved sigh.
"So much for having a quiet day off the ship" he quipped. Turning toward Zaeed, he asked "You ok?"
"Like I said, Moreau, I've suffered worse. I'll live." he replied. "I've got hunting to do." referring to the Cerberus assassins.
"Head to the hospital, they can take care of that shoulder." advised Joker, now cradling EDI in his arms.
"Don't like hospitals, mate." Zaeed replied "too goddamn white and sterile. I'll take care of it, and plus C-Sec and I don't get along".
"C-Sec?" asked Joker "what about C….sec?" "Oh yeah, C-Sec" as he recalled calling them at the start of the fire fight.
His voice trailed off as a squadron of C-Sec cars filled the area, and officers poured out to assess the situation.
"Zaeed?" The mercenary was nowhere to be found.
As the medics arrived to tend to Joker's broken bones, EDI curled up her body next to him, and placed her hand on his face.
"Jeff… you saved me." EDI said as the ambulance drove off "I… I love you."
"No sweat, babe." joker muttered as the painkillers and medi-gel took effect.
"Jeff, I am serious." EDI retorted, "I love you."
"I know, EDI." he replied as he bent to kiss her, much to the medic's dismay.
"I love you too, forever and always."