A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Yellowfur because she's awesome like that. And our conversation about Claire giving the soccer boys "the closest shave they ever had" inspired this. A bit of fun that is my first attempt at a parody. Yeah, I know that song lyrics are against the TOS, but whatever. It wouldn't be a parody without them.
The filth of the Hudson River can be smelled from miles away; I wrinkle my nose and inhale the leftover scent of Chanel no. 19 still lingering on my wrist. In the fog, Westchester looks dark and damp, nastier than I remember. Not that Westchester was a happy place for me. I shake my head, trying to block out the memories.
"Massie?" Josh tugs at my sleeve.
I grip the railing of the super chic yacht I'd bought with my trust fund as soon as I'd been released. After all, if I was coming back to Westchester, I had to do in style. The boat shudders slightly as it pulls into dock; Josh hops off and ties it with thick, coarse rope.
"Massie? We're here."
I take tiny, careful, steps; all the better to show off my brand new Christian Louboutin stilettos. As soon as I hit the sidewalk, however, I run as fast as my manicured feet can take me, towards the old salon on Birch Street. Even though I hadn't seen the place in fifteen years, I knew my boyfriend and daughter, Cassandra, would be safe inside, frozen as if they were acting out a tableau of domesticated life.
The streets are completely deserted, a rat scampers out from a sewer and nibbles at my shoe.
"Oh no you didn't, beyotch!" I kick at it and the vermin scuttles away quickly.
Moving through the maze of streets, I sing, my voice dark and bitter, "There is a hole in the world like a great black pit, and the vermin in the world inhabit it and its morals aren't worth what a pin can spit and it goes by the name of Westchester."
I take a deep breath, "Wasn't that the run on sentence from hell?" No one answers, not that I expected them to or anything. I continue, "At the top of the hole sit a privileged few, making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo, turning beauty to filth and greed. I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders, for the cruelty of man is just as wondrous as Peru but there's no place like Westchester! There was a hairdresser and her boyfriend and he was hot………"
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Massie looked at Derek, adoration visible in her eyes as he carried mounds of shopping bags and boxes.
"A foolish hairdresser and her boyfriend….."
Massie lifted Cassandra from her designer baby carriage; the dark haired baby giggled.
"He was the reason for her life and he was hot, and he was virtuous…And she was naïve."
Massie batted her eyelash at Derek; he smiled back weakly. "I love you," she whispered. "Yeah," he grunted, struggling to lift Massie's recent purchases.
"There was another girl who saw that he was hot; a biased vulture of the law, who, with a gesture of her claw removed the hairdresser from her plate!"
Claire watched Derek, her cerulean eyes turning navy with suppressed anger and jealousy. A snap of her fingers and Massie was dragged away by two overfed cops. Massie scratched at their arms vainly.
"Get off of me! Don't you dare touch me like that!"
Claire kissed Derek on the cheek, he managed to catch Cassandra, who had been tossed to him by a desperate Massie.
"And there was nothing to do but wait! And so he'd fall! So soft! So young! So lost and oh so hot!"
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"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people filled with shit! And the vermin of the world inhabit it!" I stare at the building that used to be my studio. Now, a peeling sign hung from the doorway, reading 'Mr. Fisher's Meat Pies'.
I march toward the shop, pure, unadulterated fury making my face bright red, my fists clenched; my nails digging into her palms. I wince, but continue towards my destination. I pull open the door; an annoying bell announces my presence.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Yeah, I know it's dumb. What's a bored teenager stuck in suburbia supposed to do? As always, con-crit is appreciated.