I had a dream and this came out of it.

"Oh," Ritsu said, pausing. He had just started printing another copy of Satou-sensei's storyboard, cursing the lack of extra ink cartridges in the cabinet above him and the terribly anxious feeling rising within him for no apparent reason.

Well, now there was a reason.

A full-body shudder ran through him at the news, and he nearly collapsed, then he was calm again. "Ok."

Kisa stared at him with wide, red-rimmed eyes, breath hitching from heavy sobs. "'Ok'? That's all you can say about this?"

Ritsu felt that feeling again, the one where his entire being tensed up and he knew if he let himself, he would never be able to stop falling apart. But a finger twitched, and the feeling was quelled, at least for now. "Yeah. What else am I supposed to say?" When Kisa didn't move from his spot, looking as if he were about to fall over, he lightly scolded, "You should get back to work. We're really busy this month."

Only silence replied to him.

"When does Takano-san come back from his trip?" Ritsu asked two weeks later as he walked into Emerald, shuffling through a sales proposal.

His co-workers looked…uneasy, and there was a dark fog hanging over all of them. Was something going on? Why didn't anyone tell him?

Ritsu laughed nervously. "It's not the end of the Cycle yet, guys, what's up?"

Mino stood up, and this was definitely one of the only times Ritsu had seen his face not curved into a smile. Even during that week when they smelt like trash and they didn't go home because they had to work insane hours, Ritsu could count on Mino and that enigmatic smile. But now, it was flat.

"Ritsu," and there was a problem if the older male didn't call him 'Ricchan' or added a '-kun' to the end, "how long are you going to keep this up?"

"Keep what up? Working?" He wasn't offended, no, because there was that choking feeling again, and he had to straighten his shoulders to keep it from getting the best of him. "If I stop, I'll surely get fired. What are you even talking about now?"

The other gave a sigh like it took away all his energy, shook his head, and exited the room, but not before Ritsu could see the small glisten of tears. Is Mino ok? Did something happen with his family? Ritsu shrugged it off and sat down at his desk, ignoring the way the others were staring at him as if he were about to keel over.

"Happy birthday, Ricchan!" Kisa said as Ritsu opened the door. The younger-looking male was holding a small box, in which there was most likely a cake.

Hatori stood like a stone guardian in the hallway, a present wrapped in his hand. "Happy birthday, Onodera," he murmured, bowing before slipping inside and taking off his shoes, following Kisa into the living room.

Ritsu smiled. Mino had to do something after work, but it was still nice having two of his friends over to celebrate the day he was born. "Thank you, both of you for coming," he hummed, closing the door behind him and moving straight towards the kitchen where he brought out small plates of snacks for them to eat. Neither of them reached for one.

"So, uh," he began, forcing himself to speak before he could hesitate and have them descend into an awkward silence, "how are you both today?"

Hatori grunted out what Ritsu thought must have been an affirmative, while Kisa stretched his lips into a wide smile and laughed shortly as he replied, "I'm doing ok."

"Good, that's…good," Ritsu cleared his throat, quickly grabbing a snack just so he would have something to occupy his mouth. He glanced at the time. 22.07. "It's getting late…"

Kisa laughed again, though it sounded sort of…odd, "Waiting for someone, Ricchan?"

Ritsu did that blushing-glaring combo that he was so good at, or so someone had told him before. "N-no! Just…it's polite if you actually say 'happy birthday' to your own employee, no matter how much you yell at them or maybe touch them in inappropriate places or—" He turned redder when he realized he was about to rant again. "Never mind."

The two of them shared a look that Ritsu couldn't decipher, and then Kisa finally said, "Ricchan…I don't think Takano-san is going to be coming."

Disappointed and mildly heartbroken, though he tried not to show it, Ritsu's pleasant smile jerked, and he nearly frowned and was about to fall into another one of his moods, but no, he couldn't do that in front of his friends—"Well, that's no problem. And who said I meant Takano-san, anyways?"

For a moment, Kisa seemed to be his normal self again, eyes sparkling in that mischievous way that told Ritsu he was about to say something…weird, "When do you not mean Takano-san? It's kind of obvious, even now."

Ritsu only hmph'ed. "Shouldn't be…that obvious." He nearly fell backwards as the table clattered and Hatori stood up in…anger?

"Onodera, I am very sorry but Takano-san is dead, and no amount of waiting is going to bring him back."

Choking, choking, choking, choking—no, don't do this here, please—"W-what? What do you mean?"

"Takano Masamune is dead," Hatori repeated, as if Ritsu hadn't heard him correctly the first time. "It's been 3 months and you still haven't accepted it." He sat down, but his hands were clenched.

Ritsu gave a breathy chuckle. "Of course I have, I heard from Kisa already. What are you talking about? Anyways," he continued when neither of them spoke up again, "I'm fairly sure I would know if he really were d...dead, won't I? I mean, the guy is my next door neighbor."

"Ricchan, when's the last time you actually saw him?" Kisa seemed ready to start crying again, like he had done often at random times during the day since he related the distressing news to Ritsu. "When's the last time you talked to him, even?"

Something was wrong. Ritsu knew it. Already that suffocating feeling was creeping up on him again, but still. He didn't want to accept anything. He didn't need to accept anything…did he? Sliding his phone out of his jacket pocket, Ritsu unlocked it with shaking fingers and pressed the conversation that he shared with Takano, and—and…

[To Takano M]

…good luck. Don't forget to come back. (12/06/2012 at 19.35)

[From Takano M]

Missing me already? (12/06/2012 at 19.35)

[To Takano M]

Sure. (12/06/2012 at 19.35)

[From Takano M]

Alright, Ritsu. Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it.

I love you. (12/06/2012 at 19.36)

[To Takano M]

…me too. (12/06/2012 at 19.37)

"You're wrong," Ritsu whispered, but the evidence was right in front of him. Takano was dead. The urge to sob only grew stronger, and he struggled to swallow the feeling. "You're both wrong."

Growing tired of this denial, Kisa shouted, "Takano Masamune is dead! Don't you get it?! He's not coming back! He won't ever come back!"

"He'll come back. He always does." But his argument was getting weaker, and he found it harder and harder to keep a lock on his emotions.

"TAKANO IS DEAD! D-E-A-D DEAD! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?" Kisa finally screamed, right in his face.

Ritsu couldn't even be shocked at how loud Kisa had yelled, for he was overcome with sobs so powerful that his whole body shook, and he couldn't move—couldn't—there was something paralyzing him, what was it, what was this feeling that made him want to scream as loud as he could, that made him want to disappear into nothing or burst into a million tiny pieces in the wind and then that would be that, there'd be no more Ritsu, no more of this—

Pain. Indescribable pain. There is nothing effective enough to tell you how to deal with the death of a loved one, how to properly grieve until there is no feeling left. Ritsu wanted to be like that. Wanted to be rid of all feeling, so he wouldn't be crying until he felt lightheaded, until he felt bile coming up the back of his throat and his limbs held tight together with something unlike fear, unlike anxiety.

He took a breath, then everything went black.

A/N: Wow, this was upsetting.

-ChemicallyEnhanced