Perfect. It couldn't have been any more perfect. We all ended up with the people we should have- Ron and I. It was fate; there was no other way to put it. Fate, destiny, true love, whatever. We wound up in just the right place. But then, why did it feel so wrong?
"Hermione?" came Ron's voice from the bathroom interrupting my thoughts.
"Yes, dear?" I called back.
"Do you know where I put my tie?" he asked.
On the floor, with the rest of your clothes I had to pick up this morning, I wanted to call back. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. Taking my anger out on him wasn't going to fix anything.
"It's right here, dear," I said pulling the tie in question out of the dresser drawer. I looked back into the mirror. Perfect was right. My hair fell in perfect layers framing my face. My figure was still thin even after popping out two children. I was the perfect wife and mother. I worked at the ministry by day as the minister's right hand woman and at night, I came home, cooked, read to my children and tucked them in. Ron and I had the perfect relationship. We would take nights to be together and he would visit me at work without fail every day. In fact, we were so perfect, I doubted the word perfect quite covered it.
"Hermione?" came Ron's voice again. This time he was standing behind me.
"Hey," I said turning around.
"Is everything okay?" he asked me.
"Yeah," I answered, pushing my imperfect feelings down deep within me, "Let me do the tie."
I flicked my wand and the tie soared over our heads and wrapped itself neatly around Ron's neck. He checked himself in the mirror.
"Perfect," he said with a smile. Just the word set me on edge.
"Absolutely," I said through with gritted teeth.
"Can you believe it," Ron said, checking the rest of his reflection in the mirror, "We're sending Hugo off to Hogwarts today. Who would have thought we'd have such a normal life after everything?"
I knew how he felt. It was a blessing to be able to settle down and start a family. Normalcy was a gift, routines were like a reward, and monotony was welcomed. But at the same time, a part me felt like it was incomplete. Like there was more than just this perfect life. I was only 36, how did this become the end of my life?
"I know," I said back to him, "We've come a long way."
"We have," Ron whispered, kissing the tip of my nose and then my lips. I kissed him back and put my hands in his hair.
"Do you realize something," Ron whispered into my ear, "We're finally going to be alone in this house."
I wanted to add something about peace of mind and taking a break, but I couldn't voice it because at that moment the door flew open.
"EW!" shouted Rose from the doorway, "Stop it!"
Ron and I looked up at our daughter. What a strange miracle of nature children are. When you look at your child, you can see nothing but yourself. You just think of all the similarities you share. She was once your flesh and your blood flows through her veins. But at the same time, she embodies the person you love. It's just a creepy thought how Ron and I could both reside within our 13 year old daughter and she could still be such a remarkable person.
Rose was the perfect combination of Ron and I. Smart and toothy like I used to be, but with her father's red hair and blue eyes. She had my wit, but her father's big heart and loyalty. Her brother, Hugo, was the opposite. He inherited my brown hair and brown eyes. Instead of my wit, he inherited my ambition and penchant for hard work and his father's love of life.
"Stop snogging in front of us," Hugo piped up from behind his sister. I couldn't contain my laugh.
"Sorry sweetie," I said, picking Hugo up in my arms. He was 11, but he was still small for his age. Carrying him wasn't any harder than it had been when he was younger.
"PUT ME DOWN MUM!" he yelled, "I'M GOING TO HOGWARTS!"
"Hermione," Ron said, "Put him down. He's a big boy now. No more picking him up. And from now on we will only call him Sir Hugo."
"Let's get going then, Sir Hugo," I said, motioning them out the door.
When we reached Platform 9 ¾ the usual havoc of September 1st was well underway. Parents shoving last-minute items into their children's hands, the screech of owls and calls of toads, kids running amuck. The moment we made it through the barrier, Rose had scurried off with her trolley to go find her friends. Hugo however stuck to us like glue.
"Do you see Harry and Ginny?" Ron asked me. I shook my head. Harry and Ginny were always late. Since they had sent James off to school and then Albus, Ginny had popped out another child. I on the other hand hadn't managed to get pregnant again. It didn't bother Ron, but it did bother me. It had been 10 years since I held a baby in my arms. I really wanted a large family. I hadn't had any brothers or sisters and my parents couldn't recognize me. All I had was Ron and I wanted my children to have someone if anything ever happened to us. It bothered me a lot that Ginny always seemed to have a baby in the house and that her children had one another. But in a cynical way, I was glad I couldn't seem to have another child. It was a glitch, a blemish on my otherwise perfect life.
"There they are!" shouted Hugo. He shot off toward Lily.
Sure enough, there were Harry and Ginny. She was holding two year old Lavender who was playing with her necklace. Harry had one arm around her.
"Always late," I said as they came toward us, "I hope you're not going to stand me up drinks tonight."
"Sorry," Harry said, wiping his glasses of the steam from the train, "No. I will not stand you up. It's my turn to pay for drinks after all and Ginny didn't want to get up this morning. She just wanted to stay in bed. But I told her that now that Lily was going off to school, we could spend all day in bed. Then she couldn't seem to get ready fast enough." Ginny hit him playfully. He kissed her so passionately on the mouth, it made me blush. I cleared my throat and they sprung apart. Harry left with Ron to help the kids load their things onto the train, a blush spreading on his cheeks as well.
"Can you believe it, Lily and Hugo are eleven already. Where on earth did the time go?" Ginny laughed, smoothening the awkwardness.
"I know," I said holding my hands out for Lavender. Ginny passed her to me and left to say goodbye to her children, "Hi, sweetie," I said to Lavender. She giggled. I buried my nose in her hair and took in that newborn baby smell I craved so much.
All of Harry and Ginny's kids looked different from one another. James looked like his mother with his red hair and brown eyes, Albus looked like Harry's clone when he was twelve, Lily looked like Harry's mother with red hair and bright green eyes, and Lavender was most different with blonde hair and blue eyes. We always joked around that Ginny had had an affair, but we all knew that was more than impossible. Harry and Ginny's life wasn't perfect, but they were the kind imperfections that kept them happy. Despite his fame, Harry and Ginny were struggling financially. Harry's inheritance had been all but spent looking after four children and paying Hogwarts tuitions. He had constant job offers, but never took one. Ginny worked at the Ministry, but the money was just not coming in fast enough. Yet somehow the little things going wrong in their lives was what kept them together.
In the days after Voldemort's demise, Harry still couldn't find peace. I had Ron, and back then that was more than enough. But Harry though would wake up with cold sweats, he'd imagine his scar to hurt and even started relying on alcohol at one point. But through everything, Ginny was there to hold his hand and soothe his pain. That was what really brought them together. They knew and loved each other's imperfections. Ron and I, we had always had each other. We grew up together. Us falling in love just happened, no complications, no problems, no struggle.
"Lavender, darling, come here," came Harry's voice over the din of my thoughts.
"What?"
"I was asking for Lav," he said picking Lavender out of my hands. He kissed her loudly on the top of her head and she grinned.
"Where's Ron?" I asked him.
"Right there," Harry said, pointing through the people to where Ron stood, talking to Rose. Hugo and Lily stood behind him talking animatedly to one another. Ginny had pulled Lily aside to speak to her, Ron was speaking to Rose and I took the time to talk to Hugo.
"Nervous?" I asked him. He nodded. My shy little son.
"It'll be okay," I said running a hand down his cheek, brushing away a bit of dirt, "You'll be fine."
"What if no one likes me?" he asked.
"I met your father and Uncle Harry on the Hogwarts Express my first day of school," I said, "and they hated me. Thought I was a know-it-all. Your father especially. We did not get along the first few weeks of school. But then, all of a sudden, we became best friends and here we are thirty years later, still best friends. So don't worry. Don't let first impressions be last impressions, okay?"
He nodded and I kissed him on the cheek, "Listen, you're going to do absolutely great. I know you will."
And with that I loaded him onto the train. I kissed the top of Rose's head, wished her the best, and sent her on her way too. Ron put his arm around me and we stepped back. James, Albus and Lily had lined up in front of Ginny. Harry stood next to them. She kissed each of her children on the cheek, and Harry cleared his throat loudly demanding a kiss as well. Ginny giggled and made to kiss Harry's cheek, but Harry turned and caught her full on the lips. For a moment, I couldn't suppress my jealousy. Why were they so cute together? Why were Ron and I never like that? Why did we have to be so perfectly proper?
But I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. The kids all loaded onto the train, disappeared for a moment and then reappeared at the windows, waving and giggling. And then the train pulled out of the station. Among the parents stood some that we knew. Dean Thomas and his wife, Seamus Finnegan, Ernie Macmillian, and Malfoy. The sight of Malfoy knocked the wind out of me. I had seen him two years ago when Scorpius was starting school. He looked healthy and happy. His wife had been beside him. But this year, there was no sign of her. And Malfoy looked as if he hadn't eaten since that September. His son was getting onto the train, but there was no happiness in his eyes, nor in Malfoy's. I wondered what could have happened. But before I could make any conclusions, he had walked out of the station and back into King's Cross Station.
"Finally," Harry said, handing Lavender to me and, scooping Ginny up into his arms and twirling her around, "Alone!"
Ginny let go of Harry and straightened up, "Oh no we aren't," she said taking Lavender from me again, "We still have this one. And I think she may have soiled herself. I'll be right back." Ginny headed off toward the bathroom with Harry in tow.
"You and me though," Ron said, "we're finally alone. I can't remember the last time we went out on a date. Just us." And then he did the most surprising thing. He grabbed me by the waist, flipped me around him and kissed me like that. The moment surprised me and I nearly lost my balance but I kissed him back.
It was like relighting a fire that had gone cold. All of a sudden, it was just me and Ron again. This was our first kiss. Butterflies were flapping away in my stomach and my mind had gone blissfully blank.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder and we broke away, completely red in the face. It was Harry.
"Time to go," he said, "I hope you don't mind Ron, but your wife and I have a date with the Leaky Cauldron." Ron laughed and handed me off to Harry.
"See you at home," I said to him, "Don't stay up."
"Love you," Ron said walking through the barrier back into King's Cross. Ginny and Lavender followed him.
We had a tradition where Harry and I would go and have drinks on the 1st of September. Since it was the day all wizarding families sent their little ones off to school, it was officially a holiday. We didn't have to go to work, even though our children weren't in Hogwarts yet. So Harry and I took it as a day to spend together. We may have gotten married and had our own lives, but I knew he needed me as well and we were just friends.
"After you, ma'am," Harry said following me through the barrier. As usual, no one noticed when we randomly showed up. No one even noticed when we abruptly Disapparated into nothingness and into London.
"You're in a good mood," I said to Harry as we walked into the Leaky Cauldron together.
"I am indeed," he said.
"Are you alright," Harry asked me.
"Of course I am," I said, "Its just, well you know, me and Ron can't seem to get pregnant."
"Maybe you're not trying hard enough," Harry laughed, "Ew no. We're not talking about this until I'm nice and drunk. Thinking of you and Ron shagging is actually mentally scarring to me."
We both laughed as Harry ordered the round of drinks. We downed it unnaturally quickly, as if both of us had something on our minds we wanted to forget.
"What's up with you?" Harry said, raising his eyebrows.
"I'm going to need a lot more alcohol for that," I said, "Two incredibly strong firewhiskies please."
Our drinks were placed in front of us and we both took massive swigs. The alcohol was starting to clog my rationality.
"Have you ever thought our lives ended a little too perfectly?" I asked Harry, "Like someone was writing our storylines. You and Ginny were meant to be and so were I and Ron. It's not like fate, it more like—"
"Ginny's pregnant again," Harry interrupted me.
There was a short, poignant silence. I felt like he had slapped me across the face, but then I felt elated. And then I felt like hitting him. Instead, I drained my drink. It refilled magically.
"Harry," I started, but he held up a hand.
"With 3 teenagers, an infant, another one on the way and no job, I'm not entirely sure how we're going to manage. My parents' money is practically gone for Hogwarts tuition and I need to save the rest for the next 20 odd years they're in school. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"I don't know if you noticed," I started to say, "But everyone wants you. And I mean everyone."
Harry shook his head, "Look, I killed Voldemort and now they want me to kill paperwork. Its just not going to happen, it won't make me happy and it won't make my family happy."
"It will keep your family going," I said to him, "It will keep them alive and healthy. Isn't that all that matters?"
My mouth was moving, but my head was spinning. Ginny was pregnant. Again. Five kids in 20 years. And all I'd had was two. Since when was I second in anything. What the fuck was wrong with me. Was it Ron. No, fuck him, he was perfect. I hadn't realized that I had drained the glass again when it refilled.
Harry shook his head, "I want to be a role model to my children. I want them to look at me and be proud. And not just because I defeated Voldemort nearly 20 years ago, but because I accomplished something on my own."
"I'll drink to that," I said, gulping it down again. "Listen, you need to sort out your priorities. First things first, you need to be happy. Having a child isn't a bad thing at all. Lord knows, if I was the one who was pregnant I'd be over the moon. Second, you need to find a job. Any job at all. Poor Ginny's been working forever, let her take a break."
Harry laughed, "Always the voice of reason. I promise I'll find something."
"Have you thought about getting a vasectomy?" I suggested, giving him a smile over my drink. My head was starting to get happily fuzzy now.
"Keep it down, Hermione," Harry said, "The thought crossed my mind, but Ginny went berserk when I explained it to her. Refused to let me use Muggle medicine. Anyway, I know how much having kids means to her. She's so good at being a mom."
"So am I," I said stupidly, "I like how Lavender smells."
Harry laughed, "How are you this drunk already?"
I laughed too and exclaimed, "I'm not drunk! Keep talking about your babies."
Harry continued smiling, "I'm not going to take away the one thing in our lives that keeps us happy. Ginny was so sad last year when Albus went to school. It was the comfort sex that led to Lav. And then when she realized Lily was leaving too, BAM she got pregnant again—Hermione, are you okay?"
But I wasn't okay. Something inside me had snapped and I was weeping all over the bar. The alcohol was taking its effect and tears would not stop rolling down my cheeks.
"Hermione, Hermione," Harry said, standing behind me and petting my hair awkwardly as I continued to cry into my glass. 37 years and 4- which was about to become 5- pregnancies, had taught Harry nothing about how to deal with crying women.
"Hey, hey," he said, "I didn't mean to upset you. Hermione, what's wrong."
The next thing I knew I was pouring my heart out to him as fat droplets poured out of my eyes.
"And then he says that, 'Oh that's fine, we don't need more kids'. I told him, 'I'm only 36. There is something wrong with me'. We've been trying since right after Hugo was born 10 years ago. But he thinks everything is perfect between us. If it was perfect I'd be happy, but I'm miserable. Its awful, Harry, I don't know how much longer I can take him."
Harry conjured up a handkerchief from thin air and handed it to me. I blew my nose extremely unattractively but I was way too drunk to care. I looked up at him and handed back my handkerchief, which he took extremely reluctantly. Lying my head on his shoulder, I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath.
"I'll be okay," I said to myself, willing it to be true. I had two beautiful wonderful kids, and they were all I needed. I had Ron. But just the thought of him brought with it a fresh set of tears.
"I reckon its time I get you home," Harry said, hoisting me up and thrusting the handkerchief back into my hand. I blew my nose again and put an arm around Harry so he could carry me out of the bar.
"I can Apparate myself home," I said, letting go of the death grip I had around him as the cool air hit my face. The sun was already setting and the brisk September air was helping my brain cool down too.
"I'm good," I said, taking out my wand and stumbling away from him.
"Absolutely not," he replied, pulling my wand out from my hand."Friends don't let friends Apparate drunk. God, you could end up splinched with one leg in Tibet."
He put an arm around my waist and the next thing I knew we were being squished into infinity, moving at a hundred miles an hour. And then we were standing in front of my house. And then I was bent over, puking on Harry's shoes.