Unca Rumple Says
By Regina Nolan
(as told to Snapegirlkmf)
Unca Rumple says to never touch anything in the Dark Castle.
But I forgot.
I was stayin' there with him an' Auntie Belle, Alina, Jimmy, an' the new babies one day when I went 'sploring down the hall. It was a big long hall . . . and kinda dark an' scary.
Only I wasn't a'scared.
Only two things scare me.
Nightmares.
An' being in big serious trouble with Unca Rumple.
So . . . I went down the long, deep, dark hall.
An' at the end of it was . . . a door.
It was a huge high golden door, all shiny an' sparkly, an' I tried to open it.
I stood up on my tippy toes an' stretched . . . an' stretched . . .an' stretched . . .
Till I finally reached the gold handle!
The door swung open . . . and guess what was inside?
It was a round room! The round room was all made of gray stone blocks and a big tall thingy that Unca Rumple calls a ped-a-stal . . . I think. On top of the ped-a-stal thingy is a big round blue globe.
Neat!
I run up to it . . . and then I put my hand right on it, wishing for something to happen.
But nothin' does.
Rats!
But then I see it . . . a long gold stick comin' out of the side of the ped-a-stal thingy.
OOHH! What's that do?
I put my hand out an' touch it.
Now Unca Rumple says to never touch anything in the Dark Castle.
But . . . I forgot.
So I grab the shiny stick and I pull it down.
The round room shakes a little.
Uh oh.
But then it stops and I breathe out again. Phew!
Suddenly I see a little crack in the floor by my foot.
Oh no! The floor broke! Auntie Belle ain't gonna like that!
I put my foot over it. Maybe if I do that, she won't notice.
But the crack keeps getting bigger . . . and bigger . . . and BIGGER!
Till it goes all the way across the room and up the wall.
Now I yell, "Stop! B'fore I'm in big serious trouble!"
But the crack keeps going, and now the room's shaking again even harder.
Oh no! This is bad!
There's cracks all over the wall now, and some of the gray stones are fallin' out!
And the room shakes so much I fall down.
I crawl fast as I can, like a little bug, across the floor and out the door . . . just as the wall tumbles down.
UH OH!
Maybe if I pretend I wasn't here . . . Unca Rumple won't know who went in the room.
So I do the only thing I can think of.
Run away! Run away!
I run down the long deep dark hall again . . . and into a different room.
For some reason the floor's still shakin'.
Then I hear Unca Rumple.
"Regina! Dearie, what are you doing?"
"Nothing!" I call back.
It's true. I'm not doin' anything. Not now.
"Rumple? What's that noise? It sounded like something falling," Auntie Belle says.
Uh oh!
"Maybe I'd better check upstairs," Unca Rumple says.
Yikes! He's comin' up the stairs! I gotta hide!
I look around the room. Its got some black drapes and stuff over some big things. I run behind one of them. It's a big mirror! Cool! I pull on the black drape so's I can hide under it.
Then my foot gets caught and I trip and fall . . . right into the mirror!
Ouch! As I rub my head, I see the mirror start to rock back and forth.
Huh?
Next thing I know it's falling over . . . right into the next one . . . and the one after it . .. and the one after that . . .
Crash! Smash! Splat!
Uh oh! Broken glass is everywhere!
I know! I'll just run outta here too . . . and pretend I was never here.
I run out the door and grab the door knob to close it. It's heavy. I swing on it, like I'm on a vine in the jungle. Ah-o-o-oh!
SLAM!
The door shuts and I jump off and run away again, b'fore Unca Rumple see the mess I made.
Behind me . . . the floor cracks and more walls fall down.
UH OH!
"Regina? Where are you?"
Yikes! He's comin' closer!
I run into another room.
This one's gots lots an' lots of big suits of armor, like what the knights wore . . . and my daddy wore too sometimes. Anyway, I run up to see one and it comes alive!
"Intruder! Intruder in the castle!"
"My name ain't intruder!" I yell. "It's Regina!"
"Intruder! Intruder!"
Stupid armor!
Then it tries to get me.
AHH!
I run away as fast as I can with the stupid ol' Knight of Nothin' chasing me.
"Help! Help! Unca Rumple!"
He's the bestest person to call for help . . . cuz he can beat everybody's butt.
Umm . . . even mine.
Uh oh.
The stupid armor's still after me, still screamin', "Intruder! Intruder!" and trying to hit me with its big chain with its spiked ball, whatever that thingy is.
It keeps missin' though, cuz I'm too fast. I'm the queen of speed, faster than a flying pegasus, or a speeding bullet, or . . .
SMASH!
Oops . . . there goes another wall.
Stupid armor! Now it's made a big hole in the wall and more rocks and stuff is falling down.
"Intruder! Intruder!"
"Re-gina! Re-gina! You stupid ass!" I scream at it as I run down the other hallway.
"Dearie, what the hell is going on here?"
Uh oh . . . Unca Rumple sounds like he's mad.
"Nothing!"
I duck into another room and the stupid ass armor goes by, still bashing the walls and making a mess.
The castle shakes some more. And more cracks come in the walls.
Oops!
"Regina Nolan, what have you done?" Unca Rumple yells. "BELLE! She's wrecking my castle!"
I bite my lip. I am not! It's all that stupid suit of armor's fault!
Over in this other room, there's a table with some shiny pretty jewels on it. Ohh! I love jewelry! I run over to the table and pick up a gold necklace with a large red sparkly stone-a ruby—on it and put it on. Then I see a tiara, like a princess!
I put it on too.
There's a loud noise . . . and the floor opens up and I almost fall in a hole into the dungeon!
Yikes!
"Unca Rumple!"
The floor's shaking now more and more so I run outta the room and try and run back down the hall, but everything's falling down!
Rocks are falling all over by me and I can't find the way out!
Then I duck and see the stairs and hear Unca Rumple yelling to Auntie Belle, "Belle, get the twins and Alina out of here! The castle's collapsing!"
Umm . . .
"Regina!" Unca Rumple blinks over to me, and grabs me up in his arms. "What have I told you, dearie, about touching things in my castle?"
I give him my bestest puppydog eyes. "We-e-ll . . ."
But before I can tell him what really happened . . . he blinks us outside.
There's Auntie Belle with the twins, they're screamin' like always, and Alina is huggin' Nala and they're all lookin' at Unca Rumple's castle . . . which has got all this dust an' stuff all over it and the walls and towers are all falling to pieces. It's kinda like the time I knocked over Henry's Lego Hogwarts.
Unca Rumple just stares at the castle, his mouth open like he just swallowed a bug.
"Rumple . . . where are we going to live?" asks Auntie Belle, shushing the twins.
"I have no idea, dearie. Is everyone okay? Where's Jimmy?"
Just then Jimmy comes running outta the side door of the castle, with Freya in his arms. "F-ing hell, Mr. Gold!" he says. "I was sleeping and all of a sudden the ceiling freakin' fell on me! What's going on?"
Ooh . . . he said a bad word! Unca Rumple's gonna wash out his mouth with soap!
The castle makes a loud groaning sound and more rocks tumble to the ground in a pile. It's all broken into bits and pieces.
I stare at them. Did I do that?
Uh oh . . . I think I'm in trouble . . .
Like big serious trouble.
(as any kid knows means a spanking).
I stare at Unca Rumple, who looks like he's gonna start yelling . . . or crying . . . or something . . .
"Papa, your castle . . . it's all ruined . . ." Alina says.
Then Emma, Bae, and Henry come home from riding.
Bae pulls Thunder to a stop and almost falls right off him. "Papa? What the hell happened to the castle?"
Unca Rumple clears his throat. Then he uses his other hand to point to me, since he's still holdin' me. "She happened, Bae."
Emma whistles. "Jeez, I hope you've got insurance, Gold!"
Henry looks at me and the Dark Castle. "Hmm . . . maybe she thought you needed to remodel, Grandpa."
Bae smacks him on the head for that.
"Unca Rumple . . ." I say quickly. "I sorry I wrecked your castle. But . . . you can come live with me!"
Bae, Emma, and Henry start laughing like crazy.
Unca Rumple just looks at me and says, "Sure, dearie. Until you knock that one down." He shakes his finger at me. "Now what have I told you about touching anything in the Dark Castle?"
"Not to."
"Then why on earth did you, young lady?"
I swallow hard. Then I tell him what I was tryin' to tell him before.
"Because . . . I forgot."
A/N: This little story was written for two of my friends on FB, who inspired me to write it after a discussion about the new episode of OUAT. You know who you are, girls! And also for anyone who has had a toddler wreck their house! I hope you all enjoyed it!