Alright. -smacks hands together- Geez, I haven't been on here in a while, but look! I'm back! -twirls- Anyway, I got the idea for this after reading the last chapter of "Sticks and Stones" by lunabasketcase. Well, I promised her a parody, and this is the result. I don't really think this counts as a parody, per se, but I was amused while writing it, so I hope you enjoy it, too.
Dedication: To the amazing Sam/lunabasketcase. Wow, I actually managed to write this before the end of the month! Just like a said! Am I awesome or what? ^_^
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, but I do own my computer! -twirls-
Cold, sweet moisture greeted his lips. That's funny. Weren't kisses supposed to be warm? Oh, well. Cold suited his style. Anyway, back to that cold, wet, sweet—hold it. Sweet? He never liked anything sweet. Ah, screw it. He was enjoying himself. The smooth flavors of vanilla, strawberries, and chocolate swirled together and slid down his throat. His tongue explored every inch of—
"Sasuke."
"Leave me alone, dammit."
"Sasuke!"
"I said, 'Leave me ALONE.'"
"SASUKE!"
Black eyes suddenly snapped to attention as Sasuke looked past his violated ice cream cone to glare at whoever had interrupted his daydream. It didn't help his annoyance that the interrupter just so happened to be the very source of the fantasy. He just barely resisted the urge to growl in frustration and instead returned to molesting the poor ice cream.
"What are you doing?"
His eye twitched.
"Sasuke? Did ya hear me?"
It kept twitching.
"What are you doing?"
And now it felt like his whole face was going into spasms.
"Sasuke?"
"I'm. Eating. My. Ice cream," came the response through gritted teeth. "And pretending it's you."
"Really? You eat strange."
That was it. "You wanna know why I'm eating strangely?"
"Huh?"
"I'll show you why." And with that, Sasuke pounced over the little ice cream parlor table—and right onto the wood floor beside his bed. "DAMMIT!"
No sooner had he yelled than he heard quick, quiet footsteps racing down the hallway. They stopped at his bedroom door, and their owner poked his head into the room.
"Are you okay?"
"Hn."
"Was it that dream again?" the owner of the footsteps smirked.
Sasuke growled. "It's your fault, you know."
"My fault? Oh, really."
"If you weren't covered in fucking sand all time, I wouldn't have to resort to dreaming about ice cream to get the taste out of my mouth, Gaara."
Gaara's smirk grew wider. "Well, then. Let me just remind you why you tolerate the taste." With that, Gaara plucked Sasuke off the floor and gave him a whole night's worth of reasons for his tolerance.
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The next morning found a redhead and a brunette finally finishing off the last of the Hokage's neglected paperwork after working all night.
"Damn. You got sand all over everything again."
Gaara shrugged. "Well, at least everything's done. Maybe you should try to be grateful for the help instead of complaining."
"Hn."
Gaara raised an eyebrow. "Well, it's not like it's for you, anyway. I don't mind offering a little help to Naruto with all his new duties." He started towards the door. "Oh, and Sasuke?"
"Hn?"
"Why don't you try jumping Naruto for real instead of molesting ice cream in your dreams, huh?" He slammed the door behind him just in time to evade a kunai as Sasuke began cursing everyone and their mother to the fiery pits of hell.
Sasuke: -eye twitch-
Aly: Hehe, uh, Sasuke?
Sasuke: -twitch-
Aly: Uh, you okay?
Naruto: -gasp- Omg, Aly!! -glomps-
Aly: Oof! Haha, glad to see you again, too!
Naruto: Aly!! I have so much tell you! We were at this place, right? And we were with these people, and they were doing this thing, so we—
Sasuke: -twitch-
Naruto: …what's his problem this time?
Aly: I don't know, but I'm terrified. -hides behind Naruto-
Naruto: Oi, teme!
Sasuke: -glares at Naruto- -glares at Aly- Aly.
Aly: -squeaks- Yes?
Sasuke: Where is he?
Aly: -teeny-tiny voice- Who?
Sasuke: Gaara.
Aly: I don't know.
Sasuke: Allllyyyyy…
Aly: Eep! Uh, Sasuke, hehe, calm down. Please, I have, uh…-looks around-…these! -throws a bundle to Sasuke-
Sasuke: -looks inside the bundle- Fine. I'll look for him later. Come on, dobe. -drags Naruto away-
Naruto: Sasuke…what…huh…galflfmosrhphff
Aly: -wipes sweat from forehead- Phew. That should take care of both of them for a while. So, anyway. You know the drill. Please review!