Pay exceptional attention to poor Don's plight, and ensure you don't go the same way! This happened to me, I know how it feels...
Words in italics and situated between asteriks (*) are poor Donnie's tortured thoughts - can you blame him!? In these thoughts, he refers to himself in the first person.
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The rest of the family were out for the day, only two turtles in the house.
Donatello entered the kitchen.
Michaelangelo insisted that he could bake the cake himself – he didn't need Don continually fussing over his work, making sure that he didn't break anything.
Don accepted that he had been quite controlling last time, and left.
Michaelangelo proceeded to *destroy the kitchen* bake the cake.
Donatello worked on his computer.
Mikey called through that he needed to use the plastic tub that April had brought down the night before.
Donatello assumed he meant that he needed to use the plastic tub for mixing *idiot, idiot, IDIOT* and gave his consent from his banishment outside of the kitchen.
Donatello logically assumed that he could not destroy the kitchen with a plastic tub *how wrong I was*
After a while, Mikey called through for Don to enter the kitchen.
Donatello entered, and assumed that Mikey was going to tell him that he couldn't get the temperature right, that he couldn't remember the right temperature needed, or that the oven was broken – assuming all of this because the oven door was open *it was worse - much worse*
Then Donatello realized what the real problem was.
Mikey piped up behind him "I forgot that you're not supposed to put plastic in the oven" *I didn't strangle him, but it was close – so close – might have been better if I had*
Donatello, through an amazing show of will power and strength, managed to refrain from hurting Mikey.
Michaelangelo had placed the cake mixture in two containers – only one of them ovenproof.
The metal container and its contents were safe, apart from a small corner where the melted plastic had gotten in. *breathe, breathe*
The other container was the plastic tub, and – you've got it – was melted.
Of course, this meant that the inside *goop* cake mixture had escaped, and now the oven was covered with melted plastic dripping down the oven racks *he just HAD to place it on the top shelf, didn't he? He just HAD to put plastic in the oven* and *goop* cake mixture, spilled down the oven racks and pooling on the bottom of the oven.
*I was ready to rip his $&%^ head of!* As the pacifist, Donatello was able to keep his cool, and saved the remainder of the cake that sat in the OVENPROOF dish. *I will keep my cool. I will not go out there and kill him. I will keep my cool. I'm the pacifist. I will keep my cool.*
The ovenproof container held a thin, layer of cake mixture. *It couldn't even be called a layer! Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel! You'd go right through the bottom of the barrel trying to get it!*
Donatello then ordered Michaelangelo to lay the ovenproof *see that? OVENPROOF!* container with the mixture, on the table on top of a towel.
Michaelangelo did this, as Donatello finally managed to remove what remained of the plastic container, from where it had melted around, and clung to, the bars of the oven racks. *It was SOLID! Do you have any idea how much effort it took to get the damn stuff OF! Try THAT with three fingers and ovenproof gloves on while trying not to burn yourself! See that! Even the GLOVES are oven proofed!!*
He deposited the *sticky, disgusting, unrecognizable, goopy mess* remains of the plastic container into the trash after ensuring it was cool enough not to burn through the bin!
Donatello then proceeded to clean out the oven using a roll *or two, or three* of kitchen paper, before the sticky mess could solidify.
As he desperately tried to save the oven from a gory demise, Michaelangelo began talking about the game he was going to play. *game!? GAME!!!*
He had managed to unlock the two-player mode and wanted to know if Donatello would play with him afterwards. *Was he INSANE! Or did he just have a DEATH WISH!*
Donatello politely declined, saying that he had work too do *he wanted to play a GAME! After, of course, DONATELLO had cleaned out the oven and fixed his mess!*
Donatello removed the oven racks, careful not to burn himself, and placed them in the sink, in order to make cleaning the inside of the oven, easier.
Now that the oven was free of gloopy mess, dried, washed, and dried again – just for safety's sake – Donatello assumed he was finished and could rest. *Could I? Of course I couldn't – not with MIKEY in the house!*
The container that Mikey had put on the table, had dripped something along the floor.
Ever-patient Donatello * count to ten* told Michaelangelo that he COULDN'T walk across the gloop, and proceeded to clean up the mess, unsure of whether it was liquid plastic, liquid cake mixture or a combination of the two.
Donatello sees the gap at the back of the oven on the floor of the oven.
He wants to know if any of the *gloop* cake mixture and melted plastic fell down this gap onto the pipes.
This could damage the pipes, and as the *gloopy mess* melted mixture had covered the bottom of most of the oven; it was also a valid query.
Donatello calmly asks Michaelangelo to find him a handheld mirror, *thumps head of desk – stupid, stupid, stupid* as he has the intention of levering it into the oven – he can use a torch if he needs light – to enable him to see down onto the pipes. *key…word…HANDHELD!!!!*
Of course, Mikey could not screw up this simple job for Donatello. *deep breaths…one…two…three…*
Mikey runs away, intent on finding a handheld mirror to aid his ever-patient and peace-loving brother.
"Here"
Donatello looks up at where Michaelangelo's voice came from.
*I WILL NOT kill him. I WILL NOT kill him*
Mikey had done what had been asked of him, and had fetched Donatello a mirror.
*I WILL NOT kill him I WILL NOT kill him*
He had fetched his *wait for it, WAIT for it* mirror *That I was somehow supposed to lever into the oven* from his BEDROOM WALL!!!
Ahem…Mikey had somehow managed to remove his wall mirror from the bedroom and carry it to Donatello in the kitchen.
When asked about this, Mikey replied that he could "hold it in two hands" and to him, this meant that it qualified as a handheld mirror.
*I WILL NOT kill him*
Donatello patiently explained to him that he could not angle this mirror into the oven as it was too large.
He also patiently *I can keep my cool, I will not kill him* told him that as a big, tall mirror that hangs on the wall, it does not qualify as a handheld mirror.
Mikey seemed mystified as to this, as he could still hold the mirror in both hands, even to the extent of holding it of the floor. *well done Mikey, but a handheld mirror is small and only needs one hand*
Once Mikey eventually accepts that his mirror is not in the least bit useful to Donatello, Donatello hands him the cloth to hold as he tries to crane his neck into the now cool oven *yes, it took THAT long to clean it!* in order to see if the pipes, are in fact, damaged.
Michaelangelo, of course, ensures that he holds the cloth as close to the mirror as possible.
*I WILL NOT kill him*
This then gives Donatello another job, as he cleans the mirror to ensure that any melted plastic or *gloop* cake mixture do not end up stuck to it.
After Donatello manages to remove the oven racks, completely clean the oven, the floor, the mirror, remind Mikey that if he wants to continue baking the other part of the cake *paper-thin – forget that – NONEXISTENT* then he actually needs to put it back in the oven, preferably the small side oven - as the big oven has been gutted and cleaned, and empty the melted plastic into the bin, then he is finally free and finished! *or so I would like to believe…*
*I WILL NOT kill him*
Mikey then decides to heat something up in the microwave, and it is up to Donatello to remind him not to leave plates and such in front of the microwave, or indeed, on top of the microwave.
*I WILL NOT kill him*
Donatello then also has to remind his brother that while he has filled up the sink with hot water, he still has to clean the dishes, and they won't clean themselves no matter how long you leave them.
Mikey's excuse is that he forgot as his sausage and roll had just finished cooking.
Donatello is finally free to relax.
Donatello returns to his lab, and begins to work on his less stressful projects.
Mikey makes Donatello a meal as a sorry gesture *I assume – though the meal WAS nice. Almost makes up for it. Nope – I've changed my mind. Doesn't come CLOSE to making up for it*
Donatello asks before leaving the kitchen, for Mikey to clean the dishes and work area, and to empty the bin after this. * not too much to ask is it?*
When Donatello returns to the kitchen four hours later, *that's four hours of work to me, and four hours of play to Mikey* the kitchen is still a mess.
The only thing that is done is the dishes, and Donatello finds himself wondering why there are matches in the sink. *why indeed…*
*I WILL NOT kill him*
Upon calling through Michaelangelo, who is reluctant to leave his game, Donatello discovers the cause of the matches.
*I WILL NOT kill him*
Michaelangelo had been having trouble removing the remaining melted – now solidified – plastic.
Instead of asking for help, *like any SANE person would do – of course – Mikey isn't sane* Mikey decided to burn of the remaining offending plastic with matches.
In simple terms – he had needed a lot of matches.
*I…WILL…NOT…KILL…HIM…*
Donatello then had to proceed with cleaning the kitchens work surfaces, tidying up the matches, and emptying the bin.
*I …WILL NOT…kill him…*
Throughout all of this, Donatello was very patient, the utmost care was given to keeping his temper, and he did not snap once.
Donatello has now officially snapped.
He is posting this on the internet so that everyone knows to steer clear when their brother is in the kitchen.
He is typing this up, referring to himself in the third person.
He leaves you with these questions:
What do you believe a handheld mirror to be?
Is it possible that plastic will NOT melt when placed in a heated oven – or was his brother simply very slow to reach this concept?
Do you think that Donatello has time to strangle his brother and hide the body before the rest of his family return?
Are you considering telling Donatello to stay calm, or that Mikey did not mean it?
*If so, I will personally hunt you down*
Think very hard and carefully over these answers.
Donatello expects your answers as soon as possible.
Without a wide array of answers, he will be unable to determine whether his brother is mentally deranged, unstable, or simply being a *I do not need to swear* nuisance.
He also needs to know your advice on the strangling question.
*I WILL NOT…I WILL NOT…*
"Donnie? The toaster broke."
Donatello can feel his eye twitching.
The toaster…the toast…the to…
*I WILL KILL HIM!!!!!!!!*
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Urgent - Donatello needs answers. Email him by clicking the small review box below. His - and Mikey's - survival depends on it. Without answers, Donatello will go mad. Without answers, Mikey's life is in constant danger from Donatello. They are depending on you - you know what to do.
the toaster always breaks, doesn't it?
*YES!!*
Sorry Donnie...
*It was the last straw. The last straw!!*