The Hardest Thing

It had being weighing on him all day, and she knew. Oh, did she know.

She did not ask until dinner was over. It was almost as though she knew what was coming. It figured; he had never been able to keep things like this from her.

"What's bothering you?" she asked, curiosity showing in every little way.

He had to think for a few minutes. He had not expected this to be easy, but not this hard, either. "I'm leaving," was the nearly inaudible answer.

She looked confused. "Well, I knew you'd have to some day. How is this-"

"No," he interrupted almost coldly. "I mean, I'm leaving. Northern Border."

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean? You're barely… You stopped using a cane only last week!"

He looked down and muttered nastily, "It's not like I'll be going for pleasure walks, anyway."

"Sir-" she was taking that tone with him, but it held a concerned note.

Chuckling remorsefully, he informed her, "I'm the one who addresses you as superior. I'm a Corporal now. And the higher-ups didn't exactly protest when I asked to go."

"You can't do this!" she almost-yelled. "They can't do this!"

"They've agreed. I leave tomorrow afternoon. And you're not stopping me." He looked her squarely in the eye. "I need you to stay here, hold things down, and stay safe."

"No." She stood up. "I've let you take too many risks. I almost wasn't able to save you, and you still were bedridden for months! The Northern Border- are you crazy? You could be killed!"

He could not argue that, but he could still prove a point, and he knew it. "In the last ten years, we both could have been killed. It's not just where you are, and you know it. Anybody's number could be up at any time."

"I don't want to hear that it happened up there, away from everyone… away from me… I couldn't bear that." The tears finally spilled over. "I just couldn't."

Standing as well, he walked over, but she shied away until she hit the wall. "I couldn't, either," he told her honestly.

"Then don't go!" she snapped, suddenly angry again. "You could just stay and work things through here! You can still stop this—it's not too late, Roy!"

"No, I can't, Riza. You, of all people, should understand. I've got to make things right."

"And how is this supposed to help? It's the farthest thing from helpful!" Riza looked at him suspiciously. "What's really going on? Don't tell me it's nothing—I won't hear that."

Roy sat on the couch, looking at his hands. "I'm useless, Riza. Completely, utterly, totally useless. I couldn't save anyone, and I had to be saved in the end of it all. Now, I can't even use alchemy. I've tried. But every time, everything I should have done to help, but didn't, comes back. I see it so clearly. It scares me, leaves me feeling like I couldn't do anything, and the more I think about it, it's true."

Riza shook her head. "No, it's not. There's nothing you could have done."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Riza wished she had not said them she knew what Roy's response would be before he even said it: "That doesn't make it any better."

There was nothing left to persuade him with, and Riza knew it, but she still had to try. "Please," she whispered, "don't leave."

Roy stood up and walked over to Riza, pulling her against him to give whatever reassurance he could. "Leaving is when you don't come back. Come hell or high water, I'm coming back someday. I promise that."

The hardest thing had never been to convince her: It had been to convince himself.

A/N: This is actually a really old fic that I pulled out of a folder and started writing on again. The end was different, and rather OOC, and I did my best to fix that. I hope I did a good job. Please, let me know!

Playlist: "You'll Be in My Heart" – Phil Collins, "One More Night" – Cascada, and "How to Save a Life" – The Fray.