Author Notes: Okay, I know that I should be writing other stuff, and that I should have read this over a few more times, but hey! I can always edit this later. This was originally a piece of writing I wrote one day whilst very bored. I was looking around tonight and found it. I then realised how I could turn it into a fanfic, and well the isn't history yet cos it wasn't long enough ago.

Dedication: This one is for Bu. She posted and coloured her Zexi pic and that makes me very happy. I would add a link, but I don't know how.

Summary: Zexion is trying to fade away, he is no longer human. But Demyx tries to save him. Could things get any worse? (Not technically a suicide story btw) crud summary, just read it please

Pairings: Zemyx (no duh) and a very obscure AkuRoku reference. There may be more later.

Suggested Listening : This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance

Miss Murder - AFI

Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape or form own Kingdom Hearts or any of characters, yada, yada, yada. I do however, own the plot line.

What can I say? How can I say it? Is there any point anymore? Do I even care?

There is no room for doubt, yet it's still wormed it's way in. Making everything impossible. And I mean everything. You see, the thing about doubt, is that it colours all. Nothing is left unscathed. Doubt is my greatest enemy. It is my best friend. It is my everything.

There are only so many tears that can fall. Only so many words that can be uttered. Only so many times that something can be repaired. Nothing is eternal. And I tried. I held myself together for as long as I could. Right now, I am at breaking point. I am standing on the edge of a knife, too scarred to leap off, in too much pain to stay.

Slowly, bit by bit, I fall apart at the seams. Like a pillow that's too old. The stitches open up, each hole making a bigger one. The stuffing falls out, the fabric wears thin, until you can't even recognise what it once was. That's what happened to me. I don't think I'm even human anymore.

I'm a shadow. Mysterious and scary, considered bad, not unfortunate. I feel no hope, no wonder, no love. I can't feel happiness, I can't wish. All I am now is a phantom of pain, misery and terror. I can feel the timer inside me, ticking along. I'm set on self-distruct. I'm un-saveable. Don't even try.

My misery is my own. I was human once, I could feel love, joy, hope. Those memories haunt me now. I may not be the person I once was, the person able to feel good things, but I remember. I remember enough to make sure that my misery is my own. I feel my pain, and the tiny bit of light inside me binds it within.

I hide myself away. Wrapped in dreams that torture and tear. I want it over, but it cannot end. I am tied to this world. And so it will be until there is nothing left. 'Til that tiny bit of light is gone and I am ripped of those memories, until I am no longer human at all.

Please don't try and save me. I am alone, I cannot love you. I cannot repay you in any way. I am but dead. I am a monster, I will fade. Stay away, let me go. Every time someone cares enough at the start to save me, every time they realise I have nothing to give, each time they fail, I live a little longer. Please let me be gone. But alas, the horror inside does not show without, I am tempting. They wish to save me. Not one of you will survive.

Good bye sanity,

Good bye love.

It is now I wish to leave,

Let oblivion take me.

The light in their eyes was horrifying to me. They were alive, they suffered like I did, they too fell to pieces, but the lucky bastards held each other together.

They had each other.

I had no-one.

It was a day. Just a day. No different to start off with. Just another day that I was forced to be alive. Another day of me reading the emotions of those around me. Another day of painful burning injustice boiling in my stomach.

Most days I would stay where ever I woke up, ignoring others as much as possible. But today, today that was impossible. One glimpse of happiness sent me over the edge. I had to get out, now.

So, desperate, as always to escape the horror that is my 'life', I threw myself into the rain. If I'd been able to feel such feelings, I would have loved the rain. It made me feel as pure and clean as it's possible for me to feel.

I wandered aimlessly. Nothing ever caught my interest, nothing ever did. My blue hair stuck to my face in long tendrils, water soaked my thin clothing. The burning pain of my life lessened some in the wet.

It's almost over. I told myself. It will be over soon. Be patient.

I was alone with my misery, just me and the rain.

Until he showed up.

He was undeniably beautiful, even my screwed up mind could accept that. He almost seemed to glow. If I'd been able to, I would have loved him. As it was he simply terrified me, I could hurt him.

Must leave. Now!

I stumbled backwards, tripping over and landing on my back. The pain was no big deal, I'd had so much worse. But I was winded, and for a moment I was unable to get up.

"Hey, hey! Are you okay?" He ran over, as I knew he would. It was a natural, human reaction. However, although I was prepared from him to run to me, I wasn't prepared for the angelic beauty of his voice. It ripped through me like a bullet. The harsh injustice that such a sound could exist, yet I could not appreciate it tore me to pieces.

He stared at me, looking deeply into my eyes, my damn pretty eyes, the eyes I hated. Something about him was special, he could see, really see. He could see the pain I was in, he could tell the way I was falling apart. His arms reached down towards me, cradling me like a child. The tiny piece of me that was still human recoiled at the touch. He could not, should not be near me! I was bad, bad, bad. A painful shadow.

What could he want with a wreak like me. I was worthless, better off for us to be far, far apart.

With the pain off a ten tonne brick falling on my abdomen, I realised what this boy wanted with me.

He was going to try and save me.

End Notes: Yes, yes I know it was very short. But it just has to be that way. The other chapter(s) should be a bit longer. Yet again, this is un-beta'd, and probably pretty crap, cos I've only read through it, like twice. It does ramble a bit at the beginning, but he is rather nutty.

Not all that great, but it should get better.

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