About revenge and victory.
Foreword from me; I never before wrote something for NGE. I got curios of the films and all a while back, but I had not the courage to write anything back then because I am a native German. I am aware that my English is still not as perfect as I wish it to be, so please, bear with my errors? I would be thankful for someone to beta this mess.
To the story itself; I am always confused anew by Manga Kaworo. I always wondered why he would let Shinji kill him instead to use the full potential of his powers. I mean, come on! He is almost all powerful, so why did he do that? The only answer I could come up with was that he had a hidden agenda, in the manga that is. I am no fan of the films. Although they do explain a lot more indebt, they also confuse the hell out of me. I was very curios as to why Kaworo did never use his power since I read the manga and saw the anime. However, out of my curiosity my idea of what could have been, was born. As it is, I played around with the idea of what could be if Kaworo really was Adam in a sense. What if he could remember all from the beginning on, was not simply a child that they could mold to their wishes… this came out of those musings. I hope you will enjoy my little story, you're Suryallee.
(Original title) About revenge and victory and what one can find on the way from one to the other.
In the very moment the pale child opened his red eyes for he very first time; it did know everything that he needed to know.
Everything that had lead to this moment. Everything that the old men looking at him had done to his former existence. Everything they intended to do to him in the future.
He refused to be their pawn and began in that very moment to make his own plans to ensure his revenge on them and their creator.
The men gave him the name Tabris, according to their scenario but to him it held no meaning. He, was still in essence his former self, Adam. The new name was theirs, not his and when they told him that they wanted to send him to Nerf in disguise, he chose to go by the name Nagisa Kaworo. Because, a, he could and b, he liked the irony. Although, Kaworo doubted it greatly that the old men had any clue of what he was scheming to do behind their backs or what the name implied for them.
He had always known of their plans.
It was easy for him to pluck that out of their undeveloped minds when they were off guard. So he had spend time to study the various selected children out of cheer curiosity as well as need. He did so under false pretence, told them he did that so he could later deal with them better.
One of them, the so called second children, Ikari Shinji got his attention in so far that Kaworo was fascinated from the boys harsh existence. Shinji, like him, never had a chance given to him to become anything else as what others wanted him to be. Each party set their own needs before that of the boy… he chose to use the boy for his revenge as well as to keep him. Not only because of the similarities but also because he felt kinship with the youth.
Again, the irony of his choice was not lost to him.
In Kaworo's eyes, the youth was the only true Lilim on the entire planet. He was full of failures and emotional problems, yet Shinji was also kind, loving and gentle… the perfection in the imperfection made him look wonderful in the eyes of the powerful creature SEELE had imprisoned into the body of the very race his enemy, Lilith had spawned.
Once he was in Tokyo 3 Kaworo begun with his self-appointed task to disrupt the second children. Confusing Shinji in so far that the boy lost his last nerves with him and everyone else around was an easy task to accomplish. He truly did not need to do much more then that.
The others around Shinji had already done too much to ensure that the emotionally fragile youth was thoroughly broken in spirit and soul.
It was almost too easy for Kaworo to infiltrate his way inside of Shinji's mind and soul this way. Weighted down by abandonment, guild and insecurities that were installed in Shinji by those who should have protected him from the very start, Shinji made an easy target for Kaworo. Kaworo was shocked to find out in what huge pains the boy constantly lived in since he had been a little child.
And so, unknown to Shinji, he managed it to archive something from the scion of Adam no one else ever had; he earned the empathy of Kaworo.
When the unforeseen incident with Armisael happened, Kaworo got a new objective to his old one. And finally he found a name to call his conflicting emotions towards the boy by. It was affection. When the attachment of the second Rei had flooded his innermost self, Kaworo had felt more violated as his old self did when the old men had forced him to bear this Lilim body of his. Somehow he resented her and not for that. Did it not give him a plausible objective to attach himself now to the reluctant pilot that Kaworo could and did use.
Despise Shinji's tries to deflect him on every corner, Kaworo could not let go on him.
Kaworo… grew… very angry over the time spend watching how the others threatened Shinji. For a short while he even tried to stabilize the poor Lilim's emotional turmoil but no avail. Each thing he did, they counteracted with putting the boy through more torment. What in turn alienated Shinji more and more from Kaworo in turn.
He begun to re-design his course of revenge in earnest and with a new purpose now for Shinji in mind.
Kaworo did no longer simply want to use the boy to spoil their plans. Instead he wanted Shinji to chose to stay with him. He watched the drama that was Shinji's life from there on without to try any longer to get in the way. What he did was to be there for Shinji and made the boy form an emotional attachment to him.
He succeeded in his task satisfactorily and soon Shinji began to recognize Kaworo instinctively as a safe person despise his weirdness in the eyes of Shinji. Shinji often emigrated instinctively towards his presence when Kaworo was in the same room as the boy, even went so far to spend a night at his room when all became too much. And meanwhile that took place, Kaworo grew increasingly fond of to the boy in return.
Kaworo's anger grew with each day he was reduced witnessing how the Lilim treated the gentle boy.
He finally snapped when he saw Lilith hanging on her cross and heard the command crew tell Shinji that he had to kill him. No, they actually ordered him to do it despise Shinji clearly not wanting to do that and when he heard this, Kaworo's patience came to an abrupt end. This was as far as he would let it go! It was time to put the final part of his carefully crafted plan into motion.
"You know what Shinji kun? We both are almost the same, you and I. Not like Rei and I, of course but the same none the less. It's why I choose you."
"Huh?"
He successfully got Shinji's attention with his words just as Kaworo had intended it.
The boy in his machine stopped with everything he was doing. The unit 02 with that he had fought but a moment before dropped suddenly down like a puppet with cut strings while Kaworo turned in the air to face Shinji. The very moment his red eyes gazed at the EVA and pilot inside, Shinji's EVA stopped to respond to any of Shinji's commands. For a moment, Shinji panicked and tried to get his unit to respond but soon he gave up the fruitless endeavor to glare at Kaworo instead.
"What do you mean by that? And what have you done to my EVA?"
The massive robot kneeled down to settle in the pool of LCL against Shinji's will to finally fall utterly still. Kaworo hid his eyes behind his unruly bangs when he choose to answer the seething Shinji inside of the giant robot.
"What I mean is, you like me, were only born to be their tool."
He lifted his face so he could look at the confused Shinji inside unit 01. "You like me, were never allowed to have the freedom or the will to decide for yourself and we were emotionally abused by others for their own sick goals.
Both of us was never given the liberty to do what we wanted and neither given the chance to evolve our own mind.
In your case even worse so as in mine, since they failed in their task with me the moment I took my first breath and…did remember. My soul is eternal Shinji kun, my life everlasting even if my body is replaceable. They forgot to take that into consideration when they made me and I found it only prudent to leave them ignorant of their idiocy. Hence they would not try something more drastically to subdue me to their will before I could defend myself against them effectively again."
For a moment Kaworo scowled fiercely.
"I made that error once, it will never happen again! Although to my excuse, I wasn't aware of them when they took advantage of my sleeping body.
You one the other hand did not even know that all that happened to you in the past was part of their sick plans to reach their own goals. That they never thought of me as more as a tool is somewhat understandable, but you? You are a fellow Lilim, they should have cared for you and not tried to break you!"
He slowly floated through the air until Kaworo reached the front of Shinji's EVA.
The shocked pilot inside did not really notice that, too busy was he with it to gulp down the bile that rose up into his oral cavity hearing Kaworo's words. It left a bitter taste in his mouth and numbed his mind. It was almost as if the other had read his innermost thoughts concerning the others all around him in the past years. But what really got to Shinji was the fact that Kaworo said, we and not you and that he seem to care.
"You… you mean to tell me that they did something like that to you too? That I didn't imagine things in the past and that father really has never cared for me? Why do you even care?!"
Kaworo gave the boy in the machine a sad small smile. It was a heartbreaking kind of smile, one that seem to call to something hidden in Shinji. By now, tears run down the paralyzed feeling boy in the machine. For a moment, something in the giant robot seem to try to take over like the day when the EVA had gone berserk and Shinji was sorely tempted for a second to let go and let the beast take over in his misery.
Suddenly, Kaworo's hand reached out until it hovered only millimeters away from the core of the machine before he unpredictably let loose such a shockwave of power that it shredded EVA01's core in under a second.
Surprisingly, Shinji felt no pain reaching him as he always did when his EVA was injured. Instead of that he could sense Kaworo destroying his Eva's core but felt nothing. All Shinji could hear was a piercing, female sounding scream that shocked him fully out of his funk again.
"Why did you do that? What was that, why did that sound like the voice of a woman?!"
Kaworo retracted his hand back into his pocket. "Because it needed to be done to ensure that she, the soul of the EVA will not interferer any longer. You know, the soul of your mother is not pleased with the turn of events, she would have tried to hinder me to fulfill her own goal. Would have taken you over to ensure that she can float up in space as a god as it is her wish. Not caring what that would mean to you. Not that she ever truly did so in the past either in my opinion. She and Gendo never truly cared for anything else as their own little goals. From what I found out, they actually used each other to an extent and called that love! Obsession is what I would call it. She was obsessed with the EVA and he is still with her."
Shinji gulped, then he closed his eyes in silent pain.
He had somehow always known that something was up with his EVA. When he found out that his mothers soul was in his machine, Shinji had believed she was there to protect him. Now he found out that she too seem to have used him for her own agenda all along… it hurt. Kaworo only confirmed his suspicions regarding his parents motives. It still pained him, massively so to be honest but what could he do? He felt useless and unloved once more. How he hated that feeling! Unknown to Shinji his reactions were closely monitored by several parties.
By Seele, the shocked crew in command, his father and by Kaworo who in turn studied their reactions.
The latter suddenly smiled a real and big smile when he felt Shinji react just the way he had hoped Shinji would. With anger, hurt and hopelessness. The teenager gave him with that reaction the needed opening to manipulate Shinji into what Kaworo had in mind for him. The youth was so consumed by his misery now that it was almost a child's play for Kaworo to pick him out of his sorry existence. It wasn't that he enjoyed Shinji's pain, far from that actually. Just that it made it effortless for Kaworo to follow through with his plan.
"Say Shinji kun, may I ask you a question?"
Said boy was brought out of his bad mood by the lilting voice of Kaworo and stared owlishly through his tears down at the small figure in front of his paralyzed EVA.
"Uh huh? What?"
Kaworo's smiling eyes did somehow anchor Shinji back into the now and he missed so the other boy reach out again to lay one hand flat against his EVA. Shinji also missed the tendrils that sprouted from Kaworo's fingertips to then vanish inside his machine. In command deck everyone else became alarmed when they saw what Kaworo was doing but Shinji never heard their warning screams since Kaworo had cut off the sound connection to them early on.
While sending his encroachment further into Shinji without to let the youth feel the pain Armisael had let Rei and him experience, Kaworo kept up his peaceful behavior.
"Say, Shinji kun, would you do me the favor to consider to become mine?"
Shinji felt a tingling sensation run through his body but chalked it up as his nerves. He was too confused by the words of Kaworo right now to give it any further attention. Wherever the tingle passed through his body, Shinji felt lighter afterwards. Slowly his entire body begun to relax and soon he slumped a little into his seat and stopped his crying.
"Eh? What do you mean? I told you before that I don't want friends anymore because they always betray or leave me, Kaworo kun. Or what is worse, father makes me kill them! He did so before…"
Shinji watched Kaworo consider this for a moment before he continued to smile calmingly at Shinji. He nodded once to show the youth that he understood before his red eyes became almost thoughtful.
"I know. You misunderstood me, Shinji kun. I had some time to think over what you said to me. And I agree in so far that I don't want to be your friend either. All I want is you, to be honest. Let me put in plain words what I suggest so you will understand me this time; I don't want to be your friend, Shinji kun, I want to be your lover!"
At those words, Shinji gapped for a full minute before his brain begun to function again. He opened and closed his mouth in shock and blushed furiously up to the roots of his hair when he got it what Kaworo had just suggested. For once, his entire ability to talk left him. What was he supposed to say to that?
Shinji's befuddlement seem to amuse Kaworo greatly.
"I am aware of your hidden attraction to this form of me, Shinji kun." He sing songed. "You could never hide that from me. It is actually flattening, you know. And yes, I can see you inside of this abomination, well, kind of." When Shinji blushed only more furiously the other gave him a knowing smile and chuckled.
By now, Shinji's face practically glowed, ears and neck included.
"In the beginning I confused a little what I want with something different… no longer thought. I have made up my mind. Originally my plan was to use one of you pilots to take my revenge on the old men and their goons as well as her…" He fell silent for a moment, clearly deep in his own thoughts before Kaworo went on. "However, I soon learned through watching you how pointless that would have been."
Shinji just wondered why he had not freaked out by now. He felt, for the lack of a better word, almost languid, relaxed and embarrassed at the same time. The other also confused him; Kaworo jumped from one topic to the next. Almost as if he wanted to keep Shinji off guard. He supposed that was what Kaworo wanted but couldn't bring himself to care.
The familiar weirdness of his strange…well, not friend but something he refused to name, helped to anchor him and calmed him down.
Unknown to Shinji, the encroaching tendrils left his body again at that moment. All Kaworo had wanted to archive was to calm him down. Shinji had almost worked himself into a fit and paperbacks were hard to come by down here, not to mention that the EVA made it hard to use his only other option! Besides, the boy had to decide freely by himself without any interference from him or that what Kaworo had in mind would not work.
"Wont you come out of that thing? I promise not to hurt you or to do anything else that could embarrass you. It is just a bit unfriendly to talk to this atrocity instead of directly to you. You know I always hold my promises, Shinji kun."
Shinji did not think and had already used the manual eject of the plug before his brain caught up with his hands.
He sheepishly shrugged it off and opened the door once the plug was outside. It was true as far as Shinji could tell, Kaworo had never before broken his word. And wasn't it insane how much he still trusted him? The air in central dogma smelled just as he remembered it from his visit with Misato. Of old blood and LCL. His nose wrinkled annoyed and he felt a little nauseated at the smell. Kaworo let a soft laugh escape his pale lips at the sight of Shinji holding his hand over his nose while making a face.
"Its an awful smell, isn't it, Shinji?"
The youth nodded vigorously.
"Smells like being inside of a birth room, only stale and sick and not healthy and natural." Kaworo watched Shinji shake delicately at the mental image his words created while he floated closer to the open latch until he could watch Shinji comfortably. He dared to perch on the plug while he addressed Shinji inside of it."I don't like it particularly either, it reminds me too much at what the old men did to my old body and later my new, me."
At the confused look from Shinji his smile faded into a grimace before it settled in a frown.
It was a face Shinji was not used seeing on him before. Kaworo suddenly looked more mature and frightening as ever before. It wasn't that it actually alarmed Shinji, more that he felt even more attracted to this new side of the other. And that did really worry Shinji in the end.
As per usual, Kaworo seems to read his mood and thoughts because he gave Shinji inside the plug a cunning smile before he laughed delighted at the sour face the boy gave him in response once he caught up with Kaworo's teasing.
"Oh Shinji kun, Shinji kun… please forgive me my cheek I didn't mean to mock you, I swear it. You just often react so cutely that I can't help myself as to tease you a little. " Shinji crossed his arms and huffed at the words. "What do you mean say with this all, Kaworo? And stop avoiding my questions, damnit!"
The older one of the two shrugged, hands firmly planted inside his pockets.
"I am, for the lack of a better explanation, Adam and not Adam?" At Shinji's wide-eyed stare Kaworo chuckled. "I take it you that know what Rei is in real?" Shinji gave Kaworo a thoughtful nod.
"I think I do so, basically at least? Or better said, after Dr. Akagi showed me the Rei's I figured from her speech that she holds the soul of the giant behind you? Somehow and I don't even want to know how they did that! All I know is that she is… well, not human per se?"
Kaworo nodded amicably at Shinji's words.
"Actually, you figured it all out quite well. I am always amazed anew at the Lilim's tenancy to dismiss your intelligence. How they can believe that you're an idiot with those two being your parents is beyond me! But then again, I always wondered how they could be your parents in the first place. Well Shinji kun, it is similar and yet completely different. She was cloned from your mothers genes to house Lilith's soul. That is the giant behind us as you have figured it out before." He shortly nodded into the direction of the giant white being on the cross.
"Do you know how second impact came to pass?" At Shinji's shake of his head, Kaworo nodded.
"Thought so, I wasn't cloned Shinji kun. Second impact happened because the old men wanted a manageable version of Adam to use it for their scenario in the third impact. But they did not realize it that they got me instead of a manageable angel . They practically raped Adam in his sleep with Lilim DNA to ensure that the body bore me, their desired angel. You see, SEELE found some scrolls that held a message or what they took for it. They thought they could use that for their own agenda and so, build the EVA's, me and even you lot, the pilots of those things. All only to ensure that they get what they want in the end. They do not care for the lives that are lost in the wake of their doings nor do they care for anything but their own wants. What they never understood is that I never was like Rei. I did remember what I have formerly been, as well as I am now a new version of Adam.
Different and in a body that isn't my natural one but still, basically me.
However, I choose early on not to follow their plan and to do my own thing. I just never took into consideration to find someone like you under the so called children, Shinji kun."
He gave the shocked and repulsed looking youth a soothing smile.
"And here I thought that what father did to me was bad! What they did to you was simply, sick!" Shinji had gone pale while Kaworo talked. Currently he looked like he was short from throwing up. His tone was flat and spoke of his inner fury.
Kaworo couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up hearing Shinji's angry words. Shinji played right into his hands, just as he had hoped it. Above them Rei was blocked from interfering by his massive AT field. She was of no consequence for Kaworo. He did not even want her ill and without her soul to back her up, Lilith behind him was also inconsequential.
"You're right, it was but I do no longer mind. It is fully irrelevant now. What is important is that I have meet you. I wasn't joking when I told you that I believe that I was born to meet you, Shinji kun. I still do, now even more so than ever. First, I wanted to punish them all… now, I only want to leave. They may have this stolen world for all I care. It is no longer of any value to me. After this, I will leave this world and search me another planet to terra-form and fill it with my children. I am sick and tired of this place and you Lilim and your cruel creator. She may have it, I will no longer have anything to do with the Lilim and their schemes!"
Shinji swallowed down a sob at the news.
Before him, Kaworo gave the youth a soothing smile. There was something almost wistful in the red gaze when he looked at Shinji inside the plug. Wistful and something else that Shinji almost missed in his despair to yet loose another important person in his life. It looked almost like raw hunger to Shinji. He shivered seeing that look appear and vanish in the red eyes of Kaworo.
"Say Shinji kun, would you terribly mind to become mine? I want to keep you with me always. I have grown very fond of you and your fragile heart and wish for nothing else as to make you happy. I would never leave or turn on you, like many others have done. If you let me have you, I would let no harm come to you and would always cherish and love you… so, wont you consider to become mine?"
The look in the red gaze spoke now of longing and naked want.
It shocked Shinji almost more as the words and Kaworo's weird actions from before, if that was even possible. No one had ever wanted him this badly. No one. Not even his parents, to choose from what he was just told and what Shinji had seen in the past. All had only used him. No one had ever told him that they loved him so repeatedly. No matter What he ever did to earn their love.
Kaworo had done so, time and again.
He had told him that he wanted Shinji since almost the beginning on. Had fought with Shinji even to get Shinji to notice Kaworo, to stay near Shinji when the hurt teenager had tried to keep him on arms length. For a moment Misato's face flashed into his mind before he dismissed it. She too had only wanted a pilot in the beginning until she learned to care for him until it was almost too late and Shinji had no longer really cared. And when he had begun to open up to her despise his better knowledge, she had kind of abandoned him. He did know that he was a bit unfair here but couldn't help it. It felt like that to Shinji.
"You… why would you want that? Why would you even want someone miserable as me?"
The smile he got as a part of his answer was blinding.
"Didn't I tell you that before… it's because I love you, Shinji kun. Despite what you may think, I mean it in every sense of the word. Originally I wanted to take you with me, with or without your consent. But that would have been alike what they have done to you and me in the past, so I decided against it."
Shinji clenched his eyes shut and his hands into tight fists.
No one had ever told him before Kaworo that they loved him. He could barely believe it to be something other as a spiteful joke. But somehow… he slowly begun to believe Kaworo. To be honest, he wanted to trust him! Because Shinji wanted someone to want him so very badly.
"That's why I ask Shinji kun. I will do nothing against your will. And I will ask you again; would you please become mine? We wouldn't be alone anymore because once you're mine I will never let you go from me again. I don't mean with it that I want to absorb you into me, what is what the old men had in mind or what is what would happen in the third impact. All souls would return to their source in that case.
No, I want to keep you with me as you are, as my companion, my other half, the one I want to have my children with. And as strange as that possibly will sound to you, to me it is a fairly normal concept, Shinji kun. Remember, I am not human, even if I look like one."
Shinji opened his eyes abruptly and stared wide eyed at Kaworo who now held out a hand to him. The voice of the silver haired boy had become a soft compelling croon that lulled Shinji in.
"I really want you to belong to me, Shinji kun. Wont you become my soul and stay with me forever? All you have to do is to take my hand and I will never let you feel alone again. I promise you that, so, wont you take it? We could go far away from this place. To a new world without cruel people to harass you and me. We could even go and build our own world. Nothing is impossible for me, well almost nothing; even I have my limits. Although they are insignificant compared to the many limitations of the Lilim. I am selfish Shinji kun, I know but I truly want you to be with me. Will you not take my hand? What is left here for you better than what I can offer you in comparison? Who here accept, want and needs you as I do? You and I are so lonely…say, wont you become mine, Shinji kun…?"
The seductive voice spoke words that Shinji had no defense against.
The red eyes showed him nothing but sincerity. He was unsure of what to do. Out of the corner of his eyes Shinji could see Misato gesticulate widely at him on the still functioning screen but there was no sound and so he missed whatever she was screaming at him. But his eyes always strayed back to Kaworo while he tried to make up his mind if he should trust him or not.
To be honest, his gaze was almost transfixed on the hand, outstretched to him just outside his plug-door and what it implied.
When his unsure gaze finally made contact with Kaworo's, Shinji stopped caring and timidly reached out until his hand lay loosely in the one of the kindly at him smiling Kaworo floating in the air. It looked like a frightened bird in the pale hand, shivering and scared. The other did not grab it as Shinji had expected him, rather as that Kaworo carefully made certain to hold his gaze while he slowly, slowly closed his hand around Shinji's. He gave Shinji ample time to reconsider before he closed it completely with a smile and with a joyful laugh he heaved Shinji effortlessly out of the plug by it up with him up into the air.
Behind Shinji the EVA was hauled up into air by his AT field before Kaworo flared it up to destroy it in a distance. The same field protected Shinji and him from the resulting explosion effortlessly. The loud noise made the youth clench his eyes shut and hold his ears closed while he turned his face into the other boy's chest. No harm reached him in the arms of the one holding him now almost adoringly.
Kaworo looked down at the Lilim in his hold with soft eyes.
"Lilith may grand your father his instrumentality or not now that the woman's soul is gone, I do no longer care. All I want, I have here in my arms. Nothing else matter for me anymore. You are mine now and I will not give you back to Lilith. I know that you would miss Misato san, so I will later go and get her and the ones you care about for you if you wish it. It is of no consequence to me other as it will make you happy. SEELE can no longer use us for their plans, I will not let them!"
His loving red eyes fixed themselves to Shinji's insecure blue ones.
One arm held him against Kaworo while the hand of the other softly traced along the red face of Shinji in a decidedly devoted manner. The somewhat intense look slowly vanished out of Kaworo's eyes the longer he studied Shinji's gaze. It was replaced by a tender look that felt almost like a caress. Suddenly Kaworo leaned in and brushed his lips over Shinji's. One time, two and then when he gasped, Kaworo used that to lick into his mouth.
While he did that his hand moved until slit into the thick dark hair of his captive.
This time, Shinji felt the fingertips pulsate and something melt into his skin but he was too distracted by his first kiss to care. He was lost in the sensations Kaworo provoked inside of him. Each playful slide of the others tongue inside his mouth was slowly coaxing his into a dance with it. This was poor heaven for the touch and feeling starved boy and in the end he clutched helplessly on Kaworo's shirt to anchor himself.
He never felt any pain, only a slight feeling of otherness when the encroachment kept on through their kiss until it reached his brain.
Then, without a warning Kaworo withdrew from their kiss to give Shinji a loving smile. Shinji begun to feel very tired and…strangely light when Kaworo's encroachment reached behind his innermost walls to make itself at home there. Almost as if he was floating now from all alone, free from all what had ever bothered or hurt him. He felt loved and cared for. It was a nice feeling and he basked in it. Sure, in his chest an unfamiliar tight, alien feeling got stronger by the second but the youth ignored that.
"Sleep Shinji kun, don't fight me. It will only hurt if you do and I do not want you to feel any pain. I am pleased that you did not stop me from invading your body, mind and soul as I did. You could have. It is necessary to change you a little so you will not die on me any time soon, as well as it will bind you to me and me to you forever.
The only other option would be to merge with you fully and that I do not want to do.
You, Shinji, would cease to exist and I want to keep you… so please don't fight me and sleep?"
Shinji didn't think. He felt so safe, wanted and cherished right now that he simply went and did as asked with a soft moan. He curled up in the hold of Kaworo as much as he could with a smile on his lips. Not knowing that this was the last time he would close his eyes as a human being. He reminded Kaworo a little on a cat what made him smile.
Kaworo held the now limb body effortlessly against his with him in the air.
While he watched the doors to the elevator open, he calmly continued to absorb Shinji's soul into his own, until the body stopped breathing and with a splash the now empty shell exploded into LCL that fell down right in front of the shocked looking squat. Difference to what a merging of souls would have done, this was merely a stashing away of Shinji's soul inside of Kaworo's much larger one where he could add it to his pool of souls. But the men down there did not know this.
His field flared up just in time to protect Kaworo from the bullets.
"You did not truly think those could ever hope to reach me, don't you?" He shook his head at the soldiers before he ascended calmly back upwards until he reached the open sky. There he hung in the air above Tokyo 3 for a while and breathed in the air before he begun to speak. His eyes were now cold and unforgiving, the face set into a harsh frown.
"I can't believe you were this easy to manipulate!"
He shook his head anew. "But then again, when have you ever realized the true potential of Shinji and me before? I wonder, have you ever considered how truly important the boy is for your race? You certainly never showed any consideration towards him before, that's for certain. Only saw him as a tool, a thing that you can manipulate and use instead to care for him as he would have deserved it!
You may now think that I broke my word to him and that I played him a fool to absorb his soul but in actual fact, I didn't.
I would never do that to Shinji! Unlike you lot, I value and do love him as I told him and he will make a fine child of the line of Adam once I am finished with what have I started here. Gendo, you forgot that you are not the only one who has the hands on DNA samples of my old self. I am him and not. My body consists of Lilim DNA and Adam's, in case you lot forgot that. Doesn't matter, what does is that I have the means and power to give Shinji a new body completely made out of our particle wave matter this time.
I meant what I said, I will keep him and so remove the only one from your flock that could have helped your sorry race to advance!
Without him, the kind, gentle and fragile boy, you are doomed to go extinct or stay frozen forever in this puny evolutionary state that you are in now. I will never let him feel alone or unwanted again and he in turn will do the same for me once he is over the shock of what I did to ensure his ever staying by my side. If that means I have to turn him into something like myself, so be it!
That this is a fitting punishment for you Lilim at the same time, is just an added bonus for me.
Where that was originally my only goal, now it is the happiness of Shinji only that I seek. He is infinitely more worthy as any of you will ever be to become my reason for existence. His soul is already no longer Lilith's, I took it out of her gulf of souls and added it to mine. So I will not loose Shinji ever again.
Farewell, Lilim, we will not meet again and frankly spoken, that is a good thing!
I can already see your destruction loom at the horizon. Your mother is not pleased to have lost Shinji this way to me, her old rival that she stole the destiny from by sealing Adam with the lance of Longinus. He was the only hope for your continued evolution. Supposed to make his plead for your race advancement to Lilith, now he will become part of my creation instead. And I will make sure that his good talents and peaceful nature is well preserved in my future children. He deserves no less.
Maybe I will come back later to take some of you to him if he wishes that, but the rest of you will never know.
I will make sure to watch your struggles from a distance, if only to amuse myself at your plight that you brought onto yourselves with your greet and carelessness!"
With that, Kaworo turned and vanished in the endless sky without another word.
While on earth Gendo tried to install third impact and failed when Rei denied him and instead joined with her old body again, Kaworo moved through the space until he reached Mars. He had always liked the red planet, often looked at it from the distance. Even when he was still Adam, he had considered that planet but then had crashed onto earth instead.
Now he choose it because of Shinji. He knew the boy would like to stay near his old home.
Changing the red planet into a blue one was a simple task for Kaworo since there was water in gas form just below the surface. To fill it with first versions of lesser life forms like animals and plants was just as easy. He was a world builder after all. It was his overall purpose to bring life to empty planets. Mars would forever be a world of eternal summer, due its proximity to the sun. That suited Kaworo just fine, Shinji too was a child of Earths eternal summer, his sleeping love would recognize that enough to feel at home here. When all was done to his satisfaction, he choose a nice place and began to call forth Shinji's soul from the gulf inside of him until a bluish ball appeared in his hands.
Unlike his red core, Shinji's was blue.
It did not bother Kaworo, an added bonus since he liked the diversity was all. A testimony of the boys past as a Lilim. It took him only a few moments to reform the body around the new core of the boy and to add some clothes for Shinji's modesty then he held the sleeping Shinji tightly to himself until he woke up.
"Hello, Shinji kun, I hope you slept well! I can't wait to show you my new world, my love."
"Kaworo kun? Uhh, are we there already? I am feeling somewhat confused, sorry."
Kaworo could only smile widely down at the bedraggled boy that made no move to escape his hold. He almost cooed when Shinji rubbed his eyes like a child and yawned cutely. Instead he kissed him quickly on the nose.
It earned him a tired glare that was softened by another yawn.
"Yes, I moved us here while you were asleep inside of my soul. Don't look so alarmed, I had to do something , your old body would not have survived the move nor could you breathe the air here otherwise. Forgive me please, but I changed you a little as I told you, to be able to life here with me."
Shinji gave him a searching look before he slowly smiled at the worriedly hovering boy above him.
"Alright, I will trust you. As an angel you should know better what to do after all. But next time you do something like that, tell me honestly, ok?"
Kaworo hurried to nod. "Do not worry, it was the first and last time I had to do that. Shinji kun, one thing more, I am not an angel, as the Lilim have duped me, I am a seed of life. As is Lilith by the way. It is our reason to exist to fill worlds with life, the Lilim did not really understand that. As to what I did to you… I changed you into something similar to me. I… I did not want to loose you! I overreacted a little I guess? I am sorry if you are now mad at me."
Instead of that, Shinji just shook his head at Kaworo.
"I had already a feeling you would do something like that, Kaworo kun. I feel… different? It is confusing the hell out of me but I think I feel this entire world, so to speak and it scares me a little? From what I can tell, this world is beautiful… it is so full of life! This is amazing!"
At Shinji's somewhat awed and truthful smile, Kaworo smiled broadly back and embraced the boy to bury his head in Shinji's neck in his joy at Shinji's easy acceptance of him and at his honest curiosity for his world.
"I am glad. I had hoped you would like my world, Shinji kun. It was made with you in mind, I wanted you to feel at home here. So you would not miss your old one too much." He gave the boy a loving smile when Shinji shook his head at his words.
"I feel no attachment to earth anymore. I guess it has to do with what happened to me there and with what you did. Wait a second… you build it for me?!" When Kaworo nodded almost shyly Shinji impulsively reared up to peck Kaworo on his lips. His smile so wide that it made Shinji's face arch. He felt happier as ever before.
"Thank you! No one has ever done something like that for me."
That earned him a real kiss from Kaworo who couldn't hold himself in check seeing Shinji smile so happily.
"And do not worry for your friends back on earth Shinji kun, they survived Lilith's ire. Misato was really clever, you know? She gathered up all who mattered and run from Nerf before Lilith begun to rage at them all. Akagi san used what was left of the EVA's to hide them from Lilith. They managed it to restore Rei's part of Lilith's overall soul and have her with them ever since. Oh and your friend, Asuka woke up too.
Gendo and SEELE had not so much luck. Although they escaped more or less unharmed they now constantly wage war at their creator seed.
I think they still think that they can use her for their means. Not that she will tolerate that for much longer. I fear she will reset the planet soon in her ire. But do not fret, I told you I would rescue your friends and bring them here if you and them wish this. Although it will be to my conditions, I have not much doubt that Misato and the rest will abide to them. Now that they know the full content of SEELE's and Gendo's machinations in the past."
He smiled calmingly down at the now slightly worried looking Shinji and cuddled him deeper into his protective hold to soothe his fears for his friends. His voice became thoughtful for a while.
"If that what I think comes to pass then I believe it will be easy to sway them fully to our side. Misato san is no ones fool and certainly no longer Gendo's. I watched her for a while and I begin to see why you like her despise her former errors. I would not mind having her and the others here as part of My creation. Lilith can go and rage all she wants, she should not have forgotten to watch her children. Then this all would have never happened in the first place!
I will later go and get them here for you. Would you like me to?"
Shinji could only nod happily.
"Yes! Very much so, thank you Kaworo kun, it means the world to me that you will do that for me! I don't have any clue how you can love me enough to do this for me but I will try to make it up to you. I promise!"
"You deserve every love and mine especially, Shinji kun! Never doubt that again. And you don't have to make it up to me, never you. I love you and I can wait for you until you are ready to tell me of your true feelings. Not that you have to, I know them as well as mine. You were inside my soul where there are no barriers between us to keep me from knowing what is in your innermost heart. So… you will stay by my side despise of what I did?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" He laughed at Shinji's enthusiasm when the boy peppered his face with kisses between the yes.
"Then I am glad!"
He kissed Shinji again and made a sound of pleased surprise when the boy opened his lips instantly for him. This was exactly what he had wanted to archive. For a while Kaworo lost himself in their closeness and their kiss. When he resurfaced again all he could do was to stroke Shinji's glowing face and hug the other fiercely with a sigh of contentment.
He listened with one ear to Shinji's happy babble while they hugged. His gaze was fixed at earth in the distance with a victorious grin on his lips. His plan was already in motion to very soon become complete. Lilith would rage at him for stealing so many souls from her creation but Kaworo did not care.
SEELE and Gendo would curse him and Shinji for abandoning them on the dying world of Lilith and again he did not care.
The look in his eyes was positively gleeful when Kaworo thought about that. Finally he would get his revenge on the Lilim and the other seed that had stolen his world from him when he was asleep! The look would have scared Shinji if he had seen it. Kaworo made carefully sure to keep his little love from becoming aware of his darker nature.
After all it would serve no purpose to have Shinji fear him.
Not when he was finally having the boy in his arms so willingly… Kaworo buried his nose into Shinji's neck with a sigh of pure elation. In the end he and not Lilith won their old war for dominance in this sector of the vast universe. The part of him that had once been Adam cooed at the development and Kaworo's cunningness to ensure this. This old part of him agreed whole heartily with his new self's way to handle the situation.
It also agreed with his choice of a partner to raise his children, his new race with when Shinji was ready for that.
Until then, he would perfect his worlds environment and dedicate himself to Shinji's happiness. It wasn't that he had to rush things now. Because Shinji's happiness was his just as well. Tomorrow he would get his answer from Misato and co and he was in no doubt that the answer was a yes to all of his terms. On earth the rest of the Lilim race had become vicious to all ever allied with Nerf or SEELE.
He had watched that when he had altered the atmosphere of Mars to suit his wishes.
He had contacted her at that time to tell her and give her time to consider his offer. Kaworo had also made clear that he could give her back Kaji by extracting his soul from Lilith's gulf of creation. Had shown her his power by removing Asuka's mother from EVA 02's core. He had no doubt that they would chose to life with Shinji over living on a planet full of enemies at anytime.
It would make his little love happy and Kaworo desperately wanted Shinji to be happy.
And it would also make his revenge on Lilith, Gendo and SEELE complete. Even more so since Misato and the others came freely to him. there was a certain satisfaction in having Lilith's children turn their backs on her for him. The rest would have to live with the knowledge that he had them and the Lilim incarnation of Lilith herself as well, for the rest of their sorry existence. That he had outwitted them all despise the odds. And that they could do absolutely nothing to change that ever again. Oh, they would struggle and cry fool at it, Kaworo was sure and he would watch them do so. A slow, truly cruel smile stole onto his lips at the thought.
Finally his dark litanies became reality.
His cold eyes glanced ruthlessly up at the red ball in the night sky without any kind of remorse while he stroked Shinji's dark head. Hugging the boy lovingly to himself he felt Shinji yawn and fall asleep in his secure hold. For a while he simply glared at earth in the sky before he murmured unheard from the sleeping Shinji his innermost thoughts out to the formerly blue planet. Certain that Lilith could hear him despise the distance.
"This is the final thesis of Adam to Lilith and her spawn; I win!"
End