Hey guys!
I'm having a bit of a tough time with things right now and without giving too much away I wanted to get my feelings out, so this one shot seemed the best way to do it.
Hopefully, you'll enjoy :)
Always
Just when you think everything is working out. Just when you think things are starting to head in the right direction. It all comes crashing down around you and this time, you're seriously struggling to get out.
I'm not a swat, I don't study twenty four seven, I think I'd go mad if I did, but I do work hard, really hard and yet somehow, I still managed to fail, again.
They gave me a second chance and I was so extremely grateful for that, I wasn't the only one; we all suffered from their forgotten promises of help. But this time, I was the only one who failed it all and this time, I'm struggling to find the faith to go to class, let alone re take them.
If I don't pass in the summer then there's nothing left for me, no hope of getting those qualifications I so desperately need to get where I wanna be in life.
They told me I'd pass, they told me I was well on the way to getting the right grades this time, they said this time was the right time. How wrong could they be?
I felt good walking out of those exams, like I'd done it right, most importantly I felt better than last year and that was good. I felt good right the way through to when the results were released, then I didn't feel so confident.
I'd failed. Completely and utterly failed and as much as I tried to hide it and didn't cry it hurt because this time, this time, I thought I'd nailed it.
I did cry though, of course I did, everyone else had done so well compared to me, while I was just a failure. A failure who couldn't even pass exams the second time round.
They've got my papers back, they say they're going to help me pass next time, but right now I don't even feel like I'll get to next time, I don't see the point.
I worked so hard, I studied so hard, so much so that I thought I'd done it this time, thought I might have just scraped a grade, but I hadn't and that's what hurts the most.
It's been a little over two weeks since then and other than gaining a cold I haven't gained back anything else, my confidence is seriously lacking.
I've tried to get back into the swing of things, tried to forget about the past and look forwards, but I can't because my confidence has gone. All the confidence I had in my ability to pass exams has gone and now I'm simply struggling just to get through every day lessons.
I've cried too much over the past couple of weeks and most of the time it always relates back to the fact I have absolutely no idea what my future is, what lies ahead of me.
I threw a tub of cream at the wall the other day, I guess I don't know my own strength 'cause it went all over my wall and bed, not a pretty sight. My Dad cleared it up, he's good like, he's also good at letting things drop, it was easy getting my way out of that one, not having to explain.
It wouldn't exactly be easy to explain though, I'm not very good at putting across my feelings, especially to my Dad and I didn't want to if I could help it. No one truly knows how I feel, how messed up I really am by this whole thing, but that's just the way I am, it's just the way I roll.
There is one person though, one person who understands, one person who's probably seriously worried about me right now, the one person who's noticed me missing and the one person who's probably looking for me right now.
I cried again this morning, it was the music which set me off and then it all just simply comes flooding back, everything that's got me down recently, everything that's crazily running through my mind.
"I should've known you'd be up here," he's found me, my rock, my man, my Troy has found me and now I let the shield drop and allow the tears to come tumbling down once again.
"Oh beautiful Brie, please don't cry," I look at him through blurry eyes, as he closes the gap between us and sits down next to me, cuddling me close and letting me cry out all of those emotions he knows are running crazily through my mind.
"What lessons you got this afternoon?" He randomly asks me, as my tears begin to slow and I sit here a sniffling wreck in his arms.
"I've haven't got any, I've got study periods," I told him, as I wiped my nose on my now soggy tissue.
"You wanna go home then?" I looked at him with a confused expression. "I'm guessing you've done all of your work and for once I have as well, so what do you say we get out of here and just relax for the afternoon?"
I nodded. "Yes please Troy, I don't think I'll be able to cope here for much longer, it's why I came up here. But how are we gonna get permission to leave?" I'm now concerned over him wanting me to skip school without permission.
"Don't worry pretty lady, I'm not just gonna walk out of here without permission, my Dad works here remember, he knows you've been a bit down recently, he'll let us go early." I nodded and allowed Troy to pull me up and lead me down the stairs and back into the reality of school, my head buried into his side, his arms tightly wrapped round me as he leads me towards the gym to find Coach Bolton.
TGTGTGTG
It's an hour later now and Troy and I are sat cuddled up on the couch in his lounge, munching on some of Lucille Bolton's freshly made cookies.
"Talk to me Brie, why did you go all silent at the thought of going back to yours earlier?" I stopped eating my cookie and stiffened in his arms, I knew this would come up eventually.
"I cried at home this morning, I left everything how it was when I did and just left the house. I didn't want to go back like this 'cause I knew I'd just cry again, so I just wanted to come here for a bit and calm down and relax and then I was hoping that maybe… maybe you'll stay with me tonight?"
"If that's what you want sweet girl then you know I will. You're Mum and Dad not about?" He asks, as he runs his hand gently through my hair and I can feel him pressing gentle butterfly kisses into my hair.
"No, they both left to go on business trips this morning, they get back the middle of next week I think."
"Okay," he answers. "How about this? I'll come to yours tonight and we'll tidy things up from how you left them this morning and get you comfortable with being there again and then I'll check with Mum, but I'm pretty sure that the rest of the time you can stay here, I don't want you by yourself for that long baby girl."
"I don't wanna be by myself either," I say and slowly I begin to crumble and the tears come all over again. I felt Troy's grip on me tighten and then he moves us so that we're lying down on the couch, a blanket pulled down over the top of us. Our legs intertwine and he pulls me as close as humanely possible, I'm half lying on top of him and he's whispering sweet things to me as I cry.
My comfort is short lived when I start coughing and struggling to breath thanks to my blocked nose from my cold. Troy sits me up and rubs my back as my coughing subsides and Lucille walks in.
"Everything okay in here?" She asks, as I bury myself in Troy's side, I don't need her to know I'm crying.
"Brie's just having a rough day today Mum, that's why we came home. If it's okay with you we're gonna head upstairs and lay down on my bed for a bit."
"It's fine with me, I put some of Gabi's sweats in your room today, they must have been in the wash from when she stayed before, so she can change into them if she wants," I smile softly to myself, knowing Lucille is still caring for me, even though I'm ignoring her right now.
"Thanks Mum," Lucille must've left the room soon after that because Troy was removing the blanket from us and cradling me close as he walked upstairs, my face buried constantly in the crook of his neck.
TGTGTGTG
"How do you even know that I'm tired?" I ask Troy, as he helps me change into my sweats.
"I can see it in your eyes Brie, there's no life in them, not like you usually have," he tells me honestly, as he pulls back the covers and allows me to snuggle under them while he changes into his sweats.
"How do you always know how I feel?" I ask, as he climbs into the bed next to me and pulls me close, my head resting on his chest for a pillow, our legs straight away intertwining.
"Because I'm me and you're you," he answers simply.
"That doesn't help me Troy," I answer, as a yawn escapes me.
"Okay, it's because I can read you like a book Brie. I know what you're feeling every time I see you, the same as you do me. You don't need to vocalise how you feel for me to know you're feeling down and need to get out of some where. I'll always know how you feel Brie 'cause I'll always be here."
"I love you so so much Troy," I tell him, as I lean up and kiss his jaw line, another yawn escaping me as I do and it's then I realise just how tired I am.
"Because I love you so so much to gorgeous girl and because I always know how you feel, I know that recently you haven't been sleeping to well and that right now you're very comfortable and ready to sleep, correct?"
I nod, as another yawn escapes me and Troy chuckles before cuddling me closer than I already am and pulling the covers up around us, putting me in the perfect position to get some much needed sleep.
It's now as I lay here cuddled up in Troy's arms, practically asleep that I realise that things really aren't that bad. I'll get there in the end, some way, some how, all because I have my rock, my man, my Troy, who always knows how I feel.
TGTGTGTG
There it is for you guys, a short quick one shot from me.
I know Gabriella's the brainy one, but I've related this to how I'm feeling right now, the whole of the beginning is purely me getting my feelings out through Gabriella.
I don't have my own Troy though, but I could really use one right now, I need that special, comforting cuddle.
Anyway, as always:
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, REVIEW! THANK YOU!