Title: White Walls and Red Hearts.
Rating: PG- 13
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. No, really :P
Summary: Set just after the hospital scene where Sophie asks Sian if she loves her.
A/N: Thanks to Sarah for the idea :) Comments would, as always, really be appreciated. They totally make my day :)
Sian's been watching Sophie sleep for what seems like an eternity but is, in fact, most likely only several minutes. (Time seems to stand still in hospitals, she's noticed. Hates the way everything seems so...clinical and wants to feel the way she did in the waiting room when she was so utterly terrified that she'd lost her. Didn't fully comprehend what people meant when they used the phrase 'Sick with worry' until that very moment.)
She gently, tentatively, reaches out to move strands of hair away from Sophie's face, careful not to graze the bruises which are now so prominent across her otherwise perfect features. (Finds herself wanting to kiss them all better. To reassure her. If only it was that simple.) Because, God, she wants to reassure her so much. Wants to spill her heart out to Sophie and express through words just how scared she was of losing her. How she'd be completely and utterly broken without her. But she so frequently finds herself incapable of providing Sophie with the very reassurance which she clearly so desperately craves. (Because, why else would Sophie have been up on the church roof if it hadn't been a desperate cry for help which had so far gone unheard?)Sian reaches out then, lightly covers Sophie's hand with her own and smiles to herself as her girlfriend subconsciously shifts closer to Sian in her sleep, lightly linking their fingers together. (Sian has noticed this, from the very few times she's had the luxury of watching Sophie sleep. That even in sleep, Sophie always seems to reach out to her, both physically and emotionally.) It's something which causes Sian both happiness and heartbreak in once simple second. It should be this simple for her when she's awake, Sian thinks.
''Hey. You're still here.'' Sian is shaken from her thoughts by Sophie's raspy voice. Glances up and sees a pair of perfectly blue eyes gazing up at her own almost in awe. (Sian doesn't think she'll ever grow tired of seeing that expression in Sophie's eyes. Has never been able to recall a time when anyone else has ever looked at her in the same way.) Sure, Ryan had fancied her. Cared about her, even. But ultimately, Sian was always perfectly aware of the fact that what she had with Ryan had never progressed beyond a simple attraction between two people who could (occasionally) tolerate eachother.
''Of course I'm still here, idiot! Where else would I be now, eh?'' She smiles down at Sophie, gently brings the brunette's hand up to her lips and places a soft kiss to her palm.
''Oh, charming! I've just plunged off a roof to almost certain death, and my girlfriend sits there and calls me an idiot!'' Sophie laughs then, and Sian knows she's simply trying to lighten the mood between them, but honestly, the thought of Sophie falling from that roof causes Sian's blood to run cold.
''It's not funny, Soph. When I think about..'' She trails off, glancing at Sophie lovingly.
''I know. But I'm still here, y'know? I was just...a lost sheep for a while.'' Sophie replies, thinking back to the conversation she had with the Pastor right before she fell. Sees a look of confusion flash across Sian's face before quickly being replaced with a look of realisation. (They did read from the same bible, after all.)
''Yeah, well. You're part of my flock. Forever.'' She pauses to press a gentle kiss to her girlfriend's lips. ''Just don't go wandering off any more roofs, okay? I don't think sheep have mastered the art of flying yet.'' Sian manages a weak smile, which broadens noticeably as she hears Sophie let out a quiet laugh. (It's a sound which Sian hadn't heard from her girlfriend in such a long time. So long, in fact, that she'd begun to question whether she was cabable of causing such a sound.)
The blonde thought back to the last conversation they'd had. Right before Sally and Kevin had resumed bickering with eachother like pathetic, selfish teenagers. ( Sian thought to herself sometimes that the relationship between her and Sophie was the most mature relationship in the Webster household.) When Sophie had asked her, eyes full of fear, if she still loved her. It was a question which Sian had heard frequently during their months as a couple. Had never really placed that much importance on. Because, to her, it was a given that she loved Sophie. In fact, it was so strikingly obvious to the blonde that sometimes she simply forgot that perhaps her love wasn't quite so obvious to Sophie herself.
Sian had found far more confidence in their relationship than she'd ever experienced before in her life. Even with her parents. She knew they loved her, of course. (In their own way, at least.) But Sian had always had an uncomfortable knowledge deep in the pit of her stomach, that at any given moment her parent's love for her could be taken away. Her dad's reaction to her relationship with Sophie had been living proof that this very thought had been entirely justified. As had her mum's preference to spend time with her new boyfriend.
With Sophie, however, Sian had, for the first time in her life, not experienced the dread of this crippling fear. There had always been some sort of unspoken communication between the two, even before the night which Sian remembers so fondly (the night which Sophie had so bravely kissed her for the first time- She'd always been the brave one in their relationship.) Sian had never questioned Sophie's loyalty to her. Perhaps because it had always been the brunette who had somehow found the strength to verbalise her feelings so beautifully honestly.
Sophie was insecure. Sian knew that much. Especially after recent events. But then, why wouldn't she be? Always overlooked by her parents in favour of her sister (Sian loved Rosie, she really did. But it was impossible for anyone with a brain to fail to see that she'd actively sought to be the centre of her parent's universe from a young age. And been incredibly successful in her mission.) Sophie had been forced into the passive, obedient role as the 'good' sister. Had never really had anything to call her own until she discovered religion (and we all know how well that turned out, Sian thinks to herself.)Sophie had always been more of a believer than Sian, right from the very start of their relationship. It's not that Sian didn't believe in God. (How could she not? After all, who else could have created someone as breathtakingly beautiful as Sophie?) It's just that she was far less convinced by the thought that God's will was set in stone and that the bible should be taken literally.
''I love you so much, y'know?'' Sophie tells her, once again disrupting her from her thoughts. Not that Sian minds, of course, when Sophie looks at her like she's the only person who exists.
''Yeah, I know. And I love you too, Soph. Remember that, yeah? Even if I don't say it as much as I should.'' Sophie simply nods sleepily, shifting over in the bed so that she's even closer to Sian. Drifts off into the first peaceful sleep she's experienced in such a long while, as her girlfriend gazes at her with a slight smile on her lips, knowing that one day Sophie will feel as secure in their relationship as she herself feels. Sian will make sure of that.