I think, in the beginning, I wanted to do something with my life. There was this tugging feeling inside me, like I needed to always be moving, always be working. But from afar. I wanted nothing of attention, of fame or glory. Just...for things to go right. I figure that was probably because everything in my life always seemed to go so very, very wrong.
It had never really bothered me, not having parents. It should have, I knew, because Pe often told me so. She was assertive like that, fiesty, always stating her opinions and getting into scuffs, even though I knew she knew that she was doing it on purpose. Pe enjoyed confrontation, probably because she got so little of it in her profession, always kissing up to people to get good recommendations. A hard worker, her weapons and armor deserved to be recognized, but if she smarted off to paying customers, her business would go no where, and she knew it.
So she let off steam with the occasional bar fight, or chasing down theives, or some other thing like that. And she was always smiling. Clinging to my arm, pulling me along, welcoming me as a sister and a friend.
I'd been with the Cnisia family since I was a child. Aparently, they found me floating in Lake Rumare, half-drowned and unclaimed ever after. I don't remember much, honestly, but I have dreams sometimes about being alone. It's always dark, always cold, and I'm always in the wild, with no one around. But I don't remember drowning, and I've never feared water. Sometimes I wonder, after I wake from my lonely dreams, if that's becuase I threw myself into that river.
I'd never been unhappy with the Cnisias, though, especially not with Pe for my sister, my constant companion. My earliest, happiest memories are of little Pe leaning down beside me, grinning, and saying, "I always wanted a maid!" I remember being dumb struck as her parents explained I was most certainly not her new servant, and then how her eyes lit up when she realized they were adopting me. "Oh, a sister! That's almost just as good!"
But the Cnisias didn't live long after taking me in, just a few years, and the adoption was never official. Instead, Pe and I were on our own, and that didn't seem to bother either one of us. We were both ready to work to live, that was never an issue. Comforting Pe in the loss of her parents, however, was more difficult. Having my strong, happy sister to suddenly break down, to cry and cry and cry, was the hardest thing I could ever remember going through. I swore I'd live for Peregrina Cnisia, and I'd never let her see another sad day.
Ten years passed quickly, and I thought I'd done a good job of holding to my word. Pe had a rather good business going, despite us being mere street peddlers in the Imperial City, and as a Bard I made my own gold, recounting history or weaving tales for children. And at night, while Pe slept, I would sneak about and take whatever else we needed. To live, to make Pe happy, I would do anything.
I should have known caring about one thing so much, making just that one person mean everything to me, would curse us both.
Pe fell in love. Corrudus Secunia, a seemingly charming young Imperial with a promising career working as an agent, came into town and managed to sweep Pe off her feet before he was done placing his order.
Naturally, I was wary. Having your heart broke, I knew, was a pain that none other could compare to, and that Pe, having never loved before, was very susceptable to. So I investigated.
In this, I believe it was all my fault, what happened thereafter.
Maybe if I had just left the affair alone, Pe would have been strong in heartbreak, or might even have truly won the man for which she pined. I can't know, not any longer. All I know is that I dug too deep, got the attention of the wrong people, and made Corrudus Secunia a liability to whoever they were.
But their agent was too valuable to get rid of, so instead, an example had to be made.
They didn't outright kill Pe. No, they instead took her in the night, sold her to slave traders making a smuggle to Morrowind in the east. I went after them. They got as far as Cheydinhal.
My efforts were wasted in going that far. Pe wasn't with them. I watched them, through the night, with their "merchandise," but they didn't have Pe. I listened, I learned.
Pe was dead. Rather than be sold, she'd killed herself sometime during the trip while I'd struggled to catch up. They'd tossed her body aside, leaving her along the road.
An outrage. A horror. My greatest, most profound pain.
My insides burned, my body ached, my mind screamed, and the tears seered down unbidden.
Anger anger anger silent, seething anger. I let it envelop me.
It was easier than the pain.
I used the bow Pe had forged for me. She'd smiled with glee when she'd presented it to me, so happy she'd made enough profit to make something just to give me. "A Bosmer should have a bow, right?" She'd laughed by way of explanation. "It's your heritage!"
With that bow, I shot those men. Whip, whip, whip, whip. Arrows from the bow, right into thick, warm bodies. So easy it was, to take their meaningless lives. And too quick to satisfy.
More should pay.
I freed the captives, and I marched back to the capital. On the road, I kept an eye out. Eventually, I found Pe.
Or what was left of her. The body was torn, bloody, and half eaten. Parts were missing. Clothes were gone. I barely recognized her as my smiling, happy sister.
But it was easy enough to tell how she'd died. She'd bit through her tongue. I expect she drowned in her own blood.
Strong, opinionated Peregrina Cnisia. Died of her own volition, in resistance to the slavery of her body. My sister, my Pe.
I buried her there, beside the road, in an unmarked spot, where the world will never know, and I keep the memory of her to myself alone. My sister, my Pe.
The next day, in the middle of the Imperial City, with the whole town watching, I knocked an arrow, made sure Corrundus Secunia saw me, and that his jovial smile had slipped right off his face, before I let the projectile fly.
My aim was a little off, but I managed three more shots before a guard grabbed me. I like to think my lack of skill made him suffer all the more.
Corrundus Secunia bled to death right there in the streets.
Twas what he deserved, letting Pe die. Not trying to find her, save her, and for smiling when only hours before I'd buried her tattered body under the earth.
My sister, my Pe.
I didn't try to resist, but I refused to pay any bounty. For a measely ten days I rotted below in a dark cell. I was both reminded of my dreams of being alone and disgusted by the price of a life. Ten days in a cold room. That was it, that was all. Just ten days to pay off my debt to the world for taking a life. Even if legal "justice" had been served for Pe's murder – for murder it was, even if they hadn't lain a hand on her! – such a pathetic excuse for a punishment would not have been enough. Not for me.
Not for Pe.
They found the slave traders while I was imprisoned and traced their deaths back to me. Apparently, one of the slaves I'd freed had ratted me out for money. I was beyond caring by then.
I didn't recall how many traders I'd killed, and didn't try to count the days I served for their deaths. More time in the cell was meaningless.
Without Pe, I had no life to go back to.
My sister, my Pe.
It was 3E 426 when all this occured.
In 3E 427, I was put on a boat.