You suddenly feel like something is missing. You are looking all around you but you do not find what you are looking for. You are holding your breath and you do not even realise it. It would be easier to just ask Ron but you know that he has more to deal with right now. You turn your back to him and Fred's dead body, scanning the great hall. You feel like you do not know how to breathe anymore. Like you might die.
You feel like you are already dying.
You see Neville, heading outside.
"Have you seen Harry?"
"I thought he was with you."
Why did you have to ask anyway? Deep inside of you, you already knew the answer. By the look on your face, Neville seems worried, but you fake a smile and walk away from him. You walk away from everyone. Just as Harry did you can't help but think.
Your feet are leading you to an empty corridor. You have no idea where you are going but you keep walking. Before you know it, you are running. And you can't stop. You won't stop. You keep going. You do not know if your lungs can take it but you do not pay any attention to it. Running. Searching. Stumbling. Running. Crying. Running. Suffocating. Running. Falling. For him.
And he is there. He is right in front of you. You do not know how it happened. It just did. Somehow.
All of a sudden you are frozen, and you see that he has stopped moving too. You are looking at him, your eyes wide open. You see tiredness, surprise, sadness, fear in his eyes. You see bravery. But above all, you see Harry. Not the Boy-Who-Lived nor the Chosen One. Just Harry. Harry and his untidy raven hair. Harry and his scar. Harry and his glasses covering his green eyes. His beautiful green eyes, focusing on you and only you at the moment.
He is standing before you and you only see a teenage boy with all the weight of the world on his shoulders. And it is tearing you apart.
You take the initiative first and you let your legs carrying you toward him. For just a second, you know that he is struggling to take a step back, but he doesn't flinch and he lets you take his arm. Because you were taking his arm and you were pulling him to the closest door, opening it without looking at him. You still had trouble breathing but it did not matter. You were surprised when you realised that he did not try to resist. You both entered the room that happened to be an empty classroom. You barely noticed that one of the walls had been entirely destroyed by the strength of the battle. You could see the dark sky. You could feel the cool air. And yet you did not know if you were still alive.
Because you knew.
You turned to face him, still surprised that he had not pulled back. He was staring at you.
He knew, too. He knew that you had figured it out.
And then you start to cry. You do not even know if it just started, you just feel the tears streaming down on your face, and you see the pain in his eyes.
"Mione' no, please, don't cry... You know that I can't stand it when you cry..."
He takes a step forward and raise his hand to wipe away your tears, but you let go of him and widen the line that already separated him from you. You cannot handle it. You know that you will never be able to handle it. You do not try to stop the crying even if you know that it makes him feel uncomfortable. You just know that it is all over, that there is no escape. No hope. This time you don't want to be brave. You don't even know how to be brave. You don't know anything.
So you just stay away from him. If he reaches you again you might as well die, considering that he is going to leave and never come back tonight, so why not you?
You will never feel his touch again, and you do not want to. Because you know that you will never be able to let go if he catches you. Besides, you know that you have already fallen too much deeper for anyone to catch you. So did he.
There is nothing you can do. You cannot save him this time.
You hear him calling your name softly. You avoid his gaze. You do not know what to do. Everything becomes blurry.
You hear someone sobbing, saying "I don't want you to go." before realising that you are the one who spoke.
He is not moving. You suppose that he is looking at you but you do not want to face him. You hide your face with both of you hands when suddenly, you feel his on yours.
"Look at me Hermione."
Only a whisper. But his words cut through you like a knife. You feel his hands keeping yours away from the wet eyes that are letting the tears go. You try to move but he is stronger than you and pulls you closer to him... very close. So close that you can hear him breathing.
"I'm sorry." His voice is not soft this time. It is trembling with emotions that start to rise to the surface. You know that Harry cannot contain it anymore. He had always tried to during all his life. But something had changed. He had no choice. He had to finish it. He had to die.
"What are you sorry for? This isn't your fault..."
"I'm not talking about Voldemort."
You finally look up at him, confused. He still has this unfamiliar voice and his face is inscrutable.
"I'm sorry for what I'm about to do." he continued.
And before you could think straight, before you could respond, his lips met yours.
This simple kiss was the step Harry and you had always been afraid to take. You both knew that the line of friendship were overcrossed a long time ago, but on the other hand, neither had wanted to jeopardize this relationship. You had kept pushing away your feelings, trying to save the platonic story that held you two together. However, nothing about this kiss felt wrong.
On spur of moment, you do not notice that the sensation is gone as promptly as it arrived. And what a great sensation it was. You open your eyes and you are staring at each other without blinking for what seems like ages. He is still holding your hands. The tears have stopped.
And then it is like you have just woken up. This had felt so right, yet it was so wrong...
"H-Harry... We can't."
Even though we just did you think.
"This- us. It's not... It's too late..."
You can feel his gaze on you more than you can see it since the sky is getting darker around you.
"It's too late Harry." you say, your voice breaking when you utter his name.
His voice is the same as before, filled with feeling and emotion. "I don't care."
The second after that, you find yourself against the wall, Harry's lips crashing against your own. This time you are kissing him back, pressing your whole body as close to him as possible, pushing him to you in a tight embrace, one hand around his neck, the other wandering on his messy hair.
"I don't care..." The words are echoing through your mind as he repeats them between kisses. You don't care either. You don't care about the prophecy or Voldemort, or even about the fact that Voldemort himself is waiting for Harry in the forbidden forest. You forget about the death of Colin, or Remus, or Tonks, or Fred.
The only thing that you are feeling are his body and soul. The only thing that keeps you alive is Harry. Because you are alive right now, there is no doubt about it anymore. He is a part of you. A part of your world. For the first time in your life, you cannot find the words to describe it. You love him and it is much more than that.
I don't care. I don't care. You are hearing his voice trembling, you are well aware that his hands around your neck are shaking. You pull away. He breathes fast and you realise that he is on the verge of crying.
"It's okay. You'll be alright."
And you are the one starting the kiss this time. You want him to feel alive just as he made you feel this way. He places his hands at both sides of your waist, drawing closer to you, becoming your world again. He needs you. Now more than ever. You deepen the kiss, opening your mouth to him as his tongue travels into a new horizon.
You feel passion that was not there before. Passion that is stronger than everything you had imagined. Passion that you have built with him since the very beginning. You feel despair in the way he kisses you, like he wants to give everything he has not given you from this moment : his regrets, his angst and his devotion. His hands are now caressing every inch of your body, from your back to your belly, going lower, tracing the line of the scar you had gotten at the department of mysteries some years ago with his fingers under your shirt. He breaks the kiss as he starts to squeeze his lips on your neck, leaving out a groan when your hand touches his torso.
Right now your hearts beat as one. Some people say that action speak louder than words. This is one of these moments. Because you know. And he knows. He knows it because he feels the same way as you do. Because there are more impotant things, such as friendship, bravery... and love.
You whisper his name one last time when you feel his own tears drowning in the back of your neck.
You don't care. In that moment, you are both alive, and that is all that matters.
A/N : This is the first one shot that I've written in english (since I'm french) so I apologize for any mistake I could have left by.
Thank you to Morgane and Jess for reading some part of it, your words really helped me to continue and be more confident about my work!
Thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated :)