Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I simply enjoy putting it in the blender, turning it on and seeing what comes out later.
AN: This will be an ongoing crack!fic as more stupid ways for Voldemort to die come to mind. I do not envision very long chapters, and will be going for originality over anything else. I do apologize if I write something similar to what someone else has written. I have read several hundred fan-fics, but obviously not all of them.
-DCM-
"Lily! It's him! Take Harry and run!" James' voice was full of dread and determination.
Lily grabbed young Harry and instead of running up the stairs, followed quickly after her husband to the cupboard in the living room.
"Lily! What are you doing?"
"I'm not letting you have all the fun." The wicked grin on Lily's face stopped any protest James may have had. "Stick Harry to my back, and give me the rocket-launcher." James was quick to comply.
He handed the rocket-launcher to Lily, and picked up the Gatlin gun for himself. "Give me 5 seconds to put as many rounds of these basilisk coated rounds in him, then you finish him off."
Lily hefted the heavily charmed weapon up onto her shoulder and nodded. "Please put a silencing and deafening charm on Harry love, and let's finish this, dinner is almost ready."
James took position by the doorway to the living room with Lily standing behind him. "When I go out the door I'll drop to one knee. Count to five, then you come around the corner and fire over my head." Lily nodded.
There was a loud noise as the door was suddenly blasted in scattering broken bits of wood and glass down the hall way. James was tempted to rush out right away, but held his first impulse in check. If he went too soon, the Voldemort would have room to dodge, and things could turn out badly. It wasn't until he heard the telltale crunch of glass underfoot that he sprang into action. James came out of the living room and quickly dropped to one knee. He pulled the trigger on his Gatlin gun and was pleased to see the look of confusion on Voldemort's face as he tried to comprehend what the young Lord Potter was doing.
Voldemort wasn't even able to bring up any kind of shield as 70 rounds per second started ripping through his body. James counted to five and released the trigger. He felt Lily move up behind him and pulled out his wand and cast his strongest one way shield. It would allow spells and objects to go through them when they came from James, but would repel almost anything that came at him.
"Flee from this death Voldemort." Lily's voice was strong and full of conviction. She pulled the trigger and a rocket carrying a shaped charge flew down the hallway and caught Voldemort in what was left of his chest. There was a brief pause and then with an explosion, what was left of Voldemort splattered out the front door and across the front lawn of the Potter's home.
The room was silent as James and Lily considered their handy work.
"Lily?" James said at last.
"Yes?"
"The rolls are burning…"