Deep Cover

Chapter One

Zebraboymom

Disclaimer: If they were mine I would die a happy woman. I just keep livin' the dream.

Author Notes: Hi everyone. I wonder if you even remember me. It's been over a year since my last story post. I took time off to finish a book about the life of my grandmother and then did a TV treatment. Don't know what will become of either one, but at least I followed through with my goals. This story has been on my mind for over six months, so finally here it is. As always I am unapologetically E/O, so please don't start with the trolling. There are so many great stories out there that aren't about these two. Enjoy them. That's the beauty of fanfic, we get to day dream a little. I will always love these two together so much. Sigh…This story is set when Cragen retired at the end of season 14 and picks up as he is saying good-bye to the squad.

Olivia carefully schooled her features as Cragen finished his farewell to the squad. How many more losses could she survive and keep it together? Now the one man she looked to as a father was leaving. For her it was different. She thought of them all as her family. She was losing her "dad". She already lost a brother with Munch leaving and Elliot…was like losing a spouse. She had loved him with every fiber of her being, but his total failure to even try for a relationship outside of work had hurt her so deeply she felt her heart would never recover.

"Liv?"

"Liv?"

"Liv!"

She shook her head to clear all of her miserable thoughts for a minute.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

"Sorry Cap, I just…"

"Liv, a word?"

"Uh, yeah…"

The rest of the squad was staring at her as she followed Cragen into his office.

To her surprise he closed his door and drew the blinds. She stood awkwardly while he turned the two chairs in his office to face each other and gestured for her to sit down.

Olivia hated those chairs. Most of the time when she sat in them her partner had occupied one of them and they were being chewed out for something they had done or not done. It was usually because they were fighting. Liv would give anything to fight with Elliot right about now.

When she stayed frozen in place, Cragen gently pressed his hand to her back, guiding her into one and him self into the other.

This could not be good. He must think she was going to fall apart. As he reached for one of her hands and pressed it between both of his their eyes locked and she knew this was going to be bad.

"Cap, what is it? I promise I am okay. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine and…"

"Liv, now that you are in charge I have to pass the baton to you. That means you are now able to know any and everything that has to do with this squad. You are responsible for everyone under you. This is going to be hard to say and please don't hate me for what I am about to tell you, but I was not able to tell you any of this until you were officially in charge."

"Cap, you know I will take care of them. All three of them are like family to me."

"Four."

"What? No Captain, Munch is gone."

"I know that, but you are responsible for four officers, Olivia. That's why I brought you in here. I need to tell you something that I think is going to make you happy and terrified at the same time."

"I'm confused. What are you saying?"

"Olivia, I couldn't tell you this before, but there is another detective on the squad that has been undercover, deep, deep cover for the last almost three years. He answers only to me and now he will answer only to you."

Liv, couldn't wrap her arms around this revelation. Her heart began to speed up and she felt it pounding against her rib cage.

"Cap?"

"It's Elliot Liv. He never left the unit for real. That was a cover. He has been undercover this entire time."

"What? How?"

"It was only supposed to be for six months, so I couldn't say anything. That's why he never returned your calls Liv. He couldn't."

"Where has he been all this time? What about Kathy? What about the kids? Captain, this isn't right."

"I know Liv. Kathy agreed to the six months when Elliot promised he would retire when the assignment was over, but at the end of the six months he had been so accepted into the cartel that they took him to Columbia for training. No one heard from him for two years. During that time Kathy divorced him and moved on. She actually got engaged last summer. It was a hard time. He managed to contact me only twice while he was down there and that was over six months ago. I honestly thought they killed him. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you any of this, but it was orders from 1PP."

"But he's alive?"

"Yes and back here in the states. He's getting close to closing the case. He's in deep with the main players. It's very dangerous Liv and we only meet once every two weeks. I am scheduled to meet him in three days, but it will be you who makes contact. He's pretty much a wreck over losing his family, but this operation has changed him, Liv. Just be aware that he has become hard through all this. He's seen much worse things than shooting that girl, but if anyone can reach him it's you."

Liv pulled her hand out of Cragens and stood to pace aimlessly around his office. This was too much to take in.

"I don't believe you. You kept this from me all this time?"

"I'm sorry Liv, I was afraid he might get killed and I didn't want you to live in fear every day trying to do your job and not knowing where he was or how he was doing."

Liv could feel her heart breaking at Don's words.

"How will I…m…make contact."

"I have a meeting with him starting tomorrow night. Remember my fishing cabin? We meet there. It gives him a chance to get a break. He stays for a couple of days with me. He tells his "boss" he goes to see his mother. They trust him enough now that he is free to come and go. That came at a price. It may take him some time to trust you again fully, but I know how close you two were and I have hope that you can get through to him."

Liv stood dumbfounded. She was in a state of shock. Everything she had been feeling towards Elliot…all the anger just fell away and a sick feeling of dread replaced it. She knew Elliot and she knew this kind of undercover would shatter him if he were as deep in as she thought he was.

Seeing her expression, Cragen took her in his arms and hugged her.

"It'll be okay, Liv. The whole operation could be over in the next six months. He is that close to having all the players in his pocket. Now cheer up, pack a bag and take this key to my cabin. This file will bring you up to date on the whole operation. It's pretty ugly what he's had to endure. Elliot doesn't know I retired Liv. He won't be expecting you, so tread lightly, okay? If you come hard at him, he might break down. He asks about you every time we're together and it's been killing him to know all you've been going through without him by your side. He regrets the choice he made Liv. He really does, so be gentle, okay?

Liv thought about the kind of guilt El would carry and she realized she just wanted to see him, to look into those beautiful blue eyes and get lost.

Cragen's voice pulled her out of her head for a moment. He looked around his office.

"Oh, and Olivia? Do something with the place will ya?"

He smiled softly at her and he slipped out of his door for the last time, looking at it as he went.

As soon as Cragen was out of sight, Olivia sat down hard behind his desk, folded her arms, buried her face in them and wept. Two and a half years and she thought he didn't care enough to stay in touch. He had gone into deep cover like the guy they met during the exotic animal sting years ago. She remembered how he told her he had lost everything. Was that true for Elliot? How was his family dealing? How had it changed him? Would she even recognize the man she fell in love with years ago?

A/N: Next chapter, the cabin.