A/N: This is just for fun. Obviously there is quite a bit of suspension of disbelief you will need to use while reading. The idea just struck me, and I wanted to write it. It's a short little one. No offense intended for any ships. I respect them all. Enjoy! ~All Mistakes are mine. I didn't have this one Beta'd.
Warnings: Language and sex talk. Nothing Graphic.
Introducing Tumblr...
"Oh dear, Merlin, what the bloody hell is this?" Draco cried, half torn between gouging his own eyes out and needing to stare at the abomination in front of him to process what he was looking at.
"What are you screeching about now?" Hermione asked with a sigh as she entered the kitchen when Draco Malfoy was perched at her laptop computer, eyes bugging out of his skull.
In the 10 years that followed the fall of Voldemort, her relationship with the man in her flat had changed, evolved, and grown into a fairly content friendship. Even Ron and Harry were known to play a pick-up game of Quiddich with him, though the insults always flew like bludgers when the three of them were together. She and Ginny just rolled their eyes and sighed, muttering 'boys', and did their best to ignore them.
She had thought, at one point, their friendship would be forever ruined by one night of hot, raunchy, make-your-legs-shake-and-your-toes-curl night of sex until dawn. The next morning, they'd both been awkward and weird. But a few weeks later, Draco begged her to forget it ever happened and be friends again, and they had continued on like nothing had happened. She valued him in her life. He was nearly as smart and twice as ambitious as she, and they were well matched as friends.
"What the hell is this?" Draco asked again, gesticulating wildly at the screen in front of him. Hermione hurried around to look at what had put her friend into such a tissy and burst into laughter when she saw him looking through her Tumblr dashboard where, big as life, was a photoshopped picture of Draco and Harry naked, and wrapped in each other's arms. Harry's head was thrown back in ecstasy while Draco licked a path down the raven-haired boy's neck.
"Well," she started, giggling. She hadn't the foggiest idea how to explain that because their life stories had been translated into books, the whole world, Muggle and Wizarding alike, knew about them. There was still quite a bit of distance between the two worlds and Draco had no idea how to use a computer on his own. "You see. When Ms. Rowling published those books, you know, about the war...They became best sellers in the Muggle world."
"Hermione, I know that. Tell me what that has to do with me pawing at a naked Potter?" he insisted, the panic in his voice rising.
"Well, a popular ship in what they call the 'Potter Universe' is Drarry," she said. Draco stared at her, open mouthed and confused.
"Okay, would you like to repeat that in English this time?" he said, his voice showing he had no patience left.
She sighed. "Ships are 'relationships' or pairings, if you will. When fans of a book, or movie, or TV show, or game get together, they like to talk about what their favorite relationships or 'ships' are and sometimes - in fact, many times - those 'ships are not canon. In the case of the books about us, you and Harry are a very popular 'ship."
He sat there, staring again, from the computer to her, back and forth. "I need a drink," he said, getting up and going to her fridge for a beer. "Does Potter know about this?"
"I'm not sure," Hermione said. Though she'd maintained a close relationship with the Muggle world, Harry had not. He did use a mobile phone. He owned a computer, but they never talked about what was going on in the Muggle world much, or the reception of the books.
"He needs to know, Hermione!" Draco cried. "This is a violation!" Hermione was about to stop him but he was already headed toward the Floo and in less than a minute Harry, Ron, and Ginny were tumbling into her living room, confused looks on their faces.
"Why is Malfoy throwing a tantrum?" Ron asked. Draco muttered something about 'Weasels' under his breath and Hermione just laughed. She guessed now was as good a time as any to explain 'The Potter Fandom' on the internet. She was certain she needed a drink as well.
"Let's all get comfortable, this could take a moment," she said.
"Wait, what the fuck is on your computer, Hermione?" Ron shouted, his face turning green as his jaw dropped open.
Hermione rolled her eyes and stared at all four gaping friends in front of her as they saw the picture Draco had stumbled across. She didn't know whether to regret following all of those 'Potter' fans or to be grateful to them for providing her with such entertainment. Turning the screen around so she had their full attention, she took a deep breath and a sip from her wine glass.
"Everyone, sit down and grab a drink. You might need it." Ginny, Ron, and Harry grabbed a beer a piece and gathered around her kitchen table.
"As I was explaining to Draco, the story of the War and all that has become very popular in the Muggle world," they nodded in understanding and she continued. "On the internet, fans of the books get together and discuss the books. The most popular discussion topic is the romantic relationships. Many people were unhappy with the pairings as they were left off in the books. I mean, think about it. We were what? 18? The chances of us all staying with each other was slim, in reality. But Ms. Rowling left us all with nice happy endings. Harry with Ginny, and Me with Ron."
"Yes, and me with that horrible cow, Astoria..." Draco muttered. Everyone stifled a chuckle at that.
"Anyway..." Hermione continued with exaggerated annoyance. "So, often time, the fans discuss who would have been better paired. They make fanart, write fanfictions, have discussions on message boards, etc."
She watched as her friends digested this. "And so, who's the most popular pairing?" Ron asked. "Has to be us, right?" he said indicated Hermione. She laughed and rolled her eyes.
"You know, oddly enough, fans of the book seem to understand that the two of us actually would have killed each other if we'd stayed together. You are usually the cheating bad guy. Sorry." She smirked at Ron and he pouted.
"Who do I get, then?" Ron demanded.
"Lavender Brown, usually." Hermione said, holding in a laugh. The rest of her friends were not so kind. Loud guffaws erupted around Ron, and he pouted some more.
"Well, that's mean now, isn't it?" Ron said indignantly.
"A lot of people still think Harry and Ginny belong together," Hermione supplied helpfully.
"And if Harry had a vagina, they'd probably be right," Ginny said and Harry chuckled. They'd discovered that little secret about a year after the war. Harry had taken it like a good friend and Ginny was now happily married to the seeker of the Holyhead Harpies.
"Forget all of this," Draco said. "How many of these vile pictures are there out there, and how do we get them of the internets?"
"Millions," Hermione said. "And that's not to mention the graphic Fanfiction."
"Do I even want to know what the bloody hell that is?" Harry asked. "I mean, I check my email. That's about all I know about the net."
"Fanfiction are fan stories that fans have written. A lot of it is nothing more than porn," Hermione explained.
"You've read it?" Ron asked. It was her turn to blush.
"Well, it's kind of hot..." she mumbled and Draco brightened up.
"What a little pervert! Reading sexy stories about your friends. So tell me, what are your favorite ships?" Perhaps this whole 'Potter Fandom' thing wasn't so revolting after all. The thought of Hermione getting hot and bothered while reading stories about him made him hard.
"Oh shut up!" she cried. "I don't have favorite ships. I just read it generally. Every once in a while." Somehow, it looked like her friends were not buying that. "Anyway, the most popular ships, since you ask...It's hard to tell. From what I can see, Draco and Harry are popular. And...well, me and Draco...and me and Snape." She mumbled the last bit, but they heard her.
"SNAPE?!" Ron shouted. "Greasy, old, SNAPE!"
"It's not that crazy, Ronald. We both share a love of knowledge. And everyone felt so miserable for him when he died after carrying a torch for Harry's mum all those years. And I am the main female character of the books." Hermione explained, exasperated. The fact was, when she first found the Snamione ship, it freaked her out. But then she read one particular, very steamy story...and she found herself recalling the fallen hero in her naughtiest dreams. Not often, but occasionally.
"So, Draco and me, and Draco and you. Apparently these fans like Draco..." Harry pointed out.
"Of course they do, Potter. And as much as I'd love to read some of this porn about Hermione and myself. I cannot possibly see where they could find anything remotely compelling about me fucking you!" Draco said.
Hermione just rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Two mortal enemies who just happen to be hot guys. Who just happen to have incredibly sad backgrounds. One of whom turned his back on tradition and his destiny to help the other win the war...I can't possibly see why ANYONE would romanticize that..."
"Gross, 'Mione," Ron said, making a face.
"I, for one, want to know why people don't pair me with anyone but Harry," Ginny said indignantly. "No offense Harry."
"Oh, they do," Hermione said. "Sometimes with Draco. Sometimes with me..."
"Now, that is interesting," Ginny said, wiggling her eyebrows.
"Any time you ladies want to act one of those scenes out, let me know," Draco said.
"Oh Merlin, that's my bloody sister," Ron said, turning green.
"Oh shut up," Ginny said. "Let's get back to the real elephant in the room."
"And what's that?" Hermione asked.
"Why is it Muggle who've never met you, know you and Draco should be together, but the two of you are too bloody stupid to figure it out?" Ginny asked pointedly.
Hermione's face flushed and Draco shifted in the chair next to her. "Don't be silly, Ginny," she said unevenly.
"Yeah, Granger? Come on. We couldn't be more opposite," Draco shrugged unconvincingly.
Harry rolled his eyes at that. "If you think Draco and I are romantic. Jeez. Once Death Eater turns his back on his family to fall in love with the 'Mudblood'? It writes itself."
Hermione looked down at her hands, anywhere but at Draco. "Well, I see we've dropped the bomb, finally," Ginny said. "Come on, Ron, Harry, let's go."
"Wait, I want to know why I'm always the bad guy," Ron said, reaching for Hermione's computer.
"Later, Ron," Ginny said. "Bye Hermione, Malfoy. See you later." She shuffled both men back to Hermione's living room and out of the Floo, leaving Hermione and Draco in uncomfortable silence.
"So..." he finally said.
"They are just being ridiculous," she said, her voice shaking against her will.
"No, they aren't," Draco replied looking over at her. "You know as well as I that we've been ignoring something very big for a long time."
"It's not a good idea," Hermione finally said, trying to recall why.
"Yes, it is. The fans have spoken. Give the people what they want," Draco finally said with confidence. He could see her resolve breaking and he'd wanted her for long enough. He was sick of pretending otherwise. Besides, he had some of this hot, sexy fanfiction to role play.