LET THE STARS BE OUR ONLY WITNESSES
By MargaritaDaemonelix
"And for you, good sir, another honey mead," Lowe laughs, letting the foaming mug hit the table with a muted thunk. It goes mostly unnoticed in the revelry of the night. "And, as requested, another pretzel for you, miss."
"Lowe, you don't have to treat us like we're some sort of high and mighty figures of legend," Elsword says, laughing as he picks up his mead. "We're just back from war. That's all. Half of us aren't even from Ruben!"
Aisha punches him in the arm with her free hand as she tears into her pretzel with glee. "Literally only you and your sister were born here," she amends, albeit playfully.
"Ah, but I have each and every one of you to thank for bringing our world back to peace." Lowe sits down next to them with his own mug. "So forgive me if I try to spoil all of you for tonight. It's the least I can do after all you've done for the rest of us."
"Lu seems to be enjoying herself," Rena muses, and they all turn their attention to the little demon queen. Her wings are folded up behind her, but she practically rumbles with delight as she digs into her pastry, crumbs stuck in her long tresses. "Maybe the days of eating nothing but hardtack were starting to get to her."
Raven scoffs. "Demons and their indulgences," he says, but they all know he doesn't mean it, not when he regularly spoils Lu and Laby with snacks himself.
All around them, the merriment continues. Elesis takes to the stage, and it's only a lapse in judgement possibly caused by the alcohol that makes the normally unflappable general pull the equally unflappable Rose up with her. They dance to the singing of the fiddle while Laby cheers them on from below, the young girl practically glowing with joy. Chung and Eve clink mugs and drink their apple cider while Ain leans back with his own mug and smiles.
The Ruben town hall, now converted into party central, radiates laughter and merriment. Streamers line the ceilings, and cakes and pastries and pretzels and alcohol are being served from every direction. The villagers are happy, and why wouldn't they be? Their heroes have returned from their glorious quest, the world is finally safe, they can all rest easy now, and there's nothing more to be afraid of. Tonight is a night of celebration and revelry, of lights and colours, of singing and dancing.
Which is why Ara immediately notices when Add tosses back the rest of his cider, throws his coat over his shoulders, and slips out through the back door. Strangely enough, no one notices one of the great returning heroes leaving, which really says something about the amount of alcohol being consumed in the festivities.
But Ara knows her longtime travel companion better than that. She knows, in painful detail, how crowds tend to overwhelm him, and how he tries to escape before he snaps at someone and gets himself banned permanently. She knows, and her heart begs, that she'll follow him out of this, that she's been devoted to him for years and that won't change in the foreseeable future. She knows she doesn't nearly have the guts to tell him that she will.
Nearly a decade of following the El Search Party across continents and worlds has blessed Ara with impeccable grace and the ability to analyze the field in just a heartbeat. Within moments, she's out of the tangle of dancers and into the cold of the night air, and immediately wishes she brought a jacket with her.
It's not too hard to track him down after that. She knows that everyone's been assigned one of the newly-built cottages to live in until they leave, and his is the only building in town aside from the town hall that has any lights on at this time anyhow. She approaches the door, tries to knock, and is rather painfully surprised when it swings open anyways. "Add?" she calls, hoping to hear an answer. No one responds.
She finds him on the balcony that overlooks the forest below, and knocks on the glass sliding panel to get his attention. He looks a little surprised at first that she's there, and a little flushed from the heat of the party, but he opens the panel and lets her step onto the balcony next to him.
Ara knows she changes when she's around him. Having a bittersweet crush on the same guy for many, many years has, unfortunately, changed her view of the way she approaches others. She tries her hardest to act natural, act natural when she approaches him, and it's only Providence that has protected her secret for this long. Heaven knows how long he's probably suspected her of harbouring feelings stronger than innocent friendship.
"Hey," she says, and tries not to think about how that's too casual, much too casual. "Needed some fresh air?"
He doesn't smile, but the corners of his mouth turn up for a second—just a second!—before he exhales into the night sky and looks up into the sky. "You know me best."
It's peaceful out here on the balcony. Ara follows Add's example and leans against the railing, surveying the lands below and skies above. In all her years travelling, she barely only stayed in Ruben for a mere day, and even that memory, from nearly a decade ago, is fading quickly. She looks through the constellations, and the forest, and the dim glow that comes from the illuminated house at their backs.
"And you?" Add asks, shaking her from the dreamlike state. "Why'd you leave the party?"
Ara just shrugs and offers a small, bland smile. "Thought you'd be lonely."
They stand like that for a while, admiring the stars and the peace of the night. At least, Ara thinks they do; it's hard to enjoy anything when your unrequited love of many years is standing next to you. "There's the Dragon's Heart," Add suddenly says, pointing into the night.
She follows his gaze and his finger, and sure enough, there's the constellation she taught him about, on one of those painful nights when neither of them could sleep from the nightmares. "It sure is," she says, and then stops, unsure of how to continue.
This is her chance to come clean, to get her closure before she loses him forever. How many times has she tried to say this out loud, the few words that could mean everything? How many chances has she wasted simply because she was too afraid to speak out? How hard can it be to say I love you when she genuinely means it?
She glances to her side, if only temporarily, and finds herself flustered when she makes eye contact with Add. It takes all of another second to redirect her gaze, pass it off as normal, but it hasn't escaped his attention. "If something's bothering you, just spit it out."
"A few things, if I'm being honest." She tackles the obvious question first. "Where are you going after this?"
Add doesn't respond at first, and just chuckles a little to himself as he casually runs his fingers through his hair to comb it back. "The Velder government wants to give me a medal," he says. "And I want to visit, anyhow. Go to my childhood home. It's hidden enough that most people wouldn't have thought of looking through the area, so it might still be salvageable." He looks at her curiously, tilting his head. "And you?"
"Something similar." Ara tries to laugh, but it comes out bitter and completely unlike her. "Since I'm the only surviving member of my family, I have to go back to Isshin and… clean things up, so to speak." All she can offer is a wry smile. "Be the clan head, now that no one else is left. The capital will be upset if I don't."
The thought takes a moment to sink in. She'll be clan head, now that Mother and Father are gone, and Aren has found peace, and none of her other siblings are alive. The thought of having to deal with the other clans on her own isn't very appetizing. "Not that I'd particularly like to be." She punctuates the statement with a sneeze.
"Are you cold?" Immediately, Add shucks off his coat and gently drapes it over her shoulders. Ara is only now aware that she's still clad in her white silk robes underneath, which do barely anything to shield her from the night wind. Swaddled in Add's massive coat though, she feels… protected. Cradled. Loved.
"Thank you, Add," she says softly, and then sees his bare forearms that have been exposed without his jacket. "But won't you be cold now?"
He shrugs. "I'll live."
They fall to silence again, and Ara is left trying to phrase something akin to love into something that'll soften the blow. It's not everyday that she spends time alone with Add, after all.
It's been a long time since they met, since Ara decided that she wasn't going to deny it to herself any longer, since he pulled her away from a crumbling cliff they were exploring in Sander and held onto her like she was about to fall again. She's had a long time to fall in love, and now that she's come to the last few moments she'll probably ever share with him, her tongue betrays her and refuses to let her speak the words she so desperately wants him to know.
"Add—"
"Can I—"
They pause, and they laugh, and the wind picks up their laughter and howls its own. "Let's move indoors, it's getting colder," Add suggests, and holds the glass door open. "After you."
She takes it gratefully, and ducks in with his jacket (his jacket) still over her shoulders, like a nest that feels excruciatingly like him. She'll miss this feeling when she has to leave for Isshin again, the security that comes with being next to him, laughing away their sorrows and hailing in change together.
"So," he says gruffly, standing with his hands in his pockets by the bed where she's taken her seat, "you were saying something?"
Ara shakes her head with a small smile as the words die on her lips again. "No, you go first." She tries to make it seem genuine, tries to be the fearless goddess of preservation that the people of Elrios claim her to be, but she just doesn't have it in her to mask herself any longer.
Add starts pacing at the bedside while she tugs his jacket a little closer. "I know this might be sudden," he says, and she sees him try to formulate the words but it feels taxing on both of them, "but I—ah, darn—"
"It's alright," she says quickly, soothingly, "take your time."
They hold eye contact for all of a heartbeat before Ara looks away, unable to meet his gaze any longer.
"I have," Add says, slowly, carefully, "feelings for you."
Ara's breath hitches in her chest. "Define feelings," she says.
He snorts. "Romantic feelings," he says, causing her heart to flutter painfully against her chest. "The sappy kind. Y'know."
And in the spur of the moment, Ara says the only thing that comes to mind.
"Me?" she whispers. "Why me?"
He stares at her for a long moment. "You're brave," he says finally, "stupidly so. But you're so genuine about it. Also," and here he drops into a low mumble, "I feel safe when I'm around you."
He loves you, he loves you, he loves you—
"It's alright if you don't want to return the sentiment," he says quickly, even as tears well up in her eyes and she thinks of all the cosmic ironies that she would have taken aside from this one. "I know it's really sudden, so—"
"I thought," Ara says weakly, "I thought you liked Eve."
"Yeah, but that was obsession," he argues, and oh no, he's crying too. "I only wanted her technology. I didn't realize until you came along that it was different from love." He doesn't meet her gaze. "Sorry if I made you upset."
"Add," she says, "why didn't you tell me?"
And this time, it's confusion that fills his expression as he looks up. "I thought you knew," he says. "I thought it was obvious."
This is all it takes for Ara to break entirely. She grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him down, and kisses him, like she's wanted to for so long. Part of her is filled with jubilant joy, because he loves her and he's precious and she never wants to let him go. The other part of her has to hide a moan as he reacts and reciprocates, pressing their bodies flush against each other and holding onto her like she'll disappear if he doesn't.
That part of her is already hungry for more.
"How long, Add," is the first thing that Ara demands when they finally take the moment to gasp for air. "How long have you been holding this back?"
"I don't know," Add says, his face beyond flushed, "I think I only admitted it to myself before we left Elysion."
"That's not an answer," Ara growls, and lunges at him.
This time, they crash against the wall, and drown in each other again. Her hair's a mess and there's at least two new tears in his jacket, but that's okay, it's not like he really needs it anymore, nothing in Fluone could be quite as dangerous as what they've seen in the outside world. They kiss between the tears, between the struggle to not cry further, in the moments when everything is lucid and they remember that they still exist separate from each other.
"How long," Ara says again, as Add moves his attention away from her lips and buries his face in the crook of her neck, "how long, Edward?"
"If I'm being honest," he whispers, "since Lanox. Since you stabbed that demon through the neck and pulled me to my feet." A moment's pause; Ara feels her heartbeat thunder through her body, the adrenaline of the reality unfolding before her, yes, you dolt, he loves you, as you've loved him for so long. "How about you?"
"When we were travelling through Sander, and you saved me from the crumbling cliff." The answer comes so naturally that she doesn't even have to think about it. "God, it's been such a long time, I-" she cuts herself off with a laugh and kisses his crown of his hair. He whines a little from the sudden affection, and Ara finds it cute all the more. "I'm glad we're here now."
It feels good. It feels right. She breathes in, and feels his pulse against her chest as he clutches to her like she's his lifeline. No matter how often she dreams of something like this, it doesn't nearly hold up to the real thing. It doesn't feel real.
She shifts slightly against him, and he takes it as a signal to look up, to ask her what's wrong. Before he can formulate the question, she catches his lips with her own again, savouring the moment. He holds her close, and when she dares to part her lips, he takes control, pulling her into him and away from the wall.
It is rather uncomfortable, after all, in comparison to the bed where they tumble.
When Ara finally dares to open her eyes, Add is lying on his side next to her, brushing tear-soaked hair out of her face. His electric fingertips dance across her skin, leaving a trail of cold, broken butterfly wings. "I'm glad, too," he whispers. "Thought I just wanted to get closure."
Ara nearly laughs out loud. "It's a good thing you did," she replies, "because I was ready to take my secret to the grave."
They stay like that for a while, Add tenderly caressing Ara's face while she tries to commit all of his features to memory. The scar on his eye is an obvious, of course, but when they make eye contact again, she finds herself memorizing each speck of colour in his eyes, so violently violet as they are.
"Come with me to Velder," he murmurs. "Please."
And then there comes the crash, the fall from Eden, the loss of Paradise. Ara tries to speak, opens her mouth, closes it, and fights back tears.
"I can't."
The irony settles upon her instantly—stupid girl, did you think you could be happy so quickly?—that even though he knows and loves her in return, after nearly a decade of unspoken feelings, the one day they finally make it real between them is the day before they have to part. How cruel fate can be, that they've spent all this time hiding their emotions from each other, only to leave only the stars to be the witnesses to their tragic confession. The dam breaks a second time, and along with it, so does Ara's heart.
"I hate this," she sobs as Add brings her into his arms again, "I hate this. We get this after all this—this painful time, and now that we are, we have to leave?" She has to choke back another wave of tears. "I don't want to go, Add."
"I don't, either," she hears him say, knowing fully well that there's a sob trapped at the base of his throat as well. "But we have to." He smiles into her hair. "You're gonna be clan leader and do big things, Ara."
"And I'm sure they'll knight you, one way or another." Ara tries to ignore the massive spot of tears that stain his shirt. It clings to his skin like a cruel, cruel reminder of the distance that has stayed between them, and will stay between them. Because even though they've finally met, it's only a matter of time before they separate again.
God only knows when they'll meet again.
She finds it in her to kiss him again, slow and languidly. It seems to startle him at first, but he falls into it, and soon, the comforting pressure of his body against hers is the only thing keeping Ara locked in the moment and in the reality. She drinks in the taste of him, the feeling of his hands on hers, the bliss as she hands her heart over to him and receives his in turn.
"Seven years," she whispers against his lips. "We could have done this seven years ago."
Something inside them both shifts, like gears turning in clockwork tandem. It sounds like a heartbeat. "We might have wasted seven years," Add tells her, with a new kind of light in his eyes, "but let's not waste tonight."
(She really can't argue with that, as she kisses him again.)
Add leaves early the next morning with Raven and Aisha, but he leaves Ara his massive black jacket with the fluffy white collar. She wears it around her white silk, and it shields her from the morning frost as she stands outside with them.
In just a few hours, she knows she'll be aboard a separate vessel that will take her to the capital of the Xin empire. She's got to chaperone Laby, after all, until the young girl reunites with her adoptive father Gaia. For now, though, she's content to just see Add throw his rucksack into the buggy, and approach her shyly like she doesn't know what he's doing.
"So, uh, I suppose this is goodbye," he says, hands in his pockets, like he's only speaking to her for the first time and she doesn't have his jacket wrapped around her. Like the others don't know that something has happened between them. "I know you're going to be clan leader and all, but…" He shoots her a genuine smile, one that isn't affected by the chaos of the battlefield or the tragedy of leaving. "Come visit me in Velder if you can, alright?"
"Of course." She offers her own smile in kind. "I'm afraid I can't offer the same, since the clans have put in a few very particular new laws since my departure, but I can always try to smuggle you in."
This makes them both laugh over the absurdity. They both know it might as well be a permanent goodbye, seeing as Velder likes to hold onto its heroes, and the Xin empire is in no way going to release Ara from her ancestral home again. It's a bittersweet reminder that their happiness is only fleeting, and once again, they're forced to become strangers.
He opens his arms in an embrace, and she reciprocates, in what must be their final moment of contact. Just like she's got the eternal image of his face saved in her mind's eye, she tries to remember these parts of him too—his exact height, the way he has to curl in to rest his chin on her shoulder, the muscles in his arms. She locks this final memory of him away forever, and swears to keep it as faithfully as she kept her last secret.
For good measure, she rises up on her toes and kisses his forehead. It feels like a charm, a protective ward to serve him in the journey to come. "Stay safe," is all she says before she pulls away.
She'll keep their secret for much longer, even when the others pester her about it. No one's going to follow her to the desolate village on Fahrmann's Peak, anyhow, so her emotions will be hers alone to stew over for the next eternity and a half.
(You're brave. Stupidly so. But you're genuine about it.)
Ara looks up as the love of her life waves his goodbye, and tries to put on a brave smile.
A/N: contrary to my usual process, i came up with the title first and then struggled to find a plot to fit it
however, now that i have this oneshot together, it's practically begging for a sequel. i do want to get back into my normal updates first though, before i introduce any rogue fic variables. fortunately i don't have the scientific knowledge or the strength to follow through with a sequel to this anytime soon.
don't you just love it when angst fic turns into vent fic
~Marg