A/N: This is a pretty depressing piece to be honest…it's experimental so let me know how it turns out in the review section! Don't forget to review ACLS, it misses being updated D: And don't be fooled, I LOVE J/L, but I also like this darker side of it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot.
Tip: I listened to "My Immortal" by Evanescence while writing if you want to do the same while reading.
WARNING: DEPRESSING THEMES AHEAD SUCH AS CUTTING, SUICIDE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
He thought they were perfect together.
Everyone heard the wedding bells chiming.
So what happened?
"James…We have to talk."
"What's up my beautiful flower?" James asked with an easy smile on his face.
"I'm seeing someone."
It's impossible that this could have happened. After everything they had faced together? She betrayed him? He had always been there for her.
"My parents…they're dead James. I don't have a family anymore." She said, crying still, but her voice eerily calm. He swept her up into his arms and stared her straight in the eyes.
"You have a family Lily. I'm your family and I will never leave you alone."
"Thank you James. I love you."
"And I you."
He headed up to the Astronomy Tower, ignoring the cries of his friends behind him. He sat down against the wall, head spinning.
"Of course you are! We have been dating for 6 months; I'd hope you realize that we're dating!" James joked, still smiling, but there was an underlying panic in his eyes. He was waiting for her to laugh and say 'just kidding!' but that never came.
"James, I'm serious." His heart cracked, but he fought to stay calm. His eyes grew steely, betraying nothing. He put his defenses up so she couldn't see how broken he was.
"Who?"
Strange. He never realized it would hurt this much.
"Prongs!" he heard his best mate shout. He turned to look at him. He saw his other two best mates running up behind him.
"Yes?" he said calmly, trying not to look like his world had not shifted 180 degrees.
"Prongs, we heard. Are you alright?" Sirius asked, and then shook his head. "Of course you aren't. Why don't you come back to the dorm so we can talk about this?"
"I just want to be alone Padfoot."
"But Prongs…" he said, quieting when he saw the look on Remus's face.
"Come back soon Prongs." Remus said.
"Sure Moony." He replied, keeping his eyes fixed on the opposite wall. With that they left.
Checking to make sure they were gone, he allowed the first tear to escape his eye. She was gone.
"Adam Norovich." James knew exactly who he was. A 7th year Ravenclaw prefect and keeper on the Quidditch team. Everything that perfect Lily Evans should have in a boyfriend. Smart, rule-abiding, kind. Everything that James was not.
"I always knew that Ravenclaws were your type Evans." He said, laughing bitterly.
"You'd better not go and beat him up James! I mean it." Lily said, and then looked ashamed. She opened her mouth to take it all back, but James cut her off.
"Wouldn't dream of it Evans. And I think you mean Potter."
He took his Potions knife out of his bag. He had never done this before, but at the time, it just seemed right. He gently slid the knife horizontally across his skin, not hard enough to break the skin. Then with an almost crazed look in his eye he pushed down as hard as he could and cut the skin easily. The blood flowed out smoothly.
It was perfect really.
Lily's soft, tinkling voice that had lured him in and then broken him firmly was the knife. And his wrist?
His wrist was his heart.
"I'm sorry J-Potter."
"A question Evans?" She sighed, but she owed him this.
"Go ahead."
"How long?" She sighed.
"3 months."
It just bloody figured that half of their relationship was fake. Their 'I love yous' had been fake. Half of their kisses, their hugs…all fake.
It's amazing when you consider how well she kept it hidden.
"James! I have something to tell you!"
"Lily we have class…can't it wait?"
"Iloveyou!"
"Excuse me?"
"I love you!" he smirked subtly.
"One more time?"
"I love you, you prat!"
"That's nice." He said smiling. Her face fell. "Lily?"
"Yes?"
"I love you too."
"You are such a prat."
"But you love me anyways."
"I guess I can't deny that anymore, huh?"
"No way Flower!" he said, picking her up and spinning her.
"Put me down!"
"I'll never let you go!" he said, an undertone of seriousness to his words.
The blood trickled down his arm. The pain of his shattered heart had been dulled for the moment, but it was in no way gone.
The James everyone knew was gone.
Might as well make it official.
He continued slicing at the skin of his arms, and when he ran out of room, he rolled up his trousers and began on his leg.
There was nothing to lose after all.
"Good to know Evans. Thanks for that little bit of information." He said faux-cheerily, turning to leave.
"You aren't upset?" she questioned. He stopped dead and looked at her right in the eyes.
"Did you want me to be?"
She looked down, unable to answer.
It wasn't working anymore, the cutting. All it succeeded in was making him dizzy. He glanced at the ledge. Realizing what he had thought, he burst into loud sobs.
Bawling about how one single girl could make him want to die.
Wailing about how much he wished he could die.
"Exactly. Well newsflash, I'm not your plaything Evans."
"I know…"
"Then act like it. Goodbye Evans."
And that was it.
And then he grabbed a quill and a spare piece of parchment out of his bag.
Harmless.
Not for what he was using it for.
Dear Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Lily
I love you guys, yes even you Lily. Moony, I'm sorry I let you down. Padfoot, I'm sorry that I couldn't move on like you wanted. Wormtail, I'm sorry I abandoned you. And Lily. I'm sorry. Sorry that I let you drive me to this.
Goodbye.
His eyes blurred with tears and he sat on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower window, staring out into the night.
He almost wished someone would come and save him.
He almost laughed at the thought because he knew the truth.
He wanted Lily to save him.
But this isn't a fairytale.
At the sound of a squeak, he turned around. He could have sworn he saw a flash of emerald green eyes and fiery red hair, but it was gone before he could be sure.
He wondered if she would miss him.
He wondered if she would regret cheating on him.
And with these thoughts in his mind, he closed his eyes and slid off of the ledge.
And that was it.
A/N: Whoa ho ho I am super depressing! Anyways I hope you…enjoyed? Review please! Review my other stories too my lovelies! What do you think? Was Lily actually there?