Sasuke was pleased with himself, he was practically jumping up and down in glee. He had found the Akatsuki headquarters and now he was going to kill his brother after long last, just as he was about to run inside without a plan like the foolish little brother he was, a silver haired man opened the door. He wore the Akatsuki cloak but it was fully opened exposing a well formed shirtless chest (which put his own to a shame) despite the fact it was snowing and a three bladed scthye was slung over his shoulder. He paused and looked at Sasuke curiously with amethyst eyes.
"You're Red-eyes' fucking kid brother..." He said after a while's thought seeing the resemblance between Sasuke and Itachi after he inspected him over.
"Yes?" Sasuke said blankly, his slow brain taking an age to figure out who 'red-eyes' was. The albino smiled creepily, remembering a certain blue skinned member's comments about the younger Uchiha.
"Red-eyes' room is along the corridor and the first door on the right, see you later duck-butt." The albino smirked, (that will show Itachi for always keeping everyone awake at night because of his stupid needs) and waving walked away... right into a tree. Sasuke blinked, he found that somewhat weird. He shrugged it off and entered the headquarters. He was greeted with the sight of a well furnished living room equipped with a large television. It was empty except for a passed out Kisame on the floor. He took an anxious look at his brother's partner, no matter what that shark man had always freaked him out. Suddenly he was glomped by a flying... lollipop?
"You must be Sasuke-kun! Ita-kun is going to be so happy to see you! Tobi's a good boy and so Tobi will take you to him." The masked man beamed, his smile radiating through his mask. Excitedly he began dragging Sasuke up a corridor and left him outside the first door to the right which was half way up it for some reason. The word 'Itachi' was wrote across it in neat letters. Tobi smirked and walked away.
"This is what you get for stealing sempai. Oh, Tobi's a bad boy." Tobi chuckled to himself, meanwhile Sasuke had kicked open the door.
"ITACHI! Prepare to D..." Sasuke began but he trailed off, his jaw hanging and his eyes wide at the sight in front of him. A beautiful blond with delicate features and a wide blue eye, his other eye curtained by a blond fringe was handcuffed to his brother's bedpost. With red fluffy handcuffs. To make it worse, the blond was shirtless and being straddled by his equally shirtless older brother. Sasuke felt a twinge of jealousy, his brother and his blond both looked better without a shirt than he did. In fact they made him look like Choji! (Not that he knew what Choji looked like shirtless of course) Itachi sighed.
"Foolish little brother." Itachi tutted, the blond was going scarlet in the face from embarrassment.
"Er... hi, un. You must be Sasuke." The blond laughed awkwardly. "Well unless you want a threesome can you leave now please, un." The blond said, squeaking as Itachi ignored Sasuke and trailed his hands down his sides. Itachi looked up at him and frowned.
"Deidara, did you really just suggest a threesome with my younger brother, if there's anything I draw the line at it's incest." Itachi said and decided to 'punish' the bomber by nibbling on his ear.
"But you have nothing against molesting me in front of him." Deidara sighed.
"He has to learn about the bird and bees sometime what better than a demostration?" Itachi said emotionlessly as he lightly nipped down the blond's neck.
"If that's so what's so wrong with a treesome, un? A practial?" Deidara smirked, Itachi arched an eyebrow. Sasuke gawped at them, they were talking about inadimate things to do with him as if he was not there.
"For the last time, I'm not having sex with my younger brother." Itachi sighed esparated as he continued to trail down Deidara's body.
"Fine, I'll do it then, un." Deidara said, Itachi frowned and stopped on his 'migration' which Sasuke was watching in disgusted fastinaction.
"As hot as that might be, I'm not letting you fuck my brother." Itachi said, bringing his head back up to Deidara's face. Deidara stuck his tounge out.
"What are you afraid he be better in bed than you?" Deidara said cheekily, Itachi scowled and brought out his sharignan.
"Don't push it Deidara." Itachi warned, Deidara responded by smirking.
"Aw, did I hurt your pride?" He mocked, Itachi growled.
"Fine, we can have a threesome but only if Sasuke agrees." Itachi said giving in, Deidara cheered.
"Well, un?" Deidara asked Sasuke who was standing in the doorway with a horror filled expression on his face. He promptly screamed and ran out the Akatsuki headquarters probally mentally scarred for life.
"Do you think he'll try that again, un?" Deidara asked Itachi after he had gone, Itachi shrugged.
"Probally not unless he decides he wants a threesome sometime in the future." Itachi said and went back to 'molesting' Deidara not bothering to close the door. Leaving a very happy blue-haired yaoi fan to watch with her best friend, the video camera.
Meanwhile back in Konoha, a very confused Team 7 were putting up with a rocking back and forth Sasuke who was babbling about threesomes, blonds, incest and weasels. A Sasuke who screamed at the moment he saw Ino and rambled on about NOT having sex with her. Which made a certain pink haired bitch (A/N: DEATH TO SUCKURA WHOREUNO!) and whiskered blond happy, one less rival for them.