Buck pulled his jacket around him and stared into the fire. The last few days of chasing down Pike and his men, sleeping outside and eating campfire food had gotten to him. He was use to being out in the open, but this time around it felt like the cold went straight to his bones. Two more days and they would be back in Sweetwater. He looked forward to his bunk and Rachel's cooking.
He'd been struggling with his feelings and emotions the last few days, since meeting Jane. He needed to get away from her, and not think anymore. He had learned that thinking about a woman, even acting on thinking about a woman, created pain. He'd watch Kid and Lou fall in love and yet they still fight. Granted, they weren't together, but he could see them getting married. He wanted to have that, but he knew it would just bring him pain.
Buck was beginning to fit into the white-man's world, but he still felt left out from time to time. The town of Sweetwater had become accepting of him for the most part, but not every town was like that. Even on Express runs, in a new town, he was looked down upon. Buck knew that whoever he married would be treated the same way, whether it is in the white-man's world or the Kiowa world. And the last time he fell for a woman he was stabbed in the back. She was just using him to get back at her father. Kathleen had taught him not to trust women, they just brought unneeded pain.
Buck saddled his horse and mounted with the rest of the group. As they rode down the trail, he followed behind the buckboard. He was trying not to stare at the woman in the back of the buckboard.
Their first meeting was purely by chance. He had been tracking a man who had been shooting at them. With a wry grin he recalled how he silently unsheathed his knife as he crept up on their would be shooter and tackled him to the ground. Buck wasn't sure who was more shocked and surprised, Jane with her eyes wide or himself as her hat fell from her head revealing her long brown hair. They stared at each other for a moment. Buck still had her pinned to the ground; knife poised at her throat until he shook himself and came to his senses.
It was at that moment he began to feel a strange protectiveness over her that kept growing the more he learned about Jane.
When Teaspoon hollered out, Buck wasn't paying attention and almost ran his horse into the buckboard when it came to a stop.
"Boys, Lou, I'm going to head on with Amanda. Jimmy, you're in charge at the office, use the others as you need." Teaspoon looked around at the boys. Men, really. They all stepped up at one time or another and proved themselves. He knew he could count on them, and leave them alone for a few days while he stayed with Amanda.
Buck rode up beside Teaspoon. "I have a few days off coming up. Is it okay if I ride with you?"
Buck didn't know what he was asking until it came out. His short time with Jane had left him confused. He knew Teaspoon and Hack would make sure she was settled, but he wanted to be the one. It had been a long time since he had felt this way about a woman. But Jane wasn't a woman, she was a child, at the age of sixteen. Okay, young woman, he conceded. She looked younger than she was. He didn't know if she had family in Benton or not. Hack would look in on her, so would Amanda, but it was Buck's job to make sure she was settled, whether it was with family, or on her own.
Buck told himself the reason why he wanted to go with them was to make sure Jane was taken care of. She lost her father and Buck wasn't sure if she had family. So, his reason for going was to get her settled and teach her how to shoot. She couldn't shoot the broad side of a barn, and if she was on her own, she needed to know how to shoot a little more accurately.
"You boys okay with that?" Teaspoon asked the group. They all agreed that they could get along without Buck for a few days. "Okay, then, ride safe. See you in a week." Teaspoon turned his horse towards Benton followed by Buck, Amanda and Hack, while the rest continued on home.
Two days later the weary travelers pulled into Benton, stopping in front of Amanda's saloon.
"I'm going to take Jane home," Buck said as Amanda and Teaspoon dismounted.
Jane looked at him from her place next to Hack on the buckboard. "I can get there myself, you don't have go." She wasn't sure she wanted him to take her home. The last few days Buck had kept a close eye on her. Jane wasn't sure what to think of that. She liked the guy, alot, but wasn't sure if that like was a little more than what it should have been.
"I don't mind," Buck said.
Jane climbed out of the buckboard and took the hand Buck offered her. She swung up behind him and put her arms around his waist. She felt something surge through her arms, but wasn't sure what to think of it. Her thoughts went back to the second time she attempted to kill Pike. The last time she was this close to him was when Buck had pulled her into his warm embrace and she cried on his chest. He made her smile by reminding her she probably wouldn't have hit him anyways. Like that night by the fire, he smelled of earth, the outdoors, and the slight smell of the campfire. Would she always notice what a man smelled like? Or was it just Buck? Jane rested her forehead on Buck's back for a second. Maybe she just needed a few nights of good sleep.
When Buck felt Jane's arms wrap tight around his waist, a shiver race down his spine, that had nothing to do with the cold. Right now he felt the best thing to do would be to ignore this strange exhilarating feeling. But she was making it awful hard as Buck felt Jane rest her head on his back. He almost groaned. He liked being close to her, loved the way she smelled of lilacs, but this was too close for even his sanity. After taking a few seconds to regroup his thoughts, he urged his horse down the street to Jane's father's shop.
When they reached the shop, Buck dismounted, and helped Jane down. She walked slowly to the shop, which was boarded up when she left to go after Pike. There was still a slight smell of smoke, but the shop was not badly burnt. The rooms upstairs had a little smoke damage, but opening the windows and some good cleaning would take care of that.
Buck had walked the building with Jane, then entered the shop. She froze in the doorway, staring at the chair where her father had been killed. Why couldn't she have tossed it out before she left? Buck placed a comforting arm around her slight shoulders and guided her into the shop.
Buck surveyed the room, taking the damage in. A few of the boards needed to be replaced in the floor and the walls needed a new coat of paint. It wouldn't take more than a few days for them to get it all done.
"I'll come back tomorrow to help you start cleaning up. Will you be okay staying here, or do you want to stay at the hotel?" Buck asked as he was ready to leave.
The sound of Buck's voice brought her out of her thoughts. She had been staring at the place where her father had been killed. Jane choked back a sob and tried to concentrate on what the man before her was saying.
Buck simply pulled her into a tight embrace. Jane wrapped her arms around Buck's waist and sobbed into his shirt. She never gave herself time to grieve for her father. All she had on her mind at the time was watching Pike hang and when that didn't happen, kill him herself. The events of the last few days had finally caught up with her. She was grateful for the strong arms that held her up. She didn't like showing her emotions, but Jane felt she could lose control of herself and Buck wouldn't care one way another.
Buck held the small woman in his arms while she cried. After a few moments she pulled away, wiping tears from her eyes.
"I'm sorry," Jane whispered when she saw the tear-stained shirt.
Buck shrugged his shoulders. "It's okay." Buck let her regain her composure before asking her the question again. "Are you going to be okay here by yourself? We can get you a room at the hotel."
Jane stared up at the man before her. All of a sudden a wild impulsive urge ran through her and all she wanted to do was twine her arms around his neck while running her fingers through his wind-blown hair. Jane had no idea where that thought came from. Once again, she wasn't sure if this was Buck making her feel this way, or if it was all men. She was pretty much to the point that it was all Buck. No one had asked her to the dances, or to even go for a walk. Yet, here she was, feeling oddly attracted to this man in a way she never felt before. She was able to be around him when on the trail, but they were with other people. She wasn't sure if she could be with him day in and day out, just the two of them.
"It's okay. I know you need to get back. I can handle it on my own," Jane didn't want to redo the shop on her own, but it might have been for the best. She was already drawn to Buck, and he was going to be leaving, she didn't want to get any closer.
"I'm not asking if I can help. I'm telling you I will help," Buck stated. There was no way he was going to let her work alone on the shop. It would take too long.
Jane sighed. Although she only knew Buck for a short time, Jane was well aware of how stubborn he could be when his mind was made up. He wouldn't take no for an answer. She wouldn't have either if she was in his place. She guessed she could keep her emotions and feelings intact for a few more days.
"I'll be okay here tonight. Come by after breakfast and we'll get started." Jane replied.
Over the next few days Buck and Jane worked side-by-side on the shop. They didn't talk much. Buck wasn't much on talking as it was, but working with Jane, made it easier not to have to talk. He couldn't help but notice how determined she was to fix the shop up.
Buck pounded the last nail into the board he was working on. "Why don't we head out of town and work on your shooting some?" Buck said, sitting back on his heels.
Jane was whitewashing one of the walls on the far side of the room. "You don't trust me with a gun?" She asked with a smile.
"I just want to make sure you can take care of yourself when I leave." Those were the words she didn't want to hear. She didn't want him to leave, at least not yet. Jane looked down at the floor before replying.
She sighed, then looked at the man who was stealing her heart without trying to. "Sure, I'll wash up and we can head out."
Buck stood next to Jane as she aimed her gun at her target. "Now, take it nice and slow. Aim down the barrel of the gun and squeeze the trigger, don't jerk."
Jane did as she was told and hit the first target. Buck smiled with pride and watched her miss the next one. "Don't worry, you'll get better." He said when he saw her look down cast.
They worked on the targets and finer points of gun handling for the next few hours. As the sun started to set, they headed back into town to meet Teaspoon and Amanda for supper.
"Few more days of practice and you'll be good to go. Maybe Amanda will come out with you a few times to work with you also." Buck wasn't sure why, but he felt he had to fill the silence. They had worked all day without saying much. He was a man of few words. Maybe it just goes back to making sure she'd be okay when he left.
The days continued to pass quickly, almost too quickly for the couple. Neither was sure what their feelings were. They weren't sure how to react on it.
Buck watched as Jane shot at her targets and hit three for four.
"You're doing a lot better," Buck commented to Jane on the last day of their practice. "I feel better leaving now that you know how to shoot."
There was a pain in Jane's eyes. "Do you have to leave?" She asked in almost a whisper.
"I have a job to get back to. I can't leave the guys and Lou with my runs." Buck said turning his head away from her. He didn't want Jane to see the pain in his eyes. He didn't want to leave her, but he had to. This was too soon for the both of them. Jane had just lost her father. She was too vulnerable.
"But…" Jane shut her mouth. She wasn't going to tell him that she needed him to stay. She told herself that she couldn't fall for Buck, but she did and harder than she knew. Now what was she going to do?
"I guess I knew that you were going to be leaving." Her voice cracked and she hung her head.
Buck lifted her chin with his finger. There was a tear in her eye. Buck knew he had done that to her. Not on purpose. He cared for this woman, but she was too young for him. There was no way anything could become of their relationship. He thought he could help her out and move on. But now he wasn't too sure.
Buck cupped Jane's face in his hand and tenderly wiped away the tears that now flowed freely from out of her beautiful brown eyes. Those tears made her look younger. She wasn't sobbing this time, like she did at the shop a few days ago. The tears just came without a sound. Buck wasn't sure why, but he had more of an urge to kiss Jane than ever before. All he wanted to do was take away her sorrow and fill the void with warmth and...and, he wasn't exactly sure what. Love?
Buck let out a curse and wrapped his arms around Jane. He settled his lips on hers. He kissed her slowly at first and when she didn't shy away he pressed his firmly to hers. She may not have been kissed before, but she matched his movement with her own. Her lips were soft and inviting, begging for more, almost unraveling him. He allowed his hands to roam over her back while she threaded her fingers through his hair. Everything in Buck told him that he needed to stop right then and there. But he couldn't. It wasn't until he felt Jane's hands move lower on his backside, did he pull away.
"Jane, we can't do this." He let out a ragged breath.
"Why not?" She asked.
"I'm leaving tomorrow."
"I know you are. But you don't have to," Jane pleaded.
"Jane," Buck sighed again. "You are still young. You have a lot of living to do. There can't be anything between us. I never should have kissed you."
"Oh, so now I'm too young?" Jane asked. Her heart was crumbling by the second.
"No, I just took advantage of you when I shouldn't have."
Jane turned around and walked a few feet away. Buck could tell by the way her shoulders were shaking that she was crying. He walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged him off. "I'm sure you want a decent night's sleep before you leave tomorrow. You can head back into town. I know my way home."
"Jane-" Buck started.
It was a whisper, but he heard it. "Just go."
Buck, Teaspoon and Amanda sat at the table together. Buck kept looking at the door, hoping Jane would show up at the hotel. It was the first meal in over a week they did not share together. He felt like a heel. He shouldn't have treated her that way. If he hadn't kissed her, she would be here right now.
"You okay, son?" Teaspoon asked.
"Yeah," he replied.
"You haven't eaten anything." Teaspoon pointed to the food Buck had been pushing around his plate.
"Not hungry." He pushed back from the table. "I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you two in the morning." Without waiting for a response, Buck headed up the stairs to his room.
"Wonder what's got into him." Teaspoon remarked.
"No idea," Amanda replied as she watched Buck leave then turned and looked at the same door he had been staring at most of the evening.
The next morning Buck and Teaspoon stood on the front steps of Amanda's saloon in silence. It was an unspoken agreement that they were waiting to see if Jane showed up. Finally Teaspoon looked over at Buck, who was staring down the road. "Son, we have to get going."
Buck nodded without saying a word. He leaned over to Amanda, gave her a hug and a kiss. "Come visit us soon." He said.
"I'll try," she replied.
Buck walked down the steps and headed to his horse. Just as he was ready to mount up, he heard someone shout his name.
"Buck!" Jane was running as fast as she could.
Buck turned to her and she ran right into his arms. He simply gathered her up and held her tight.
"I'm so sorry!" She was crying.
"Shhhh. Me too." He wrapped her tighter, though he wasn't sure he could.
She pulled back. "I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you. I knew you couldn't stay, but I had to ask."
"I know, sweetheart." Buck felt his heart break as he held her. He didn't think he loved her, but he was very close. He had a job to get back to, as much as he wanted to stay, he couldn't.
"I know I can't ask you for promises." Jane wiped a tear away from her eye. She had been doing way too much crying lately. She had to be strong, show Buck that she could do this. "I just wanted to send you off. Could you at least stay in touch?" Jane asked.
"I think I know a few people who could deliver a letter or two your way." Buck answered with a smile. He wrapped her in his arms again and kissed her good, not caring who saw them.
He came up for air when Teaspoon cleared his throat. A faint blush tinting both their cheeks as they parted.
The older man walked up to the couple. "Time to get going," Teaspoon said as he wrapped an arm around Jane. "Take care of yourself, Jane. I'll have Amanda check in on you every once in awhile. I'll be back to check on you myself, also." He let the young woman go and climbed onto his horse. With a knowing grin he looked from Jane to Buck then back, "I suspect I'll have company when I return."
Buck looked back at the woman. He embraced her one last time, placed a kiss on her forehead and leaped into his saddle. With one last wave, he turned his horse and followed Teaspoon out of town, leaving a part of his heart behind.
Amanda walked down the stairs and put her arm around the younger woman's shoulder. Jane leaned into Amanda and whispered, "Ride safe, Buck."