A/N: I officially have OneDirectionInfection... don't hate! I was just really bored, read a fanfic, came up with an idea and began writing. Enjoy and all of my stories are discontinued for now, as we got a new computer and it wont back up.. So please enjoy! =) Oh and PS: I love Niall, I am just abusing Niam because I just... don't ship it. Okay, Ziam everybody!
J xx:)
I watched those azure eyes, staring at him from across the room. The way he was mesmerized by Liam's every movement, acting as if he would blink, he'd miss something important. I shuddered inside myself, pain of watching Niall ogle at Liam. It hurt my heart and I glanced down at my wrist, the thick scratches and cuts still reminiscing the memories of my madness. I love Liam Payne. And I wasn't the only one.
I knew I wasn't good enough. I knew that Liam would choose those blue eyes and blond hair anyday over me, the badass of the group. He was Liam, I was Zayn. We didn't belong. But he was still my best friend. I've wanted him for so long, and he never noticed. The way I always watched how beautiful and syncronized he was. He was intellegent, always had a plan and stuck to it. He was too perfect.
And I was the opposite. I pull the cuff of my plaid shirt back, the scratches making paths up and down my arm, each with an independent destination. They led me back to when I know Liam wouldn't approve of this. Right now, I didn't care, I pull up the other cuff. I trace the deepest cut, the most recent. It was from a few days ago, when Louis found me in the toilet with a razor pressed to my wrist.
It all started when I walked into the lounge. Liam had been playing XBox with Harry and Niall, when I sat down behind them my feet kicked up between Liam and Niall on the ottoman. I was admiring how focused Liam was when I saw it. Niall had shooed my feet back and pressed his hand on Liam's thigh. The latter didn't seem to care, hell-bent on kicking Harry's ass.
Which caused Niall to cuss under his breath, hitching his hand higher up Liam's leg until he was practically on top of Liam's lap. Liam glanced over at Niall before returning to the game, oblivious to Niall's antics. Which only caused the blond to proceed, causing a sick feeling to hit my stomach, and I swallowed back the tears that swelled in my eyes. It was obvious that Liam was into Niall, the way his glances held Niall's and when they touched, it was longer than necessary. Ugh, it sent painful shivers down my spine, almost as if someone had poured a bucketful of ice down my back.
I stood up abruptly, earning everyone's eyes as I charged up to my room, eyes swelling over and my body to heave up all of it's contents in Lou's, Harry's and my toilet. Niall and Liam had their own- another thing I couldn't have. I bit my lip to swallow my screams of agony, of lust. I could taste the malicious thick taste of blood in my teeth, coating my lips, but I didn't care. I heaved until there was nothing more, and my eyes caught sight of it, sitting on the toilet in it's brand-new plastic case.
Harry's new razor. It was boxed in glass, like a shrine, an easy get-to. I quietly pull the glass top off, the metal blade glinting in the light as I glance up at myself in the vanity mirror, reassuring myself as I pressed down, more of the malicious scent to overtake the small confinement.
"Z, you in there?" calls a voice, "I really have to pee!" It was Louis, and everyone knew of his shy bladder. I groaned, pressing the blade again over the blood. "Yeah. One sec. "
It took minutes before the lock on the door clicked and Lou began to enter, "Dude, hurry up-" His pastel eyes glaze over the sight. I'd fallen to my knees, the razor askew on the carpet. Salty tears poured over my eyes, my hand cradled into my side. I probably looked like a dead bird with a broken wing.
"Oh, Z." I felt Lou's fingers pad over my bleeding wound, his other hand skittering for the rubbing alcohol and gauze. Ever since Harry took a bad, bloody fall in the shower, a First-Aid kit was always on hand. Lou holds my wrist over the sink, dumping half the bottle of alcohol over my hand. I screech at the sudden sting, lashing around as Louis calmed me down, running the gauze with a bit more of the evil stinging fuel before wrapping my wrist tightly. All the while I told him of my passionate lust for Liam Payne.. my wants extinguished all because of the blond hair and blue eyes.
The swells of the cut had finally settled down, enough for me to remove the thick gauze and only use the cut as an escape route from the dreadful "Niam". My gaze flounces up from my wrist to see the couple I dread talking and.. touching. My heart vouches to run, but I don't. I take a dainty sip of my drink turning over to look at Lou and Harry, who were obviously watching me watch Liam.
"You aren't speaking to him.. jeez how much more tension can there be?" vows Harry, downing yet another shot, bowing down one of the scantily-clad waitresses tangling around the club. Lou rolls his pastel eyes, before they widen and he is already going, "Zayn..." and I turn to see it. The kiss between Liam and Niall. Passion and lust. Everything I could never be, for Liam.
I turn away, downing another drink and flagging down a waitress for more. "Zayn.." Lou continues, Harry downing another drink, chaos emissing as I downed more and more of the killer fluids. Louis and Harry continued dipping in, warning when I'd gotten too close to one of the waitresses. My hand dipped down on her thigh, plopping her down on my lap. I stretched my mouth against the brunette's neck, animalistic noises etching out of the lovers' throats.
Lou and Harry continued their pleas, but I continued, until the girl whispered something in my ear and soon we were leaving the club, hailing a taxi and heading to her flat, where I drowned myself in doubt. Doubt that I would ever get to do something like this to Liam Payne.
_
I woke too early the next morning, the brunette still stiff in sleep. I groan quietly, grabbing my clothes and getting the hell out of there. I didn't bother leaving a note as I got to her front door, pulling on my clothes before leaving the flat with a soft click of the lock.
My head pulses as I drive back to our flat, praying that no one else was awake, that I could just sneak up to my room and pass out until four in the afternoon. When my head was feeling better and I can process what had just occurred in the past twenty-four hours. But that was not so easy.
I entered the flat, checking the time on my phone. Half past seven in the morning. Too early. I groaned, kicking off my Vans and tossing my jacket and keys onto the hall table. When I got to the kitchen, I grabbed a water and aspirin, downing the cold drink and two tablets in one gulp. I turn to see four pairs of eyes watching my every move. I practically spew my water, gladly it spurs in the sink.
"Where have you been?" Snaps Lian and for a second our eyes meet and I can see the darkened orbs of anger, "We had to cancel a management meeting, we were all so worried-"
"Oh cut the crap, Liam." my mouth goes on autopilot and there's a sudden silence, "You didn't have to cancel anything; you just had to say I was home or something. I don't always need to be there!"
"Uh yeah you do!" I fix my glare on Niall, who was completely ignoring me. His eyes fixed on Liam. Who's eyes were fixed on me.
"Uh, well maybe I don't want to." I mutter sarcastically, "You know, ever since we all moved in together I've felt left out, like no one cared about me." I can feel the tears brimming, by my head doesn't stop pounding and my mouth doesn't stop moving, "I've always felt singled out, what with Lou's and Harry's 'bromance' and Liam's and Niall's... whatever... I just, I don't know if I can handle that anymore."
"Z.." It's Harry, his hand resting on my shoulder, but I shrug him off.
"I just... I've thought about it a lot and I think this finalized my desicion... I'm leaving One Direction." I take in all their faces: Louis's anger and horror, Harry's fearful eyes, Niall's empty expression and Liam. He's staring at the centerpiece on the coffee table - a glass penguin I'd gotten him for Christmas, custom made, this past year.
He doesn't look up, his eyes shattering the sculpture with his eyes.
I step out from the circled furniture, and head up the stairs to mine, Harry's and Lou's room, beginning to pack my bags. I try so hard not to cry, the tears hanging there, glassy and unshed.
"Why are you really leaving?"
I didn't register it at first, the voice from the owner who stood in the doorway, his eyes bored into my back. He has to repeat his question before I turn to see the figure hovered in the darkness of the doorway. It was storming rain throughout London, causing the darkness to hide the figure's face. I shrug.
"I don't like being singled out." I turn back to my bags, shirts piling until they're overflowing out of the suitcase. A hand plates itself on my back and I stiffen. "Honestly, Liam..." I mutter, scooping the tumbling clothes into another suitcase. I'm trying so hard right now to keep focus on the colourfully-inclined plaid and stripes.
"Zaynie, please." Tears are pooling and overflowing from his eyes when I turn to look at him, leaving a respectable distance between us. "Tell me why."
I groan, a feeling of pain exploding a volcano in my chest. "Liam, please don't make me-"
"Zayn, I want to know what's going on? Why are you ignoring me?" He shouts, his eyes spoiled and losing their glimmer. He sits down on the bed, nudging a suitcase off and tossing his head in his hands.
"It's you and Niall!" I shout back. I can practically feel the silence shaking the house, the calm before a raging storm. The cracks of lightning and thunder outside aren't helping. Liam looks up, his eyes confused.
"He's perfect, I'm not. You guys are best friends, I can only be held at arm's-length. Liam it's so obvious that he is perfect for you and I could never be. We are so different and if I could, I would be Niall for only a day just to be with you. Liam, I.. I-" My voice cracks and I can feel myself crumbling under Liam's gaze. I'm looking at anything, anywhere but Liam, when I catch sight of it.
The photo of us framed. It was from the X-Factor days, when we'd became friends before we were put into the group and met at the auditions in Cheshire. It was raining, and they were huddled under the clear plastic umbrella Zayn had convieniently brought, puffy coats and smiles nervous and wide. Zayn's arm was twined around Liam's shoulders, the latter's tied around his waist. They knew that the other would make it, all hope and no confirmation.
It was back when I didn't know that I was in love with my best friend and jealous of his. When everything was all good. Finally, I can meet Liam's gaze. His dark eyes are indescribable and I can feel myself getting lost in them, even as he stands up and takes a tentative step toward me. Our foreheads are pressed together and in the thickness of my imagination, his gaze flickered down to my lips.
"Do you...?- uhm, how do you f- no- Zayn, I-" He stutters, licking his lips.
"Liam Payne, I love you."
His mouth meets mine. His lips are salty and taste faintly of stale crisps. His mouth opens eagerly, slowly, and the kiss slowly heats itself. I pull away, blinking rapidly.
His eyes are boring into mine and I stare back.
"What about Niall?" Curiousity killed the cat, and I immediately regretted saying it. But Liam chuckles against my lips.
"He was never competition. You were always the one. And blond hair and blue eyes couldn't win me over! I love you, Zayn Malik!" Our mouths meld together for only a few seconds before three voices make the most obnoxious "Aww!" 's ruined the moment.
"Hey it worked!" Exclaims the blond. Harry slaps Niall's awaiting hand, their thumbs twining hands. Whoa, when did that...?
"What worked?" Liam's eyes are trained on my mumbling mouth. All the while three pairs of eyes watch us, but we don't care.
"It's always been you." Liam mutters.
Suddenly I don't care about Niall and Liam, "Niam". The scars that I've coated over my body because of my love for Liam will heal with his help.
And even now I know that the present and future, are going to be okay...
And turns out I was right. Two years later, Liam let me slip a ring on his finger, a silver band engraved with our initials and the date - 7.17.12.- and Niall and Harry were happily married with a kid coming along. Lou married a girl he met in the States and we wrote and sold several albums.
One Direction stayed eternal, along with our friendship, relationships and downfalls. Life changed and revolved from all of us, the time ticking away and it wasn't wasted. And it all started because of blond hair and blue eyes.
()
A/N: I loved writing this.. so much angst. Hope you enjoyed. R&R. Thanks.=)
Hearts,
J. xx. :)