Don't Cry
It wasn't just the way that he was looking at me but the way his eyes seemed to wonder. It was like he was trying to memorize everything about me, as his hand came just centimeters away from my face. It hovered, not even touching me and his eyes softened. It was like he was seeing me for the first time- that was so many years ago. Except now he was seeing me for the last time, as he laid there weak in his bed. His hand started to shake and I brought both my hands to his nuzzling my face into his palm. His hand automatically cupping me cheek, I didn't even notice I was crying until his hand grew wet. His hand moved underneath my jaw and lifted my chin up so I was looking at him. His green eyes shinning brightly with experience, his eyes made him look older. He had been through so much, they both had but I had gotten out of it. Leaving the one person that cared about me the most behind. I had left him to fight on his own and it had aged him too fast and now it was taking him away from me.
"Don't cry." He whispered hoarsely, the monitors next to his hospital bed beeping in time with his weak heart.
"I don't want you to die." I choked on a sob, holding his hand even closer to my face.
"I'm not going anywhere, Sammy." He said with determination, like he was too stubborn to die but he knew the end was near. "You hear? I'm not leaving. Next thing you know I'll be walking around and kicking ass in no time." His eyes told me not to argue, but I didn't listen
"It's not like that this time, and you know that." I spat through tears, my anger spilling out.
"Don't you go crying over me, man." He said, his eyes still hard even as his eye lids started to droop. "Promise." He said, relaxing into his pillow. His hand falling away from my face and his eyes closing.
"I promise, Dean." I whispered, lowering my head still blinking away tears.
It was just another case, another hunt and I had tried everything. I fought as hard as I could, but even now it wasn't good enough. I was angry when he rejected wanting to be healed, letting that woman he had just met go before him.
"She deserves it more, Sam."
"I'll get it next time."
"You know nothing can keep me down."
It was a matter of days that his health faded-so fast. Now he was pale, more like an ash color and when he lifted his hands, they shook. Most of the time he slept, his body slowly dying in front of my eyes and no amount of supernatural energy was going to change that. I prayed that if there really was a God that he would end his suffering, make him better.
To take me instead.
I know that I am being selfish, not wanting him to die and doing everything possible to keep him around that much longer. I know that I should accept what was going to happen, like everything other hunter- it always ended this way.
"It's the life, either it ends in heartache or it ends bloody."
Sometimes, I wish that we were never raised knowing about what was out there. That we could have lived normal lives, but then we never would be this close. He would have gone to college or opened his own body shop. I probably wouldn't have gone to law school, or met Jessica and maybe she would still be alive. Even though all those things sound better, I wouldn't trade my life with him for anything.
Especially now even as he fell asleep with my hands still holding his. How his head had fallen to his should and he snored softly, his breathing weak. The Doctors said he may not make it through the night and I don't plan on leaving his side. Gripping his hand tighter, blinking away tears I told him everything I had been holding back since that day I left for Stanford. A part of me denying what was to come.
A brain tumor, at twenty-seven. It seemed wrong that he would be taken from this world so early. As it grew late, I crawled into his bed as his breathing started to slower, and I laid right next to him. I told him the stories he told me about heroes and how he was my hero. He made me promise I wouldn't cry but as his last breath left his body I couldn't help but let out a soft cry. Holding him close to my body, my forehead falling against his shoulder. I begged him not to leave me here alone. That he would somehow come back to me.