Everything is great. Morgana says im sick and everyone keeps asking if im ok. Im fine! Im doing great! I don't miss Merlin one bit. Now that Gwen throws my things on the floor I get more exercise. It doesn't bother me one bit. I now know how to make my own food and I paint! I don't spend time thinking about Merlin at all. Not when I paint of anything. He means nothing to me. I don't feel sick to my stomach when I see gwen walking around with another letter from Merlin about his whereabouts Nope I done miss him one bit I don't wonder whether him and Gwaine are happy and I most certainly do not spend my time thinking about him coming asking to be saved by me. I don't paint something that reminds me of him. I don't have a new servant yet because I don't want one. Not because I hope he'll come back. Why would he come back. He had Gwaine. And I could not care less about when he comes to visit. I wont be more happy than usual because every thing has been better.

"Sire, you have a visitor."

Merlin? I sat up, throwing clothes onto my body faster than ever, "where?

"In the doctor's quarters.'

That was all I needed to get up and run for Guise. Could it be? Did Merlin really come back just to see me? I paused at the door to make myself more presentable. Voices came through the door and I listened in to make sure that it was him.

"For how long?" Guise asked.

"Not that long its been a week since the wedding." Merlin. Wedding.

"Well I should congratulate you, I wish Gwaine was here so I could speak with him as well."

Something inside me cringed slightly at the words. I walked in, knowing I had to deal with it eventually.

"Did you call for me? I'm sorry no one knows how to wake me anymore. They're too busy in their own rooms." i rubbed my eyes, hoping to mask the sags of black around my eyes. I was not tired because id spent my nights thinking of Merlin but because I could not sleep due to bad dreams. Ask anyone they'd say they heard me screaming

'I hoped to get you on a day when you had slept better… perhaps some more drought?" Guise sighed.

"I don't think medicine can cure my illness…. Just tell me what I came down here for.'

"Here I thought you would be better than ever with a better servant.' His voice speed my heart. If I see him I wont be able to let him go again.

"I think ill be in my chambers, if anything important happens just send a note up and ill reply from there" I turned halfway to freedom when Guise spoke again

"Sire isn't it time for practice"

" I practice at dawn now but you wouldn't know that you've been having fun with GWAINE" the words came somewhat sharply. I stepped out and headed up with out regarding the wizard. Three months and I was spending the only time with him arguing.

"Sire I have your robes" Gwen dropped them on the floor and walked away from me. Her usual sassy self I heard her greet him no doubt with a award winning smile. It was my fault and I deserved this I deserved to have gwen drop my clothing as if it were rotten. I knelt down to pick them up when his hand appeared touching mine. I looked at him, heart nearly broken. Not that id ever admit it but I wanted to beg him never to leave again.

"here let me help" he smiled refolding the clothing.

Didn't realize you missed carrying my things around. I said oarsely

"Merlin I told you he doesnt deserve your help" her arms gathered around him and held him.

Get your arms of him and stop behaving like child Gwen! I raised my voice standing

Youre one to talk its your fault he left and youre acting like you had to give away your favorite toy away

Hes the one that wanted to leave ! I clenched y jaw and looked away never mind I walked away angered

"Arthur your robes !" he echoed.

"leave them someone will throw them away." I yelled back. Why did he care? He was free from me forever and living happily with his one and only Gwaine organa joined e on the way to y roo strustting angrily at y side I shut the door on her but she ae in anyways

"Arthur I know you haven't been well since Merlin left but could you try to be happy just a little for him or Gwen?" Morgana stated annoyed as she sat on my chair.

"Get out of my chair and don't worry about me im fine, ive been painting im not ill" I sat down where Merlin used to sit his warmth long gone. Morgana moved past me to one of my finished projects and threw it on the table before me.

"You mean this one or this one?" She threw one after another to me.

"those aren't good enough they need to be perfect to replace the ones I lost in the fire that started while I was leaning y room.." I pushed them aside and moved to the bed hoping she'd give up and leave..

"there's one thing missing that you forgot you cant replace let me write it down for you." Morgana grabbed my brush and paint. As she stretched over them I could see the faint outline of an M.

"there you go" she disappeared leaving his name on the works of art.

Why couldn't she just let me be alone? Wasn't it bad enough that Gwen hated me?

"Hey, I came to see if you were alright I brought your robes for you they're still good enough for you to ware and honestly I don't understand why you would leave good clothes on the floor"

'What do you want from me' I turned the paintings around to prevent him from seeing what id painted.

" For you to look at me and say hello maybe order me around to do things since you refuse to order anyone else"

"I don't order people around because I paint and buy the paints and brushes and while I do so I eat fruit and have absolutely no need for someone to complain about all the things I don't do because I have my father to do that in between training, appearances and Gwen I hardly have time to paint properly let alone allow myself to befriend another useless servant. So, if you just came to see whether or not I still need you, I suggest you stop wasting time with me and go back Gwaine. We both know how much more fun he is!" I turned to him, his face still the same as always. Goofy and dumbfounded, why is it that I need him? He opened his mouth to speak, but I wouldn't allow it. I left room, forgetting id left him alone to look at the paintings. I was sik of being the ill Arthur and I was going to make everyone stop by taking my fathers offer to marry.

MERLIN's P.O.V

"she's going to help me get a job working on the farms just outside camelot's walls so I'll be able to visit more often Gwaine and her married ."

"how long?" Guises face widened as he smiled, one of his eyebrow hairs were poking his eye.

"Not that long its been a week since the wedding." I smiled happily, I'ts been so long since ive been in Camelot. I missed everyone, especially Arthur. I'd sent so many letters yet they went unanswered. Finally, I had enough and came to find out why Arthur was so upset he couldn't reply on single letter. Gwen would send so many nice letters responding to the ones I'd sent Arthur, why couldn't he just take some time to respond back. One month ago I had to deal with Henry getting in the way.

"Well I should congratulate you, I wish Gwaine was here so I could speak with him as well." I nodded hoping Arthur would come by soon. We'd sent for him a while ago.

"Did you call for me?" He entered the room as swiftly as ever. The same posture of annoyance which made you feel like you were wasting his time. His hand rubbed his eyes which seemed more tired than angry. I missed him for so long. He spoke with guise as if he had not seen me. But he had to have seen me. Or perhaps he's having a bad day and his good servant is out. Speaking of which where is his servant, I would stick to Arthur unless I had chores and this late in the day they should already be done. Unless he got a woman. Then I suppose she would be in the kitchen or…. No Gwen's always with Morgana. She frequently talked about it in her letters honestly I wished she would hae fored hi to write me I know she ould

Before I knew it he was heading for the door, id said something but ouldnt remember what. I ran to the door where Gwen greeted me I looked at Arthur and saw him piking his things off the floor ignoring her I ran to him I would not allow him such embarrassment how could gwen be so cruel

"Here let me help"

I didn't realize you missed piquing up my things he said in a husky voice it sounded like he wanted to cry.

"I told you he doesn't deserve your help" Gwen ranted.

Why did gwen have to be so mean sometimes? Couldn't she see that Arthur was having a hard time as it is? His duties and everything, and I just let him fire me. Its all my fault.

I looked up and Arthur was gone, of course I knew the only place he had to go to. After criticizing Gwen a bit I got his clothes and walked to his room. If I was going to be coming to Camelot more often I needed to make sure the one person here I gave my all for was happy and wanted me here. As I arrived at the doors of his wonderful room and reminded myself that I was not his servant. And so I could do as I pleased as a guest of Morgana's. Despite our differences, she'd been quite nice to me over letters. Then again it could have just been because of Gwen.

As I walked in, memories flooded into my head, I remembered why I'd left. I didn't want to be in love with someone who did not love me back. We chatted, sort of. IT happened so quickly, before I knew it I was alone in the room. As always. It came to me then, the moment Arthur and I had accidentally kissed. Why couldn't he see how I felt?

"Maybe I shouldn't come back." I whispered the words, yet they seemed to echo in the room. My heart sank. I'd never be happy.