Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Wars characters, even thought I want to. This is just a fanfic and please don't take it seriously.

Author's notes: This is going to be the first and perhaps the last Sakura Taisen fanfic I'll ever write. It is not because I love Sakura Taisen no more. It is just because I really have no time to write.

Thanks to shadow and Rachel, my betas. This is dedicated to them who really help me to beta read and ask for nothing in return. Thanks a lot.

This story starts after Maria has left Russia for the U.S. The time is just before Ayame invited her to join Hanagumi.

Words in italics: Maria's thoughts.

Prologue:

"God, forgive me," said Maria Tachibana. She took out her locket from her shirt. She fell into deep thoughts again as she always did in the chapel. "Taichou." She took out her revolver. She wanted to finish herself off but then she dropped it. "Why was I so weak? I know it's my weakness that led to your death." Tears fell down her helpless face.

Chapter 1 Taichou

Will pain ever cease to conquer me? I want to let go of myself. Let go of me!

"Kuzuar, Kuzuar, are you okay?" asked Pavlov who was holding his revolver. He was a Russian who had been fighting together with Maria in the revolution. He touched Maria's shoulder with his left hand. His hands were shaking.

"Yeh.. I'm alright. Pay attention and don't call me by that name again or you'll die!" Maria's face was as earnest as ever.

"He's coming." She pulled out her revolver and straightened her body. She stared at the coming man and aimed her revolver at him. She fired and blood splashed out from his chest and he fell dead on the ground.

"Good, that's it." She turned to leave.

Pavlov took out a pen to write a journal on that. He was such a well-organized man. He had to write down everything that happened in that day. He wrote, "Today, Maria killed one of the leaders of the society of Spider with only one shot. Yesterday, she killed the head of the Party of Tiger with two shots. She's got some progress." He closed his notebook and left the other way Maria did.

I'll be going on with this because this is what you want. I'll follow all your instructions, Taichou. I've got to become stronger because this is your will.

Maria thought as she jumped from one building to the other. Far from the other side, someone was monitoring her with a pair of binoculars. "So this is her. Brilliant! That's exactly what I need." The person smiled with satisfaction.

"Taichou.." Tears forced their way out from Maria's eyes. Every time, she shot a bullet, she had always hoped that the bullet would go straight into her head. Life was more a curse than a blessing to her. The nightmare haunted her every night.

Maria sat down on the roof of her home. The sun was setting. Gazing at the sunset, her mind floated back to Russia. The revolution changed my life. Was it my fate? Why have you died? I should have joined you. "No! Maria Tachibana, you still have your tomorrow." Why did you say such kind of things? Without you, life is useless and meaningless to me.

She took out her locket and glanced at the picture. Just a glance was enough to kill Maria's heart once again. This time, instead of gazing at it, she put it back inside her clothes.

She descended from the window to her bedroom and took out the book "War and Peace". She scanned a few pages and put it away. She could not concentrate her mind. Promptly, she went to bed straight away.

Where on earth could she ever find her blue bird? She closed her eyes but she could not sleep. She walked out to the balcony. The wind was kissing her gently. How I wish you were with me this moment, Taichou. I know it's impossible. If only you were still alive, we could live happily together. Taichou..

"Shush!" A loud whistle disturbed her thoughts. It was Pavlov. Maria was living on the second floor of the apartment while Pavlov on the first. Damn him! What the hell is he doing here? "What do you want?" Maria asked coldly. He remained silent. He took out a piece of paper and folded it into a plane. He threw the plane upwards and the plane landed beside Maria.

She picked up the paper and read it. "Today, someone came to our pub to ask for you. Who is she? I've never seen her before."

"The hell do I know! If you don't have anything important to say, I'm going to sleep. And don't ever disturb me again. Don't ever talk to me with such kind of nonsense. Otherwise, my next bullet will hit your head." Maria warned him, walking back to her bedroom.

"Why is she always so cold?" thought Pavlov. She was not even paying the least attention to Pavlov's words and finally went fast asleep.

Maria was again back to Russia. The wind was making cuts on her face like blades. There was a blizzard. No one was around. She was alone in the snow. With the rifle in her hands, she started to run. There was not the least sign of life. She was totally alone. She could not help running faster and faster. She could not stop herself as if something terrible was waiting for her in front. She ran and ran until she fell. She did not shed a tear. She scanned around only to discover that she was really alone. Fear started to creep up her heart.

"Taichou! Where are you?" she shouted to get an answer. Her voice was drowned by the wind. There was no reply. "Eventually, I'm alone." She sat down, hopelessly and helplessly waiting for her death. Just then, a warm hand touched her forehead. "Maria.."

"Taichou?" Maria grasped the hand and opened her eyes. She was sweating. "A dream?" To her disappointment, instead of seeing her dearest commander, Pavlov was beside her bed. In surprise, she threw away Pavlov's hand and pushed him away. As if by instinct, she pulled out her revolver from under her pillow and trained it on his forehead. "Derrmo! What the hell are you doing here and how did you come in? Answer me!" Maria growled as she loaded her gun.

Pavlov stiffened. For a moment or two, he was too shocked to move even a muscle. Without saying anything, he slowly walked to the door to Maria's bedroom. Maria was still aiming her revolver at him.

He opened the door and replied, "You were screaming in your dream again. I just want to check if you're okay. As for unlocking your door, I learnt it when I was in Russia. You know it." As soon as he finished speaking, he slammed the door.

A bullet triggered off from the revolver. It just missed Pavlov's head. "Don't ever come into my room without my permission again! I won't need you!" scolded Maria as she shot the bullet.

What the hell! What have I done? What have I been doing since I came here? Is this really what I want? Why, why did you just leave me? I miss you, taichou. Maria was confused. She could not help but buried her face in her hands sobbing again.

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Author's Notes: Kuzuar means Cassowary. This word originates from Russian. Kuzuar is the living legend in a battle. The harder the war is, the more powerful she becomes. That was exactly Maria. Though I really feel painful whenever she is called in that name, this word truly describe what Maria is in a war, especially with the demons. Her past is one of the things that make me sound a rapport with her.

Yes, she trained her revolver on Pavlov's head. Do you still remember that in the game ST1, she scolded Ohgami for going to a lady's room and said that it was sort of nonsense? I've borrowed some idea from that.