Disclaimer: Kim Possible and related characters belong to Disney. I don't claim to own them and I'm not trying to profit from them.

Chapter 1

"I'm just saying, KP," Ron Stoppable said as he shifted his foot higher and took a better grip of the rope, "that you could learn a lot from Fearless Ferret. FF scales walls like this in practically every episode."

"Ron," said exasperated Kim Possible from higher up on the sheer wall of Dr. Drakken's latest hideout, "it's a TV show. I'm sure this would be easier if the wall was just a cardboard cutout on the floor of a studio."

"Not the point, KP! That's just TV magic. What I'm saying is he ends up in similar situations to you, what with fighting crime with the aid of a trusty sidekick and all. You could get some pointers."

"It's fiction, Ron. I doubt there's a lot there that would apply in the real world."

"It's very true to life, KP! It's not like they just make it all up. There are evil villain lairs in real life, too."

"Well, duh, we're in one." Kim considered a moment. "Or on one. Whatever."

"See!" Ron said, like he had proven a point. "And, and he has a colorful villains gallery, just like you."

"Anyone like Drakken in there?" Kim asked absently as she crested the top of the wall and started to stow away her rope.

"Well, there's Dr. Iceberg," replied panting Ron as he joined Kim on the roof. "He's an evil genius with a blue skin from a freak accident. He's always trying to freeze the world."

"Drakken isn't trying to freeze the world," Kim said as she searched for an entry into the air vents. "Well, except for that one time, but that's incidental."

"Incidental, schmincidental, KP. You just don't want to admit the wisdom of the Ferret."

"Here, help me with this grating," Kim said and, noticing the blond was opening his mouth, continued, "and I don't want to hear how Fearless Ferret would do it."

Kim squeezed into the vent and, despite her better judgment, found herself asking, "Does this Ice Cube guy have a sidekick?"

"Iceberg, KP. And no, not as such," Ron confessed. "He does have henchmen."

"So no one like Shego on the show, then? Figures."

"Oh, Shego is totally Snake Charmer!"

"What does Shego have to do with snakes? Apart from being one."

"Snake Charmer is this sexy thief in a skintight leather outfit. Rrrowr!"

"You think Shego is sexy," Kim said, aghast.

"Well, kinda," Ron said, "in a really scary way. Anyway, Snake Charmer and Fearless Ferret had this crazy sexual tension going on."

"So just like me and Shego, then," Kim deadpanned.

"Really?" Ron said, his eyes going wide.

"No! I was kidding, Ron," Kim said, perhaps a little too loudly given they were trying to sneak into the lair through a conveniently wide, but inconveniently echoing, ventilation shaft.

"You two do roll around the floors a lot," Ron mused, not paying the redhead any mind, "or pin each other against walls."

"It's called fighting, Ron," Kim said. "And how much time do you spend watching us fight, anyway? You're supposed to do your part while I keep Shego busy."

"A-heheh... you know, I try to keep an eye on you in case you need help."

"I can look after myself, thank you very much."

"We're getting sidetracked, KP. The issue here is the sexual tension between you and Shego."

"Will you give it a rest? There is no sexual tension between me and Shego! Hello, we're both girls!"

"Really, KP, I thought you'd be more open-minded. It's okay to be gay. It's no big deal, girls make out with each other, like, all the time."

"There's nothing wrong with being a homosexual, but I'm not into girls and I'm especially not into Shego."

"I think the lady protests a little too much, don't you, Rufus," Ron said to the naked mole rat poking its head out of his pocket. The pink, hairless rodent shrugged and gave a noise that sounded suspiciously like "'unno."

"You know, Shego does perk up a lot whenever you get there. And she has all those pet names for you."

"They're insults, Ron. She calls me names you'd call a little girl. She's trying to imply I'm too young to be in her league."

"Why would she draw attention to being repeatedly schooled by a high school kid? Where's the logic, KP? They're obviously pet names."

"Insults."

"Pet names."

"Insults."

"Pet names."

"Insults."

"Pet names."

"Quiet. I think we're there," Kim said, peering down a grate. She quickly sliced off the bolts with her laser lipstick and pushed the grate aside. "Follow me. And try not to trip this time."

Kim landed neatly in the middle of a storage room. After a moment there was a short yell and Ron landed face first behind her. Kim sighed.

"I'm okay, KP!"

Before either of them could move, the storage room door opened, revealing Shego standing there with hands on her hips and a cocky grin on her face, her long black hair flowing free. The curvy villain was dressed in her usual green and black catsuit.

"Kimmie! Finally you show up. Don't you know it's rude to keep a girl waiting?"

"See? I knew it!" Ron said from the ground.

"Quiet, Ron," Kim said, dropping into a fighting stance.

"What's he on about?" Shego said as she, also, adopted a ready stance.

"He's just confusing TV with reality again," Kim said, not taking her eyes off Shego, who was beginning to circle to her right.

"I was just talking with KP about the sexual tension between you two," Ron said, getting up.

Shego's green eyes widened and she was momentarily speechless. Then the grin on her face got wider, too, as she said, "Kimmie, you've been holding out on me. Just how long have you wanted me?"

"I so do not want you, Shego."

"Don't be embarrassed, Pumpkin, everybody knows you crime fighters just can't resist us sexy thieves."

"Just like Snake Charmer and Fearless Ferret," Ron said.

"Are you still here?" Shego said.

"Shouldn't you be looking for the gizmo Drakken stole, Ron?"

"I'll get right on it, KP," Ron said and ran out the door Shego had left unguarded. Shego relaxed her posture for a moment and offered Kim a knowing smirk.

"So, Kimmie, do you want to fight, or do you want to make out?"

"Just drop it already. I'm not into you."

"Sure you're not, darling," Shego purred.

Kim screamed and charged.

When Kim came to she found herself shackled to a wall. Ron was similarly restrained right next to her. Across the room from them, on the base of a comically oversized ray gun, sat Shego, leaning back and eying Kim with a Cheshire Cat grin.

"Hey, Doc, the cheerleader is awake," Shego called over her shoulder. Looking around, Kim spotted Dr. Drakken adjusting something on a control panel taking up an entire wall of the room. He was dressed in his usual blue stylized lab coat and wore his black hair in a short ponytail, possibly to distract from his receding hairline. He turned a gloating stare towards Kim, the scar under his left eye making him momentarily look almost sinister.

"So, finally you wake up, Kim Possible," Dr. Drakken said, "just in time to witness my triumph. You think you're all that, but as you can see, you're not."

"What ever you're trying to do, Drakken, it won't work," Kim said defiantly.

"It will too work! With this quasi-plasmic concentrator that I acquired..."

"You acquired?" Shego said.

"Fine. That I had acquired, I can supercharge my kinetic thermopolarizer and extend its range to cover the entire hemisphere. With the entire world's supply..."

"Half."

"Ngh. With half the world's supply of synthetic fibers in peril, the nations of the world will have no alternative but to submit to my... Shego, what are you doing?"

While Dr. Drakken was speaking, Shego had slipped from her perch and, still grinning, made her way across the room to where Kim was shackled. She was currently running her hands down Kim's sides.

"I'm just checking Kimmie here for hidden gadgets. We don't want her to get loose and ruin your plan, do we?"

"Stop that," Kim said.

"Are you going to search me too?" Ron said, a little too eagerly.

"Ugh, no," Shego said, giving Ron a distasteful look.

"Shego-o, you're ruining my monologue," Dr. Drakken whined. "Can't you frisk her at some other time?"

"She can't help herself," Ron said. "It's the sexual tension."

"Sexual tension? What sexual tension?" Dr. Drakken said, confused.

"You know, the crazy sexual tension between her and KP."

"Shut up, sidekick."

"Not helping, Ron."

"Hmm," Dr. Drakken said, looking at the group thoughtfully. "I was afraid something like this would happen. Female evil sidekicks do have the unfortunate tendency to fall in love with the hero, after all."

Shego let Kim go and turned towards Dr. Drakken. "Wait, Dr. D, it's not like that! I was just messing with her!"

"Kim won't admit to it either!"

"Doesn't it bother anyone that we're both women?"

"Really, Kim Possible, I'm surprised with you," Dr. Drakken said. "I wouldn't have thought that you would be so closed-minded. Don't you know it's okay to be gay? This is the twenty-first century, after all. All the cool kids are doing it."

"Look, Dr. D, I was just having a little fun with Kimmie," Shego said, walking up to Dr. Drakken.

"I don't know how a man of my brilliance could have overlooked the signs. It's so obvious to me now. Mm. I bet you sprung all those alarms on purpose, just to see your little sweetheart."

"Drakken, it's you who blunders into the alarms without giving me time to disable them."

"Nonsense, Shego! I'm a genius, after all. You're just the hired help. Mm. And all those pet names. I should have seen this coming."

"I use them to belittle her!"

"Told you, Ron," Kim said to her sidekick. "Now let's get out of here while they're distracted."

"I'm on it, KP!" Ron flexed his muscles against the restraints, to no effect. "Uh, how?"

Kim rolled her eyes before calling, "Rufus." The naked mole rat poked its head out of Ron's pocket. "There's a laser disguised as a lipstick bar in the pocket on my right thigh. Can you grab it and free my hand?"

The pink rodent nodded eagerly, then raced down Ron's pant leg and up Kim's, disappearing into the voluminous cargo pocket. It emerged a little later with the lipstick laser in its mouth and made its way up Kim's side and arm. Kim spread her palm to give the mole rat a perch. The little rodent managed to slice through the metal band encircling Kim's wrist without harming the teen. Kim received the laser from Rufus and quickly freed the rest of her limbs before doing the same to Ron.

"I though Shego frisked you."

"She wasn't actually searching me, Ron, just trying to tweak me. I'm going to grab the thingy. You take Rufus and get out of here."

"Are you sure you don't need my help?"

"Yes, Ron. Just get going. I'll be right behind you."

Kim cautiously headed towards Dr. Drakken's "thermopolarizer". There wasn't much cover in the room, so Kim put her trust to the villains being too busy with their quarreling to spot her. They hadn't even noticed the escape, after all. Glancing toward the pair she noted that Dr. Drakken had his back towards her, but Shego, facing him, could see her.

"I'm going to have to put my foot down, Shego. Dating my archenemy is out of the question. I forbid it."

"You forbid it? You forbid it?!" Shego said, getting in Dr. Drakken's face. "Who do you think you are?"

"Well, not only am I your employer, but you know I've always thought of us as an evil family. And as the head of the family I think I get some say..."

Shego didn't let him finish. "Shut it, Drakken. I didn't take that garbage from my dad, I didn't take it from my stupid brother and I certainly won't take it from you. I'll date anyone I please."

Kim had reached the oversized beam gun and was trying to find an access port while keeping an eye on the villains. She tensed as Shego turned to look at her, but the pale woman just gave her a blatant wink and a rather sexy smile. Kim wondered if the villainess was actually annoyed enough with her employer to just let Kim ruin his plan.

Kim found the quasi-plasmic concentrator and yanked it out of its housing. As soon as she did it the weapon, as well as the control panel next to the pair of villains, started to emit sparks and gusts of smoke. Dr. Drakken whirled around and finally spotted Kim.

"Shego," he yelled, "Kim Possible is free and sabotaging my ray. Stop her!"

"A little late for that, Dr. D. We need to bolt before the roof caves in." Shego grabbed the blue-skinned man and bolted towards the corner of the room. She punched the wall opening a concealed passage and shoved Dr. Drakken through it. Before she followed him, she turned towards Kim one last time and blew her a kiss.

Kim hastily exited the room through the door Ron had used earlier, shaking her head. Most missions involving Dr. Drakken got a little weird, but this one had turned out weirder than usual.

A/N: Snake Charmer was created by Allaine for the story If You Build a Better Monkey, and is used here with kind permission. If you haven't read Allaine's series starting with An Unacceptable Sitch, go read it right now. And I do mean right now, the rest of this story can wait.