I walked methodically just staring at the map making sure I didn't stray from the line Jake had drawn until I was there with an abruptness that disorientated me, I stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples- pushing past the chest high ferns- into the meadow. It was the same place of that I was instantly sure. I'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was so perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass. To the east, I could hear the stream bubbling quietly.
The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight, but it was still very beautiful and serene. It was the wrong season for wild flowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake.
It was the same place…but it didn't hold what I had been searching for.
The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. I sank down right where I was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp.
What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to; if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain-the pain that had me now-had me cold. There was nothing special about this place without him. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares. My head swirled dizzily. I felt so alone, as the feeling of abandonment I had been suppressing for so long swept over me. Alone. Yet precisely at that moment I became aware I wasn't alone. My head snapped up and my eyes instantly found a lone figure standing completely still. Inhumanly still. I only knew one creature that could be so still; statue-like. I leapt to my feet, wobbling slightly and stumbled forwards. Just before I collapsed again stone cold hands had seized my shoulders and pulled me upright again. I gazed with numb terror into a pair of red-tinged black eyes in a too familiar olive-toned face.
"Laurent!" I breathed in surprised pleasure.
It was an irrational response. I probably should have stopped at fear.
Laurent had been one of James's coven when we'd first met. He hadn't been involved with the hunt that followed-the hunt where I was the quarry-but that was only because he was afraid; I was protected by a bigger coven than his own. I quickly stopped my thoughts before I entered painful territory again.
"Bella." He stated, looking unsurprised at my obvious disarray both mentally and physically.
"Did Victoria ever find you?" I asked, breathless.
"Yes." He said, hesitating ever so slightly." I actually came here as a favour to her." He made a face. "She won't be happy about this."
"About what?" I said with a feeling of foreboding growing. He looked at me and smiled, showing his gleaming teeth-the expression made him look like a black-haired angel.
"About me killing you," he answered in a seductive purr. I slumped in his arms my head filling with a distracting buzz.
"She wanted to save that part for herself," he went on blithely. "She's sort of…put out with you, Bella."
"Me?" I squeaked.
He shook his head and chuckled. "I know, it seems a little backwards to me, too. But James was her mate, and your Edward killed him."
Even on the point of death, his name tore against my unhealed wounds like a serrated edge.
Laurent was oblivious to my reaction. "She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward-fair turnabout, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. I didn't imagine you would be so easy to get to. So maybe her plan was flawed- apparently it wouldn't be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected."
Another blow, another tear through my chest.
Laurent's weight shifted slightly and his hands tightened ever so slightly on my shoulders and I realised I would not have been able to escape even if I had tried to.
He frowned "I suppose she'll be angry all the same."
My sluggish brain worked furiously to try and understand what he meant until finally something clunked into place. My lungs completely emptied themselves with air. Even on my darkest day I had never considered killing myself. I couldn't do that to Charlie or Renee or Jake!
"Please, don't." I begged my voice cracking slightly.
Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you,"
"Am I?" I mouthed slumped helplessly in his iron grip.
"Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. Make it as painless as possible. Then I'll lie to Victoria, just to put her off for a while, tell her I killed you slowly and painfully. If you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…"He shook his head with a slow movement, as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."
I stared at him in horror.
He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouth-watering." He purred, inhaling deeply. I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away. Suddenly his name burst through my blockades. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to be in the worst pain imaginable soon. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. I watched as Laurent finished inhaling and sprung towards me. I felt his icy breath on my neck before a sharp pain as his teeth broke my flesh I could feel the blood pouring from me. I began to feel faint but then the flow stopped. I crumpled to the ground with my head spinning. The bite on my neck was beginning to ache. Where had he gone? I tried to open my eyes but then I realised they were already open I wrenched my vision into focus. I was still in the Meadow but there was no sign of Laurent suddenly a huge russet-brown, furry leg filled my vision. I was aware of voices but could not make sense of them. Without warning the throb in my neck intensified and I realised with horror what would happen now as the agony spread. There had been a time when I would of given nearly anything for this to happen but not now! What was the point of living forever without him? Every part of me was aching horribly now and my brain was plunged into a darkness that I could not resist. The pain was bewildering.
Exactly that- I was bewildered. I couldn't understand, couldn't make sense of what was happening.
My body tried to reject the pain, and I was sucked again and again into blackness that cut out whole seconds or even minutes of agony, making it much harder to keep up with reality.
I tried to separate them.
Non-reality it was black, and it didn't hurt so much.
Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize-fighter, trampled by bulls and submerged in acid, all at the same time.
Reality was feeling my body flip and twist with pain.
Reality was knowing there was something, someone, more important than all this torture and not being able to remember who or what it was.
Reality had come on so fast.
One moment I had been terrified, feeling Laurent drain me of blood. Then the blackness had come like a thick blindfold, firm and fast; covering not just my eyes but also myself with a crushing weight. It was exhausting me pushing against it. I knew it would be so much easier to give in. To let the blackness push me down, down, down to a place where there was no pain and no weariness and no worry and no fear. If it had been for me, I wouldn't have been able to struggle for long. I was only human, with no more than human strength. I'd been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long.
But this wasn't just about me.
If I did the easy thing now, let the blackness erase me, I would hurt them; Charlie, Renee, Matt, Angela, Jake. I didn't want to do that, even though I had been recently. I hadn't really thought about how I must be upsetting them till now. How could I have been so selfish? I didn't want to hurt them; I had to fight for them. I felt warmth spread through my chest as I thought of them but the warmth began to intensify until it became excruciating. This was so much worse than the blackness. I could feel my body writhing. I could hear my earth-shattering, gut-wrenching screams. Until suddenly I could see again, a wolf's face swam above me gazing down at my blazing body with a familiar look on his face, but I couldn't concentrate enough to work out where I had seen before. Just for a moment I broke free of the flames long enough to speak
"Kill me!" I shrieked. Anything was better than this pain. I couldn't think of anything else, I just wanted to fall into the cool, dark arms of death but the strangely familiar wolf merely disappeared. I continued to beg for death regardless.
I found I could think round the pain now. It was not so much that the pain had lessened; more that I had learned to stand it. To think round it. I could now remember why I didn't want Laurent to kill me. Then something changed, the pain began to recede from my fingertips. I wondered what I looked like; I was sure I must be a blackened skeleton by now, that was what I felt like. The fire had run out of fuel and it was dying. I felt a stab of panic as the flames disappeared from my arms.
Without warning, as the flames were on the brink of snuffing it out, my heart took off, beating so fast that you could hardly tell one beat from another. My back arched as my heart carried it upwards until without warning it stopped. Then I realised the flames were completely gone, with exception of my throat that still felt as though it was on fire. I waited for this to recede but it didn't. Suddenly I heard the rustle of leaves; my eyes flew open and instantly my back was pressed against a tree as I took in my surroundings and caught my breath. This was not good.