Well this is a new story and it is a Liley, told in Lilly's point of view. And if you don't like Liley don't read simple as that.

Disclaimer: Yep its official I own nothing!

Fear……………………

Its funny such a small world but yet so many people have such big fears. There are so many phobias out there for things like air, swimming, or going to bed who has time to think of it all. Me of course I have fears. Many actually. I fear I may accomplish nothing in this world, I fear one day I may die at a young age, I fear that I will never be able to land those difficult skateboard tricks right and injure myself, I fear that people will someday find out that I am Lola Luftnagle(A/N: I don't know how to spell that sorry).We have many things to be afraid of, but my biggest fear is that someone will find out my biggest secret and judge me. The secret that I have been hiding for at least two or three years, I don't know the exact date but that doesn't matter. The secret? Oh well I think I might just like or love my best friend. No not Oliver, but Miley.

Yep I actually think I'm falling for her, who wouldn't look at her, I do every day. Her blue eyes that I would stare long into to find they have specks of gray in them. Her long brown hair is so shiny and fluffy that in a certain light you see streaks of light brown. Her smile that send beams of light off her teeth and light up a room. The way she carries herself in the hallways with such confidence that you think she has no worries in the world, but I worry. I worry I may stare to long and other people will notice and start to question. Or worse her catching me staring and starts asking questions. What should I say to her if she asks why am I looking at her? "Oh sorry your just so gorgeous I couldn't help but stare, you are the most amazing person I ever met and I am falling completely in love with you and I just want to through you up against the wall right now and kiss you." Pfft yea that will go over well.

I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet though. Each time I see her it gets harder and harder not to tell her how I feel. Not to hold her in my arms and feel her warmth, not to be able to feel those perfectly pink lips on my own in a kiss, not to be able to tell her I love her in more than just a friend way, not to be able to be the one she celebrates Valentines day with. It's slowly killing me. How long? How long should I have to keep up this charade? I want to hold her in my arms or be held in hers, I want to kiss her, I want to tell her I love her, I want to be her Valentine. But will that ever happen? No. Why cause I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of rejection, afraid of getting hurt, and afraid of losing our friendship. If anything I know that our friendship will always come first. We are so close but I feel we are so far away as to what I want to be. No matter what I will always stick up for her, back her up when Amber and Ashley attack us each day in the hall. I know she will always watch over me. But will it continue if she knew? Will she still have my back like I will always have hers; will we still even be friends? If I tell her would our friendship be over? I don't think I would be able to live my life with out her. Our sleepovers, movie nights, doing homework together, going to the mall together, teasing Oliver together, practically doing ever together will that end? Would my life be worth living if I told her? Would I be a walking zombie not acknowledging anybody, just go on day by day? Or is there a possibility that I will show it doesn't affect me? Who knows I don't.

What will the end result be? If I told will other people find out? That's another fear of mine. I don't want to be judged, but I know I will anyway. Why is it so wrong? What is wrong with loving someone of the same sex isn't that what the world needs right now more love? Well that and stop global warming but that's not my point right now, why should I be judged, because it's a choice? Heck no! If this was a choice I'd be able stop my infatuation with her and no longer be killing myself, I would live my life normally like I did before I started crushing on her. I hate when people say it is a choice. If it was easy to choose I probably wouldn't chose to be in love with her because I would chose guys. But I do love her and I can't stop that, I can't stop my feelings and thoughts I have towards her. Society will not change what I feel for her. Say what you want, say that God is not okay with it, say that you think it is a sin but I would still love her. A wise man once said "It is better to have loved and lost then to never to have loved at all". He did not say what gender you should love just to love, and I love her, no one will change that.

But can she change? Can she learn to love me the way I love her. Maybe she wont have to change maybe she does feel the same way but is going through the same struggles that I am going through so it is stopping her from telling me. Maybe when she says she loves me she wants to say with much more passion then what she is giving me, maybe she too feels the surge of electricity that goes through us when we hug or link arms, maybe she also finds the little flaws that I have and the little things that I do and thinks they are cute, maybe she wants to kiss me tenderly with love, maybe I'm just crazy and like to live in my own little world were this could actually happen and no one gets in the way and we live happily ever after as we grow old together. Yep that's it we live in paradise me in her in my own little world no worries and no nothing just me and her what else could I ask for?

I could ask her if she feels the same way, I could ask her to be my girlfriend, I could ask for people to shut their mouths about it if we ever get together, because its not disgusting, its love, I could also ask for her hand in marriage, I could also ask for that new skateboard I wanted for Christmas but didn't get so what makes me think I could get her? Why cant reality be like movies the guy always gets the girl, well in this case the girl gets the girl but you know what I mean.

Why cant all this happen its because of the world today, because of society, because I'm afraid to tell her, I'm afraid of losing her and our friendship, I'm just afraid of it all. That's the problem, emotions. They always ruin everything; they bring hatred into this world, greed, and painful words. Not only do they cause fights and wars but they also cause fear, fear of dying, fear of losing someone and fear of telling her my true feelings.

Fear……………………..

A small word but it keeps us from doing and saying the activities and words we really want to say and do. Sometimes when we conquer a fear we get over it and feel proud. I just hope one day I conquer my fear and tell her I love her so I could get this load off my chest and feel proud about loving her and then spit in fears face. There are times that I think it will be to late and I will never get to tell her those three words. All because of that one word that one stupid powerful word……

Fear.

So tell me your thoughts? I don't know what I want to do with this if I should make it into chapters or let it be an oneshot. I don't know you decide. I'm leaning towards a story.