Hello! This is my first official Naruto fanfiction! I write loads of fanfiction, but I am both lazy and a slow typist, so this is the first Naruto fanfiction I have actually posted! Please enjoy this, and I ask that no one be offended by it, especially guys who read this. I am not trying to be weird. I promise…really I do. I would like to note that I did not use honorifics only for simplicity's sake, and that this takes place before the time jump, around sometime after the Chunin exam.

I do not own Naruto…that should be obvious.

And on a special note, I would like to add that this story was submitted to the Toronto Anime North Fanfiction Contest 2008 and was the winner of the "Special Contest Coordinator's Award" for Humor.

Enjoy!

"Ino, you know what I really hate?"

"Naruto?"

"Besides Naruto."

"Oh, is it…?"

"It is," muttered Sakura darkly. "That time, you know?"

"It's such a curse, isn't it?" said Ino.

"A curse? Well, that's one way to put it."

Sakura clenched her teeth and gave a slight groan of pain. "Guys have it so easy," she snarled.

"Hey Sakura! Ino!"

Sakura turned and groaned again. "Not now," she muttered under her breath. "Ino, can you make him go away?"

"Oh, hey Naruto," said Ino, as Naruto approached. "You know, you might want to leave Sakura alone today. She's not feeling well."

"Oh," said Naruto looking distressed. "Can I help? How about I get you some ramen Sakura! Ramen always makes me feel better!"

Sakura groaned again and clutched her stomach. The thought of ramen made her want to puke more than she already did.

"Naruto, let's not talk about ramen right now, or any food at that matter, okay?" said Ino, patting Sakura on the back.

"Did you eat too much for breakfast or something Sakura?" Naruto asked quizzically.

"No."

"Is it the stomach flu?"

"No."

"Are you gonna throw up?"

"No."

"Is it contagious? Am I gonna catch it?"

Ino stared at him blankly a moment, and then suddenly shrieked with laughter as did Sakura, still clutching her stomach.

"Ino! He thinks he's going to catch it from me!"

"That it's something contagious any boy could have!"

They continued to laugh while Naruto stared in bewilderment.

"So, I'm not gonna get sick too?" he asked tentatively. "It's not going to affect me in any way?"

Ino wiped tears of laughter from her eyes and turned to look at Naruto.

"No Naruto," she said, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "I hardly think you're in danger of getting what Sakura has. Ever."

"Well then what is it?" asked Naruto.

Sakura and Ino looked at each other.

"I don't think he actually knows what it is," said whispered Sakura. "Like, I don't think anyone's ever…you know…"

"Explained it?" Ino whispered back, with a mischievous smile. "Well then, why don't we take the liberty of doing so ourselves?"

"I'll start," said Sakura, grinning wickedly.

She straightened up from her whispered conference with Ino to survey Naruto.

"Naruto, would you say that the nine-tailed fox that resides within you is a curse?" she said.

"Uh, I dunno," said Naruto. "Maybe…yeah I guess you could call that."

Sakura smiled ruefully.

"Naruto," she said coolly. "You're not the only one with a curse."

"WHAT?" gasped Naruto. "You mean you've got some spirit stuck inside of you too and you haven't said anything?"

"I don't know if I would call it a spirit," said Sakura, trying to be as dramatic as possible. "More like, a demon."

Naruto gaped at her.

"A-A demon?" he stammered.

"A demon, of blood," Ino chimed in mysteriously. "It's a curse that befalls every member of the feminine kind. A curse that we've carried for generations. It affects not only Sakura here, but me as well, along with every other female here in Konoha too."

"Everyone?" gasped Naruto. "TenTen and Hinata and-"

"All of them," said Sakura, still playing for the melodrama. "Of course, the younger girls don't feel its effects at first, it takes them time. They have to grow a bit before the curse can truly possess them. And it's different for everyone. Ino was first possessed by the curse several months before I was first ever subjected to it."

"Possessed?" said Naruto in shock, gaping at Sakura, as though worried she might suddenly attack him.

"Oh, the demon can't hurt you," said Ino soothingly. "Don't worry. You're in no danger from Sakura, it's safe inside of her. And she isn't constantly possessed, no one is. The curse chooses when to and when not to possess you. It usually only lasts about a week, and then Sakura will be herself again until the curse next decides to possess her. Usually about a month."

"But what does this…curse…do?" said Naruto, stumbling over the words. "Just give you a stomach ache or something?"

"Oh no," said Ino. "That's only part of it. It's a pain, no boy like you could ever experience or understand. But it's not just the physical pain Naruto, oh no. The girl will know a few days beforehand when the curse wants to possess her. Her emotions will go haywire. One minute, she's happy. The next minute, she's at your throat ready to kill you. It's completely unpredictable and out of control."

"But the physical pain is even worse," said Sakura, pressing her hands to her stomach even more. "Your head throbs and your stomach cramps up but there's nothing you can do about it. It's our burden to bear, you see Naruto? It's the duty of the woman not to let anyone realize when she's under the curse's possession. She must carry herself as though nothing's wrong, not matter how much she hurts, no matter how much her emotions rage and scream to kill annoying boys that ask too many questions, she cannot let anyone know. And then at the end of the day, weak and weary from the loss of blood…"

"LOSS OF BLOOD?" screamed Naruto. "WHAT?"

"Didn't we tell you Naruto?" murmured Ino. She smiled mysteriously.

"It's a demon of blood."

Sakura suddenly began to shake and tremble violently. She clutched Ino's arm, gasping from breath.

"Blood, Ino," she said, her eyes wide, and her voice a strained whisper. "The blood. I feel it. Oh, it hurts Ino. It hurts. The blood…" Her voice rose to a hair-raising scream of anguish.

"BLOOD!"

Naruto wasn't going to stand around and watch blood start pouring out of Sakura from who knows where. With a scream of his own, he bolted down the village path.

As soon as he was gone, Ino and Sakura burst out laughing.

"That was brilliant Sakura!" said Ino, laughing. "You honestly looked possessed!"

"We sure turned that into a soap opera, didn't we?" Sakura giggled back. "I wonder who Naruto will go and tell first! I can just see the look on Kakashi-sensei's face!"

"Hey guys, um...what were you yelling about?"

Ino and Sakura turned to see Hinata looking at them nervously.

"Are you guys okay?" she asked tentatively. "I heard you talking to Naruto, and them I heard Sakura screaming about blood. It was rather disturbing."

"Oh, don't worry Hinata," said Ino jovially. "Sakura was just enlightening Naruto about the joys of being a woman."

"Oh, I see." said Hinata giggling. "You mean like…"

"Of course." said Sakura with a smile.

Hinata blushed slightly.

"I, um…I'm actually on it too right now," she said quietly. "It's actually my first time, ever. I was all worried to tell anyone, but -"

"Really?" Ino squealed with delight, jumping up and throwing her arms around Hinata. "That's wonderful Hinata! Your first time ever? Congratulations!"

"Oh the great and terrible things we women experience," said Sakura, embracing Hinata as well. "The men don't know what they're missing."

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" screamed Naruto, bursting into the bookstore. "SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH SAKURA!"

The patrons all turned around from their books simultaneously to murmur "Shh!"

"Naruto, can you please use your indoor voice?" said Kakashi, looking up from "Icha Icha Paradise."

"But Kakashi-sensei, there's something wrong with Sakura!" Naruto cried. "And Ino! All the girls! There's some sort of demon that's controlling them! A curse! And it possesses them! Sakura's possessed by it right now! Her emotions are all crazy, and her stomach hurts and she's losing blood! We have to help her!"

Kakashi stared at Naruto, while several of the nearby patrons began to giggle.

"Oh god, Naruto," Kakashi said, shaking his head. "Why me?"

He put down his book and sighed.

"Oh god," he said again. "Naruto, I really don't want to be the one to have to explain this to you…"

Yeah, so I know it's kinda strange, but tell me what you think! I'm not afraid of flames, and I know I write crazy stuff, but please R&R. If you like it, maybe I will type up more of my Naruto fanfiction! (Sakon I will bring you back to life! I shall resurrect you! I love you! I am your fangirl!) Sorry for my randomness…so yeah! R&R!