Cover Art By:-
TheBombDiggity666

Author's Note:-
I'm not sure how popular a King Piccolo fic will be, but for anyone who has taken a peek at this, all I ask is that you give this fic a chance! It's kind of a slow burner at first but I'm hoping that this will be one of those fics that gets better with every chapter - that's my aim at least, and I like to think that with all my years of writing I can at least do that!
It also features a number of characters that I've never written before; I've tried my best to keep them in character, but it is still a humour fic so I guess some scenes are a little daft here and there n_n'
Anyway, this fic is kind of my baby project, so please, if you read it, do review! Even if you just flame it haha, advice is advice right? I hope you enjoy it anyway! Thank you :)

'Good luck, my son…'

In the darkest depths of Hell King Piccolo clenched his fist, cutting his own flesh as he recalled his death and his last words, for the third time that day.

'Get revenge for my demise. Destroy all of my enemies.'

He gritted his teeth in anger, enraged at the vision he saw before him on a small TV screen that depicted the world of the living. It was his son, Piccolo Jr… and he was sparring, with the offspring of that tiny boy that had defeated the demon king now over twenty years ago.

'Get revenge for my demise… Get revenge.'

"What part of that didn't you understand, Son!" King Piccolo suddenly roared, raising his hand above the TV screen. He was about to unleash the fall force of his rage upon the object when a familiar voice interrupted him.
"King Piccolo!"

King Piccolo didn't look up. He simply let out a sigh and composed himself.
"How much did you get?" He asked.
"Three bars each, Sire!" A cheerful voice answered him.
"Three bars?" King Piccolo turned to look at the group of mutated namekians that had joined him. Piano, Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum were all stood there looking incredibly proud of themselves, and each holding three bars of chocolate in their hand.
"We did a song!" Tambourine beamed. "And we won first place!"
"Hm." King Piccolo smirked slightly. "Well done, my children." He looked at them, trying to imagine what their combined singing voices would sound like. "… So I suppose the competition was pretty awful, hm?"

The mutants' faces all dropped and they lowered their eyes to the floor, disheartened.
"You could… at least pretend to believe in us." Cymbal mumbled.
"Haha!" King Piccolo rose to his feet and noticed the TV disappearing beneath him. Had it really been thirty minutes already? Time certainly did fly when you were watching your biggest disappointment. He approached the boys and held out his hand. "Give it here, then." He ordered.
"Uh… well…" Drum sweat dropped.
"We uh… we kind of…" Cymbal kicked Tambourine's foot and gave him a sideways glance.
"Oh! Well, King Piccolo, Sire…" Tambourine began. "We were kind of wondering if… if…" He looked at King Piccolo, trembling under the namek's terrifying eyes and that menacing face. "Piano…" Tambourine growled, shooting a forceful glare at his older sibling.
"Oh. Yes, well…" Piano cleared his throat and stared up at the demon king. "King Piccolo, we were wondering that… well… since we did earn more chocolate than usual today, that perhaps we could uh… keep some?"

The other three mutants squealed and stared up at Piccolo, eagerly and fearfully awaiting his response. King Piccolo simply stared down at Piano, and smiled.
"Heh." He uttered. "Piano… my dear child…" He looked across the others. "Boys… is that what you want more than anything? To be able to keep your chocolate?"
"Uh-huh." The mutants nodded, sweat dropping.
"I see…" King Piccolo mumbled. He stared at the floor for a moment and the nameks watched in anticipation, until King Piccolo finally raised his eyes and glared at them. "Absolutely not!"
"Aiii!" The four mutants all screamed, huddling together.
"You shouldn't eat this stuff, anyway! It's bad for you!" King Piccolo scolded, snatching the chocolate bars out of their hands.
"But… but Sire we're – we're dead! How much harm can it possibly do?" Cymbal reasoned.
"Yeah and… and you know – those counselling classes are really boring!" Tambourine whined. "Every time I go I just sit there and remember what it was like to die, and all I can think is how much more fun that was!"
"Well I will gladly grant you that experience again, Tambourine!" King Piccolo seethed. "You all know your orders – you will all attend those ridiculous rehabilitation classes, and in exchange they will give you one chocolate bar per visit just for turning up, and on top of that you are to earn more chocolate by taking part in their team-building activities and entering their competitions… and then you will hand over all your chocolate to me so I can actually use it for something useful – like buying the spy-screens!" He pointed at the empty space where the temporary TV had once stood, demonstrating his point. "That has been our arrangement ever since they started doing the rehabilitation program down here, and it will remain our agreement for as long as we are living in hell! Do I make myself clear!"
"Yes King Piccolo!" The mutants all nodded.

Drum looked up at his master, brave enough to try to reason with him one last time.
"But… Sire – surely you can… maybe go a couple of days without the spy-screens? I mean, what you do down here is your own business but… you seem to spend all day just watching Junior." He said.
"Yeah and – and it doesn't seem to be doing your state of mind any good!" Cymbal protested. "Every time you finish watching him you're in an even worse mood than when you started."
"Yeah and… doesn't it get kind of repetitive after a while?" Tambourine sweat dropped. "He isn't the most interesting person."

Piano whimpered slightly, noticing the look of fury that was sweeping across their master's face as he stared down at the mutants.
"Uh… what I think they're trying to say, Sire…" Piano began. "Is – and without any disrespect, uh… they – we… we think it might be time that His Majesty got uh…" He looked up at King Piccolo and sweat dropped. "Got… a hobby?"
"Grrrrrr!" King Piccolo roared over them, causing the mutants to wail and huddle together once more. "Fools! Are you seriously idiotic enough to question my actions? Let me remind you that I created you idiots and I can destroy you as well!" He fired a ki blast at the group, causing them to scream and leap away from each other. "Now!" King Piccolo snarled. "I am going to obtain more spy-screens. I also heard a rumour today that the next big event in those classes will be a painting contest. The prize for the winner is ten bars of chocolate – so when I get back I expect you to be practicing your skills!"

He shot the nameks a menacing glare before he leapt into the air and flew off towards his dealer. The mutated nameks made various groaning noises and re-joined each other.
"Geez… you'd think that after two decades he'd let it go a little." Drum mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck in confusion.
"This is all Junior's fault! If he'd just hurry up and kill Goku then maybe King Piccolo wouldn't be so hard to live with!" Piano growled.
"Yeah but he's not going to, so we need to think of something to mellow Dad out a little." Tambourine sighed.
"I guess getting him to go to those classes himself is a stupid idea, right?" Cymbal mumbled.
"Mm-hm." The others nodded disheartenedly
"I really want to know what chocolate tastes like…"

Meanwhile King Piccolo landed outside a small cave and knocked against its wall.
"Hey!" He called. "It's me – I want more spy-screens. I have the chocolate –" He stopped in his tracks when an almost-naked Zarbon emerged from the darkness of the cave. Zarbon leaned against the wall with a cigarette in one hand and looked Piccolo up and down, his body only covered by an open silk robe and a pair of tiger print y-fronts. "God – can't you put some clothes on!" King Piccolo snarled.
"If you've got it." Zarbon quipped, taking a drag of his cigarette. He kept his eyes fixed on King Piccolo and slowly exhaled, watching the namek intently. "So. Do you have it?"
"Of course." King Piccolo answered bluntly. "Now get Frieza out here!"
"Show me." Zarbon instructed.

King Piccolo let out an impatient sigh and pulled four bars of chocolate out of his clothing, then held them up to Zarbon. Zarbon moved his hand out to take them when Piccolo suddenly yanked the bars away, glaring at the man.
"Frieza." He stated. Zarbon hesitated just long enough to give King Piccolo an arrogant look before he took another drag of his cigarette and called out,
"Lord Frieza! The giant cucumber's here to see you again." He smirked at King Piccolo as the namek shot him a cold, angry glare.
"Now? Dammit Zarbon, didn't you hang the 'do not disturb' sign!" Frieza's voice came from within the cave.
"Oh…" A look of surprise briefly passed through Zarbon's face and he shifted a little. "No… I forgot…"
"Silly boy." King Piccolo smirked at him mockingly, causing Zarbon to shoot him a dirty look.
"Tch. Maybe next time you forget I should carve it into your forehead and make you stand outside – would you forget then?" Frieza's voice drew nearer and he appeared at the cave's entrance wearing a pale purple cloak that barely covered the tops of his thighs. He looked at King Piccolo. "Well, hurry up. You can see we're a little busy."

King Piccolo looked at Frieza in disgust, and held the chocolate bars out to him.
"Four bars for four screens. Deal."
"Yes, deal…" Frieza mumbled as he took the chocolate, examining it. "Wait – hey!" He glared at King Piccolo angrily. "This is white chocolate!"
"So?" Piccolo replied.
"So?" Frieza snarled. "I don't like white chocolate! It's sickly and it makes my wine taste funny! Bring me milk chocolate!"
"This was all they had!" King Piccolo protested. "What does it matter anyway? Chocolate's chocolate isn't it?"
"No, chocolate is not chocolate!" Frieza argued. "Don't you have a sweet tooth?"
"Frieza, do I look like I have a sweet tooth to you!" King Piccolo roared.
"Figures." Zarbon sniped, taking another drag of his cigarette as he eyed up the demon king, and smirked. "He seems like the bitter type."

Frieza grunted and looked at King Piccolo.
"I'll give you one screen – and that's only because I know somebody who can eat this." He said.
"What!" King Piccolo glared at him. "The deal was four screens for four bars, Frieza!"
"That was before you brought me this." Frieza replied, holding up the chocolate bars with a sinister smirk. "But if those terms aren't acceptable to you then why don't you go ahead and take the spy-screens off me yourself? After all, I'm sure I'll be no match for your… what, five hundred power level?"
"Grrr…" King Piccolo growled, and looked away, his fists clenched in anger. "Fine. Just go and get me the screen – and hurry up!"
"Zarbon. Fetch our friend his looking glass, would you?" Frieza said, not taking his eyes off Piccolo and not wiping the smirk from his face.
"Of course, Lord Frieza." Zarbon nodded. He looked at King Piccolo as he flicked his cigarette onto the ground and squashed it with his bare foot, staring at the namek in a challenging manner before he disappeared into the cave.
"Next time I want butterscotch flavoured." Frieza told King Piccolo.
"Butterscotch? How the hell am I supposed to get that?" King Piccolo growled.
"That's not my problem." Frieza shrugged, and smirked mockingly. "Why don't you get your boys to make macaroni pictures of you for their good Samaritan classes?"
"You –" King Piccolo was interrupted by Zarbon reappearing with a spy-screen.
"Here. It'll fade in twenty minutes." Zarbon said, handing it to Piccolo.
"Twenty minutes! Is that the best you can offer me?" King Piccolo snarled.
"Nope." Frieza smirked and turned his back to Piccolo, grinning at him wickedly over his shoulder. "Bye-bye."

King Piccolo gritted his teeth and readied himself to rip open the icejin's throat, before his mind got the better of him and he reluctantly refrained. He shot Frieza and angry glare and grunted at him before leaping into the air and reluctantly flying away.
"What a fool." Zarbon commented, watching as the demon king disappeared into the distance.
"Hm. Don't be too hard on him, Zarbon." Frieza replied. "His son is an even bigger disappointment to him than Kuriza."
"Hey, guys!" Cell's voice came from inside the cave. "Are you almost done out there? I'm not going to wait forever."
"Haha, coming Dear!" Frieza answered. He looked at Zarbon and tapped his behind with his tail. "Come on." As the two started to walk towards Cell, Frieza called to him, "Good news, Cell! I got you some white chocolate!"

XXXXX

"Okay guys! Today's lesson – sharing!" An icejin girl beamed with far too much enthusiasm, looking brightly at the group of hell inhabitants that were sitting before her. They all started to grumble amongst themselves, expecting that they would have to let each other use their personal possessions. "Don't all look like that! It's fun to share – you'll learn that today."

Meanwhile Frieza, Zarbon and Cell stared out of their makeshift window, which was a long hole in Frieza's cave.
"Oh my God…" Zarbon groaned. "She is just too cute to be allowed to exist. She makes Goku look like Satan." He took a drag of his cigarette and passed it along to Frieza.
"You shouldn't sound so glum, Zarbon. She isn't your counterpart." Frieza growled, taking hold of the cigarette as he watched the girl in disgust. Frikiza… That was her name. She was from another universe, a universe where genders were inverted. Frikiza wasn't just an ordinary icejin girl, she was the female version of Frieza. That was why Frieza couldn't stand how nice she was – she gave him a bad name! She made him look weak, in front of all the saiyans that he'd sent to live down here in hell! Up to now the dead inhabitants of Planet Vegeta still feared Frieza, and he wanted to keep it that way. None of them knew who Frikiza really was; very few people knew of Frikiza's true relationship with Frieza, and Frieza wanted to keep that number as low as possible. If the saiyans ever found out that Frieza was just an alternate version of that cute little do-gooder… Frieza didn't want to think about what those filthy apes might try to do. What was she even doing in here? This wasn't Frikiza's universe, if she wanted to spend her life trying to turn bad people good then why didn't she just do it in her own universe? Or better still, why didn't she find something else to do with her time? Frikiza wasn't like Frieza. She was alive. She had given up her life as a planet-trading tyrant almost ten years before Frieza's death, and she had been on the run from her family ever since. It didn't seem like much of a life… but still, it was a life, and Frikiza was wasting it. It infuriated Frieza to see a version of himself that treated his life with such disrespect! She still had her own empire – why the hell didn't she use it!

Frieza let out an angry sigh and took a drag of the cigarette before coughing. "Oh – Zarbon, this thing is disgusting!" He snarled, and tossed the cigarette through the window. "You shouldn't smoke, it's bad for your skin!"
"But I'm dead, Lord Frieza. Nothing can harm my skin." Zarbon protested. "I wouldn't smoke if I was alive."
"Well what if you come back to life? You'll be addicted and then it will affect you – quit now while it's not doing you any harm." Frieza scolded.
"Frieza, do you really think you have the right to say that to him?" Cell narrowed his eyes at the icejin. "Wine isn't exactly a heath food."
"Shut up!" Frieza hissed and continued looking at the icejin girl, who seemed to be handing the class over to another good-natured sap. Frikiza turned to face Frieza's cave and started to fly towards it. "Oh dammit, she's coming over!" Frieza growled and moved away from the window. "I'm not home."
"That never works." Cell smirked, and started to walk towards the cave's entrance.

Frieza let out an annoyed sigh and threw himself down onto the sofa, holding out his arm.
"Wine." He ordered.
"Yes Lord Frieza." Zarbon said, rolling his eyes. "Where is Dodoria?" He questioned as he poured his master a glass, silently thinking to himself, "He should be doing this!"
"I sent him on an errand." Frieza replied. "I thought it was best…" He looked at Zarbon. "Unless you wanted to get into bed with him as well?"
"Ugh… No." Zarbon answered, his face twisting in disgust. Frieza smirked.
"I thought not." He said, and took the glass off Zarbon.
"Look who it is!"

Frieza and Zarbon looked up to see Cell entering the lounge chamber of the cave with his arm around Frikiza, smirking at Frieza tauntingly as if to say 'what are you going to do about it?'. Frieza glared at Cell and looked at the icejin that was smiling brightly at him, completely oblivious to Cell's ill intentions. Cell was always so nice to her, just because he knew it annoyed Frieza. He thought it was fun, and Frikiza was too naïve to realise that Cell's affectionate gestures were no more than a game to him. If she knew what was really going on in Cell's head she wouldn't be so keen to smile back. In fact she wouldn't want to go anywhere near him, not if she knew what he really wanted to do to that sweet little body of hers…
"Hello Frikiza. Lovely to see you." Frieza said without enthusiasm. Frikiza giggled and ran over to him.
"Hi niichan!" She beamed, throwing her arms around Frieza.
"Get off me!" Frieza hissed, pushing her away. "I'm not your older brother Frikiza, how many times do I need to tell you! You are the female version of me, we are the exact same age and technically we aren't even related!" He looked away from her. "And to be honest even if I was your older brother I wouldn't own up to it. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is watching you purify all these tainted souls? You're alive Frikiza, can't you find a better hobby than rehabilitating people? Like, for example… ruling an empire?"
"Right, because that life really worked out for you!" Frikiza pouted. "The only reason I'm still alive and you're not is because I chose to be nice to people instead of trying to terrorise them!"
"Really?" Frieza looked at her with a smirk. "Well at least I'm not on the run from my family."
"How can you be? They're down here with you!" Frikiza argued. "Anyway…" She looked away, smirking. "I did have a special gift for you, but if you're going to be so mean then maybe you don't deserve it."
"A gift?" Frieza looked at her.

Frikiza shot Frieza a wicked glance and nodded.
"Mm-hm!" She beamed. "But only if you promise to be nice – and I want you to attend a rehabilitation class!"
"Well then…" Frieza uttered and took a sip of his wine. "Keep your stupid gift. I can get plenty of chocolate down here as it is."
"Really… That's a shame…" Frikiza smirked, reaching down the front of her armour. "Because this isn't chocolate… and I was hoping I wouldn't have to drink it all by myself…" She pulled out a capsule and looked at Frieza. "Are you sure?"
"Hm?" Frieza glanced at her. "What is it…?" He asked cautiously.
"Our favourite brand." Frikiza winked.
"Tch! Impossible. You can only get that on our home planet – and I know you haven't been there ever since you decided to betray your family!"
"But me, Zarba and Doria took a huge supply of wine when we left." Frikiza laughed a little, semi embarrassed. "But… you're right – once I run out I can't go back and get more, and this is one of my last bottles! So once it's gone, I can't bring you another."
"If it's one of your last then why are you giving it to me?" Frieza demanded.
"Because I'm nice." Frikiza replied. "And because I want something from you."
"Forget it! I'm not going to those stupid classes!" Frieza snarled. "Why would I want to be nice? I'll get taken out of hell – and all my friends are here." He flashed her a smirk.
"Well, it was worth a try." Frikiza sighed, tossing the capsule over her shoulder for Zarbon to catch. "But… you can still help me. Do you know the demon king, Piccolo?"
"Piccolo?" Frieza looked at her. "Yes, I know him. What about him?"
"I've been trying to take him on as a client for a week now, but every time I try to go near him he just flies away." Frikiza sighed. "But he gets spy-screens from you, right? So next time you see him, tell him to let me be his counsellor. I'm sure you can get him to do it in exchange for a screen."
"Why would I do that?" Frieza snorted. "And why do you want him? There are millions of others people down here that you could reform."
"Well… I was trying for months to rehabilitate his counterpart in my universe, but I just couldn't get through to her…" Frikiza sighed. "But I figured, if I can just change the guy version at least, that'll be something."
"But if you can't change her then what makes you think you could change him?" Cell questioned, taking a seat next to Frieza.
"I probably can't…" Frikiza admitted. "But I want to try. At the very least, based on what she's like, I'm sure he would be an interesting person to know."
"Hm…"

Frieza looked at his female counterpart, and started to smirk. "You can't fool me, Sister." He purred.
"Wh-what do you mean?" Frikiza asked, blushing a little.
"Come on. An 'interesting' person to know? You're targeting him." Frieza said.
"Oh… I see." Zarbon smirked, looking down at Frikiza. "I suppose he's just your type is he? I didn't know you had a soft spot for bad boys, Frikiza. Maybe you and I do have something in common."
"No! It – it's not like that!" Frikiza insisted, blushing. "This isn't my universe – I'm only allowed to work here if I get results, and well – I figured if I can convert him, then I'll be allowed to stay working here for years!"
"Whatever. I don't believe you." Frieza said, still smirking. "But sure, I'll get him to do it."
"You will? Thanks!" Frikiza beamed and threw her arms around Frieza. "I'll be back over here tomorrow afternoon – let me know what he says!" She giggled a little as Frieza forcefully shrugged her off. "I have to go now – see you tomorrow!" Frikiza waved at the boys and ran out of the cave.

Cell moved his eyes to stare at Frieza in disbelief.
"Why did you agree to that? He's going to corrupt her, you know." He scolded.
"Exactly." Frieza replied. "And then maybe she'll be a little more bearable. At the very least she'll be less of an embarrassment to me."
"You're so selfish, Frieza." Cell smirked. "He won't just make her less cute, he'll completely break her down. She'll start crying, you know."
"Well…" Frieza looked at him wickedly. "I'm sure you'll be there to watch, won't you?"
"Yes. Angrily." Cell growled. "You know very well that I wanted to be the one to break her."
"Shut up!" Frieza hissed, his face twisting at the thought of Cell acting out his dark fantasies on Frikiza. "That's disgusting – and what do you want her for anyway! She's just a bad version of me!"
"That's a good point…" Cell purred, moving himself on top of the icejin. He looked down at Frieza and his eyes twinkled wickedly, his tongue teasing against his lips and he looked down at the smaller, weaker creature. "I could just break you, couldn't I my darling?" Cell moved his eyes up to Zarbon and looked at him sternly. "Leave." He ordered.
"What? No!" Zarbon argued. "He was with me first! I'm not leaving just because –" Zarbon stopped when Cell's stern glare started to turn deadly, and it was joined by Frieza. "… fine." Zarbon muttered angrily, and started to storm towards the cave's entrance. "I'll be outside when you're done!"
"Go for a walk!" Frieza called after him, and Zarbon clenched his fists in anger at the sound of Frieza and Cell laughing.