A/N: So this is my first ever fic for Harry Potter. I'm a Covenant writer from the start, but after I began reading When Love and Hate Collide, I knew I couldn't resist attempting the "polar opposite" pair of Draco/Hermione. In addition, I fell in love with this song almost immediately after hearing it on the Almost Alice Soundtrack and had the need to write something because of it. It's been awhile since I read this book ("I solemnly promise I read them the first day they came out, but I'm a college student thus lacking the time to reread them"), so I'm playing off the little moments in the movie that could have gone many ways. As a heads up, this is right after Ron's "heroic" Quidditch moment when he's obsessed with snogging Lavender, Hermoine is breaking down with the support of Harry, but Draco is left in the Astronomy Tower to deal with everything crashing down on him by himself.
P.S. This isn't really a typical songfic where the words fit the story perfectly. For me, there just the guides, so if you're not a big songfic person, I think this is an enjoyable compromise for you.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the wonderful world J. K. Rowling created or "Strange" by Tokio Hotel, feat. Kerli.
A freak of nature
Stuck in reality
I don't fit the picture
I'm not what you want me to be – sorry
Draco's POV
Once again, I had escaped to the Astonomy Tower to hide like the coward I was. I had to fight back the sobbing I had been controlling for weeks. I couldn't breathe when I thought about the monumental task I had been assigned, but I couldn't fail. I couldn't. I wanted to live damn it.
"Why did He chose me?" I screamed into the dark wintry sky.
I wasn't a cold, heartless killer like Grayback or even nutters like Aunt Bella. In a sect of freaks, I was the one left to feel out of place.
But this was my reality.
Father was in Azkaban, and Mother and I would die if I didn't complete my tasks for the Dark Lord.
Father was proud of me for taking the Dark Mark. A wizarding bigot through and through. I was following in his footsteps, continuing the Malfoy hatred into the next age, but after so many years filled with violence, disgust, and anger. I was sick of it. I just didn't want that kind of life for myself.
I wasn't a Death Eater. It wasn't who I wanted to be.
Under the radar
Out of the system
Caught in the spotlight
That's my existence
I had avoided the Death Eaters and their dealings all my life. Flown under their nutter radar, as I thought of it. Suddenly, with the arrest of Father, I was their prime target.
It was all Potter's fault. If Father wouldn't have gotten caught, I might still be safe.
Now, I existed in fragile balance of needing to be inconspicuous to everyone including the knowing, watchful eyes of Dumbledore but at the same time feeling a spotlight beaming directly at me. It was a bloody hell of an existence.
I had no choice. I was trapped in a reality I wanted nothing to do with, and there was no way I could escape. I needed to avenge—no, save—my family. Even if I was sadistic bastard like everyone thought, I cared more about my family than they could ever imagine. Right now, they were all I had, and that wasn't much.
I couldn't confide my secret to Blaise or Pans, any of the lot. I was on my own to carry the weight of this burden on my own.
I'm alone.
The thought washed agonizingly over my conscious, forcing the sobbing to start to return. I should just throw myself off the Tower. No one would notice really, and it would serve me right for my own foolish cowardice.
You want me to change
But all I feel is
Strange, strange
In your perfect world
So strange, strange
I feel so absurd in this life
Don't come closer
In my arms forever you'll be
Strange, strange
Before I could gather up an ounce of pride to do the honorable thing for once in my life, I heard a new round of sobbing coming from someone other than myself. They were hurrying up the stairs at quick, frantic pace, and I had just enough time to stow myself away in a darkened corner. I carefully pulled my wand out, training it on the intruder. A slender Gryfindor stumbled into the moonlight, her face covered by her hands. She was still wearing her House colors from the Quidditch match earlier that afternoon.
It figures. She had spent her afternoon being normal, and I had spent mine working on that stupid Vanishing Cabinet.
She moved towards the window, standing in the same place I had occupied only moments ago. Letting out another heavy sob, she turned and slid to the floor. Then, I saw her face.
Granger.
Of course, the filthy Mudblood would come to ruin my botched attempt at of offing myself. Even when she didn't try, she was a Gryfindor savior. Bloody hell.
At least, it would be easier to kick her when she was down, but something stirred inside me, resenting the thought. Her happiness or sorrow, in this case, was insignificant compared to what I was going through. She lived in her perfect little world where Voldemort was only a distant idea until he attacked.
"What are you doing here, Granger?" I asked venomously from the shadows, almost afraid to reveal myself.
Her head snapped in my direction, revealing murderous, tear-stained eyes. "Go away, Malfoy. You arrogant prat. I don't need your help feeling sorry for myself," she retorted. I could feel her anger rippling across each word, and it only offered a better challenge.
"Oh but you do. Crying over the Weasel or the Chosen One this time?" I challenged. It had been obvious for years that she was becoming more than just friends with the duo of Gryfindor idiots.
"Not your problem." She didn't look at me, but with a wave of her wand, yellow birds appeared out of nowhere chirping and hovering around her head.
"See, that's where you're wrong. It's exceedingly difficult to torture you for unrequited love if I don't know which wanker to insult." I still hid myself in shadow, but her eyes once more turned violent. "Repugno," she chanted, pointing the wand in my direction. The yellow birds went diving fast at my head but were easily avoided as they crashed and burned into the wooden shafts lining the walls of the Astronomy Tower. Finally, I stepped out of hiding into a spotlight of moonlight.
Her eyes slowly roved my appearance. She noted my all black suit complete with the Slytherin tie, but the Mudblood was more observant than anyone gave her credit for. She noticed the jeweled tie clip that Mother had given me on behalf of my father, my Father's ring too big for my finger, and my own red-rimmed eyes.
"You've changed," she commented.
Little did she know, her simple assessment spoke volumes.
If you want to fix me
Push me into your fantasy
If you try to get me
Sell me your personality
Hermione's POV
The high and mighty Pureblood himself stood in front of me, and I was overwhelmed with compassion for my tormentor of the past five years. He truly looked like the shell of the Draco I had once loathed. Now, he was almost pitiable. Deep bags from apparent lack of sleep resided beneath his cold, gray eyes, but his eyes were sad and glistened from freshly fallen tears. The Draco I knew never cried. He lived to see me cry, and for the past two years I had done a bang up job of avoiding that from happening.
"Answer my question, Mudblood," he demanded, calling me that filthy slur, taunting me to fight him. I picked myself up off the floor, straightening my back with Gryfindor courage.
"Answer mine," I returned, refusing to back down. The hateful prat walked over to me, focusing on the mountains beyond the open window.
"Because, Granger, that's why."
I turned my body to stare out the window. Even as Malfoy slouched, leaning on his elbows for support, I was surprised by his height. He must tower over even Ron. With the thought of that sod, I tried to fight back the sob but failed miserably. Malfoy's eyes immediately focused on me. Desperately, I tried to back away from the window, but his hand clamped down gently on my arm, turning me to face him.
"It was one of them, wasn't it?" His eyes danced with glee but there was something else. I couldn't say for sure, but I swear it was anger.
"Ron. He was snogging that…that…"
"Slag?" He offered with a smirk.
"I was going to say tart, but slag is more appropriate, and I just couldn't take it. Harry found me crying in a stairway. I was starting to feel better when Ron and that slag, Lavender, came in. He acted like everything was fine. Bloody Hell! I've loved him for four years, and the idiot doesn't have the slightest idea of it," I blurted out angrily.
Draco regarded my confession momentarily. He replied calmly, "Seems he was trying to have his cake and eat it, too. Stop trying to fit into a fantasy."
"I'm not. Maybe that's you," I threw back bitterly, ripping my arm from his grasp.
"Why did I even bother? Weasel's a git anyway. If you want to wait around for him to realize you exist, be my guest. I have bigger problems to deal with than your abhorrent love life, or lack thereof," he taunted, returning his gaze to the wintry landscape.
"Why are you always like this? I never used to be vengeful or near this angry. Since I met you First Year, I've become someone who traded cruelty with her tormentor. I have never been like that, Malfoy. Keep your personality. I don't want it," I thundered, knowing I was starting my own verbal fight.
You try to lift me
I don't get better
What's making you happy
Is making me sadder
"So I'm responsible for you developing a backbone? Well, I will take great pleasure in that. Now why don't you go use it to tell Weasel where to go." He threw his comment back, not bothering to even look at how it affected me.
"I did," I mumbled, quickly turning my eyes downward.
His light gray eyes now held amusement as they looked at me. "What?"
"I sent those incorrigible birds at him, too. He barely avoided them," I admitted sheepishly, deciding to focus on my nails than the Slytherin Prince in front of me.
"You should've hexed him," he teased with a laugh.
That did it. I drew out my wand and charged over, pointing it at his throat as I had done in our Third Year.
"I don't want to be like you, Malfoy," I shouted bitterly.
He looked at me calmly, not registering fear. Something had profoundly changed him and not for the good.
"But you do." He stepped closer, letting my wand press tighter against his throat.
"Go ahead. Hex me, curse me, kill me for all I care. Better you than Him." His words rang in my ear.
Harry was right. Draco was a Death Eater.
"Why did you do it?" I questioned, dropping my wand from his throat.
He chuckled lightly as he answered, "Join or die as they say."
"I'm so sorry, Draco."
"Look, I don't need you or the rest of your lot feeling sorry for me. He chose me, so you and the rest of the Potter Fan Club can go back to stalking someone else. Tell Potter if I catch him following me one more time, it will be his last." His voice was angry and violent as he turned to storm out of the room, but I could tell he was almost relieved. Someone finally knew his burden.
"Draco, you need to go to the Headmaster." My voice was shaky, but Dumbledore was the only person who could save him.
"Don't you understand? I can't. He's in my head." He brushed back his sleeve, revealing the squirming black Dark Mark. My stomach rolled at the sight.
In your golden cage
All I feel is strange
Strange
In your perfect world
So strange, strange
I feel so absurd in this life
Don't come closer
In my arms forever you'll be
Strange, strange
Like me!
Draco's POV
I saw the look on her face and felt my own inward shame crash against me. I expected her to run, desperate to tell Potter my little secret, but she didn't waver. She just looked at me with determined eyes.
"There must be a way to save you." Her words were resolute and unflinching.
"This isn't something you can just find in one of your books, Granger. Welcome to my personal hell. I can't escape this ever. This will always be here. Always. I spend all my time, trying to keep Him out of my head, but I'm so tired. I'm so tired of fighting for this cause I don't believe in, but if I don't, he won't just kill me," I confessed, falling to my knees in front of her.
Granger finally had her tormentor at her feet. I waited for whatever cruelty she had in store for me, but it never came.
She knelt down next to me, her chocolate eyes staring into mine. Unexpectedly, her arms wrapped around me. The evil lurking beneath my skin wanted to hiss in revulsion at the thought of a Mudblood touching me, but I needed the human contact too much. I desperately clung to her, feeling protected by that damned goodness of hers. She gently pushed my hair out of my face. Her hands were so warm and soft and her touch so gentle.
"How can you even stand to touch me? I'm a monster," I cried out, stumbling out of her hold.
"Yeah, that's why you listened to me complain about my pathetic schoolgirl crush when you might as well be Quirrell with Him on the back of your head. You're not evil, Draco," she insisted, picking herself off the ground. She held out her small hand to me, but I refused.
I defended my earlier actions, "Any stranger would do that."
"No, they wouldn't." This time she grabbed my hand in hers, trying to drag me to my feet. I couldn't convince myself to answer her.
"You know, Harry has thought you were a Death Eater this entire time, but I didn't. I knew that even though you had tortured me all these years that you weren't really evil. This isn't what you want, is it?" Her voice was so insistent and nervous. Was she pleading with me or the devil inside?
"No," I answered determinedly, grasping her hand for strength.
She was so small in stature, fragile even, but she was strong. In my own way, I had envied her all these years for that. No matter how many times I tore her down, she stood back up.
I noticed her cheeks were still wet from her earlier tears. Slowly, I moved my hand up to her face and gently wiped them away with my thumb.
"You are one strange girl, Granger," I teased, proceeding to clean her other cheek.
"Same to you, Malfoy," she responded, her mouth pulling into a smile against my thumb.
Desperately, I felt the need to kiss her, but I couldn't answer why. To thank her? To show her what she was missing with Weasel? To fulfill my own selfish needs? Whatever the reason I felt my head bending towards hers as her eyes closed lazily. Her body leaned into mine as my free arm snaked around her waist balancing her. Cupping her cheek, I brushed my lips gently against hers, but she didn't break apart from the touch. She used her own hands to pull me to her, kissing me back.
"Hermione?"
The voice came from the stairwell. It sounded like the Weasel. I knew I needed to let go. There was nothing really between her and I. Commiserating over our own sorrows had stirred something in us, but it wasn't a lasting kind of feeling. Still, she wouldn't let go. She needed me as much as I needed her. Even as I heard his footsteps coming up the stairwell, I couldn't bring myself to let go. I just kept thinking, "You've had her for five years and never knew how amazing she is."
"Malfoy. Get off her, you wanker," Weasley screamed violently. His hands suddenly ripped us apart.
I turned to face him, wand pointed and ready, but Hermione stopped me, placing her hand on my chest. Her eyes comforted me, allowing me to relax.
"Ron, this is not your problem. Get back to Lavender. You have no business with either Malfoy or I. I swear to Merlin, if you say anything to me, I will make sure there is nothing for her to snog," she commanded, pointing her own withdrawn wand at him. He looked at her with angry eyes but turned and left. I expected her to break down in tears again, but she didn't.
"Thanks, Draco, that will have him right pissed for a long while." She smiled at me, stuffing her wand back into her pocket.
"Not a problem, Granger. Thanks for everything," I said almost cheerfully as I headed towards the same stairs.
"Draco, wait," she called. Turning to face her, she kissed me gently on the cheek. She spoke slowly, deliberating over her words, "I won't tell Harry. If you need someone, you know how to find me."
I would love nothing more than to take her up on her offer, but I couldn't risk her knowing more than she already did. Returning her kiss with one on her lips, I departed from the Astronomy Tower back to the Dungeons.
In my dreams together we'll be
Strange
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. The characters may have been a little OOC, but I needed to get that song out of my system and Draco and Hermione seemed to be the perfect fit. Please review if you enjoyed it.
hecate's apprentice