Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: This was written for the teamtheme LJ challenge community, with the prompt, "Saeki tries to explain the birds and the bees to Itsuki. 760 words."

Bees and Bees

Sometimes, Saeki thought, Bane was the one who truly deserved a kick out of their more violent doubles pair. Or perhaps both of them. He wasn't sure which one of the two was responsible for their latest idiocy, and wasn't sure he wanted to know, so he simply sent both running laps "until you no more think of such things". After this, he started on the damage control. Namely, calming the rather traumatized Itsuki. Poor thing had seen something that should never have been exposed to innocent eyes — and he wasn't only thinking of the messy state of Davide's hair, here.

Seriously. One might have thought that at their age, they would know not to do such things in the club room. Anyone could run in at any moment. They were simply lucky they had been found by Saeki and Itsuki instead of Aoi — they needed a mentally functional captain, after all, and such a sight would have certainly shocked poor Aoi out of his mind.

Of course, the same applied to poor Itsuki.

"Hey, Saeki? Why were they doing that?" Itsuki breathed heavily through his nose. "Why — why weren't they wearing any clothes?"

...That reminded Saeki he probably should have checked to see the two at least got dressed before they started the laps. Of course, for most people that was the default, but you never knew with Davide. Ah, well. It was too late now — if there were any more kids around to be traumatized, they were already lost cases.

"It's a complicated thing," Saeki sighed. "Look, when a man and a woman -" Now, Saeki paused for a while. Then, he sighed and started again. "Okay. In this case, when two boys like each other very, very much - not as friends, don't even ask, but the way that makes you feel a bit funny, you know? So, anyway, when they like each other like that, they'll want to do... things."

"What kind of things?" Itsuki's eyes were very wide, a slight flush on his face. "Do you mean — whatever it was they were doing here?"

"Yes, Ittchan. That kind of things." Saeki rubbed his temples. "You see — it — ah —" Gods. He almost wished Fuji had been there; he certainly could have explained this better, even if only because he had no qualms about traumatizing poor Itsuki even further. "Well. The kind of thing they were doing... it... it feels good, okay? Even if it may not look like it."

"Well, Davide sounded like he was hurting..." Yes. Yes, Davide had indeed sounded like that. Those idiots.

"It may hurt, yeah, but it feels so good you don't really care. But it's also a very private thing, so you're only supposed to do it with someone you like very, very much. It's not something you would do with just anyone."

"Like Saeki and Shudou?"

...Since when were the most innocent ones allowed to be so observant, anyway? "...I guess. Like Shudou and I." If only Shudou had agreed, too... "Anyway. Ittchan. What you just saw is what two guys may do together, but not somewhere others might see, which is why Bane and Davide were very stupid. If it's a guy and a girl, it's somewhat different because girls are... well... different than guys. You know." Different. Very eloquent, Saeki. Why don't you try and pass Health with that.

Then again, a quiz about the basic contents of sex ed would have been much, much easier than trying to explain the same things to those big, innocent eyes… Never mind sounding like a two-year-old with his constant why why why, Itsuki looked just about as corrupted as one. It wasn't a wonder he was the only one in the team Aoi had tried to get to accompany him for checking out girls before figuring out most of them would have preferred checking out guys instead.

The flush on Itsuki's face got even stronger. "How is it different?"

Saeki blinked, then shook his head to clear it. The things he had to do as a vice-captain… "Well, you see… there's this… and then…" After some me futile attempts, he sighed. "Aw, Hell, Ittchan. Do you even like girls that way? Is it really necessary for you to know?"

Itsuki blinked. "Um…" There was a lot of noisy breathing before the very badly blushing boy finally managed to say, "I… I guess not…"

Well, what do you know. Their hetero-homo ratio was even worse than Yamabuki's. "Great," Saeki sighed. "Now, just try and forget you saw that…"

"…Why?"