It is forever engraved in my memory, branding my soul with vulnerability, bitterness and anger. The Dark Mark had faded from the sky above my house a month ago, but I still see it. When I close my eyes, it never leaves. Neither do the corpses. But the Death Eaters were already gone when I showed up, so I never knew who did the evil deed of murdering my parents and little sister. And that made me angry. So angry.
I shouldn't even be going back to school. I'm too stressed out, drunk, and tired. I feel that I must go back anyhow because somewhere deep in my mind I know I would be totally screwed if I didn't and probably run the risk of screwing up my life in the future. Hell, I've screwed it up in the past month, just scraping by and neglecting to find work. I've still been living in my house, refusing to let everything go. But I have to. That also makes me angry.
It's too late to turn back either way. I'm already on the train. I ditched the bottle of alcohol a while ago, letting it fly out the window, and locked the compartment door. Most people won't try to unlock it. Disturbing things tend to happen in some of them, you know, people seeing each other for the first time in a couple of months. So if I don't move and don't make too much sound no one will bother me.
It would, of course, be a lot easier if everything would stand still and stop bending in weird ways. I really need to sober up before getting into a carriage. I should probably completely sober up, but I don't really care anymore.
God, that sounds dramatic. I guess it kind of is. And still, I don't care. Anything to get rid of the images. Get away from it all. Just run. I guess that's the real reason I'm going back to Hogwarts. One more year and I can just run from everything. This country, this school and hell, even this life. I don't know if it'll actually happen.
Where's my bottle? I look around for it, irritated. Everything's fucking spinning and I can't focus to find– oh yeah! I finished it. Damn it all! Especially whoever's trying to get in there, damn them too. They can't get in, I loc–
"Alohomora!" Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
"Get the fuck out!" I snarled, getting up and trying to prevent the person from trying to get in. Unfortunately, I was unable to walk in a straight line and my drunkenness was apparent to the person. I was gently pushed onto the seat as I was about to push them out the door. The intruder bent down to my eye level.
"Verity," Remus Lupin said, his voice soft as his eyes. "You're drunk. Extremely drunk."
"Nah, really?" I replied sarcastically, almost falling over. Jesus, it took a while for it to totally kick in.
"You know you could be busted for this."
I rolled my eyes and stared at the ceiling. "I don't need the lecture."
"I'm serious. As a prefect I could have you expelled."
"Do it then."
Remus squirmed a little, and looked extremely uncomfortable. We had been on pretty good terms through the school years. While we were not the bestest buddies, we'd say hello to while passing each other and sometimes talk in class, but that was all. He finally sighed. "Sobrielation Armiticulus." And wa-la, I am sober.
I glared at him. "Get out, Lupin." And he left without complaint. The compartment was empty so I just took out a smaller bottle from my bag and took a swig and put it back in my pack.
I broke from my trance when I felt the train jerk a little. Time to go find a carriage. I could walk fine, a little wobbly, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. I ended up sharing with some second years the carriage I got on but they were too young to tell drunk from ADHD. I kept to myself and they never said anything to me, partially out of fear from being so close to a seventh year, partially because they didn't know me.
I swear I had a slight hangover at the sorting ceremony. The Sobering Charm still has the whole hangover side effects, and it's even worse than waking up with one because the spell works almost instantly and the body gets confused. I researched it a little bit. I glared down the irritating long and loud table to glare at Lupin but he was happily chatting away with his friends. Stupid buzz kill person.
A while later food appeared out of nowhere onto the tables. I almost threw up. Food and hangovers disagreed with each other a lot for me. It used to be kind of funny, but now it was irritating. It was only funny because I'd wake up a couple of times the previous years with a hangover and my mom would jokingly wave food in my face. It wasn't a cruelty thing, or punishment, just a source of Mild Morning Madness. That's what my mom called it. Sometimes it was Massive, depending on my hangover.
I felt a twinge in the back of my head at that thought of her. I instantly wanted my bottle or my cigarette, neither of which were on me and I didn't know the password to the Gryffindor common room. I growled a little in frustration. This was going to be a long year.
A couple of hours after dinner, I was waiting for only one more girl to fall asleep. The Head Girl, Lily Evans. The other four girls were already asleep. I really wasn't close to any of them, but I got along well with them. Actually, I really only had casual friends, people passing by my way for a little bit, coming and going as they pleased. I never minded. During the summer I had some muggle friends, though I didn't see them this summer for obvious reasons.
When Lily was finally gone, I took my bottle and worked my way towards the entrance of the common room, my goal being the outside. I bumped into Snape on the way out the entrance but he didn't say anything. Neither of us had a particular opinion about the other and never exchanged insults about our houses.
I conjured a blanket and put it on the ground so I could lay and took out my magically enhanced record player. With Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd playing in the midnight air and the alcohol spinning through my head, I fell asleep under the endless blanket of the stars and the crescent moon.