Disclaimer: If these people really belonged to me, would I be writing fics? Heck no! I'd be cruising in L.A. with some hot celebrities and putting this stuff in the show. But, no, I do not own anything affiliated with The O.C. Damn.
A/N: It's late, but I'm not quite tired. And I'm listening to the soundtrack for Anastasia, so I'm a little whimsical right now. So what more do you expect? Hehe, a stupid little pointless fic...that's what you're going to get. I decided I do another brief O.C. story as I attempt to churn out another chapter to In Your Life and I thought I'd write about Lindsay because she's my favorite. Okay, enough ado about nothing, on with the story!
Lindsay Gardner regarded herself in the mirror and attempted to figure out what she saw. She wasn't quite sure just who was looking back at her, aside from the obvious of course; there was a girl there, not plain but not cover-girl gorgeous with auburn hair, minimal, dust-fine freckles and soft eyes. Yes, that was the girl she saw looking back at her but that didn't really solve her problems. And when Lindsay was proposed with a problem, she solved it, it was simply what she did. It was what she always had done. But she wasn't exactly sure what her problem was at the moment.
If she sat and stared and thought long enough she knew she could figure out what was plaguing her mind but Lindsay wasn't sure if she wanted to figure out just what was bothering her anyway. But, she decided quickly that trying not to figure out what was wrong would just be fruitless because she knew what was wrong. And it had a name: Caleb. Or perhaps it should be Dad? No, Lindsay deciding, shaking her head and wrinkling her nose; not Dad, not right now. Caleb. Caleb would do.
With a sigh, Lindsay turned away from her mirror; her reflection was providing no answers to the question she refused to acknowledge. But declining to acknowledge something was like laying out the welcome mat to your mind; the old ignoring the tiger in the corner conundrum. And so, the real question on her mind swept into her thoughts unbidden and she could do little to chase it away.
Just what about her was so unappealing to Caleb that he didn't want her as his daughter? Lindsay sighed once again, her shoulders slumping; the cat was out of the bag and it didn't look like it was going to be very inclined to return anytime soon. But now that her mind had proposed the question she decided that there was no harm in mulling over it for a while.
Turning back to study her reflection once more, Lindsay tried to figure out if there was something physically unappealing about her that would answer her question quickly. She had the same Cohen blue eyes that every member of the family seemed to have, a trait no doubt inherited from Caleb, which seemed to tie her to the family. She was a cute girl, if she did say so herself, pluckish in her looks with rounded cheeks that seemed determined to hold onto their baby fat but gave her an "adorable and trustworthy" appearance, according to her mother. Well, Caleb didn't seem to think so.
Pursing her lips, Lindsay shook her head, as though attempting to dispel the thoughts from her mind. So it wasn't a physical thing, she decided that quickly before she got into a disparaging round of thoughts that she just didn't need at the moment.
But if it wasn't something about the way that she looked that made her unappealing to the man who was her father then what was it...?
Lindsay's brow knitted in thought and she rested her chin in the palm of her head, laying her elbows on the surface of her bureau. Maybe she just wasn't the sort of person that Caleb wanted for a daughter. After all, he already had two perfect daughters and a step-daughter who wasn't so bad either. Well, she had never met Kirsten's sister, Hailey, but she was certain that she was a wonderful person, if she was anything like Kirsten. Maybe that was the problem, the young girl considered, maybe she wasn't enough of a Cohen for Caleb, she wasn't enough like Kirsten. But she could change that! She could!
Intent on discovering the type of girl Caleb would like for a daughter, Lindsay picked up her reading glasses and slipped them onto her face, looking at herself in the mirror once more. Yes, they did make her look more intelligent, but did they make her look more like Kirsten? Well...no...Lindsay thought, her shoulders slumping but she was smart without them. Maybe Caleb would have known that if he had bothered to ask her anything about school, about her grades, her classes. She was smart like Kirsten too.
Lindsay brushed her soft rust colored locks away from the nape of her neck and off her shoulders, holding the pile against the top of her head in a makeshift bun. Perhaps this would give her a more scholarly look. Combined with the glasses, the new do wasn't half bad. Lindsay fixed an interested look upon her face. "Real estate?" She said to her reflection. "How interesting. I'd love to hear more...Dad."
With a sigh, rolling her eyes, Lindsay let down her hair and took off her glasses. She found herself looking at the same plain girl as before. "I'd love to learn more about your work...Dad." She recited but somehow the words didn't sound as convincing.
Maybe she wasn't picking the right daughter to be like. She knew little about Hailey so she moved onto Marissa, a girl she idolized and feared for her own reasons. Not only had Marissa charted territory with Ryan before she had, but Marissa also had something that Lindsay had always desired: a father who loved her and was always there for her. And now she had Lindsay's own father in her life and managed to carry on a normal conversation with him, even if she didn't want to. So Marissa it was, then.
After a moment of debate, Lindsay pulled her hair into a ponytail, pushed down the shoulders of her pajama shirt and fixed a smoky, pouty look on her face. "School was great, Dad." She told her reflection, attempting to make her voice sound uninterested and husky like Marissa's always did. "Thanks for caring." She rolled her eyes with a giggle.
Being Marissa was...interesting to say the least and maybe even a little fun but it simply wasn't her. Lindsay pulled her hair down and readjusting the shoulders on her tee-shirt. Once again, she was looking at the same redheaded, baby-cheeked, dimpled girl that greeted her every morning when she woke and every night before she went to bed. That was who she was, that was Lindsay Gardner, but somehow, it didn't seem good enough. If it was good enough, then why would Caleb be so against being with her, using every excuse in the book to get out of spending time with her and getting to know her.
Lindsay was suddenly at a loss. She didn't know who to turn into, who to become to win the attention of her father. It seemed so wrong, a thought that no one else had ever had in their entire lives: attempting to change who they were just to get their father's love and attention. You weren't supposed to have to change to get the love of your family, yet that was what she was trying to do.
"I'd really like to hear more about the New Port Group." Said plain Lindsay to her plain reflection. "And school was just great; I got an A on my calculus exam." She smiled at no one. "Thanks for asking...Dad."
What was wrong with the Lindsay she was seeing now? The Lindsay who was just herself, just the girl who looked forward to her honors classes, who drove a beat-up car with bumper stickers that proclaimed just who she was. This was the Lindsay who wanted to get to know her father, actually wanted to have him in her life. How much of that Lindsay would she have to change to get the man's approval?
Sighing, she got to her feet and put her back to the mirror once more. She was no one other then who she was and she actually liked being Lindsay Gardner, despite all the pros and cons.
And if she had change who she was, to get away with the pros with the cons, then maybe she didn't want to be Daddy's girl after all.