All The Secrets of You and I
Disclaimer: Title comes from This Broken Heart by Something Corporate. Full lyrics: "You gave away all the secrets of you and I." Degrassi is owned by Epitome.
Summary: Enjoy the last few minutes of your sanity, because this UC will rawk your brain.
Manny Santos had quite possibly become the most hated girl at Degrassi. Again. The last time it had been a totally new experience, and she still managed to make the best of it. She overcame it. Wait it out, she told herself over and over. You won't be the school slut much longer.
And by all accounts, it was less than a year until people completely forgot about her abortion. There was a new school slut. Emma Nelson. Manny cringed as the thought flashed across her mind. It gave her the strength to lift her hand and knock on the door. As soon as she did it, though, the strength was gone and in its place was only the clear urge to turn and walk. Turn, she did. Walking, however, was interrupted by the distinct sound of a door opening behind her.
She turned slowly on her heel. When she looked up from the 'Welcome' mat, she was thoroughly surprised and relieved to see Joey Jeremiah staring back at her. "Manny Santos," he said, leaning against the door frame. "I haven't seen you in a long time."
"Since the wedding, probably, Mr. Jeremiah," she said sweetly.
She reached up to hug him and noticed that whatever cologne he was wearing smelled nice. Really nice. As nice as say... "Craig? Are you here to see him? He's run to the store real quick to get some vegetable oil with Angie. They're making brownies for a little party she's having tomorrow at school. Come in and sit down. He'll be home shortly."
She smiled graciously and followed him inside of the house. Her tank top had shimmied up her stomach when she hugged him, but she didn't care enough to pull it down. It's only a navel. He's a grown man. He's got to be used to seeing navels.
She leaned back on the sofa and crossed her legs. "Your house is beautiful, Joey. The last time I saw it, it wasn't so yellow."
Joey laughed as he leaned against the counter in the kitchen. "Caitlin's idea. In fact, ninety nine point nine percent of the changes in here were Caitlin's idea. It looks better, right?"
Manny laughed. "Different. Not necessarily bad. Not what I would've done, either."
He grabbed a gallon of milk from the refrigerator and began to pour it into a painted glass that he had already set out. "Harsh words," he commented. "Do you want anything to drink? Caitlin made a mimosa."
Manny looked over quickly before realizing he was joking. "Coffee?" she offered.
He put the milk back. "It's late for that."
She checked her watch. "It's not that late."
"I mean late in the season. Coffee's usually a winter oriented beverage. You hardly ever see anyone wearing what you're wearing and drinking a coffee. It's ironic."
She looked down at her outfit and smiled. At least someone was taking notice. "It's the new thing, drinking coffee. I love coffee. I'm kind of addicted. God, addictions are the worse."
He looked over the coffee pot at her. She was looking away, but her fingers delicately touched the top of her tank top and she smiled at some unknown joke. "Addictions?" his voice cracked, and he coughed, quickly trying to recover himself. "This is usually where the girl takes out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up."
"Oh no," she said, patting her purse. "I never smoke in people's houses."
"Do you like it black?" he asked, seemingly not understanding her last statement.
She looked back at him. "Sugar, if you have it."
"Sugar, we have." He brought her the coffee and placed it gently in her hands. She smiled her gratitude, then went back to looking out the window. "Was Craig expecting you?" Joey asked, sitting on the end of the other couch.
She rolled her head around slightly before swallowing the mouthful of coffee. "Not exactly." She went back to looking out the window. "Not entirely. I just came by to talk. I need to talk. To him. To anyone, I guess. He would be nice."
Joey nodded even though he didn't understand completely. "I didn't know you two were friends. Not since, what, your grade 8?"
She scratched her eyebrow as she thought over his statement. "We had a relationship in grade 9."
"Right. When Craig was in grade 9, you went on a date, if I remember correctly..."
"No," she said smiling slightly. "No, actually, my grade 9. A year later."
"He dated Ash. And..." his voice faded slightly as the realization hit him. "The other girl. That was you."
She nodded and managed a smile. "That would be me. Manny Santos. Home wrecker. Tramp. Everybody's favorite little slut." Her words stung Joey almost as much as her own ego.
"Don't say that about yourself."
"Because the truth hurts? I'm not a tramp anymore. That's what I came here to say. I kissed Spinner. That's it. Craig should be so proud. But they just keep coming up with new reasons to hate me. Spinner hurt me, too, but no one sees that. They just see me as the girlfriend of the kid who got Jimmy shot. That's not who I am. I'm Manny Santos. I love romantic movies. I'm addicted to caffeine. I think summer fashions are stupid, but I wear them all the same. I'm not a whore."
Manny would have been crying, but her eyes remained glossed over and a distant look overtook her face. Joey sensed her pain, so he moved closer to her. "It's high school, Manny. Everyone's a tramp, or an outcast, a rebel, a musician, the asshole that cheated, the depressed dumpee, the kids with severe cases of ADD, or the popular kids. But no one's normal. And I think that's a lot of the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Realizing that you're not the most screwed up person, and embracing differences. And paying for everything you buy. But that's a different lecture."
He had hoped for a smile, but a slight twitching at the corners of her mouth was all he got. She rested the cup between her thighs and traced the circle of the opening over and over again. "Did you ever do anything," she started and looked up into his eyes. He noticed the tears making them sparkle and add specks of blue. "Anything that made you want to cry every time you thought about it?"
"Yes," he answered slowly. "I cheated on Caitlin."
"When?" she asked after pondering the statement for a few seconds.
"When we were engaged. It would have been, what, fifteen years ago? Something like that. It was the worst decision I've ever made."
They let the silence surround them. Manny realized he was done talking about his troubles, and it was her turn to talk. "Would you ever do it again?" she asked softly, careful not to sound bitter or needy.
He wrung his hands together. "I don't think so. The only reason I gave myself for cheating on Sydney with a kiss was that I was doing it because Caitlin and I were soul mates. So, technically, if I found someone who I clicked with more than Caitlin, I would."
Manny wasn't herself. She knew it. She knew a combination of her sorry emotional state and the lack of any strong male in her life was really screwing with her logic. But she didn't care. All she cared was that every word out of this man's mouth was sincere. He didn't want her. He wasn't attempting, with every syllable, to coax her into his dirty bed in some garage. He was simply trying to help her. And that turned her on so much more.
"What about me?" she said, breaking the pensive silence they had shared.
"What's that?"
"What about me? Do you... have a connection with me?"
She said it in a voice that emphasized her naivety and innocence, which he couldn't believe to be as shattered as she believed it was. She wouldn't make eye contact with him and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He saw Angela in every aspect of her. He couldn't imagine Angie going to some random man and saying all of these things. He needed to save her, but he didn't know how.
His own train of thought was interrupted by the opening of the door. Craig stepped into the living room and walked past the two right into the kitchen where he began unloading the grocery bags. "Hey Manny," he said simply. His tone wasn't questioning or menacing. "What's up?"
She looked at Joey and back to Craig. "I wanted to talk about Emma," she said, slowly standing up.
He looked over the mixing bowl sympathetically. "I promised Angie I'd do this now." As if on cue, Angie ran in the door with a small bag of what looked to be a box of brownie mix. "Can I call you later?" She flashed a smile at Joey before retreating to the door.
"I'll be waiting."