A little parody, an idea gotten off of Summers Versus Cullen by oh-you-pretty-things. It's HILARIOUS and it has 98 reviews, for a oneshot! It's seriously awesome. Go read it. This is meant for humour, nothing more.
So, this takes place during Edward's fight with James in the first book, no wait, how about during the first movie? Yeah, movie!
James threw Edward across the room. As Edward flew above in the air, James rushed to Bella, who was in pain from her broken leg. Just as James was about to bite down on Bella's neck, there was a shout, "Hey you!"
James, confused, turned to find the stranger's voice, instead, finding a petite young woman, with long blonde hair and piercing eyes. She wore black leather and in her hand, she held a stake. Edward got up and stared at the new woman staring at them. James started to laugh.
"You think a stake will kill me? Think again!" James laughed. The woman shrugged as she ran straight toward him. James side stepped out of the way as the woman quickly redirected herself so she was in front of him. Before he could get away, the woman plunged the stake into his heart. James started to laugh before a weird look became across his face.
"You'd be surprised on how powerful a stake is," the blonde said to the vampire. James' eyes widened.
"Well, gosh," he managed to say before bursting into a pile of ashes. Edward moved toward Bella and helped her sit up. Bella rubbed her head as she just stared at the woman in shock.
"Who are you?" Bella managed to ask. The woman looked at the two for a moment.
"Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer," she answered simply. Edward smiled as Bella leaned against the wall as Edward walked over to Buffy.
"Well, thank you for saving my-" he started before he felt something sharp penetrate his heart. Looking down, he saw Buffy near his chest, the stake still in her hand. He looked up, then quickly at Bella who looked confused and shocked.
"Holy sh-" he started to say before he pouffed into a big cloud of dust and ash. Buffy smirked just as Alice, Carlisle and Jasper hurried in, seeing the scene just in time. Bella just continued looking in deep shock as Buffy turned to the three newcomers. She ran over to them, and while they were still shocked, she quickly plunged the stake into the other vampire's hearts, making them explode as well. Finished with her job, Buffy turned to Bella, who looked angry.
"What- I mean, why did you do that? He was good! He was-" Bella started to choke out before bursting into a fresh round of tears.
"He was what, yours? You loved him? Falling in love with a vampire, already been done. Sweetie, I did this for you. Vampire love never turns out happily ever after. He was going to eventually hurt you in some way anyways. It's best to forget about him and move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea for you," Buffy told the young woman, who was still crying.
"But-" Bella tried to explain before just continuing to sob. Buffy sighed as she got out her cellphone.
"Hey Willow? Yeah, I got some more vamps. They're dead, but there's some whiny little girl here who's hurt. I'm going to need you to take care of this. I don't know, put some memory spell on her so she forgets about vampires. She fell in love with one that I killed. Yeah, I know, that's why I want the memory spell. Ok, yeah, it's some ballet studio in Phoenix. Yeah, she'll be laying here with a broken leg. I have to go; I sense more vampires on the loose. Ok, see you," she said before hanging up.
She turned and left the sobbing girl on the floor, seeing another vampire, though this one seemed different, like always. Emmett smiled at her.
"Hi, why's Bella crying? Who are you?" he asked in a husky voice. Buffy looked him over. He was pretty hot. She might as well have some fun with this guy before staking him. Taking his arm, she said, "I'm Buffy. Don't worry, your friend will be fine, she'll be taken care of. Why don't we have some fun right now?" Buffy asked. Shrugging, Emmett nodded as he and Buffy walked out of the studio, leaving a still sobbing Bella behind.
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