So, there was this crazy little twitter convo, started by 808 regarding a ridiculous, little known law in Arizona. Soldiergrrll and 808 thought it would be a fun prompt to explore so TheLostFoodie and I collaborated to bring you this little one shot. If you haven't read her fics, get on it! She's very talented.
A big thanks to her for taking part. We can't believe how fast we wrote this, but apparently, it's an inspiring topic :) It was way too much fun and it was a pleasure to work with her.
Wait till you see what the girls have gotten themselves into this time...
*Note- We own nothing. All characters belong to Prodigy and Lost Girl, but this is definitely one we would've loved to see on screen!
"TOO MANY COCKS IN THE HEN HOUSE"
"I seriously cannot fucking believe this is happening." Bo said through gritted teeth. Her hands pressed against the wall, feet spread wide beside the other three women as the officers ransacked the house looking for more contraband.
"You?" Lauren shook her head in disbelief. "Wait till this gets around the lab. Human doctor to the Fae caught in sex toy bust. That's not embarrassing at all." She dropped her head as her hands were cuffed behind her back.
"Oh please you two. What about my street cred? How's this look if I get caught in a sex ring with the ladies? You all may be down with the lady lurve, but I don't swing that way." Kenzi yelled over her shoulder as she was the first to be led out.
One by one, the women were placed in the back of the paddy wagon. It was hot. The summer heat made the vehicle feel like an incubator, but afforded the perfect excuse for Kenzi's flush of red cheeks due to utter embarrassment. She slid along the hard bench seat as Evony took a proud step inside the vehicle. She carefully sat down next to Kenzi, certain to cross her legs and smile at the officer helping Bo keep her balance as she stepped inside.
"Honey please, there's nothing men love more than the idea of a three way. You'll have them knocking your door down." Evony winked.
"Evony this is all your fault, as usual," Bo seethed as she sat opposite Kenzi.
"Sure, because all of them are mine. Pot calling the kettle black." She laughed.
"Ladies. Quiet." One of the male officers yelled at them as Lauren was the last to be loaded into the paddy wagon.
"No," Lauren whispered harshly, "it's your fault because you brought the overly enthusiastic rookie cop into the house."
Evony shrugged her shoulders with a complete lack of remorse. "Well doctor 'I-know -everything-about-everything', did you know that was a law? Because in my two thousand years I'd never heard of such a thing."
Lauren was quiet. She took pride in knowing even the most tedious details, yet she somehow overlooked that fun fact. A law banning the ownership of multiple sex toys? It was archaic at best and clearly not something Lauren would have even considered a possibility in the year 2014. Much less in the United States.
"Only humans would deny themselves pleasure. Prudes." Evony folded her arms and shook her head in disapproval of the weaker species.
"Hey!" Kenzi huffed. She puffed out her chest. The metal cuffs restricted her typical animated hands from conducting the passion to her spoken words. "I take offense to that. You know I'm all about fun. I put the fun in dysfunctional and I was twerking long before Miley Cyrus was even born, so don't be grouping us all together like we're some alien species, you big Fae-bot."
Bo intervened, ready to defend her girlfriend and her best friend. She had been furious at Evony for months. The current situation only added fuel to the proverbial fire. "Evony, it's your fault we're even in Arizona. It's been six months of hell in this hot ass state on this endless undercover mission."
Evony cocked her head and smirked. "Hell, you say? Ha! It sure didn't sound like hell coming from your bedroom last night."
Bo's eyes widened. She didn't think her late night rendezvous with Lauren was so loud that Evony heard it all the way on the other side of the spacious house they were sharing. She immediately looked to Kenzi for something, anything that would indicate Evony was just making a wild assumption.
"Sorry Bobo, but she has a point. It sounded more like heaven with all the 'Jesus's' and 'God's' being shouted for the greater part of two hours. I swear I need better headphones."
"Can we please stop talking about our sex life?! We have more important issues to consider, like how the hell we are going to get out of this!" Lauren's voice was strained and her point was valid.
The four women remained silent during the ride. The van finally came to a halt and seconds later, three large men opened the doors. A sudden breeze swept in from outside, cooling the flaring tempers inside the vehicle. Each woman was removed from the paddy wagon and escorted down the sidewalk in front of an old, worn building. The overabundance of decals on the brick building front advised they had arrived at the local police station. Through large double doors and down two hallways, all four women were placed in a large holding cell. An older officer removed their handcuffs individually from outside the locked cell before walking away and leaving them alone for the first time since the arrest.
Evony crinkled her nose as she moved to the front corner of the cell. "This place smells worse than that Shape shifter's dog breath."
"Dyson?" Kenzi asked. "Oh my god, Dyson! Yes, we need our free phone call. He can get us out of here!"
For once, Bo, Lauren and Evony were all in agreement when the three yelled "No!" in unison. Kenzi jumped at the response.
"Sheesh, okay fine! But when I get my one free lifeline, you best be sure I'm using phone a friend to get our asses out of here!"
"Call Tamsin. She'll know what to do."
Lauren's glare softened as she considered Evony's suggestion. Bo showed no preference for, or against, Tamsin.
Kenzi simply shrugged her shoulders as she sat on a flimsy bunk. "Fine. Tam Tam it is."
A few minutes later two male officers stepped in. One was the young cute officer that Evony had brought to the house. "Step back please."
Following the officer's orders, the ladies proceeded to the back of the cell while the gentlemen unlocked the cell door and entered. The older officer looked them over and held up an evidence bag. "Okay ladies. I'm going to ask you a few questions."
"Nothing happened officer," Bo responded. "We were in our home minding our own business until you guys busted into the place."
"That, young lady," he eyed her up and down, a look of disgust at her attire crossing his face. "is because we received a call from one of our officers reporting a felony offense."
"Felony? Oh god!" Lauren's head dropped down as she muttered, "This can't be happening."
Kenzi began to panic. "I had nothing to do with this officer, I swear. I just live here. I'm not even into the ladies. Ask around!"
The officer slipped on a latex glove and reached into the bag. He pulled out an extra-long blue dildo with a fist at the end. He barely held it by the edge of his fingers as he grimaced. He found the object to be a complete abomination.
"Who is the owner of this…reprehensible item?"
"Not me! Definitely not me, like I said, I'm innocent. I prefer mine au natural," Kenzi plead.
Evony's heels clicked on the hard floor with each of the three small steps she took toward the officer. "That would be mine." She soothed as she winked.
Kenzi's mouth dropped open in shock. "Holy sexcapades! What do you even do with that?"
"Well-"
"No." The goth threw her hands up and shook her head adamantly, hating that she even asked. "Never mind. I don't want to know."
The younger officer, who had been quiet until now, didn't take well that Evony was the owner of such an object.
"Evony? But….why would you need that if you had me?"
His plea sounded pathetic. Even the older officer rolled his eyes. She placed her hands on her hips and glared at the young man in his perfectly pressed uniform. "Size matters, sweetheart. Sorry to burst your bubble."
His jaw tightened as did his fists. Frustrated by such a callous insult, he puffed his chest out before turning around and throwing open the cell door. The metal bars rattled as he slammed it shut and stormed off. Evony smiled, rather pleased with causing such an obvious reaction.
"Let's continue shall we?" The remaining officer returned the dildo to the bag and retrieved another one. This was smaller, your standard issue pink strap on with a vibrator inside. "And this one?"
Bo sighed as she raised her hand like a well-disciplined student. "Mine."
Evony gasped, trying to repress her laughter. "So tame Bo. I'm disappointed."
Bo glared at her. "Oh trust me Evony, there is nothing tame about what Lauren and I…"
"Bo!" Lauren shouted at her fuming girlfriend. Her own frustrations were running high, high enough that she turned and directed her anger at the police officer. "Officer, we have rights! I demand to see the charges brought up against us. Immediately."
The officer looked surprised at her demands. He glanced at Bo. "She really isn't tame, is she?"
Lauren remained quiet despite her objection to his crude statement, but Bo couldn't help but smile, knowing that Lauren really wasn't tame in bed. Ever.
"Anyway, moving on…" He reached in the bag once more, pulling out a very sleek, long purple glass object. "And?"
Lauren's head fell back as she stared at the ceiling and sighed. "Mine."
"Doctor, I'm impressed." Evony smirked, eying the toy with a keen interest.
Kenzi jumped from the bunk to get a closer look, studying it inquisitively as the officer held it at arm's length. "Damn Hotpants. That has some serious ribbed action going on, I mean, if you're into that."
Bo looked over Kenzi's shoulder at the shiny glass object. "I've never seen that one Lauren." Bo's brow quirked up. A sexy smile pulled at her lips.
"It was going to be a surprise tonight." Lauren shrugged with a flirty smile and a glimmer of mischief in her eye. "Surprise?"
Bo shut her eyes tight to hide the blue flash. Just the thought of anything sex related with Lauren put her into overdrive, but her girlfriend buying a new toy? It took a great amount of focus to contain herself. "Mmm, I bet you did all the research on glass ones too, didn't you babe." It was more of a statement since Bo already knew the answer. She bit her lip and groaned as she squeezed her eyes even tighter.
"Definitely. At a thirty degree angle it stimulates your-"
"Excuse me," a deep voice intervened. "Can we get back to the problem at hand?"
"Sorry officer." Lauren replied and blushed.
Bo gave her a little wink that brought a bashful smile to the doctor's lips. The officer reached into the bag once again. He pulled out two items. One looked to be a remote control wrapped in a pair of red lace panties, and one was a small plug shaped object.
"Damn, this is like a game of 'guess what's in Santa's sack'. Looks like he only has a naughty list this year." Kenzi joked trying to lighten the mood, but no one laughed. Each one of these items increased the charges against them. The more evidence the police had, the worse the punishment could be.
"Oh, those are mine officer." Evony admitted. "I was really looking forward to having some fun with those tonight, too. Oh well. His loss."
The officer shook his head at her brazen attitude, but he wasn't done yet. Again, he reached in and slowly and started to reveal the next toy. As he lifted his hand, more and more of the toy became visible. It was as if he was extracting a never-ending length of silicone from the bag. The toy was large enough that the officer dropped the bag and held it object with both hands; fourteen inches from base to tip stood tall in the firm grip of a very pale police officer.
Wide eyes and open mouths graced the faces of Evony and Kenzi. The officer tilted his hands slightly, studying the toy and clearly making fast assumptions, or perhaps even his own comparisons. Four inches thick at the base, this toy exceeded the definition of extravagant. Tapered to a much smaller girth at the head, this one had clearly taken the majority of the room by surprise.
"Oh god." It was Lauren again. Her hands moved fast to cover her beet red face. She turned away, unable to face anyone in the room as yet another one of her possessions was now on display.
"Now, that one I know," Bo beamed as the memory came rushing back. She even stood a little taller, proud of how she and Lauren had used that toy in the most recent past.
"Holy Moby's Dick!" Kenzi exclaimed. Her expression was total shock.
Evony, on the other hand, smiled wide in appreciation of the object before them. "Well in all my years, I have never, ever…I stand corrected on my prude comment, doctor."
Bo flashed a smirk at Evony. "Jealous, Evony? You should be. It's a whale of…."
"Officer," Lauren interrupted. "Do we have to do it like this? I mean, can't we just look in the bag and tell you what's ours?" She was beyond embarrassed already and if the officers had done a thorough job they probably had two more rather interesting looking ones that belonged to her.
"None of them are mine." Kenzi plopped onto the bench, folding her arms and crossing her legs in defiance.
"I'm sure the officer has a reason to display each one of these. And besides, I'm enjoying this Doctor. Now I know how you keep the um..." she nearly forgot they were in the presence of human policemen, "Bo so interested."
"Shut it, Evony." Bo took two hard steps before calming herself as the officer moved towards her. "The sex is amazing, but I'm interested because I love her."
"Gods, you two are nauseating." The Morrigan examined her nails without a care in the world. "Whatever happened to a good old fashioned fuck?"
The succubus rolled her eyes and huffed, "You will never understa-"
"I can't do any more of this." The officer dropped his head and muttered to himself as he was let out of the cell. As he disappeared from sight, his voice could be heard booming through the adjoining room. "Someone else finish this. I'm through!"
It wasn't but a minute longer before another officer rounded the corner, this time pushing a cart with a box on top. And in that moment, when Lauren saw the edge of a light blue ribbon peeking out from under the lid, she knew the officers had been thorough.
"Step back please."
This officer was not as old as the one who bailed on his duty, nor as young as Evony's boy toy. He had a scruffy mustache and an expression that was void of any personal emotion. The ladies stepped back in the cell as he entered the space, bringing with him the cart and its contents.
"Oh, pa-lease do not tell me there is some sort of sex swing in that box," Kenzi blurted out.
Adjusting his latex gloves, the officer asked, "This box, does it also belong to you as well, doctor?"
Lauren merely shook her head and mentally disappeared from the room. Yes, it was hers. Until now, only Bo knew the contents, but that was about to change.
"State your name, ma'am."
"Doctor Lauren Lewis."
"And you recognize this box, correct?"
"Yes officer."
Bo moved to Lauren's side for support on what appeared to be a very embarrassing moment. "Lauren, you brought that to Arizona?!" Bo whispered.
"I had it shipped last week. You said you missed it and I had no idea how much longer we'd be away from home."
The officer lifted the lid of the box, more of the light blue ribbon cascading to the cart's surface. With both gloved hands, the officer shifted the ribbon aside to reveal a double ended dildo. He lifted it and held it in his open palms as he looked directly at Lauren.
"Is this your property as well, ma'am?"
She shook her head with a nonverbal "yes".
Evony threw her hands in the air. "Well great. At this rate we'll be sentenced to life in prison."
"Life?! In a women's prison?! God no! I need men in my life! You all can go to prison and play with your harem of Chapman's and Vause's. Go live out some Purple is the new Dildo fantasy without me. I'm innocent!"
"Kenzi, you are not making this any easier. Remember I'm your best friend and I do know about that one time you…"
"Lalalalala! No need to bring up the past, Bobo! Let's just focus on moving forward."
The officer returned the toy to the box and immediately lifted out the last of Lauren's sex toys.
"Well if that isn't the mother of all monuments."
"God, Lauren that was a gag gift. You still have it?!"
"Oh sure, that's what they all say!" Evony quipped.
"What? It's the Eiffel Tower! I can't just throw away a replica of the La Tour Eiffel. Did you know that in French it means "the iron lady?"
Kenzi busted out laughing. "Iron?!"
Lauren interjected. "It's not made of iron! It is 100% medical grade silicone!"
Within seconds, the booking officer appeared from around the corner, grabbing everyone's attention. "You each get one call. Who's first?"
The group immediately looked to Evony, who merely huffed at having to do yet another task on her own. "Very well. I will handle it."
"You better. It's all your fault."
Evony proceeded to the cell door and was escorted out. She followed the older officer down the hall, around the corner and passed a few detective's desks. Her usual grace and swagger was undeterred by the fact that she was currently a prisoner and well on her way to poor fitting, itchy clothing and barely edible food.
Arriving at a basic landline telephone, the officer glared at his prisoner. "Make it quick." The officer snapped.
She punched in the number to reach Tamsin and waited as it rang on the other end, her perfectly manicured nails tapping impatiently on the faded commercial gray painted wall.
"Hello?"
"It's about time you decided to answer the phone."
"Morrigan? Where are you? I don't recognize this number?"
She glanced over her shoulder to a police officer nearby. She smiled before turning her attention back to the phone call. "Yes, well it's a long story, but it ends with you getting down here pronto and fixing our little problem."
"What kind of problem?"
"That's none of your concern."
"If you expect me to fix shit, I have to know what kind of shit I'm dealing with."
"Fine."
Evony explained their predicament. She kept her voice low, attempting to keep her story from eavesdropping ears nearby. She only shared most of the key points with Tamsin, although each one of the details seemed just as unbelievable as the next. Evony frowned hard as Tamsin laughed on the other end of the line.
"Oh my, this has to be the most awesome thing I've ever heard."
Evony rolled her eyes as she tightened her grip on the receiver. "I'm glad you're amused. Now get your ass down here. Use my personal travel agent so I'm not sitting in this shit hole for days."
Tamsin was still laughing. "Two dildo limit. You can't even make that shit up. And Doctor Lewis? Really? I would have never guessed."
"It's always the silent types. Of course you know, you are sworn to silence. As your boss I will personally kill you for treason and deliver you as a snack to the underfae if you breathe a word of this to anyone."
"Oh, believe me when I say that just me knowing is way more than enough."
"If you're not here in twenty minutes I'll have that lovely head of hair of yours hanging over my fireplace."
"Are you sure you don't want to put it in your night stand next to your…never mind. Relax. It will take me a few minutes to set things in motion, but I have a plan."
"Well get to it. I don't have all day."
"Actually, yeah you do." Tamsin chuckled and hung up.
"Fucking Valkyrie."
Evony slammed the receiver on the phone cradle. She ran her hands over her clothes in an attempt to regain some decency with her appearance before being paraded back to the holding cell. She took a seat and crossed her legs elegantly, like she wasn't sitting in a jail cell but her office instead. "She'll be here soon."
Not a moment later a young woman in a proper white dress and a pair of white flats was led into the cell. She looked as if she dressed for Sunday church. The officer unlocked the cell door and led her in before securing the door closed and only removing her cuffs through the metal bars. She rubbed her wrists as she glanced at each of the four women already residing in the holding cell. Uncertain of their arrest circumstances, she quietly took a seat on a far bench near the back of the cell, almost cowering from those present.
Kenzi stared her up and down, trying to guess the reason for her arrest. She looked entirely too innocent to be in jail, so Kenzi immediately assumed it must be some white collar crime. The longer she stared at her, the more curiosity Kenzi had about this stranger. After a few moments of considering multiple possibilities, Kenzi decided to strike up a conversation with the woman. The young goth got up from the bunk she had been perched upon and slowly approached the stranger. She plopped down next to the stranger, making her cower further. "So blondie, what're ya in for?"
She hesitated, looking to Bo, Lauren and Evony, who were now all staring at her. "Umm, my church was protesting a rally. You?"
Kenzi replied, "This time? Its sex toys. A shit ton of them. The ladies over there love them. I'd say it's not a big deal but, wow, the one that the doctor owns, man, it is definitely a BIG deal." Kenzi held her hands out, roughly shoulder width apart.
The woman's eyes widened in surprise. She voiced a very quiet "Okay..." as she scooted further away from Kenzi.
Kenzi continued. "But not me. See, I love the wang, as in one that is not detachable. Yep, give me a good old solid six inches attached to a very hot man and I'm all over it. The doctor over there though, god, you should have seen how many play toys she owns! For starters…"
"Kenzi!" Lauren yelled, appalled at even more embarrassment now in the presence of a stranger.
Kenzi cocked her head and shrugged before whispering, "Don't worry. If you want to see them, I'm sure we can get one of those officers to do another round of show and tell for you."
The woman shook her head a fervent "no". "That's not necessary. I'm just gonna stay right over here now."
She shifted away from Kenzi, putting herself as close to the corner as possible and staring at the wall. Kenzi grimaced at the woman's rude behavior. She stood up and walked back to Bo, who was leaning on the cell bars near the door. "Man, what's her problem? Just trying to be friendly while we're stuck in the clink. What's with this town and their fear of a little, err..." Her eyes traveled over to the doctor. "Or not so little, dildo? It's like Footloose but with sex toys."
Bo shook her head. "I know. I know. It's okay Kenz." Bo wrapped her arm around her best friend and gave her a squeeze. "But this will all be over soon. No women's prison for you, although if we did end up there, you know I'd have your back."
Kenzi smiled and squeezed Bo in return. "I know. That's why you're my bestie. Though I gotta say, you'd have your work cut out for you. The ladies would be dying to get their hands on all this awesomeness."
Bo laughed. "I know they would."
Forty five minutes later, the group sat quietly in their cell, each staring off at nothing in particular. It was then that Tamsin walked rounded the corner and came to a stop next to the cell. She leaned her elbows on the rails and smiled wide.
"Well, well. I always hoped to see Bo behind bars. Evony, it suits you well too."
All four women stood up quickly, moving near the cell door. "Just get us the fuck out of here." Evony sneered.
The older officer took slower steps as he entered the room and walked next to Tamsin. He hiked up his sagging pants before he pointed at the four women on the opposite side of the cell bars. "So, are these the women you've been after?"
Tamsin smiled wide as she nodded in the affirmative. "Yup. All four of them. These are the women I've been after. They are a sick bunch, sir." She held back a laugh as the four of them crossed their arms and glared at her. "Been trying to catch them for a year. They've been running an underground sex ring back in Toronto. Caught one of their cohorts last week with a dozen of those damned toys. Charged them with possession and intent to distribute."
The officer's face contorted with disgust. "Sick. Can you believe they had about twenty of them among the four of them? And this one?" He pointed at Kenzi. "Almost had me believing she was an innocent bystander. Ha!"
Tamsin patted the officer's back in a congratulatory manner. "Well, I can assure you officer that they will be punished severely back in Canada. We don't tolerate that kind of behavior back home. I will make sure that you are all commended for your service."
He inhaled deeply and smiled, happy with the recognition. "Thank you. We appreciate that. Well, the paperwork is all finished. I will arrange for their transport. I do have one question though."
All the women perked up, patiently wondering what he could possibly ask.
Tamsin replied with a simple, "What?"
"How did you get here so fast?"
"Oh umm, I was down here following up a lead when headquarters called. I guess your bust came across their desk."
He placed his hands on his hips and once again nodded with amazement. "Wow, our news made it all the way up to Toronto?" The officer stood up taller as he puffed his chest out. His eyes shone bright with pride.
"Yup. Nice work. Now let's get this over with. I can't wait to get them home and grill the hell out of them."
The officer made a fist and tapped Tamsin on the shoulder like one of the good ole' boys. "You got it."
"Oh, and I need all the evidence boxed up and ready for transport."
The officer raised his hands, palms forward in surrender. "You can definitely have that. Our small town isn't into orgies. That's big city stuff."
XXX
That evening back in Toronto
"I told Tamsin to toss that stuff. I don't want any of them after those men put their grubby little hands all over them. Feels dirty." Lauren said as she walked next to her girlfriend on the sidewalk toward the crack shack.
"Agreed." Bo shivered, disgusted at the thought. "You know babe, there is one good thing that came out of all this." She draped her arms around her girlfriend's shoulders and pulled her closer.
"And what might that be, Bo?" The doctor smirked.
"We get to go shopping." She waggled her brows and flashed a sexy grin.
"I like your positive outlook." Lauren cooed as she leaned in and captured her girlfriend's lips in a heated kiss.
"Gross. Can't you even wait until we're through the door and away from me before you start sexing each other up again?"
Kenzi pushed the door open, set her bags down and walked into the kitchen. "What the Fae?"
Immediately spying a heaping pile of adult product magazines and free samples scattered across the kitchen table, Kenzi froze in her tracks.
Bo and Lauren dropped their things and quickly made their way to the stack. They fingered through the lot quickly, scanning catalogs, store sale coupons and even pre-sale notices. A few 'hmms' and 'ohhs' could be heard from the pair. Lauren held up a picture for Bo to see, making her eyes flash. She whispered something in the doctor's ear that made her blush and giggle.
Kenzi rolled her eyes and turned away as she stomped to her room. "For the love of the Fae and all that is holy! Remind me to thank Evony for those noise silencing headphones!"
Tamsin strolled in the front door, setting the last few bags down before heading over to the lovers who were oblivious to the Valkyrie.
"After tossing your precious, and I'd admit, impressive treasures, I figured you'd be anxious to get your Fifty Shades of Grey groove back on." She winked at Lauren then turned to Bo. "Later succubus."
Neither woman spoke as they watched Tamsin near the exit. Tamsin stopped and looked back over her shoulder. "There may be a surprise upstairs. I couldn't find blue, but I think you'll recognize the ribbon. Try not to sex each other to death." And with that she shut the door, leaving the couple alone.
Bo looked at Lauren in shock that quickly faded and shifted to excitement. She started to run for the bedroom. "Loser has to watch."
Lauren grabbed a hold of Bo's hand and yanked her back. "Baby, sex with you...there are no losers." She swept her into her arms and kissed the succubus deeply, passionately, making Bo's head spin. Carefully she released her hold as Bo stood there mesmerized, licking the lingering taste of the doctor from her lips.
Lauren took off for the bedroom, skipping steps two at a time until she reached the top. "Unless you're the last one there," she yelled.
Bo stood at the bottom of the stairs with her jaw hanging wide open. "I can't believe what a cheater my girlfriend is. You, Doctor Lewis, are so gonna pay. That item you just showed me in the magazine? I may not let you use it on me." Bo sulked as she shuffled her feet slowly. The race was already lost.
"Bo?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you still downstairs talking when I'm up here naked and in your favorite position?"
Her eyes flashed blue. Suddenly, Bo was completely done talking.
Fin
XXX
We hope you enjoyed this one. We sure enjoyed writing it. As always, your reviews are appreciated, so if you liked it, leave us cookies!