Stabbing Westward - Haunting me

"Dorothea?"

Sitting at her vanity, Dorothea glanced up and saw in the reflection her husband standing behind her. Dressed in his suit for tonight's performance, Dorothea suddenly remembered when he was just nineteen years old. Feeling a slight feeling of sadness wash over her, she looked at her own reflection and remembered when she was just twelve. Walking over, Swann's hands gently touched her shoulders. After the last couple of years that had been their own way of showing affection. Often one would just stand behind the other and slightly rub their shoulders while they talked…something in which felt somewhat normal, yet they never had to look each other in the eye. Sighing, Dorothea put her head to the side and held his hand gently stroke her skin.

"I did something today…"

"What?"

His voice always sounded uneven and strained. Dorothea always loved her husband's voice and used to love hearing it from an audience during one of his shows. It was the same smooth sounding voice that often put her to sleep at night during their thirteen years together. Right away Dorothea didn't know if she should tell him. Thinking of the past year and then this morning's news of Quaid's death sent chills down her spine. The two of them knew their past was coming back to haunt them. Something was going to happen…something awful. Wishing so deeply that those memories would just fade away within time, Dorothea just remembered a terrible nightmare in which she was saved from.

"That private investigator…Harry D' Amour, the one who was there when Quaid died…I had Valentine find where he's been staying."

Dorothea glanced at the mirror and saw that Philip was looking off into space. His beautiful blue eyes looked old and worried and he listened.

"And I spoke with him this afternoon, he's a very nice man…somebody you can trust."

Philip still didn't say anything.

"I hired him…he doesn't know much, but I think he'll be good to have around in case anything turns up."

"Like what?"

Philip's voice sounded dry as Dorothea pressed her cheek against his slim fingers. Feeling an awful nervous feeling go through her, she began to speak slower.

"Anything, I'm worried that's all…"

Philip then kneeled down beside her, gently turning her head the two of them stared at each other. Dorothea bit her bottom lip, trying to decide if he was angry or not. Finally after a few moments of silence he leaned forward and kissed her. Softly their lips touched and began to open and close. Dorothea shut her eyes and began thinking back when things were normal. Back when it was just the two of them traveling through the desert. Back before Philip became famous, and back before they drifted apart from fear. Dorothea wished so badly things were different. For some strange reason, she suddenly thought of all the things her husband had done for her and had an overwhelming feeling of love for him. Something that had started to get rarer and rarer lately. Clutching onto him, she sighed deeply and pressed her forehead against his.

"Cancel tonight."

"What?"

"Cancel, we'll spend the night together…it's been a long time."

Locking eyes with him, Dorothea felt a yarning that she had began to think didn't exist anymore. Looking at face, she studied his features and knew how powerful he really was. Thinking of the time they had spent together, Dorothea slipped her hands into his and tried to smile.

"Please cancel…"

"I…I can't, it's my last show in the city, you said you would come."

Dorothea struggled to control her tears before she slowly nodded.

"I know, I know."

"It's only a few hours, like every night…afterwards we'll be together I promise."

Dorothea felt as through she was trapped under water. Sighing, her hand went up and ran through his hair. Tonight she wanted to show D' Amour that Philip was more then just a famous performer…he was something else. Something that she fell in love with the moment he saved her. Something that could have been more, but seemed like the most amazing person in the world in front of a live audience. Someone who she felt thankful towards every day of her life. A person who risked everything, and gave her the world. She wanted to show D' Amour the man she first married. The man she fell in love with.

Love…

She thought about that word often.

She told D' Amour just today that she didn't marry Philip for love. But why did she lie? Why had she been lying to herself these past few years? She knew Philip loved her, even if he couldn't always show it. The reason he kept her in the mansion away from the real world was simply because he was afraid.

Afraid that the darkness that almost killed her thirteen years ago would return.

She did love him, that was the truth. She just felt so confused.

Kissing him again, Dorothea felt herself shake.

"Philip, I have something I want to tell you…"

"Mr. Swann, your limo is here!"

Both Philip and Dorothea looked at the open door that lead downstairs. Valentine's voice sounded. Glancing at the clock, Philip sighed before looking straight at Dorothea and smiling.

"Tell me later?"

Dorothea tried to smile again before nodding. Slipping his hand against her face, Dorothea gently kissed it before Philip got to his feet. Looking at her one last time, he slightly smiled…a forced smile before turning around and leaving. Now alone, Dorothea looked back at her reflection and knew she had to start getting ready before her limo arrived. Getting her things together, she heard the front door before sighing.

She loved him…

And after the show, she would tell him the truth.