Author's Note: So here it is: My gift-fic for "Heart Br0ken" who was the writer of The Face on the Soda Bottle Label's 450th review!! She requested some Kairi/Sora that morphed into Riku/Sora, with a side of Zexion/Demyx. So, voi-la! I'd promised the winner of this gift that they would recieve a one-shot featuring their choice of pairing, etc...but somehow this turned into a little mini-fic and will actually have multiple chapters...Oops. Oh well, I'm sure she doesn't mind. So, a great big wonderful "Thank you!!" to Heart Br0ken and I hope you enjoy your little present!
To the Snow
Part One: "Into Our Winter"
He hated the way she picked at her fingernails, flaking off thin layers until they were jagged and brittle. He hated her bright amethyst eyes, and the way they shone at him so happily. And blinking? He despised the way she blinked. She fluttered her lashes far too quickly, and coated them with just a bit too much mascara, which unfortunately gave the illusion that two little epileptic spiders had perched on either side of her nose. The way she spoke even annoyed him. Her voice was just a pitch too high, just a shade too nasily. But what he hated most of all, was the way she cocked her head to one side and smiled when she told him she loved him.
Well, no. Now that he thought about it, there was maybe one thing he hated more than that. He really hated the way it made his heart swell with joy as he smiled and returned the sentiment. In short, the only thing Sora hated more than Kairi, was how much he loved her.
He thought he would go insane, nitpicking and grinding his teeth at every teeny, tiny thing she said and did...until she was quiet and still, curled at his side, head resting in the crook of his arm as they fell asleep on her couch. Then, he felt as if she were right.
She fit with him perfectly, and being with her at those times felt perfect. It was such bliss, such harmony, the way they played off each other. Yet when she stirred, was up and off again, Sora would notice the small space inside him that wasn't quite reached by his love for her. It came close, snuggled right up to the rest of him and was content to bask in a happiness not its own; but when she left, when most of him became painfully empty, that small piece of him flared with jealousy, before dying out swiftly and guffawing in joy at her absence. When Kairi was gone, that untouched piece of him took reign over all else, and all he could see was fault.
It was almost enough for him, loving her. It was not quite enough, though, and Sora was far from willing to settle.
Kairi had her heart set on marriage, he knew. They'd been together for years now, and she'd recently started dropping hints. He was almost tempted to propose, in truth. He was not quite tempted, though. Yet, at the same time, he felt a pressing almost-need to get it all done with, to marry the girl and live the rest of his life raising her - their - children and take over the family business. He wanted nothing more than to be rid of her and make his own way in the world, but the prospect of stopping her subtle comments on how that gown she bought would look lovely in white, or her gushing about the gorgeous the ring she saw at Harrod's the other day, was tempting.
However, what truly motivated Sora to near proposal was that he was terrified that if he left Kairi, it wouldn't be just that tiny, barely noticable corner of him that was bereft of love. He wanted, needed, all of his heart to be filled, but he was also aware that, maybe, not everyone was lucky enough for that.
Zexion and Demyx were. Well, Demyx was anyway. Sora could tell by watching his face when he was with Zexion. The blond positively lit up. With Zexion, it was more difficult. He had never displayed much emotion, not in front of Sora at least. The brunette wasn't actually even sure that he and Demyx were a real couple. He just guessed they were, from Demyx's mannerisms.
Zexion had a brother. Four, actually; each one graced with the same tall, svelte build, moonlight hair, and bright sea green eyes set in delicate, almost feminine features. Sephiroth, the eldest, a bit more muscular in frame with a sharp, business-honed mind, was emperor of the Higure corporate nation. Zexion was sure to follow in his footsteps, his mind -and tongue - just as cutting and ruthlessly determined. The triplets, however, seemed to be drifting in a world of their own, living off of Mommy and Daddy's good graces and not seeming to care for any other lifestyle.
Kadaj appeared to be their ringleader, but Sora was of the distinct impression that this position was actually held by Yazoo. He seemed to guide Kadaj gently away from insanity, while keeping the third, Loz, emotionally anchored. The more stable two were almost always silent, speaking only when it seemed that Kadaj would not be angered. Sora was extremely frightened by the concept of being around him when Yazoo was not in tow.
And then, there was the brother Sora had not yet met. The youngest sibling, seconded by Zexion himself, seemed to be the most enigmatic of the lot, constantly missing from family parties and business functions. Kairi and Sora attended most of these events, being good friends of Demyx, and having longstanding family and business connections with Sephiroth's associate, Cloud Strife.
But tonight was the Missing Brother's birthday, and so Sora sat outside the bedroom of Kairi's grand apartment, waiting for her to seek his approval - or lack thereof - of yet another possible gown for the evening's gala. He decided that he would pretend to adore her next choice, and then they could be off. They were already an hour late, and he was anxious to meet this mysterious Higure, for reasons he couldn't quite decipher.
Kairi DeNuovanni stepped out of her large, lavishly decorated bedroom with a pleased air, and Sora's anxiety waned a little. The DeNuovanni family was rumored to have led a comparatively recent artistic renaissance, and had used this gossip to gather a rather impressive collection, most of which was leased to museums for an even more impressive fee. So Sora wasn't the least bit surprised when she appeared in a low-cut gown of fine coppery silk, her hair curled into loose ringlets and pulled back from her face, with a topaz and diamond necklace framing her slender neck.
"What do you think?" she asked, affixing bright, sparkling diamond earrings to her delicate lobes and smiling expectantly at him. Sighing to himself and nodding to her, Sora stood from his seat on the Italian leather couch. He didn't bother to smooth out the wrinkles that had formed on his simple, relatively inexpensive suit. "I wish you'd do something with your hair," Kairi continued, "or at least put on a tie."
As she spoke she crossed to him, pushing stray chocolate locks out of his face and frowning slightly before placing a tender kiss on his cheek. Sora fought the urge to wipe it away, but succumbed most willingly to running a hand through his hair to return it to its former, unruly, spiky state. Kairi frowned again and turned to walk out the door and head down to the limousine waiting to take them to the Higures' party.
He followed, remaining two or three paces behind her, sensing her disappointment and choosing to ignore it. She stopped by the door to the limo and turned on her heel, smiling bittersweetly, waiting. Reluctantly, he stepped forward and opened the door for her. Her eyes danced gratefully as she slid inside, carefully gathering the skirt of her dress and artfully rearranging the folds as she took her seat.
They were silent for a long while, Sora staring blankly out the window, and Kairi staring in turn, at him. Her hand waited near his thigh, palm upturned longingly. When her fingers twitched ever so slightly some minutes later, his bright blue eyes slid towards the pale, slender thing. She saw him. Her gaze locked on his, following it to her hand. He did nothing; just watched as her fingers curled inwards, the delicate hand forming a limp, sorry fist. It wasn't anger that clenched her, and it wasn't disappointment. It was much deeper, a sorrow that swirled through the air around her and knocked against his own, indifferent aura with a clanking, silent sigh.
"Cloud and Aerith are engaged now," she whispered, her tone suggesting that even she recognized it as a pathetic attempt to draw some sort of confirmation of their relationship from Sora. If he answered in this way, she would smile and turn away and be content for the rest of the ride. If he answered that way, she would frown, and turn away, and silently fume – perhaps even cry. He didn't exactly approve of either scenario, so he just shrugged, shook his head like a waking child, and plastered on a small smile, feigning coming out of some daydream.
She took neither of the predetermined courses, which helped him relax a little, and instead turned her attention straight ahead and continued with an explanation of how and when Cloud had proposed, how it hadn't officially been announced yet, and how Aerith had asked her to be a bridesmaid and she had a sneaking suspicion that the position of Maid of Honor was being reserved for Tifa. When Sora appeared confused by this, Kairi insisted it was sweet, a show of goodwill, or some other such bullshit. He secretly scoffed, thinking that Tifa had been a much better match for Cloud than this Aerith. The woman was infallibly kind, yes, but she was too calm, too complacent.
His mind took another course then, wondering if the engagement would be announced tonight. Would it be appropriate to do so at the Higure's birthday event? Was it even really necessary to formally announce an engagement? If he proposed to Kairi, she'd probably want to. There would be a grand party. Her family would say it was to show off their new collection, and would decorate the entire ballroom with new paintings, and halfway through the night, he'd stand up and clink his fork against his wine glass. His hair would be combed back, his tux ironed and his tie tied, and he would look down at her, hold her hand, and smile as he announced the beginning of their new life together and...the end of everything he'd ever wished for.
"Sora?" Kairi's voice was thin and worried as she called to her boyfriend. He was surprised to hear it coming from his right; she'd been sitting on his left hadn't she? They were no longer moving though, and Kairi was no longer sitting, but was standing on the sidewalk, next to the chauffeur, an intriguing little pout puckering her lips. Behind her, passersby paused and murmured, some craning their necks to peek around her, visibly disappointed when they didn't recognize him.
"Sora, are you alright?" she asked again, delicate brows drawing together. The chauffeur politely pretended not to be listening. Blinking slowly, Sora nodded noncommittally. As he slid out of the limousine, Kairi snuck her hand into his, her grip tightening desperately when his fingers failed to curl into hers. The street walkers watched with mild curiosity, parting to make way for the finely dressed couple despite not recognizing them. The brunette was sure he could feel countless eyes trace the path to his limp, disinterested hand. He could hear the buzzing of their minds as they wondered, speculated about him and his girlfriend. Back stories and explanations, intricate plays of lies and thin facts, were woven in their minds before they grew bored and returned to their own dull lives. They consoled their unglamorous selves with thoughts of how much more solid their world was, and Sora envied them this comfort.
But his world - this fortress of business deals and bank accounts, of suits and ties, of silk and hairspray and fake smiles - was far less whimsical than the public believed. It was just as solid as the ground beneath his feet, and he wished both would crumble away so he could just fall. He didn't want to be what his parents were, didn't want to live in a mansion with a woman he did not love completely. That world would not fall away. That world was something one was born into and could not leave so easily. Because this world, Sora's world, did not teach you to fight, to stand up and take hold of your dreams. Theirs did. They could bite and kick and scratch and snarl their way to the lives they longed for. Sora couldn't. He didn't know how.
Suddenly, Sora felt sick, and angry. He didn't want to meet the mysterious brother any more, because in that very moment, he realized something. The Higures were the epitome of the world he felt so trapped in. And if he had to meet just one more wealthy business guru, just one more snobbish art collector whose family robbed artists blind and drank themselves dead on the resulting profits, he was sure he would scream.
Kairi felt him pull against her grip as she stepped forward and he failed to do the same. With a small, indignant snort, she whirled around to glare at him. "Please don't make a scene, Sora. Not again." He'd gotten that look on his face, he knew now, and she was terrified that he'd embarrass her again. He couldn't really blame her.
As the door to the gallery that was now the site of another city-slicker's caviar and champagne celebration, a few of the couples near the entrance turned to watch their most recent companions. Most turned away when they saw Kairi and Sora, attention once again caught by the thin glimmer of attraction hanging between them.
Do we look like that? Sora wondered to himself, seeing the scattered couples as one rolled their eyes and the other watched their partner with hooded gaze. He knew that he and Kairi were not perfect, and he did not want them to be, but neither did he want to be an empty little shell of a relationship.
"You should go congratulate Aerith, Sora," Kairi murmured to him through a fake smile, her hand lifting in a slight, trilling wave directed at some not-so-familiar face in the crowd. "It would be rude not to, considering your connections with Cloud's family."
Sighing, exasperated, Sora scanned the room for the blond, his longtime friend being found in his usual place at Sephiroth's side. The two had been nearly inseparable for years, and Sora had often thought that it was this that had put so much strain on Cloud's relationship with Tifa. But Aerith...she seemed to be oblivious to strain of any sort. For her, it seemed, the world was all flowers and fresh air. It wasn't just her temperament that created this illusion, though. She'd clearly been sheltered in a careful, delicate little place far away from anything resembling reality. They all had, really.
Someone tapped gently on his shoulder, requesting to borrow Kairi for a moment. He nodded a little too gratefully and amethyst eyes followed him, brimming with sorrow, as he stepped through the crowd to find Cloud. As soon as his feet landed next to the great, silver haired figure between them, the blond slipped away, a strong arm snaking around the slender waist of a tall, long-legged brunette as they sashayed through the throngs of people. Sora looked away almost immediately, afraid of the expression he would find on Sephiroth's face. Just as he had glimpses of Zexion's feelings for Demyx, Sora had found small clues as to just how close to his heart the eldest Higure held Cloud. Would he one day watch someone walk away from him and feel his life sink away just as Sephiroth surely did now? If so, would that someone be Kairi?
"So," he whispered, clearing his throat awkwardly and waiting for Sephiroth's cold gaze to meet his own, "where's the birthday boy?" He'd lost all interest in meeting this person now, but it was the only thing he could think of to say, that wasn't an apology.
"Somewhere," the business lord replied calmly, voice and actions smooth as ever as his shoulders rose and fell gracefully. "Zexion left with Demyx some time ago. He got tired of waiting around for Riku."
Riku Higure, eh? Sora quirked his eyebrows in interest. Riku was a girl's name, wasn't it? Not that he was one to talk...
"And the triplets?" he asked, focusing on a painting across the way and trying desperately to keep the conversation going for some reason he just couldn't find.
Sephiroth stiffened visibly, coughing and turning his head to one side. "They're...unavailable tonight," he answered shortly. His tone was impersonal and professional, as if he'd rehearsed the line thousands of times. With that, he excused himself and was gone, and Sora was alone.
There was a piano playing a light, conversational tune somewhere in the room, and the chatter of the other couples was dimmed to a low hum and the occasional twinkle of a lady's laughter. He was alone, and for a moment he thought to be happy about it. For the first time in what seemed like months there was no one around. Kairi was somewhere else, and his thoughts emptied themselves of her...until a little combination of notes were struck on the chords of the piano and his mind jumped instantly to her smile. His happiness faded, and his heart – his whole heart – ached with a dull, curious pain.
What exactly was it that kept her from loving - really loving - her?
"You look like you could use one of these," a smooth voice crooned, punctuated with the lullaby falling of a rich laugh. A cool glass of champagne was pressed into his hand, his fingers brushing with those of the stranger. Sora nodded gratefully, scoffing, and threw the drink back, relishing the tingling feeling of it as it slid down his throat.
"I could use a few, actually. Thanks," he murmured and another glass soon found its way to his grasp. Deciding it was probably best to see just who he was accepting alcohol from, he turned to examine his savior. His eyes found companions, shining like bright jewels and laughing at him silently. They were an astonishingly clear turquoise, caught perfectly between blue and green; leaning to neither side, quite unlike those of his brothers. This man's moonlight hair fell around his face in an elegant disarray, nearly hiding the sharp, alluring lines of his cheekbones and the taunting curve of his soft pink lips. As Sora surveyed him, the youngest Higure took a step closer, the heat of his body colliding almost painfully with Sora's senses.
"You must be Riku," he stated lamely, "Happy birthday."
"I am, and thank you," Riku murmured warmly, smiling down at Sora for a few, excruciatingly silent moments before remembering himself. "I'm sorry, but I've no idea who you are," he said laughingly, tossing his head and sending rays of silver floating through the air to settle around his shoulders and in the dip of his collar bone, which peeked out of the simple, black button-up shirt he wore.
"Sora," the brunette replied, meeting Riku's reaching hand with his own.
"Ah, so you're Sora," he drawled, the soft sigh of his voice as he held out the final syllable of his companion's name ghosting deliciously over the length of Sora's spine. "I've heard Demyx talk about you a few times, and Cloud a little more often."
Smiling shakily, Sora nodded. He'd always found himself somewhat attracted to certain members of the same sex, but – despite the similarities in the Higure brothers' appearances – he hadn't been prepared for anything like this breath-grabbing, knee-rattling reaction to Riku. There was justsomething about him, the way he stood so close without ever having met Sora before, the way his eyes followed Sora's every movement, the way he spoke, even. It was all dripping with a raw, confident sensuality that Sora wasn't quite sure Riku himself noticed. He couldn't, Sora decided, considering how natural it seemed to be. No one could pull that off while realizing what they were doing, he was sure of this.
"I hear you've got a pretty little almost-fiancée in tow. Is she nearby? I'd like to meet her," Riku continued, craning his neck to search the surrounding area for anyone that might resemble his idea of Sora's 'type'. "Word is you've snagged a DeNuovanni, and I'd love to have a few words with one of them."
This last statement was nearly hissed, spoken through clenched teeth and with a considerable dose of venom. Sora blinked at it, before turning away from Riku and scoffing, tilting his champagne glass back towards his mouth. "I've snagged her alright," he muttered to himself.
"I see," Riku spoke, one eyebrow arching sharply, "You don't sound too happy about that." Sora looked up at this, his own brows furrowing together. He'd barely noticed that he'd spoken his last thought aloud. And now, Riku was staring down at him, his smile melting away into a sympathetic little curve of a near-pout, and his eyes practically pleading with Sora. They were tilted towards the brunette earnestly, pushing at him, begging him to go on.
Sora shook his head, reaching for another glass of champagne and finding it already on its way, courtesy of the wondrous silver-haired man next to him. "I don't even know you," he explained shortly.
"Nonsense; you know me just as well as you know any of my brothers," Riku muttered bitterly, throwing back the last of his champagne and reaching behind him to grab a replacement from the bar there.
"Nonsense," Sora returned mockingly. Then, more seriously, "It's not like the five of you are all the same person or anything."
"Everyone else seems to think so."
"I don't even know your brothers that well, anyway. Barely even met most of them."
"You seem to be fairly close to Sephiroth," here, Riku's smile was replaced with a newer, more brilliant one as he leaned close and peered into Sora's face, the corners of his eyes wrinkling ever so slightly in concentration. "Except you think he's in love with Cloud, don't you?"
Sora's blush answered Riku's question perfectly.
"You're not the only one, believe me. But, contrary to popular belief, he's not. Seph's way too absorbed in the business to notice such trifling things as sex and love," he leaned backwards as he spoke, elbows resting on the edge of the bar and legs stretched in front of him, folded at the ankle. Sora took an involuntary step closer, then convinced himself that Riku's voice had dropped to a whisper and he had to be closer in order to hear. "Yazoo and Loz are too busy worrying about Kadaj, and Kadaj barely even realizes that there are more people than the three of them in this world." Riku's voice had indeed lowered, his tone directed more inward than out now.
"And Zexion?" Sora asked, not able to stop himself from indulging in his curiosity.
His silver-haired acquaintance gave a short laugh and lifted his free hand to drag it through his long locks absentmindedly. "No one has any idea what's going on with him. He seems to be interested in that Demyx, but we're not quite sure just what his intentions are."
"You're not expecting him to make an honest woman out of Demyx any time soon, then?"
Another, more appreciative laugh followed Sora's comment, falling through the air crisp and clean as rain. "No, no time soon we're afraid." Riku turned and lifted himself away from the bar then, setting his glass on the surface and again pulling a hand through his hair, pushing the foremost strands away from his face and revealing his brilliant gaze in full. Again, Sora stepped closer, his action repeated by Riku as well, so that they were almost touching. Sora's fingers twitched at his sides.
"And...and you?" he asked softly, nearly choking on the words as his mind called up unbidden images of the two of them, pressed together tightly, holding each other right there in the middle of the crowd. What was he doing, asking a question like that? He was practically engaged for Heaven's sake!
Clearing his throat, Riku stepped backwards and quickly, nervously, surveyed the room, watching for any sign that someone had noticed their interactions. He froze when his eyes landed on a slight red-head, her eyes blinking in confusion at Sora as her hands twisted in the coppery fabric of her dress.
"Sora?" Kairi called anxiously, "I've been looking for you..."
Sora slowly lifted his gaze to his girlfriend, knowing it was useless trying to hide the disappointment he felt at her sudden appearance and possible interruption. "Sorry, Kairi," he said sincerely; he really was sorry, just not for leaving her. He mentally berated himself for realizing this. What in the world did he think he was up to?
"Cloud said he hadn't seen you yet tonight when I asked if you'd extended your congratulations," the young woman, who was suddenly looking more like a little girl with every passing second, continued accusingly. In her mind, no doubt, when she'd suggested that Sora congratulate the couple, he might as well have handed her a written promise to do so.
"I...got distracted," he offered lamely.
"It's my fault, really," Riku stepped in, sliding himself between the couple and taking Kairi's hand apologetically. She nearly recoiled at his touch. "Sora simply stopped to wish me a happy birthday on his way to find Cloud and I'm afraid I got him caught up in a conversation."
"I see. What were you discussing that was so intriguing?" Kairi asked with a little hum, leaning to the right to look past Riku and fix her inquisitive eyes on her boyfriend.
"Engagements," the youngest Higure answered, flashing a knowing smile over his shoulder at Sora before gently leading Kairi by the elbow as he set the three of them up in a small semi-circle carefully placing himself in the middle. "You must be Kairi?"
"Yes," the girl responded shortly, her hand darting out to find Riku's cordially, "Kairi DeNuovanni."
"So I've heard." Riku's response was given with raised brow and eyes that slid down the length of his nose to regard the girl with disdain. If it hadn't been for his previous bitterness towards Kairi's name, Sora would have sworn Riku hated her because of her relationship with him. It was a selfish thought, and the small thrill that came with it almost made Sora feel sick.
"Do you have a problem with something, sir?" Kairi asked snippishly, narrowing her eyes and throwing an upset glance at Sora.
"I've a problem with the way your family has handled it's...business, yes."
"What my family does is of absolutely no concern to you!" The red head was visibly angered now, fists clenched at her side and her face pinkened with restraint. She'd raised her voice a bit as well, which attracted the attention of a few people standing nearby. They watched her curiously for a moment, before finding that the object of her concern was the guest of honor and politely turning back to their hors d'oeuvres and gossip.
"I think that the appalling way the DeNuovanni have treated their 'clients' is an appropriate warrant for my interest in your doings, ma'am," Riku replied calmly, keeping his gaze locked on Kairi and carefully giving no outward indication of his distaste for the girl. Sora, however, could feel it churning in the air around the three of them, hot and heavy and crackling with an unreleased electricity.
"Don't you dare address me like that!" Kairi practically shrieked, clearly picking up on the insulting drawl Riku had added to the title. Whether it had been a reminder of her slowly climbing age – which any woman would surely find offensive – or one of her unmarried state, the 'ma'am' had been intended to bite. The matter did not remain unsolved for long.
"I'm sorry, miss. I've forgotten that you're not quite married yet. Forgive me."
Despite the sincerity Riku had measured out with his response, both Sora and Kairi gasped at the boldness of his insinuations. He'd clearly seen the fraying edges of their relationship, had obviously noticed the terror Kairi felt at this and the near-relief that Sora longed to allow himself to feel, and now he'd made a direct jab at Sora's failure to propose.
Kairi swallowed laboriously, breathing hard. "Sora?" she called, ignoring the man between them and turning pleading, eyes, glistening with tears, towards the brunette. "I think it's time we headed home..." It was more a question than anything else, and Sora was terrified because of this.
At that very moment, it seemed, his entire life hung in balance. On one side he could see a content life with a woman he didn't quite love but who would be endlessly happy with him, and on the other...there was nothing but darkness. At that very moment he stood in the exact center of two paths.
Whatever he did, whatever he said now would shape the rest of his life.